D Cup Blues Again

The key turned in the already-unlocked door, and Maureen turned to see her roommate, Kate, bustling in. "God, I hate this weather so much!" she whined, stamping the barely-visible snowflakes off her boots. "Why'd I come up North for college? Could've gone to Rice!"

"Did you want to stay in Houston?" Maureen asked her yet again. "I couldn't wait to get out and see the world myself, you know."

"I think I'd have been happier there after all," Kate said. "They warned me people from the East Coast are so rude."

"They certainly are if you tell them that's what you think of them." Maureen was now wishing she had taken that walk after all. It wasn't too late to start. She got up and collected her sneakers from behind the door.

"Yeah, whatever," Kate said. "So when are you getting out of here?"

"Tomorrow."

"Poor you," Kate said. "I'm on the bus to LaGuardia at three today. Thank God!"

"Congrats." Maureen knew better by now than to let Kate know how little she was looking forward to going home. New York already felt more like home, and she'd already given herself over to trying to figure out how she could stay on after graduation and quite possibly never cross the Hudson again. A perky cheerleader type like Kate would never understand.

Just as Maureen had finished tying her shoes, her phone rang. She picked it up off her desk and looked at the caller ID. "Audrey?" Not a word from her since September. "I wonder what's up?" she asked just before answering. "Hello?"

"Maureen, when are you getting back here?"

"Nice to hear from you too, Audj. What do you mean?"

"What do you mean what do I mean? When are you getting back here?!"

"Tomorrow, Audrey, but for heaven's sake..."

"Yeah, I know it's been a while. I look for you on Facebook and you're never there, you know!"

"Who's got time for that?" Maureen asked. "Now what's going on?" Unavoidably, her gaze turned to the photo of the five of them at Francine and Lee's wedding, wedged between her laptop and the wall.

"Everything's changed, that's what!" Audrey whined. "Even Valerie -- she's an assistant manager at Sally's now, and she's dating some guy from her Spanish class, and now she's all about her grades. I'm not sure I even want to see her at State next year now. And Caryn won't shut up about how she's not sure if she's made straight A's and how much she needs that to get into Berkeley, and she doesn't even seem to care about seeing Dave when he gets back!"

"Dave's not back yet?"

"He's coming home this afternoon. But he hasn't mentioned Caryn either -- he has been answering his Facebook messages and I've heard all about how depressed he's been up there, but it's Dave we're talking about and he probably got all A's and B's anyway, and I'm totally afraid of what it's going to be like being between the two of them when we all get together. Like, do they hate each other now or what?"

Maureen had a split second to decide whether or not to tell Maureen she had been in touch with Dave a time or two, and that she knew he'd been avoiding talking about Caryn, and how she'd always figured it was because he just didn't think she would want to hear about all that. She decided against it. "Look, we all knew it wouldn't be the same when we got back together," she said instead. "I'm sure you've changed a lot too, Audj. How was your first semester, anyway?"

"Wonderful. I've discovered I love beer. I could've told you about that if you'd answered any of my emails or messages."

"I did answer a few!" But even as she said it, Maureen recalled all too well how much her emails to all her friends had felt like form letters -- there just wasn't time to write more personal ones."

"Yeah, but you didn't really," Audrey said. "It felt like a Christmas letter from my cousins who I haven't seen since I was ten or something. Anyway. When are you getting back in town? I need to see someone who hasn't changed!"

"How do you know I haven't?" Maureen was outraged, but also slightly gratified to hear maybe Dave and Caryn's romance had finally cooled down.

"Because you were already more like a college kid in high school!" Audrey said. "I've seen that at State, with some of the seniors in their honors classes, applying to PhD programs and on a first name basis with the profs. I see how serious they are and how they've got it all together, and I think, hey, it's Maureen. Maybe you have changed, but at least I'll know what to expect!"

"Audrey, you're lucky I'll be dying for an excuse not to spend much time with my mother," Maureen replied. "But the answer is tomorrow. I'm flying in tomorrow."

"Lunch on Thursday, then? My place? Please?"

"Just us?" Maureen asked. "I'm still not sure how I feel about spending time with Dave and Caryn."

"I don't know if they'll even want to see each other anyway. Can we wait and see on that?"

"If you're doing the asking, sure," Maureen said. "Listen, my roommate is waiting for me to join her for lunch. See you tomorrow?"

"Hurry home, Maureen! Please! Bye."

"Bye." Maureen heaved a sigh of half-relief, half-frustration as she slipped her phone into her jeans pocket, and turned to see Kate looking bemused at her.

"I didn't say anything about lunch, Maureen," she said.

"Yeah, and I've got a date with me, myself and I to walk uptown," Maureen said, pulling her jacket on. "Sorry, I just needed an excuse to get off the phone with my friend. She wouldn't stop whining about how all our friends have changed." She pointed at Audrey in the wedding photo. "What did she expect? Of course we've changed!"

"Nice picture," Kate said. "I've always meant to say so. But what do you mean of course you've changed? I saw all my girls at Thanksgiving and it was just like old times."

Maureen shrugged and smiled. There was no nice way she could tell Kate she wasn't surprised at all to hear nothing had changed with her clique.

As she made her way downstairs and then headed up Fifth Avenue, Maureen allowed herself to do something she'd studiously avoided all semester: wonder about Dave and Caryn. It hardly mattered now, of course. The lovely memory of his touch on their one and only encounter notwithstanding, she'd been too busy to pine and there were plenty of great guys she'd met in class and in the clutch of extracurriculars she'd tried her hand at. But the frustrating stench of missed opportunity lingered all the same. There had been talk of him coming to the city or her going to Poughkeepsie for Thanksgiving, but they had both ended up going home with college friends who lived closer. It was, Maureen mused, probably around that time, when she'd let him know she had another offer for the holiday, that she'd found herself free at last of desire for him. But the memory of it all lingered on.

She was just coming up on the Flatiron building, and thinking of that beautiful old photograph that had been among the inspirations for her to want to move to New York, wondering about the man in the top hat and what he'd been up to on that long ago day, when she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. She pulled it out and was somehow not surprised to see who it was. When it snows it pours, she thought, as she pressed on the answer icon.

"Hi, Dave. What's up?"