The Unwelcome Wedding Guest

Wouldn't it be a lot easier for me to convince you of that if we could talk instead of just exchanging messages? Couldn't you at least tell me your real name, since you know mine?

I have an unusual name. It'd make it too easy for you to learn more about me than I want you to know just yet. It's different for a woman, Randy.

How romantic! But if you say so.

I do. Oh, that reminds me! Did I tell you my roommate's getting married?

Yes.

No, Randy, I don't think I did. But she is, and I found out the other day she's been lying to me about the date! Bitch.

Wow. You don't want to go to her wedding anyway, do you? If she's going to be like that?

Are you kidding? I've been planning for months just what I'm going to wear, and I intend to knock everyone's socks off in my outfit. So I'm going to confront her and give her a fair chance to explain herself and apologize.

I'm sure you'll look gorgeous in this outfit of yours!

If you play your cards right, Randy, you just might be my date!

He replied to that one a couple of times, but Audra remembered her mother's sage advice and ignored them. Always leave him wanting more! She got another beer out of the fridge and once again went over her plans for confronting Betty. Just what was the silly girl thinking? Whatever it was she and Janice were up to, they should have told Nick first. The way he'd looked that day at the café when Betty told her the date, anyone could have seen something was up! One good thing about those two fools spending so much time with Rob and Nick, though: she'd had all the time in the world to prowl discreetly around Betty's room to find the name of the bridal shop.

Maybe, Audra mused, she shouldn't tell Betty she knew the real date? If they were that set on giving her the slip, they could always change the date again. Or maybe they'd also lied about the location. No, she decided just as promptly. If they didn't want her at the wedding, the thing to do was tell her that, and she was quite sure Betty didn't have it in her to do that. Janice could be a tough nut to crack, but in all these years sooner or later Audra had always gotten what she wanted from Betty.

In any event, she decided, it would be fun to see her squirm when confronted about the date!

She didn't get the chance to do that until late the following morning, when she awoke to the sound of her two old friends chatting in the kitchen. Audra rolled out of bed and stepped yawning down the hall. "Betty?" she asked.

"Yes?" Betty was seated at the kitchen table, helping Janice sort through a box of junk.

"What day is the wedding?"

"I told you, August 27." The little brat even kept a straight face as she said it.

"I'm pretty sure you said September third," Audra said.

"No, that's the day we're having the reception for my family, back home," Betty said. "You must have mixed them up."

"No, I didn't even know you were having two receptions," Audra said.

"Believe me, I wish we weren't," Audra said. "But my mom didn't want to fly out here for anything."

"But the one here is on the twenty-seventh," Audra repeated.

"That's what she said," Janice said.

"Yeah, whatever," Audra said. Taking a closer look at the box, which seemed to contain the contents of a desk drawer, she added, "Just what are you doing?"

"Cleaning out my drawers," Janice said. "Call it late spring cleaning."

"You gals sure know how to make great use of a weekend," Audra said, pouring herself some coffee. She just couldn't let the deception go by that easily. "Betty, have you at least settled on a dress yet?"

"Well," Betty said with an oddly mischievous grin, "You could say that, sort of."

"Sort of?" Audra asked. "You either chose a dress or you didn't."

"Let's just say I've decided what to wear to the wedding," Betty said. "That's all you need to know."

"Can't wait to see this mystery outfit," Audra said. "Oh, that reminds me, that guy I met on inthesea-dot-com? We had a great chat online last night. I think I might let him take me to the wedding."

"Let him take you," Janice repeated incredulously. "Bestow the honor on him, will you?"

"Well, I might," Audra said. "He seems like a really sweet guy. But one step at a time, you know. I haven't even given him my phone number yet. He asked for it last night, but I said no and he didn't beg yet."

"He didn't beg," Rob repeated a few hours later, as the two couples walked together through the woods near his parents' house.

"Yet," Nick reminded his brother. "I'm sure you realize, neither of us is surprised."

"Neither were we," Janice said. "Betty, I'm surprised you didn't confront her about her calling the dress shop."

"Why give her the satisfaction?" Betty said. "Besides, that would've brought on questions about my dress, and you know what we want her to think about that."

They all laughed. "This Jeremy guy is a genius," Nick said. "Can't wait to meet him."

"You've got a standing invitation to join us for a bubble bath!" Janice squealed.

"And he'll be at the wedding," Betty added. "It was only fair that we invited him. That reminds me, Rob, have you asked Meagan about..."

"Yes, and she'll be happy to do it," Rob said. "Remember, our whole family knew what a jerk Audra was long before you met her."

"It still seems like an awfully big favor to ask," Betty said.

"Hey, you're going to be her sister now," Nick reminded her.

As they were approaching a clearing, Janice asked, "Is this the place?"

"The one and only," Rob said as they all emerged into a sunlit meadow on the edge of a pond. "Ye olde swimming hole."

"And our chances of being discovered?" Janice asked.

"Everyone knows you come here to skinnydip," Nick said. "Anyone else who comes by is here for the same reason we are."

"Can't promise there won't be any perverts climbing a tree to get a look," Rob said. "But what did you say that day on the rollercoaster, Betty?"

"Yeah, and that's still how I feel," Betty said. "How about you, Janice, are you game?"

"I came out here, didn't I?" Janice broke the ice once and for all by being the first one to pull her shirt over her head.

"See, Rob, you didn't just create one nudist monster, you created two!" Betty said, following her friend's lead.

"Nice bra," Nick quipped, deliberately looking between Janice and Betty.

"Whose?" Janice asked, as she and Betty were still both wearing theirs, giving the guys a chance to catch up on undressing.

"Both, of course!" Rob laughed. "But wouldn't you feel better without them?"

"Why don't you do the honors?" Betty turned around and presented her clasp to Rob, and he more than willingly undid it. Janice did the same for Nick. "Oh, that feels good," Betty said as she pulled hers off.

"You men will never know what a pleasure this moment is!" Janice added.

"Just as long as we can help you experience it," Rob said, as he and Nick admired both women in their full glory, the sun bright on their generous breasts.

"I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to this," Betty said, looking around the bucolic scene. "But it sure feels wonderful."

"That never stops, in my experience," Rob said. "Come on, let's get in the water."

The water was warm, the splashing around was joyful, and Betty was too happy with the whole scene to be the least bit embarrassed should anyone else emerge in the clearing. In any event, that didn't happen and the swimming hole remained their own private little corner of the summer for an hour and more. There were no more thoughts of Audra or of the wedding or what was to come next. The decidedly adult setting notwithstanding, Betty felt just as carefree as the summers of her youth had found her. If only she'd fallen in with a family of nudists back then, she couldn't help but think now of all the body shame she might have avoided. But at least that was now locked away on the scrap heap of her past.

Nick was the first to leave the water. He had but a few minutes to lie back on the blanket they'd spread on the bank and gaze up at the sky before the others joined him. "Ready to go already?" he asked as first Betty came into his view, followed shortly by Janice and his brother.

"You don't want to just lie around here all afternoon, do you?" Rob asked.

"Didn't say I did," Nick said. "But surely, you ladies don't want to put your bras back on already, now do you?" He snickered.

Betty and Janice laughed. "And no doubt you'd rather we didn't yet either," Janice said.

"Cannot tell a lie." Nick sat up and raised both his hands, and wiggled his fingers. "Sorry. Itchy fingers."

The laughing had stopped, and the two women exchanged serious but bemused looks.

"I don't mind if you don't mind," Janice said.

"Sounds kind of fun, doesn't it?" Betty agreed.

They each knelt down on either side of Nick, facing him. Nick eagerly cupped his left hand around Janice's right breast, drawing a gasp of pleasure from her; but his hand paused inches away from Betty's. "You're sure it's okay?" he asked her.

"Well, somebody'd better play with them," Betty declared. "You've got me wanting it!"

That was good enough for Nick, and he proved just as dexterous with Betty's slightly smaller breasts than with Janice's. Soon she was indulging in her own deep sighs of pleasure, even if his touches were less-knowing than Rob's. Closing her eyes to enjoy Nick's caresses, Betty had a fleeting thought that Rob might be getting jealous, but this was promptly alleviated by a hand on her back that she knew must be Rob's. Opening her eyes, she saw she was right, it was.

"Hi," she cooed at him. "Sorry..."

"Don't be," Rob said. "I'm not about to let him have all the fun!" He kissed her neck and back, and she closed her eyes again to savor it along with his brother's caresses on her breasts.

Because her eyes were closed, it offered a true shock when she felt Rob's hand in her bush. "Ooh!" she squealed. "That tickles!"

"Of course it does!" With that he set in to deliberately tickling her, and she wiggled and opened her thighs. Still kissing her nape, he reached one, then two fingers inside her.

"Oooooohhhhhhhh!" Betty arched her back and opened her eyes, and couldn't help grinning at Nick's impressed expression as his brother went to town between her legs. Not to be outdone, Nick leaned in and kissed Betty's hard nipple, and she let loose with an even louder screech.

He didn't give up on Janice with his other hand, but she did have a long minute to look on enviously as they worked Betty up to a howling orgasm, loud enough to ring out through the clearing, just the opposite of the shy friend she'd known and loved all these years. But Janice wasn't jealous. One, she had little doubt both brothers would turn their attention to her soon enough, and two, Betty was utterly beautiful at that moment. Still enjoying Nick's caresses, she enjoyed the show.

"Thank you! Both!" Betty opened her eyes at last. "Janice? Your turn?"

"Yes, please!" She lay down on her back and spread her legs wide, and as if they had rehearsed it, Rob set about kissing one breast and rubbing the other passionately, while Nick rubbed her thighs belly for a long teasing moment before parting her vulva and slipping one finger inside her, drawing a yelp of joy. "Oh, guys, wonderful! Don't stop!"

They didn't. With Betty watching alongside, they went to town on Janice with no less gusto than they had done with her a moment before. Betty marveled at the realization of how loud she must have been by way of Janice's moans and utterances now. Nick proved to be nothing short of magical with those itchy fingers of his. Betty almost wanted to invite him to have a turn with her as she watched him caress Janice's clit and rub his fingers gently inside her until she came with a jolt and a shriek.

"Oh, that was amazing!" Janice said after a triumphant kiss from Nick.

"Just remember, if anyone asks, we just went swimming," Rob quipped.

"You guys have been coming here all your lives?" Betty asked.

"Long as I can remember," Rob said.

"And did you ever..." Janice began.

"Never before," Nick said.

"Me neither," Rob added.

The following evening, Audra decided to give Randy her phone number.

Or rather she decided to give in to her mother's advisory that she'd strung him along long enough. "A boy like that'll probably be messaging with other women, Audra," she'd pointed out at their Sunday brunch that morning. "If you play too hard to get, someone else won't."

"Then do I even want him, if he's going to go for some slut?" Audra had asked.

"You do if you want a date for Betty's wedding," Mom had pointed out. "And do you want to be single at a party where that twerp Nick has a date?"

"Mom, he's not a twerp. Come on, we were wrong to beat him up that time, I see that now."

"A boy like that grows up to be a man who can never command respect with anyone, Audra. Besides, we both know you had a crush on him."

"Mother!"

"Well, it's not like he's here to hear it, is he? But we both know it's true. This is your last chance to show him up once and for all, and that pathetic brother of his, too -- just what does Becky see in him anyway?"

"Betty, not Becky, and I think it's low self-esteem. She probably thinks she can't land anyone better. God knows why with those tits, but..."

"Well, then, Audra, you've got one chance to steal the show at this wedding, and if you like this boy at all, you'd best not lose that chance!"

Audra still wasn't sure she agreed with her mother, but hadn't she always been right about men before? So she had sent Randy her phone number. Six hours later he still hadn't called.

She was halfway into a bottle of wine and three episodes into a favorite sitcom from childhood when her phone came to life on the coffee table. Thanking her lucky stars Janice and Betty had found somewhere else to be for the evening -- just where were they, anyway? -- she muted the television and answered the call. "Hello?"

"Audra?"

"Took you long enough to call!"

"Well, I did just get your number, didn't I?"

"Hours ago, Randy. This is Randy, isn't it?"

"Of course it is."

"Great. Listen, you're a bookworm and all that, so I'll cut you some slack. But you should never keep a lady waiting, all right?"

"A lady! Well, you don't hear that too often anymore," said Randy.

"Yes, and it's a real shame, isn't it? But there are still some of us out there who expect you men to understand what a treasure we are."

"Any man with any sense does," said Randy. "For as long as I can remember, I've been envious of how beautiful and graceful women look."

"That's more like it!" Audra was feeling energized now, and she stood up from the couch to walk around the living room. "I'm sure you also see why I didn't just give you my phone number right away."

"Well, look, no sense in playing mind games here," said Randy. "I loved your profile photo and I liked exchanging messages with you, and I don't believe in wasting time with people you have some chemistry with."

"Oh, I never play mind games," Audra said. Before she could go on, she thought she detected muffled laughter on the other end of the line. "Are you alone?" she demanded. "Is someone else on the line?"

"Of course I'm alone," Randy said. "I think someone was just driving by with their radio turned all the way up. Anyhow, I'm glad to hear you don't play mind games. Sometimes I'm too trusting for my own good."

"Oh, that's sweet," Audra said. "So. Be trusting and tell me something I shouldn't know."

The fool shared some story about a prank gone wrong in college, which at least set the stage for Audra to talk about her own greatest hits in that department. If he clucked at her about it the way Janice and Betty always did, she'd know he was all wrong for her. But to her surprise and titillation, he only laughed along with her. She knew he was a match when he confessed, "I was nothing like that in high school, but I used to envy the kids who were."

"As well you should have," Audra declared. "We ruled the school for a reason. It's all in how you played the game. Of course, if a kid like you ever asked, I could have shown you how. Maybe. So who were you in high school, anyway? What trope? The nerd?"

"Definitely," Randy said. "I told you I'm a bookworm. I was then too, the kind who studied hard and mostly enjoyed it, but every now and then I wondered if the parties on the weekend were anything like they were in the latest teen movie."

"Nah, they were better!" Audra said. "But I'll tell you what, so many times I was dancing with some football player who could barely spell his own name, and I wished I was with a boy more like you."

"Right, like the guy your roommate is marrying?"

"I told you about that?!" Audra pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it, as if expecting it rather than Randy to answer.

"You must have," Randy said. "I don't see how I could imagine a thing like that."

"Wow, you're a better match than I thought, then," Audra said. "That was supposed to be a top secret. Anyway, it wasn't Betty's fiancé, it's his brother." She sighed and went on. "We grew up together, and he was always a sweetheart. So cute, so shy, and really smart, the kind of kid you'd want to sit next to on the day of a big test. We used to be the best of friends, until he became too much of a nerd for it to be safe being friends with him."

"Wait, it was unsafe to be friends? What?"

"Well, I mean, the other boys in our class, they picked on him just like they picked on each other, only with Nick it always made him cry, and of course that meant they all piled on that much more. So for us girls -- at least the ones like me who cared about our reputations -- it was either join in on the bullying or we'd be next on their list! I still hate them for what they made me do to Nick."

"I see," Randy said, though it sounded to Audra like he probably didn't. Men never did.

"I just wish he'd grown a thicker skin," Audra said. "I guess now he has, though. He's actually dating my other roommate, if you can believe that."

"That's awkward!"

"For me, it sure is. I did apologize to him, but the little brat couldn't accept it graciously. Hey, I tried. Anyway, Randy, yes, I was one of the beautiful people in our school, but it was boys like Nick I always daydreamed about falling in love with. Boys like Nick and you."

"Well, thank you, but I'm no boy, Audra."

"Oh, I have no doubt!" Audra put on the bedroom voice she'd grown up listening to her mother use whenever she'd wanted something. "Honest, Randy, even at those parties if I was in the middle of making out with some dumb-as-a-post football player, in my imagination I was walking home on some nice tree-lined lane with a boy more like you, and saying yes to him when we got home even as I was saying no to the jerk with his hand up my skirt!"

"And of course you'd have never found my hand there."

"Even if I begged for it?" Audra laughed, and so, to her relief, did Randy.

"Well, of course if you wanted it."

"Of course I did," Audra reassured him. "I mean, the politics of high school being what they are, I never would have dated you, but I'd have sure wished I could. And..." She paused, unsure if she wanted to reveal this much quite yet, then decided she did. "...And you were the type I thought of when I was alone in my room. I mean Nick in particular, but you sound a lot like he was. Just not a crybaby."

"Wow!" Randy laughed. "You mean girls did that too?"

"Some of us did," Audra said. "And I was one of them. After all, I wasn't putting out then, so I had to scratch that itch somehow."

"Are you going to scratch it tonight?"

"Wouldn't you like to know!" But Audra was already angling to steer the conversation to a nice conclusion so she could get her vibrator out from under the bed. She slipped her left hand inside her shorts to help herself to a preview...and found herself picturing Nick rather than Randy. But that couldn't be helped.