mojodoug

Abandoned as a child I was raised by a pack of wild poodles. As amember of the pack I spent my days hunting for food on the open plainsand beaches of Southern California. It was a happy time. I would have remained there but I was discovered by an agnostic missionary and returned to my parents, who thought I had been sleeping in my room the whole time. Mom and Dad did what they could for me, but on hot summer days my mind still drifts back to my poodle family and Fifi the bitch that raised me from a pup. After several years in therapy and countless flea baths, I was considered normal enough to join mainstream society. This was a difficult transition as my idea of normal and Society's differed until I discovered that clothing is required not optional,especially pants. I studied Filmmaking in College in hopes of becominga real-estate agent someday. After school and more therapy I went toTibet and studied under the masters. Here I learned the sound of one hand clapping and how to make really cool balloon animals! Alas, I was unable to reach spiritual perfection, never being able to answer the final question of my mentor-"Grasshopper-if a tree falls in the forestand no one is there does it still make a sound?" Returning to the states I drifted until I met the love of my life. We both discovered each other at a Pat Paulson political rally. (That man would have beena great leader, and looked really great on a dollar bill.) We married and have three wonderful kids which we got at a really great price on E-Bay. With a family to feed I went to work for my father-in-law, who had a business selling dust bunny traps to hotels. (He had mistakenly thought the old adage was build a better dust bunny trap and the world will beat a path to your door. He discovered this error only after several million dollars in R&D.) It was here I learned the most important business skill-the illusion of productivity- or how to look really busy while not actually working. After the company went bankrupt I moved to Washington State and went to work as a Quality Assurance Manager for a firm which made defective rubber bands. This job too didn't work out, because I improved the quality of the product and sales dropped. Now I work for a coal mine where each day I count lumps of coal and plot my eventual rise to a position of power in a thirdworld nation where the natives will make me their King and I will nolonger have to get dressed each morning.