Christina

Plenty of money he had too, but what did we have to show for it?
To show to show must always show the rosiest glow
possible because they laughed once but never again
I was pretty smarter and they laughed anyway and called me names because he sat out front decaying in the bathtub drinking
bad booze and singing worse songs and the money seemed to drop right out of his pockets into the nearest bar nearest whore nearest hole and there was never enough left for us left at home
I looked up every day through the shoe store window at everyone as they walked by above me
Who has money are they broke what is that a hole in that sole? A chipped heel? Why does nobody laugh
at them I will always look right just so
like Rudyard and I'll blow away and nobody'll know
I'll hitch my cart to the first horse out of here and never look back until I'm laughing
We will never laugh together
But he came he came he came for me
And we started having babies and the first seemed like an angel but the money wasn't enough for us all but now I was a mommy and he didn't want a lover but a mother and the second one came
fast and beautiful little girl didn't look like me didn't walk or talk like me and her daddy played favorites
Mine didn't have one at least not me and so not fair not fair don't care
Hated her for hating myself for hitting her
hardly but I love her too and she could shine
And he smelled like perfume not oil after work and its lonely when you have to be
supposed to be beautiful make sure it's right
now and a third one too much too many too fast
no time for the last laugh and I don't know how to be
and they're already grown up and off the porch
Where's your father?
Don't I look right?
The house is right and locked up tight even if it's empty inside
noone will embarass me on this front lawn but there's still never enough love to go around
I want to love them husband kids but I need to fill the hole on the soul without a heal where nobody loved me before I got
out the door and it slowly
eats me alive.

revised 2003