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Click hereslices of time
still life
rain pearls bounce
off shapes
domes and valves
glazed
the breathless
and the shiver
the giggles the grace
long since erased
only flashlight frames
of midnight rain
on your abandonless
display
only halogen
jade figurines
remain
I thought it was meant to be taken in bit by bit, better absorbed that way. And I like the juxtaposition of "breathless" and "shivers." The lines seem too short for commas, which to me would be overdoing it.
But does need a bit of work. It seemed like you tried too hard chopping extra words, and I believe they're needed in this poem. Also, punctuation would really help out.
Example:
the breathless (,)
and the shiver (,)
the giggles the grace
long since erased
The giggles, the grace
Or
The giggles,
The grace
mood piece..and I'd have given it a 5 just for " rain pearls"
what a perfect description.
Nice job