Gravity, And The Power It Holds

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wakingDown
wakingDown
654 Followers

Driven by relativistic mass in a macroscopic theater
The anvil upon which space and time is shaped
     Holding sway over all and ever

Tyrannical presence rooted deep all reality
Every scrap of any infused with its touch
     Bending all where it must

Light at its mercy just as is matter in any form
Even time must bend a knee and forever obey
     One presence to give possibility

From the birth of forever and beyond the death of heat
Will it hold its shackling and creating reigns of order
     Even over miniscule atoms
          Like us

wakingDown
wakingDown
654 Followers
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4 Comments
TsothaTsothaabout 10 years ago

I really liked your choice of words and poem. Very nicely done. However... I also feel some of those lines, or bits of them were forced, perhaps to keep the format. For example, s2,l2: "Every scrap of any" feels strange to me. It reads better in my mind simply as: "Tyrannical presence rooted deep, all reality infused with its touch".

Also, s2,l3: "Bending all where it must". Where it *must*? Where is it that gravity *mustn't* bend? (Perhaps I don't know enough about the subject, but it just feels wrong to me.)

You lost me at s3,l3: "One presence to give possibility". I scratched my chin trying to figure it out, but came up with nothing.

I really like your s4. Only a note: shouldn't it be: "Will it hold its shackling and *create* reigns of order" (create, rather than "creating").

Again, very cool poem. Forgive my nitpicking.

Maria2394Maria2394over 10 years ago
yes a definitie and infinite 5!

Some interesting poetry today! When I clicked on this, I did not expect something this good, but the title drew me in. Nice work! All were good, but the last stanza is the best :) imho

HarryHillHarryHillover 10 years ago
Relativity sucks

but where does it go

Ashesh9Ashesh9over 10 years ago
a rare marriage of

Science with Literature ! high-5 ed