Hyperion

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I was not man enough to keep you then;
ills felled ability; laid low my drive.
I could not keep our love’s passion alive,
you left in quest of healthy able men.

Care still alive, despite by nation split
Words link our spirits in mail and on phone.
We comment on life and work though alone,
share concern, our fear, how to cope with it.

Were I a god, your love light would be lit,
happiness dripping from flesh into bone,
Vibrant health instead of infirmity.

Were I a wizard, the magic I’d knit,
would bring your soul peace and calm the unknown,
break earthly bonds, dance in eternity,

but I dwell among other mortal men,
no more or less than the others who strive:
A worker bee among the human hive,
lost in the to and fro of now and then.

So simple prayers alone I offer thee--
shine like Hyperion again for me.

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4 Comments
BooMerengueBooMerengueover 19 years ago
.

This felt a bit forced to me, too, Tung, but still very good. Thanks!

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Interesting....

..perspective. I like the idea but, as perks already pointed out, the rhythm is shaky. It's a tough form to use smoothly and you did well with yours TT2u.

Maria2394Maria2394over 19 years ago
:)

this almost sounds like an apology of sorts, but the human condition needs no apologies, we are what we are :rose:

love these lines-

A worker bee among the human hive,

lost in the to and fro of now and then.

perksperksover 19 years ago
perkspective

BT!!!

the iambic part of your iambic pentameter is off, sugah. I like how you used Hyperion as a metaphor, instead of telling the story. That was interesting in comparison to Tristesse's historical context. I'm glad that you tackled this form, what do you think? Would you do it again? Did you enjoy yourself?

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