- Erotic Poetry
- in praise of older women (sonnet)
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He can't be more than nineteen and yet I'm
sure that in a past life I once enjoyed
that same boy, that same body. A lifetime
of love gone. He played with my clit. I toyed
with his cock. Back when I had time for games.
I have grown older and he is unchanged
(or a boy who looks like him) Nothing shames
me. Sex always made me obscene, deranged.
Fire. He is my son's age. I could be his
mother. Fire. He made me burn once. Before
it all turned sour. All my knowledge: a whiz
at blowjobs. I can teach you, boy. Amour
still burns, I promise you. Make me nineteen
again, boy. Bad, mad, rude, lewd and obscene.
- COMMENTS
SweetOblivionabout 12 years agoYou tell a good story in verse form, but you may be using enjambment too much for the sonnet form and a couple of the stresses don't seem quite right at lines 2 and 10. Not sure if you write the verse stanza by stanza and then add the enjambments or take a deep breath and plunge in - I suspect the latter - you might benefit from slowing down and reviewing more thoroughly. You might also strengthen the caesuras - for instance: the first fire didn't add value, until you gave it retrospective context with the second. S.O.
