- Erotic Poetry
- Intensity
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
I could miss your shuddering need beneath mine
As you pressed up against my hard edge,
Abandoning all the shielding linens,
Until the lines between us were blurred
In shadows, while I tortured your flesh.
I could miss your laid-bare senses converging
Into a single heart-rending cadence;
The beauty of this sonority echoing
Forever into a well-spring of emotion,
Fed by the bloody fountain of your offer.
I could missed the plunges and the thrusting,
The impalement and the making you scream,
As you arched enterprisingly up to find
A forever place carved through your insides;
But I could never miss how it will always ache.
- COMMENTS
twelveooneabout 13 years agoshuddering plunges thrusting
for starters...
a little plumbing to unclog the ache
way too predicable
100 anyway
Esperanza_Hidalgoabout 13 years agobecause my brain wasn't turned on yesterday. I think the highlight is that last line, which takes it up a notch. The first three lines create mood, and the linens line is a keen use and comparison. Nice.
Liarabout 13 years agoThis is one level better than the average fuck poem here. You have a strong opening line that is intense and different enough to draw me in and wonder where the poem is heading. And on the way you manage to avoid most clichés that can make erotic poems silly, and replace them with more interresting wording and imagery.
So thumbs up in general. Some advise though, take it or leave it:
You steer clear of most clichés, but not all. I'd advise you to find some other way to say things like "tortured your flesh", "the plunges and the thrusting" and "making you scream".
The conclusion of the poem is a little let-down. I was hoping to be surprised, to get to a "Oh, that's clever"-moment. Now what you're saying is essentially: "I'd miss the good stuff, but not the bad stuff." Understandable, but not very interesting.
