Kitchen Day Taunt

i see a market for this, you know those cloths where the letters are sewn, i'd hang it, read it and never mutter again, no, it would be a defiant "fuck you too", I have yet to make a consistent good cup of coffee, so the fave may be a heartfelt fave but wtf.

black bladder filled to excess...

and i'm drinking the stuff

anyway since I'm a huge fan of malignant cartoons, and being a guy of probably similar distaste, (remember Des and Ang are women and thus are unaware of the kitchen tauts and leers, i.e it is the only room I walk into and mutter "fuck you too" ) I am solidly in Ash's camp here,

and faved

on a critical note, reminds me of Buk's 'tude, more poetical, but his timing was impeccable

and it's a lively poem full of sound and action. We have a French press now, but my electric kettle is similarly noisy--and I love that you've built language into it to interpret it as a taunt. I think that all works well.

Some constructive feedback:

- agree with Desejo about disapproving smile. I'm not sure what that looks like and don't get how it smiles and frowns at the same time (ok, two different spots or machine, but my rule is if you have to explain it to more than one person, you should probably consider revising). I think if you just took "smile" out, it would work well

-in your second strophe everything moves along well but I don't get what kind of clapping sound a kitchen appliance might make (not saying they don't; just can't picture it), and you don't want to overload with the onomatopoeia (although overload could theoretically produce more sounds lol and another stanza)

Just my opinions and thanks for the read. :-)

silver lip? mouth? perhaps I got too caught up in that sibilant thing. disproving? nope

Is my Poem of the day

Where I'll hang out 'n haunt !

-----from a black coffee addict