Last Orders a haiku

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15 words
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garden of my youth
wasted now; I sit and sip
my cup of hemlock

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  • COMMENTS
3 Comments
BedazzlerBedazzleralmost 20 years ago
*chuckling...

I agree Boo- I believe this is a simple haiku, the 3 rules of which are

1)the 5-7-5 rule

2)it must be about a season- which is the spring of your youth, and the fall of your 'tea party'

3)it must be 2 complimentary phrases separated by a semi-colon, a Western device designed to take the place of the Japanese 'cutting word'

As far as density? I'm not sure what that means. Does that mean depth? Does that mean it must have more than one meaning? Someone explain, please?

Deep breath Boo- keep going!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 20 years ago
To my mind..............

....this is, indeed, a haiku and as for not being dense enough I like the lightness of this work. It is approachable from several angles.

twelveoonetwelveoonealmost 20 years ago
Technically no

if not a haiku, good. if a haiku, 3rd line should be aha!

2nd line reads right into it. Also lacks the density of a haiku. This seems to be pretty much straightforward.

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