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Click hereyou grit my shine
you bitter bit
you grind and wind
cling sour
and sting
to mine
no flow
no froth
all shit
all edge
no smooth sweet surface
you mould my bread
flaw my peace
pollute my ease
splinter my head
get
mo
ther
fu
cking
out
expire
please
my draught
my leech
my plague
leftover
pollution
caught
in negative
feedback loop
piling like dishes
so obsolete
obtuse
obese
until
you leave
to grace
me peace
raw!! a 5 minute convo with you can go miles and miles i'm certain.
you put so much into this..
enjoyable read liar!
now about that cracker jack poetry of mine! ~grinz~
go peek at the thread i started..tell me if i should even bother submitting. no one has commented, it's making me think i should have left it filed away.
anyhow, i'd appreciate some feedback from you! ty, xo, fawnie
Lots of raw energy tapping that exposed nerve in this write, Liar. Great job!
I loved the cadence of this piece and how easily the strength and power of your voice shines through.
Not that you can eat a nerve, but anything that produces a poem this wonderful is a welcome muse. :)
I swear your first language is English, your command of phrasing here is so smooth. There's a lot of nicely restrained obsession, and then it explodes at the end. You don't know how good you are.