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Click hereNot the city
Still summers night
standing naked
cigarette in mouth
surveying the road
winding in valley below
enveloped in mist
Strangers pass
shrouded in cars
and clothes
headlights
like fireflies
flashing thru the trees
Warm air
drapes my skin
I inhale the smoke
with wisterias
sweet scent
wrapping around me
Flashes illuminate
silhouetting
silent ridges
slumbering
under cover of
fresh foliage
Bed calls
back inside
under cover
give thanks
living in the
mountains
"Still summers night
standing naked
cigarette in mouth"
I got the image stuck in my head and I was so distracted that I had to read the darn poem again. lol
Though some of it felt very familiar, like an old poem I can never place, I liked the imagery enough to be drawn in. Why is it that wisteria always winds itself into a poem like this? *laughing* I would like to see you play with something similar, but make it less fragmented in grammatical construct. Keep on writing because this shows great promise of even better to come. Good job.
I'm not sure about the "give thanks" line. It seems so jagged and abrupt and completely underrates your poem and experience, it's like saying I love you, when it's so much more than that... get what I'm saying? Maybe the last stanza is completely superfluous. I get that you love it, just by being there, but that you're living there I didn't get. I'd rework that somehow. In spite of that little bit of nothing. This poem really rocks. I was there, and I just love your "I inhale the smoke
with wisterias
sweet scent" That's just bloody delicious.
...mood piece -- another leap in your writing. Very good job done here with atmosphere.