Not the City

Poem Info
75 words
4.25
2.5k
0
Poem does not have any tags
Share this Poem

Font Size

Default Font Size

Font Spacing

Default Font Spacing

Font Face

Default Font Face

Reading Theme

Default Theme (White)
You need to Log In or Sign Up to have your customization saved in your Literotica profile.
PUBLIC BETA

Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.

You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.

Click here

Not the city

Still summers night
standing naked
cigarette in mouth
surveying the road
winding in valley below
enveloped in mist

Strangers pass
shrouded in cars
and clothes
headlights
like fireflies
flashing thru the trees

Warm air
drapes my skin
I inhale the smoke
with wisterias
sweet scent
wrapping around me

Flashes illuminate
silhouetting
silent ridges
slumbering
under cover of
fresh foliage

Bed calls
back inside
under cover
give thanks
living in the
mountains

Please rate this poem
The author would appreciate your feedback.
  • COMMENTS
Anonymous
Our Comments Policy is available in the Lit FAQ
Post as:
Anonymous
6 Comments
WickedEveWickedEveover 19 years ago
after this part

"Still summers night

standing naked

cigarette in mouth"

I got the image stuck in my head and I was so distracted that I had to read the darn poem again. lol

fawniefawnieover 19 years ago
sigh sigh!

i felt this one

tugged at my heart strings

very nice read tt.

EumenidesEumenidesover 19 years ago
This has strong moments

Though some of it felt very familiar, like an old poem I can never place, I liked the imagery enough to be drawn in. Why is it that wisteria always winds itself into a poem like this? *laughing* I would like to see you play with something similar, but make it less fragmented in grammatical construct. Keep on writing because this shows great promise of even better to come. Good job.

perksperksover 19 years ago
perkspective

I'm not sure about the "give thanks" line. It seems so jagged and abrupt and completely underrates your poem and experience, it's like saying I love you, when it's so much more than that... get what I'm saying? Maybe the last stanza is completely superfluous. I get that you love it, just by being there, but that you're living there I didn't get. I'd rework that somehow. In spite of that little bit of nothing. This poem really rocks. I was there, and I just love your "I inhale the smoke

with wisterias

sweet scent" That's just bloody delicious.

tarablackwood22tarablackwood22over 19 years ago
Fine....

...mood piece -- another leap in your writing. Very good job done here with atmosphere.

Show More
Share this Poem