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twelveoone
twelveoone
23 Followers

Rte 61/No Exit


In an unsettled wind
from fires that burn deep within,
the smoke from beyond
the fence
drifts over ill-tended grave.
Snowflakes hang
in the breeze,
as ash though bone
trees,
alight, melt on my face.

How I wish you were here
with me right now.

How I wish
you were here
with me.

Right now
a wreath of unsett'ling wind.

twelveoone
twelveoone
23 Followers
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8 Comments
ishtatishtatalmost 16 years ago
!

This is good though I'm not sure why. My response is visceral rather than intellectual. I ' feel' it rather than understand.

Would never have picked you as the writer ! Interesting variety of responses which is definitely a plus.

ishtatishtatalmost 16 years ago
!

This is good though I'm not sure why. My response is visceral rather than intellectual. I ' feel' it rather than understand.

Would never have picked you as the writer ! Interesting variety of responses which is definitely a plus.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 16 years ago
Not what I expected.

A few cliches there. Goodish poem nonetheless.

TzaraTzaraalmost 16 years ago
An odd poem from you, Twelvie.

I'm not sure quite what I make of it. I must say that the opening "In an unsettled wind / from fires that burn deep within" makes me think of someone who ate too much chili for lunch and is having intestinal problems. I would have thought you'd find "fires that burn deep within" cliché, but maybe that's your intent. Perhaps I need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

bogusbrigbogusbrigalmost 16 years ago
Where's the skeptic?

I didn't get this line, 'as ash though bone trees,'not that it matters.

Though I find this poem difficult to criticize, I think I prefer you as the itinerant cynic than a conscious poet, your work is so more exciting and unpredictable and fresh in that guise.

bb

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