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Click hereThis one….
On my knee, from falling off my favorite bike.
On my head, from not looking before I leapt.
On my back, from making spontaneous love in an uncomfortable place.
Low on my belly, from my children who wouldn’t come unaided.
And this one here
And here
And there
And that one.
Aren’t they lovely?
These marks are life’s tattoos.
My history told in the tattered flesh.
Proof that I have lived ,lived hard and well.
I stroke my fingers along my skin and,
Let my body whisper to my fingertips the story of me.
And I smile.
This is a real poem about real life with something real to say, and has nice images. It works. I do think you have the innate talent to make it a bit more powerful if you want to.
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Little mistakes in punctuation are distracting - the extra space after "lived , " and then the unneeded comma in the next line after "and."
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"These marks are life's tattoos," is a very nice metaphor.
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Repetition in poetry can be a friend, but can also be an enemy. I felt distracted (a bit) by all the pointing going on in the middle of the poem: "this one, and here, and there, and that one," etc. I got that the spacing was to indicate various locations, but the repetition and lack of specificity was slightly jangling for me.
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Personally, I could have done without the line, "Aren't they lovely?" It's as though I'm being told how to feel, and I don't need that. By the time I've read the last line, I totally get it!
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Of course, if the poem had been much better, I would have had to rate it at 150, and the thermometer only goes up to 100. Keep up the great work!