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Click here(From Shelley, always a source of inspiration)
(for J. as above)
So, what is it
left unsaid?
Undone?
How could you have known
how much I'd miss your words.
I who said too little,
perhaps then, I
say too much.
And that I,
king of ice floes,
could be touched,
by the warmth of your words,
broken, and fear.
In a picture you painted, I was drawn in,
and my eyes would close in a red haze, to that ember,
and in dreams of a verdant grove where the green
light from the leaves shown radiant
you on a limb of a apple tree.
I carried that ember,
for, still, it is a human heart;
till that emberous flame fizzled,
dimmed in the damp;
out to the cold.
Damn verbiage.
Cursed form.
Monster,
that I am, return
to the waste places
of which I love,
and with love
returned.
Content
with my descent
over the fallen stone.
To build my pyre,
my substitute.
And sing
in guttural
throes.
or some such, but still yet to delve into that part of study.
however the emotional context of the piece shifts for me from sadness to bitter anger at the end, not sure if that was your intent, but since I'm a hack poet and a hack commentator then that is what you get lol
In a picture you painted, I was drawn in,
and my eyes would close in a red haze, to that ember,
and in dreams of a verdant grove where the green
light from the leaves shown radiant
you on a limb of a apple tree.
love the juxtaposition here, the vivid use of colours
painted/drawn in
limb has dual connotations and I feel you are playing on both of them here, out on a limb being the cliché, that seems to have been cleverly hidden amidst a painting.
your final lines I really enjoyed
would perhaps smile ....if he read it sober
very nice I love the old styles ...the old love troths
and recriminations. thanks
i probably don't get the half of it BUT it takes me to the latterday film and the heart of the monster... and the monstrous in any of us, our own verbiage as poets, authors...
lines that did most for me were:
king of ice floes/my eyes would close in a red haze/where the green
light from the leaves shown radiant you on a limb of a apple tree/return to the waste places/And sing in guttural throes
i query:
Monster,
that I am, return
to the waste places
of which I love,
and with love
returned.
while i get the use of that comma after 'Monster' and again after 'that I am', that 'of' is throwing me
what i like so much about this is the places it takes my thoughts, the images it conjures, the sense of cold wandering.
So full of emotion that it burns into my soul, definitely one to be read over and over again
PG, I think Caliban, did all right for himself, after all he had a better writer. Well,l so did my guy, I just wanted the character and some settings
aaaaaaaand to let the audience know I'm not thinking about building my pyre, although if it keeps snowing, I may change my mind.
Caliban
Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises,
Sounds, and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears; and sometime voices
That, if I then had waked after long sleep,
Will make me sleep again; and then in dreaming,
The clouds methought would open, and show riches
Ready to drop upon me, that when I waked
I cried to dream again.
Stand by verdant, rethinking the embers.
Ang,
Stand by one of the semicolons.
out to the cold. gets double duty,
the other one looks stupid, and since I can't remember why I did it, or if it is a typo
Thanks, all