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Click hereTaken by darkness - a quality
that lies not in force, but in the mind,
as when, for instance, she undresses
a completely counterfeit smile, which
seeks both to deceive and deny - it
is the meeting of harsh instruments
and flesh which challenges memories,
tells revelations of nakedness,
and soon shows the world, vivid, red marks,
which dwindle into transparency
with passing time. While recollection
of all the crying and the twisting,
fades; as do the streaked shadows of tears;
she surrenders, once more, to smiles with
their counterfeit force: but, in the mind,
she stays on fire, taken by darkness...
It's rather spare and I feel there aren't wasted words. I'm not overly fond of ending with ellipsis points: not sure what purpose they serve. I might move a few line breaks and tinker a bit otherwise, but really I'm nitpicking as these may just be my preferences. Overall I like that the poem is so open to interpretation because there is (to me) a clear erotic story being told here, but also a thematic message about appearance and deception. Really good stuff SO. Thank you for the read. :-)
this is good:
she undresses
a completely counterfeit smile
which makes this a bit redundant:
which seeks both to deceive and deny
excellent:
it is the meeting of harsh instruments
question:
taken by darkness
as the main phrase and title