The Missing Heart

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sack
sack
144 Followers

It was just lying there
beyond recognition or dignity
a dog perhaps, remnants of fur

and people passed by
shaking their heads
too busy to cry
too jaded to feel

failing to notice
the striking white stripe
the jet black collar
the shiny name tag

better to remain anonymous
look away from the maggots
ignore the stench of death

and so they came and went
young and old, large and small
rich and poor

until a little girl
followed her heart to the silent form

at first it was just a stare
hoping the little legs would move
the decaying eyes would see

then a single tear
down a tiny cheek

finally a wail
a scream of despair
from a heart torn wide open

when I looked again it was gone
in the distance a girl
dragging a small box

and in that moment of innocence lost
I found the beat
rhythmic and strong
of my own heart

never again letting go
of the child within


sack
sack
144 Followers
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6 Comments
duddle146duddle146over 17 years ago
New eyes...

Once upon a time all of our worlds were innocent, fresh and new. With maturity comes familiarity with life, death, and other sorrows. Watching a child who still has that innocent approach can be most refreshing.

KOLKOREKOLKOREover 18 years ago
"Nothing as complete as a broken heart"

Just for the courage to broach a terribly un fashinable topic as 'hardened hearts' and what it takes to open them, I feel that you deserve an honorable mention. Could it be more effective if the poem was more subtle or does it actually gets to where it needs to get with us by shocking us. I myself am still debating it.... But hey, you got me thinking!

TheRainManTheRainManover 18 years ago
I agree with Eve.

I liked the first stanza, and I think the poem could be really good if you strip away the heavy sentimentality in a rewrite. The whole scene does make one think and is a wonderful slice of life that you capture well, but many spots, especially this ending:

and in that moment of innocence lost

I found the beat

rhythmic and strong

of my own heart

never again letting go

of the child within

....are not fresh enough to seriously impact me as a reader, and just a bit too mushy.

A good poem that a writer with your skill can most definately improve with some work.

LeBrozLeBrozover 18 years ago
~~

The jaded mature adults

They move on;

Eyes glazed and uncaring;

Child-like innocence sees all that's there

And in acting

Holds onto innocence...

Christina O. LeighChristina O. Leighover 18 years ago
~

sack just wants to make us think. I like it, but I'm still scratching my head. I have horrible thoughts! <raises brow>

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