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Click hereIt was just lying there
beyond recognition or dignity
a dog perhaps, remnants of fur
and people passed by
shaking their heads
too busy to cry
too jaded to feel
failing to notice
the striking white stripe
the jet black collar
the shiny name tag
better to remain anonymous
look away from the maggots
ignore the stench of death
and so they came and went
young and old, large and small
rich and poor
until a little girl
followed her heart to the silent form
at first it was just a stare
hoping the little legs would move
the decaying eyes would see
then a single tear
down a tiny cheek
finally a wail
a scream of despair
from a heart torn wide open
when I looked again it was gone
in the distance a girl
dragging a small box
and in that moment of innocence lost
I found the beat
rhythmic and strong
of my own heart
never again letting go
of the child within
Once upon a time all of our worlds were innocent, fresh and new. With maturity comes familiarity with life, death, and other sorrows. Watching a child who still has that innocent approach can be most refreshing.
Just for the courage to broach a terribly un fashinable topic as 'hardened hearts' and what it takes to open them, I feel that you deserve an honorable mention. Could it be more effective if the poem was more subtle or does it actually gets to where it needs to get with us by shocking us. I myself am still debating it.... But hey, you got me thinking!
I liked the first stanza, and I think the poem could be really good if you strip away the heavy sentimentality in a rewrite. The whole scene does make one think and is a wonderful slice of life that you capture well, but many spots, especially this ending:
and in that moment of innocence lost
I found the beat
rhythmic and strong
of my own heart
never again letting go
of the child within
....are not fresh enough to seriously impact me as a reader, and just a bit too mushy.
A good poem that a writer with your skill can most definately improve with some work.
The jaded mature adults
They move on;
Eyes glazed and uncaring;
Child-like innocence sees all that's there
And in acting
Holds onto innocence...
sack just wants to make us think. I like it, but I'm still scratching my head. I have horrible thoughts! <raises brow>