- Non-Erotic Poetry
- The Unfinished Tale
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A benediction of the highest degree,
Built up by dreams but weighted by pain;
Like a wilting rose never touched by a bee,
It's a story, a journey waiting to begin.
"Is it in the eyes?" he wonders with a sigh,
As slowly he rips up his latest fantasy.
Quietly, he asks again, "Is it in the eyes?"
But the words, like salty tears, roll away.
Somewhere, somewhere, she's writing herself,
Becoming the woman she thinks she should be.
The mascara and blush are her only help,
Tying down a foolish spirit yearning to be free.
"Is it in the soul?" she wonders, biting her lip,
As she smiles once more while the world frowns.
The thought distracts her, makes her mind slip;
Quickly, she reaches to steady her imagined crown.
In a stuffy room, amidst the dark of night,
A typewriter dings and a page is pulled free.
Aged eyes scrutinize every line they write;
A tale of the future, one of broken destiny.
A cigarette burns brightly in a wrinkled hand
And the smoke licks at the pages already done.
Slowly the smell settles on each, like a brand...
Once again changing what the tale may become.
Exhalation brings a cloud of musky disregard
As the writer wonders what the story is about.
On the tip of the cigarette stands a bright
glowing shard
Which he grinds into the pages until the flame
burns out.
- COMMENTS
jthserraabout 20 years agoand it has some promise. As it is, it reads a little rough with the rhyme feeling forced at times. I think if you read the lines outloud and rework the areas that sound a little off. I think if you can get the lines to flow a little better, the rhyme will feel more natural. I think if you used a little more emjambment it would help the rhyme. An excellent start here.
jim : )
Anonymousabout 20 years agoThis is SO close to being a very good poem. The narrative is wonderful but I do agree with YDD - the meter and rhyming needs to be tidied up for that to happen.
BooMerengueabout 20 years agoYou got me with...
"A cigarette burns brightly in a wrinkled hand"
I LOVE that line! Every now and then a poem or a part of one grabs me. Yes... sit back and look at it and tighten it just a bit, but for Pete's sake don't touch that line! Thanks a lot!
BooMerengueabout 20 years agoYou got me with...
"A cigarette burns brightly in a wrinkled hand"
I LOVE that line! Every now and then a poem or a part of one grabs me. Tes... sit back and look at it and tighten it just a bit, but for Pete's sake don't touch that line! Thanks a lot!
Liarabout 20 years agoFlows in a compelling way all through this nery narrational poem. It never gets dull to read, and the imagery played very well. Like said, the meter is a tad bit off occationally. You have it right most of the time, so it just needed some extra time if you want to sharpen the form.
