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Click hereThey never told me
that it doesn't feel
like a broken heart,
that it feels more like
my heart was crushed
torn to pieces with claws
that my soul would scream
and run fleeing
into an ice block
that fills my chest.
they never told me
that i wouldn't want to wake up
that there would be no point
in suicide
but also no point
in being alive.
they never told me
that this could happen to me
like it does in the movies
that i could cry like i did
without breath
without the pain ceasing
without relief at all.
they never told me
that staying together
could hurt so much
could be so hard
that i would want to
sacrifice all to
abandon pride and hope
to grovel at his feet.
they never told me
that i would be the one tested
over and over
that i would be the one
left in fear and hopelessness
the expendable one
waiting for the end
waiting for the beginning.
This is the first poetry submission I've read of yours. I am a horribly out of practice poet, but still appreciate good work. I could relate to this poem and had a strong interpretation. Whether it is superior quality is beside the point. The point is, I connected with it. It held strong meaning that applies in different ways to many people. That is what makes good poetry. Well done. :)
Okay ~ it's settled
It could use more work;
Doesn't dimish the impact
Still present and reminding....
perfect~..I always thought about writing an instruction manual for life till they come out with a hitch-hikers guide to the universe <grin...nice write
Your fist stanza is strongest because of your description of how it's not like a broken heart but more like a crushed one. I like the simile you use:
it feels more like
[...]
and run fleeing
into an ice block
that fills my chest
The rest of the poem isn't too bad.
"like it does in the movies" is good.
The rest has too much "could hurt so much - could be so hard" and "left in fear and hopelessness" and etc. I'd rather have examples of fear and hurt than be told that there is fear and hurt. (Show. Don't tell.)