A Lack of Control

{I have to concede I am getting long in the tooth here, so lately I have been writing about incidents in the past. Now don't get me wrong, at 74, I am still good for once a week with my rather wonderful and naughty wife Debra.

She is a Physician, and she sure does keep this old man's life interesting.

But the three to four times a week stuff is now mostly a memory. That's just life, and while my body is showing the signs of fading, I still manage just fine.

Anyway, memories seem to help, I like to write them. Even the ones I concede to being less than proud of. Like this one. Nothing erotic here, if that is your goal, sorry.

We all have secrets, some hard to share. This is one of those.

I suspect that I am far more perverted and kinky than I let on in most of my tales. I also know that I am a completely different man today than I was when I was young.

Society you see, has morals, and there are the way things are SUPPOSED to be. When someone gets caught breaking those rules, (like some official or celebrity having a squeeze on the side) then that creates a scandal.

The real difference between the scandal and nothing ever mentioned is who gets caught, just a fact of life. Like that Hollywood guy that is in the news, notice nearly ALL of the actresses accusing him managed to escape with their purity intact? Or if not, then they were raped? No budding actress would EVER drop their undies in exchange for a juicy and high paying movie role, of course not.

I say that every single one of you reading these pages have something in your past that you would prefer not be broadcast to friends or family. Me, too, this being one incident.

This tale is from when I was a very young man. I have to admit that I am not proud of what I allowed to happen, but it did happen. The one time in my entire life I admit to allowing things to go way over the top. Of course there are other moments, this one is the one that has always bothered me.

Now I have been cheated on, that is different and it often seriously pisses a person off. This one, I confess, I was guilty as charged. }

+++

I remember those magical 60's. Our world was filled with news of war, birth control for women was fresh on the scene, which changed the morals of a Nation completely.

Suddenly, young and virile males mostly no longer carried the nearly required condom in their wallets if they ever expected to have sex at all, and sex became a nice way of saying hello for many. With there being a shortage of young and available males, those who managed to avoid the draft seemed to have their pick.

I didn't avoid the draft, not even being married with a young and extremely active wife at home. It did delay things of course, but then the letter finally arrived and I found myself in a country I knew nothing about, fighting for a cause that to this day I have no clue what it was for or why, really.

I could have died there and so many stories would never have been told, but I was lucky. That is if the two rounds that got me sent home could be called luck. They didn't kill me, so that is something, I guess.

I remember lying there in a cot along with a lot of other guys, they came through and passed out the medals. I was going home, an official hero. Of course, back home the politics of the day meant nearly everyone hated us.

A half dozen of us got off the plane in Portland, we saw people with signs yelling, calling us names. One young woman was right in my face. Had I met her in a bar, she would have danced with me, even perhaps ended up in my bed. But in my uniform, she hated me.

That was just the way things were back then.

+++

My wife was named Sharon, she was and is a tiny little thing. Barely 4' 9" stretching as much as she could, and 93 pounds, she was blessed with a beautiful "C" cup set of breasts. I could circle her waist with my hands, touching my thumbs and fingertips with ease. Her fanny was what would be called "booty" in today's world, that term had not yet been invented.

Naked, she was simply spectacular, there is no movie star or model on this planet that she was not at least equal to.

Sharon and I met due to a buddy of mine named Bobby. He was a horn dog, no big deal there, so was I at the time. He had this girlfriend named Becky, she had a Father that refused to let her date anyone unless it was a double date. The idea was of course to protect her purity.

Like that worked.

We were going to the drive in movies, Bobby had Becky's tits out of her blouse before we made it to the first stop light headed out of town. Becky had a nice pair, and she seemed to love showing them off to anyone that would look, just the way she was. I had gotten a couple of glimpses before, but Bobby yanked them right out, sucking away on one and playing with the other. I got the rear view mirror adjusted so I got a good look at them.

Becky did not mind one bit.

She somehow managed to keep stuff like that a secret from her Daddy though, how I don't know.

Sharon was quite the opposite, every attempt I made to cop a feel even over her clothing was met with my hands being slapped away.

So much for the two "hotties" Bobby told me about. Just one hottie, Bobby was hosing Becky in the back seat while I was up front with Sharon, who did give me a quick peck on the lips after I dropped her off. I did get to see Becky's hairy pussy, Bobby tapped me on the shoulder so I turned and looked. She was leaning back on the passenger side of the rear seat, spread wide open, the flickering light from the drive in movie lit her up nicely.

She was hairy, her labia bulging and wet looking, Bobby having clearly deposited a load. She looked up at me, smiled, one hand dropped down and she stroked herself as I stared.

Becky didn't mind me seeing her like that one bit, either.

That moment was probably the hottest one of my life.

But I liked Sharon, so we dated. Finally after several dates, I got my hands on those magnificent tits, then it wasn't long before I had my hands inside her top, soon after that I was licking and sucking her nipples.

We got damned close to fucking a few times, she began to use her hands on me as a method to "save" herself for marriage. I also got my fingers in there a few times, there really wasn't a hell of a lot of room, that much was certain.

I asked her to marry me finally, she squealed and said yes, and that evening in the car when my hand went into her panties, she made no further resistance.

Of course, by then I had also dated Becky a few times, along with perhaps a half dozen of the other gals we both knew. So Sharon knew very well I had gotten my wick dipped more than once, that didn't seem to bother her any.

But once Sharon and I had done it all the way, I no longer could even see any other females. Sharon was the hottest thing I had ever had my hands on, the truth is, to this day she had the best body of all of the women I have ever known.

Now my current wife Debra is spectacular, it is just that Sharon was 19 at the time, any comparison would be unfair.

+++

Marriage was fine, sex was an every single day event and many times more than that. Our life together was just fine, until that letter arrived.

We talked, lord did we talk. We tearfully told each other that we would make the best of things, we even discussed what she would do if I did not come home.

And, we discussed what to do about sex. I told her that I would understand if things got to be too much. If she decided to have sex with someone, she was to use a condom and then it really wouldn't count.

Of course, all of that was bullshit, I was thinking she would be totally faithful, I would be the same while I was deployed, and things would be fine once the war was over.

The truth is, I got lots of hand jobs and blow jobs from the tiny little women over there, there was no shortage of those who were willing for a few American dollars at all. I never did fuck any of them, having seen the guys lined up to get needles in their asses.

And, I expected to come home to my loving wife, untouched and pure, just the way I left her. That turned out to be not quite true.

I was home for about two weeks, still healing, when the truth began to come out. I guess my being home was a surprise for some of the males that were showing up at our house. Finding me there, it was one excuse after another, until word got around.

I was hearing, "Dan! I.. uhh.. heard you were home, how are ya doing?" enough times from guys I barely knew to get suspicious.

So one evening after putting away perhaps 4 beers, I asked her point blank. Her face instantly turning bright red told me, my demands for answers got some halting admissions. To this day I am not sure I heard all of it, but the list was quite long.

There was yelling, crying, more yelling. Accusations from her about what I had done, and pissed off I moved out and into a ratty apartment in town. Two days later she was knocking on my door, in perhaps 5 minutes she was naked and we made up.

It was "never going to happen again", "couldn't help it", that were the tearful comments. She went into detail about how sorry she was, that she loved me and only me, the two of us forever now, all of the usual.

But the truth is, that dug at me. At the store, some guy would take a longer than normal look at her, nothing new there since it was that way before, but now I would wonder if she had been with him. I would ask, she would deny it, we were managing, but barely.

Then a guy named Donnie dropped by one day, he wanted to look at a little 16' boat I had for sale. I knew Donnie from high school, he was two classes behind me. He didn't buy the boat, but he did have a few beers, and we became friends.

Donnie became a fixture around our house, he was good company. We made quite a pair, I was a tad over six feet tall and around 180 pounds or so, he was perhaps 5' 3" and 130 or so if he kept his shoes on. We went fishing, we bowled together, he liked to hunt with a bow so I got one and became rather good at using it.

Sharon was back to being a faithful housewife, she was a good cook so Donnie was there for many meals.

Buds, is the word for what we were.

+++

Then came the day when Bobby, Becky, Donnie along with Sharon and I had one of those Saturday afternoon get together things that evolve into full time parties. Bobby of course had some pot, he was busy trying to get everyone stoned. Becky had on one of those tops that made it no problem for her to show off her tits, we were all pretty much used to that with her, and that evolved into instead of her having accidents, she was rather obviously letting them hang out.

I told her at one point that she might just as well go topless, she giggled and took me up on it. So, here she was, naked to the waist, she glanced over at Sharon expectantly. Both Bobby and Donnie were competing with each other to crack jokes while encouraging Sharon to join in.

It surprised me a little bit when Sharon finally gave in, off came her top also. One thing about Sharon, she never wore a bra, in fact, she didn't even own one. She also never wore panties either, something she got from her Mother who claimed they caused diseases. But of course she always wore long style dresses, or jeans so that was a secret.

I thought it was anyway, at that time I did not know that my friend Bobby was on the list of those Sharon had sampled while I was gone to war. Since Bobby and I had always been close, she pointedly had omitted that part.

She knew that if she told me that, Bobby would get beaten up. One guy named Doug found out the hard way already that making snide comments in front of me was a mistake. The judge was understanding, let me go with the two days of time served.

So, with both women sitting around with their naked tits on display, the conversation of course turned to sex. Bobby was teasing Donnie about not having a girl friend, so he wasn't likely to get laid.

Donnie happened to mention that he never had been laid, and that he just had no success with women. Now that was a surprise to me, I suppose I should have known but I didn't. Of course, Bobby, being a wiseass, started teasing Donnie even more, poor Donnie got all red faced. Then Bobby was trying to get Becky to show Donnie her pussy, saying things like give the poor guy a treat and crap like that.

But finally things settled down, it was getting late, so Bobby and Becky took off. Donnie stuck around, by then he had spent more than one night on our couch. Sharon went in and got some blankets, she was still topless, but she put on her nightgown which was a floor length flannel thing before she came back out.

The look on Donnie's face was disappointment, he seemed to be enjoying the hell out of seeing bare breasts for the last couple of hours.

"Hey, honey. You should stay topless, poor Donnie was enjoying that." I popped up with. Now I have no idea at all why I said that, I was just being a wiseass, probably because I was three sheets to the wind at the time.

Sharon laughed, looked at me and peeled her nightgown down to her waist.

"How's this?" She asked Donnie.

"God, you are beautiful!" Donnie mumbled.

"You should give Donnie a show, he has never even seen any girls naked yet." I told her.

Sharon just looked at me.

"Would you like that?" I asked Donnie.

"I sure would!" He said.

Sharon blinked a couple of time, then she grinned. Using that arms crossed over her head motion that women somehow can do, she tugged the nightgown over her head and was suddenly naked.

Donnie's eyes went wide and he leaned forward on the couch, his eyes dropped down to the dark bush at Sharon's crotch.

"There you go, your first naked girl!" I laughed. Normally, the thought would have never crossed my mind but I was drunk on my ass, in fact, all three of us were. Donnie was staring at her with his mouth hanging open, Sharon just stood there. I could see her nipples had snugged up like they did when she was turned on.

"Give him a real show, babe." I told her with a laugh. The truth is, the situation was getting me hot, too. Sharon went and sat down on the couch, brought her feet up and placed them together. Then looking right at Donnie, she spread her legs wide open.

Poor Donnie was leaning so far forward he was about to fall off his chair, so I told him to go ahead and go over there, to get good look. He did, kneeling down right in front of her, his face barely inches from her. Sharon had a huge smirk on her face.

"This isn't fair, Donnie. Let's see yours." Sharon told him. Without even glancing my way, Donnie stood up, dropped his jeans. He had on a pair of boxer style shorts, he reached down and dropped them also, doing some hops to get everything off since he still had his shoes on.

Sharon was still lying there leaned back on the couch, Donnie was standing right in front of her. His penis was about the size of my thumb, circumsized and as solid as it is possible to get. The look on Sharon's face changed, she leaned forward and wrapped her hand around him. That was all it took, Donnie moved forward and in one shove, he was inside of her.

I stood there surprised, this went way further than I had intended so fast I almost could not react. Donnie was already climaxing before I could even get the word, "Hey!" out of my mouth.

Now, that was my own fault, I know that. Sexy flashing like had been going on all night was one thing, Donnie jumping on my wife and fucking her like that was quite another. I hadn't intended for that to happen, and I was suddenly pissed off at Sharon for allowing it. My reaction was to leave the room, I went into the bedroom. Being drunk on my ass to boot, In very short order, I either went to sleep or passed out.

The Sun was shining in the window when I woke up. My head felt like a truck had run over it, looking over, Sharon was not in bed with me. In the living room, I found her curled up on the couch, back in her nightgown. She woke up just as I walked in.

Looking around, I didn't see Donnie so I asked.

"I don't know, he must have left before we woke up." Sharon sat up and stretched, with a big yawn. I was still pissed off at her letting Donnie fuck her, but at the same time it was partly my own fault so I didn't say anything about it.

I went and made breakfast, Sharon took a shower. She came out and sat down at our table, I handed her some Bacon and Eggs.

"Poor Donnie." She said, after taking a bite.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"His dick is so little!" She laughed. I just looked at her.

"But damn, was it hard!" She laughed again.

"Yeah, and he lasted about 10 seconds." I growled.

"The first time anyway." She took another bite.

"What do you mean?"

"Hell, he did it four times and never did get soft, and would have some more but I was getting sore."

"What? Why in the hell...?" I raised my voice at that.

"Are you mad? Why? Hell, you were right there, I thought you wanted him to?"

"No, I didn't. It was just looking, teasing, I never expected....?"

"Well, you could have said something, besides, you started it." She growled right back at me.

"Four times? Four fucking times? What else did you let him do?" I yelled.

"Honey, it was nothing. He licked me a little bit and had me suck on him some is all. It's no big deal."

That was when I really blew my stack.

She was standing on our porch yelling at me that Donnie's dick wasn't big enough to even matter as I spun the tires on my old Dodge Ram down our driveway.

+++

The divorce was what was not that big of a deal, we really didn't have very much to split. So, there being nothing to fight about, there wasn't any fight.

The town we were from was small, I worked in the local paper mill at the time. There were a few comments from some guys I knew but most of them knew enough to make sure I was well out of earshot. My reactions were typically instant, and rather violent if anyone made a wisecrack to my face.

Almost a year later, I read Donnie's name in the papers. He had made it through boot camp, then his first deployment he was dumped off a helicopter, and never managed to even fire a shot.

Perhaps a decade later, in a city 150 miles away, I stopped for fuel.

"Hello, Dan." I heard as I sat there waiting for the attendant to finish.

There stood Sharon. Heavier now, obviously, we talked. Then we went for Coffee, talked some more.

She was remarried, two kids, one seven, one ten.

I asked the obvious question, she looked at me and said she didn't know. She showed me a photo of her ten year old, that didn't help, he looked nothing like me.

At that time, there was nothing to say really, nothing to do.

Years later, I got a big manila envelope. Inside, a DNA test. There was a short note, a smiley face, the note ended with the word, "please?" I guess I wanted to know also, so I swabbed my cheek inside and sent it off.

The results came back, I sat for some time just holding that. Did I have a.. son? At that moment, I wanted it to be true, welcomed the idea.

Finally I opened it.

"0.0%" It read.

My best guess? The boy was Donnie's. But, I will never know.

+++

Sometimes I sit and think, remembering. The woman that Sharon was when we were first together was perfect for me. She was my first true love, I was her first real experience.

Sometimes I sit and think, my fingertips absentmindedly rubbing the roughly half inch circles in my left side where someone far away sent rounds our direction, two of them finding me.

I would have lived an entirely different life, but for some things, there just is a lack of control.