A Love that Lasts Forever Ch. 14

"You're very welcome." Rusty said. "Looks like someones getting hungry." He nodded towards the pup.

"Yeah, my chest feels kind of heavy." Caleb blushed some. "Definitely time for a feeding."

"You can take him to the nursery if you want. You'll have more privacy and there's a comfy rocking chair you can use. Just try not to wake Shay."

"Thanks, I appreciate that. I'll be quiet." Caleb stood up and carefully carried Rhylan back to the nursery while Rusty busied himself cleaning up the kitchen. It wouldn't be long before Zev would be back and wanting dinner. He'd thought about asking Caleb to stay but then decided against it. Caleb had his own dinner to start and an alpha waiting for an answer. No way in hell was Rusty going to delay that conversation. He'd been waiting weeks for those two to get their heads out of their asses and smarten up. Finally it seemed his waiting was going to pay off.

***

Caleb had intended to go back to the house and speak to Quinton but as he stepped out of Rusty and Zev's apartment into the warm August air, he realized that there was one thing he needed to do first. He walked a ways down the foot path outside the apartment building, then stepped off the main road and into the grass, towards the forest. Twenty minutes later he had come to the small lake-which was actually more like a large pond-near the back of pack lands. The pond was enclosed within a small grove of trees and had a narrow, wooden, dock that reached about eight feet into the water.

This was only the second time that Caleb had ever been there, the first time being by pure accident when he'd run from Rhys' funeral and found himself collapsed on the grass next to the still water. That was the day that Quinton had found him there and explained how he and Rhys used to come to the very spot when they were children. Not many shifters visited the area anymore though since a prank by the brothers had convinced people that the place was haunted. That made Caleb laugh some. A bunch of werewolves scared of ghosts.

Still, despite the lack of visitors, the pond was maintained and there were even two fairly new looking picnic tables set up in the larger, more opened, grassy area. Caleb by passed the tables and walked to the dock, holding Rhylan close to his chest, he carefully sat down cross-legged then rested the pup in his lap. Rhylan gazed around, wide-eyed at the surrounding trees and beautiful landscape. The place really was beautiful. It would be a wonderful venue for a family picnic. Caleb smiled as he imagined himself, Quinton, and an older Rhylan spending the day there.

Rhylan could swim in the pond while the adults lounged on a blanket in the grass. Maybe Caleb would even teach him to fish, or Quinton. Caleb assumed Quinton could fish. Rhys could. Caleb had imagined such an outing with Rhys many times. He would be proud to know that Caleb hadn't given up on those dreams, only changed them a bit. And, maybe Rhys couldn't be there physically but Caleb knew he'd always be there in spirit, content to know that his family was safe, and happy. Caleb could almost feel his blessing washing over him.

That's why he'd come to the pond he supposed. For Rhys' blessing and well, maybe even to say good-bye. Shifters had no graveyards, no monuments to remember the dead. When the spirit was released from the body the body was burned and the soul sent to the moon lands. The ceremony was beautiful and the ritual heartfelt but it left Caleb with a sense of disconnection. The only link he had to Rhys now was the small bundle cooing happily in his lap.

Sitting on the dock now, looking out over the calm waters, made Caleb feel close to Rhys again. It was a place that had been special to him in his youth and so Caleb felt that a small piece of Rhys had been left behind. He could almost feel his presence there. In the cool breeze that blew past him, lifting his hair off his shoulders as Rhys had done so many times before. He felt close to him there. It was the perfect place to say his final farewells.

"I sense you near." Caleb spoke into the quiet air surrounding him. "We never really got a chance to say good-bye, not really. You were taken from me so quickly, so violently. I was angry with you for a long time. For telling me to run while you stayed behind. But I understand now that you were only trying to protect us. But still, I felt abandoned. You promised we'd be together forever then in a blink of an eye our forever was gone. I wasn't sure that I could go on without you. I wasn't sure I even wanted to. When I ran away from Silver Moon I had no plan, no destination in mind, and no way of knowing what my future would hold. I was lost, until you found me. Then you were gone and I was lost again."

Caleb wiped a tear away that had fallen down his cheek and he smiled wearily. His heart was full of so many things that had been left unspoken. Things he didn't have the courage to say before but now he allowed the words to flow freely, no longer frightened of the unknown. He had to embrace this new life, even if it meant letting go of the past.

"You were the first person that allowed me to be myself. I never had to worry about what you thought of me, never worried that you would judge me for my faults. You loved me for who I was. The scared little omega that I was. But I'm a different man now. I'm better and stronger. You taught me to be strong. You taught me how to love and how to allow myself be loved by another and for that I'll always be grateful. Before you came into my life Rhys, I never believed that I was worthy of someones love. With you though, I experienced something that I never dreamed was even possible, and I'll take that experience with me the rest of my life."

Caleb reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of notebook paper. He unfolded it slowly, holding it above Rhylan's tiny head as the pup reached up to grab at it, Caleb careful to keep it out of his reach. "I wrote this to you after the funeral." He explained. "I've kept it with me ever since. I didn't have anywhere to send it and it's personal, so I didn't want anyone else to find it. There are things in here that I've never said to you. I should have, but never got the chance. I always thought we'd have more time. Anyway, I won't read it all but the end is important."

He held the letter up, his eyes gazing over the words that he'd written in his grief. The memory of that moment flooded over him and he was once again overcome with the strong sense of longing for someone he would never see again. Taking in a deep breath, he composed himself a bit, fighting back his tears, and began to read.

"There's not a single day that passes when I don't think of you. The time we spent together, the love we shared. I try to keep those memories safe. I don't want to forget a single thing about you. Not the color of your eyes, or the way you made me laugh. Even the annoying little clicking sound your jaw made when you chewed your food. It's so hard living with this pain, knowing that you'll never see our son grow up, or hold me in your arms again. We fell in love before we really even got the chance to know each other. I just wish that we'd had more time together. Everyone says that I need to be strong and find a way to go on without you but I just don't see how I can do that.

It's difficult just dragging myself out of bed, getting dressed, and going about my day like nothing's wrong. I try to put on a fake smile and pretend like I'm okay but I'm not and I don't think I ever will be again. You left this earth but not my heart, so how can anyone expect me to just go on living without you. We had our entire lives ahead of us and now, now I'll never know what our life together could have been like. I'll miss your for the rest of my days. You were the love of my life."

Caleb folded the paper in half then brought it to his lips, gently kissing the page before leaning over and releasing the paper into the pond. He watched as the page floated on top for a moment before slowly sinking beneath the surface. "The last part of that letter will remain true forever." He said, almost in a whisper.

"But I know now that I have to move on. Rhys, I have to let you go. As hard as it is to do, I can't live in the past. I hope that you understand. I'll always love you but there's someone else that, against all odds, has somehow found his way into my heart. I can't ignore my feelings. Quinton is a good man. He has that in common with you. He'll be good to us and I promise to take care of him as well. We need each other.

I think maybe that's why we ended up here. Fate has a way of setting things in motion even if we don't understand why things happen the way they do, I think there's a reason. My friend Rusty made me realize that. It helps a little to believe that, I think. Still doesn't make it fair. But, at least, maybe you didn't die in vain. If Rusty is right, then we're right where we're supposed to be and maybe everything will be alright. I have to have hope. Without it, I have nothing."

Caleb picked Rhylan up and lay him against his chest, his tiny head cradled in Caleb's hand. He smiled at his son, the precious gift that he and Rhys had made together. Hugging the pup to him, Caleb tilted his head back, looking to the sky, tears blurred his vision but he went on. "I'll never forget you Rhys and I'll make sure that our son grows up knowing who his father was. Quinton will help him grow into a man that you can be proud of.

We'll be okay. I promise you that. So you don't need to worry. I know you'll always be looking down on us from the moon lands. I know you'll watch Rhylan grow and you'll protect us. We'll see each other again some day. Of that I'm sure but for now, this has to be good-bye. It's the one thing I never got to say, not really. The words I spoke at your funeral were just words. Things I was told to say, expected to say, but they were just words.

In my heart I wasn't ready to accept that you were gone. I couldn't accept that it was real and I kept waiting to wake up, realizing it was all a nightmare. I kept thinking I'd see you walk through the front door of Quinton's home and I'd run into your arms and everything would be alright because you weren't really gone. I held onto that dream because it's all I had. Facing reality was just too painful. But I'm ready now.

It still hurts but I know that pain will fade with time besides, I have so many wonderful memories of you to hold onto. Those memories keep me going. As long as I have that, you'll never really be gone because you'll forever live inside my heart and that has to be enough. So, good-bye Rhys, my love. Be at peace, hunt well, and let your spirit soar."

Caleb looked down again and saw Rhylan's wide eyes staring up at him in wonder. The pup reached a hand up and touched Caleb's face as if to wipe the tears away that had fallen from his eyes. "It'll be okay, baby boy." Caleb whispered to the pup. "Daddy's going to be okay now."

He sat there for a long while, holding his pup and just looking out over the water. Birds chirped nearby in the trees and the wind stirred the branches. A small ripple caressed the still waters and a quiet hush had fallen over the area. Caleb closed his eyes and let the sun wash his face. Nature was beautiful and so serene. It was a shame that more people didn't take advantage of the pond and surrounding woods. It would be a great place for a family gathering.

Just as he was imagining countless children running, laughing, and splashing each other in play, Caleb was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps on the dock behind him.

"I thought I'd find you here." Caleb recognized the deep baritone voice at once. Caleb turned to see Quinton striding towards him. "I saw Zev at Stan's shop and he said you were at the apartment with Rusty. I went to check on you and Rusty said you'd left a while ago, so I figured you'd be here."

"You're intuition was spot on." Caleb smiled. "I feel close to Rhys here." He added.

Quinton crouched down beside him. "I do too." He said, looking out over the water. "He did love this place."

"I can see why." Caleb remarked, "It's beautiful."

They stayed there, watching the water in silence for a bit then Caleb looked up at Quinton, a mournful look on his face. "I never really had the chance to say good-bye." He told him. "He was gone before I knew it and with everything going on, I didn't really get the chance to mourn properly."

Quinton nodded. "I know. I see it in your face everyday. You try so hard to keep moving forward but your heart is rooted in the past."

"That's why I had to come here." Caleb explained. "I had to say good-bye, but on my terms, in my own way. I needed this. I needed closure."

"Maybe we both do." Quinton stood, stuffing his hands into his pants pockets. "We both loved Rhys in our own way. That will never change. I know that he'll always be a part of you, just as he will always be a part of me. After our parents died I threw myself into being the pack Alpha and looking after Rhys. When Rhys died, I did the same. I wanted revenge, then justice, then it was all about duty and responsibility but I never actually took the time to stop and grieve the loss of my brother. I always thought if I built this wall around my heart it wouldn't hurt as much but I was wrong. It still hurts. It hurts a lot."

"Sometimes it feels like you're numb to everything but the pain."

"Exactly." Quinton looked down, watching Caleb closely. He stood in awe at how much care Caleb took with the pup. Just one more reason for him to fall in love with the young omega. "After mom died my father kept drilling in my head that I needed to just get over it. He was a hard man but I think it hurt him too much to think about her. He never did deal with her death, I think that's eventually what killed him. He drilled it into my head so much though that I started to hide my true feelings. I didn't want to seem weak but I know now that mourning the death of a loved one isn't weak. The fact that you can survive such a loss just proved how strong you really are."

"Even if I can never get over it?" Caleb asked.

Quinton held out a hand to Caleb that Caleb accepted at once. Quinton pulled him to his feet and looked deep into the omega's eyes. "Caleb, you'll never get over it. You'll never stop grieving. But, you will learn to live with it. In time, you'll start to heal, and you'll begin to live your life again. The pain will never really be gone, but it will get better. You'll be better. You'll endure. Through the good days and the bad, you'll endure."

"You really believe that?" Caleb asked.

Quinton nodded, giving Caleb a soft smile. "I know it." He placed his hand against Caleb back and drew him close. "Are you ready to go home now? It's getting late and you should get that pup indoors."

Caleb nodded. "I'm ready." He told Quinton. "I've said all I came here to say."

"Good." With his arm wrapped securely around Caleb, Quinton walked with him, side by side, away from the pond and back towards town.

***

Caleb had made a simple meal of beef and vegetable stew with store bought rolls. It wasn't hard. He'd already had the veggies chopped and waiting in the fridge. He'd stopped to feed Rhylan while the stew simmered on the stove. Quinton had to stop back in his office to sign off on some vouchers for the supplies that Zev had ordered but after that he was done for the day and so returned home just as Caleb had taken the rolls out of the oven.

Quinton was getting used to the smell of home cooked meals when he entered the house. It was a sensation that he hoped would never end. He still wasn't sure where Caleb stood as far as their mating was concerned because they hadn't spoken of it on the walk back to the house. Quinton figured that Caleb needed more time and he was prepared to give him as much time as he wanted. Just having him there, knowing he would see his beautiful face when he arrived home each day was enough...for now.

They'd sat down to eat minutes later and talked of the normal goings on in day to day pack life. Quinton told Caleb of the plans for three new houses going up. Zev had put in for one of them, deciding that he and Rusty needed the extra space. They loved their pup, Shay, but didn't plan to stop at just one. Caleb was glad to hear that. Zev and Rusty both were wonder parents and they deserved a large and happy family.

After the meal was done and Caleb had cleared the table, he'd changed Rhylan then laid him down for a nap. It was still early enough that the pup wouldn't be down for the night but Caleb knew he had at least two or three hours before the pup would wake wanting another feeding. He took the opportunity to start on the dishes and clean up the kitchen a little.

"I think I should invest in a dishwasher." Quinton laughed as he stepped up to the sink beside Caleb. He picked up a dish towel then picked up one of the plates Caleb had just washed. "You wash, I'll dry."

"Deal." Caleb smiled up at him, picking up a second plate and beginning to wash it. With just the two them there weren't that many dishes to wash so it took them no time at all to finish up. Caleb drained the sink then began to wipe the counter down but Quinton reached out, gently taking the rag from his hand and tossing it back into the now empty sink.

"That can wait." Quinton told him. "I think we should talk."

"Okay."

"Let's go sit down." Quinton went to the living room and Caleb followed. Caleb sat on the couch and Quinton sat beside him.

Once they were both seated, Caleb looked up at Quinton, waiting for him to begin though Caleb already had a good idea of what this conversation was going to be about. Quinton wanted an answer.

"I know I made some pretty startling claims today." Quinton began. 'The timing probably wasn't great but they were things I felt were important to say, especially with the end of our trial period looming in the near future. I know we have a bit of time left before that but when the times comes, I think we need to have a clear plan set."

"A plan?"

Quinton nodded. "I didn't give you a lot of choice to begin with but I'm going to fix that now. How we proceed from here on out is going to be up to you. I just need to know what you want."

"It isn't all about me." Caleb told him. "Your input is just as important as mine. How do you want to go forward?"

Quinton chuckled some. "I think you already know the answer to that. I want you. I want you as my mate, as my partner in all things. I want you to stay with me but I also want you to be happy. I don't want you agreeing to anything because you think you have an obligation to me. You're free to make your own choices here."

Caleb thought about what Quinton was offering him. Stay with Quinton and be his mate, his real mate, or take Rhylan and live on his own. He would still be a part of Black River of course, he just wouldn't be someones mate. Caleb realized that what he'd told Rusty earlier was true, he didn't want to be alone. Not when being with Quinton felt so good and so right. He did know what he wanted and he was ready to take it but there were other things that he wanted as well. He just hoped that Quinton was amenable to them.

"I want a job." Caleb blurted out suddenly. "That's something I could never have in Silver Moon but seeing how things are here in Black River, I don't think I would feel comfortable not pulling my own weight. And, I want a job that's suitable to an omega. I want to help people. Maybe part time until Rhylan is older but I definitely want to help out where and when I can. Is that something you can agree to?"

Quinton blinked. When he asked Caleb what he wanted he hadn't expected that answer but it wasn't something that he'd object to. "Of course." Quinton told him. "We can talk to Darcy tomorrow. Tell her the kinds of things you're interested in and she can see if there are any positions available. It may take a while to find the right fit but it's not a problem, if that's what you really want."