A Positive

Our son Tony was at the table doing his science homework, while my wife Gina and I set the table. Tony was a big boy for his age already over six foot. Both Gina and my family were of southern Italian breeding. Any family member rare enough to get near 5 foot 9 was automatically called "Goliath".

"Who did I get my height from?" Tony asked. His science book was on open to a chapter about genetics.

"The Mailman." I said -ducking a napkin Gina tossed at me. She was still her scrubs from the hospital.

Tony looked confused. "Mrs. Wilson the old lady who delivers the mail? Why would her height matter?"

"Sorry son- I meant Juan the buff pool boy." I joked as Gina playfully launched a spoon in my direction.

"What Pool boy?" Tony questioned. "We don't have a pool boy, you make me and sis clean the pool all the time."

"Must be the Milkman." I countered as Gina looked around for something else to toss.

"What is a Milkman?" Tony asked.

Gina came around the table swatting at me good-naturedly while speaking. "Tony ignore your Dad he is trying out his warped sense of humor again. Now go fetch your younger brother and sister for dinner."

We watched our son Tony ran up the stairs. Gina picked the spoon up off the floor and held it menacingly in front of me. "And you Nick-any more talk like that and I am going to carve out your funny bone with this dull spoon."

I gave my wife Gina a kiss, patting her butt as I passed her. Gina backhanded me playfully.

"Later Nick- later." Gina said to me with an impish gleam in her eye.

++++++++

The next day I was sitting in my little office off the bakery. I had begun baking cakes in "odd" shapes in my parents' kitchen after I had gotten out of the service to help offset college expenses. It turned out people liked my quirky cake designs. It expanded so quickly I had to build a small building in the adjacent lot to satisfy the health department and get professional equipment. "NICK's" as my business was called, had over the past dual decades provided my wife Gina, our family and I a good living -plus a chance to be involved daily in my two boys and daughter's life -as I could make my own hours and accept jobs as needed.

My best friend and family attorney Bruce was with me as we were going over contracts. Bruce was tall, with flowing hair, deep blue eyes, complete with long eyelashes that ladies swooned over. But swooning was all the females could do as Bruce was 110% gay. Bruce and I had been friends since the days we had roomed at college. In those days no one would room with Bruce when he had come out of the closet. Unlike most of my homo-phobic counterparts -I had a different take on the whole "gay" thing back then. I figured the more good looking men in the gay movement, the better (for me) -as it was less competition for the babes. I felt the gay movement was increasing the odds for average looking straight men (again like me) to get girls. Also having a gay guy like Bruce as your wingman was a "babe magnet". Being pals with a gay guy lowered most ladies natural suspicions and also gave the straight guy automatic "Sensitive and caring" points, (even if I did not deserve them) as well as labeling you as secure in your masculinity. I had gotten laid by a lot of coeds with Bruce's help, until Bruce had introduced Gina my wife and I over 18 years ago.

Gina, a Nurse Manager, was still in her scrubs when she came into my small office in the bakery. She and Bruce were good friends. I figured Gina had checked via the intercom from the house to make sure I was not with a customer.

Gina greeted Bruce warmly, and then she tossed an official looking letter with an envelope into my lap. "Nick this is not funny!"

I could tell she was a little annoyed with me by the tone in her voice. Gina claimed I had a weird sense of humor, but she was a good sport putting up with most of my pranks and antics.

I read the letter while Gina and Bruce chatted away. The letter was from a phony law firm -full of legalize. The gist of the letter was that an unnamed "Jon Doe" was claiming paternity of my oldest son Tony. This Jon Doe wished full privileges and claims due a parent, etc.

This did give me a chuckle and I told as much to Gina. "Can't take credit for this one Gina. But for the record --I do think it is a little bit funny --but I did not send it. Must have been one of your co-workers at the hospital, playing a practical joke on you."

Gina was not amused. "When I find the moron who wrote this, I am going to kick their butt so hard they are going to need Doc Weber in proctology to get my shoe out of their colon!"

Bruce had picked up the letter, reading it while I pulled Gina into my lap for a quick kiss.

"Hold on a sec you two." Bruce murmured. "This may not be a joke- I think it is for real-well a real scam anyway."

"WHAT!" both Gina and I said at the same time turning toward Bruce.

"Yea I think it is one of these "Baby Greenmail" letter cons I heard about at the legal conference last year." Bruce was looking at the return address on the envelope.

"Bruce you mean that Hawaii trip with cocktail parties you write off as business trips each year."

"Well Nick all work and no play make Bruce a dull .."

Gina interrupted Bruce. "Try to stay on topic you guys. Bruce what the hell are you talking about Baby Greenmail?"

Bruce settled back in his chair before speaking. "Has your son Tony applied for any financial aid, school funds, state or government permits recently?"

"Yes last month Tony got his driving license. Restricted-he still has to drive with Nick or I."

"OK that explains some of it." Bruce continued. "This is a scam that started on the coast a few years ago. Our state makes available driver license information to the public. You know stuff like age, addresses, etc. Several marketing firms take this info, selling it in packages by age, sex, zip codes, blah, blah, blah, to various advertisers-a data mining kind of thing. How it works is some sleazy law firm gets stats on young drivers and sends out this letter asserting to have a client claiming paternity of the child. They hope you will pay to make this go away."

"What bullshit." I broke in.

"Ninety-five percent of the people getting this correspondence, ignore the letter, or have their lawyer write a response. Nothing is ever heard about it again." Bruce waved the letter in his hand. "Nevertheless popular thinking is that 2-3% of married men are unknowingly raising children not their own. That means a small percentage of wives not wanting their husbands to know the truth, or maybe the mother is unsure of who the real father is, even perhaps both parents know --but wish to hide the information from their child -contact the law firm sending this letter. A monetary settlement is worked out, papers signed and the matter goes away quietly."

"That is Blackmail, extortion" Gina said.

Bruce went into attorney lecture mode. "Blackmail was originally a form of tribute paid in English times in return for immunity from raids. Blackmail was paid in goods or services, Whitemail was paid in silver. Todays version Greenmail, is of course dollars. But to your question Gina-yes some would call it a form of subtle extortion. However depending on the payout, it is not a bad return on investment for sending out a couple of hundred letters."

"It sounds illegal." I commented. "How many people fall for this thing?"

"The allegations never go to court, or are filed, so no one is sure how widespread it is. The mother or parents are not going to go public. All parties sign a non-disclosure agreement so no records are available. Worst case the law firm can always point that they have been following a client's wishes, and nothing illegal about sending a letter. Maybe slander, but that is difficult and costly to prove in court."

Gina was shaking her head. "No wonder everyone hates lawyers."

"My mother still loves me." Bruce grinned, than got serious. "Now Gina I need to ask -so do not bite my head off. Any chance, no matter how remote, that this accusation has any validity?"

My wife Gina let loose with a string of words I know she never learned in catholic school.

"Whoa Gina settle down." I pulled Gina tighter on my lap, laughing at her. "You still need to kiss our children with that mouth."

Gina drew a breath before speaking. "Sorry guys. Bruce let me put it this way. You have a better chance of being Tony's father than that a-hole Jon Doe." Gina gave me a kiss. "I have never been with any man but Nick here since the day you set us up."

Bruce put the letter in his briefcase. "You two don't worry I'll send a reply to make this go away." With that Bruce got up, shook my hand, gave Gina a peck on the cheek then departed.

+++++++++

The two weeks later on a Friday, I came into the house after dropping the kids off at a CYO weekend retreat. I was looking forward to a little "Momma and Me" time without the kids. I found Gina sitting at the kitchen table, with a bunch of papers in a folder from her hospital in front of her. A glass of wine was in Gina's hand, with the bottle half empty next to her. This was very odd; Gina drank a glass of wine at the occasional dinner out-but she rarely drank at home. Even at our wedding Gina never finished her glass of champagne.

"Nick, sit please." Gina was somber as she motioned to the chair across from her. "We may have an issue."

My heart froze as I thought something was wrong with her. I reached for Gina's hand as I sat down. "Gina, are you OK? We will get thru this-understand?"

Gina smiled weakly at me before she began talking. "Nick I have blood type O like a majority of the population, and I always recalled you as having blood type A -like a third of people." Gina took a sip of her wine. "Turns out I was wrong, we are both blood type O."

"OK..." I said trying not to rush Gina, but wishing her to get to the point.

"Nick, I had our son Tony tested and he is blood type "A". Actually "A Positive".

"So..." I urged her on.

"Nick two people with type O blood like us cannot create a blood type A, like Tony."

I released Gina's hand from across the table.

Gina started talking faster. "In certain types of autoimmune disease conditions a blood type can change."

I started to panic. "Gina is something wrong with our son Tony?"

Gina relaxed a little. "No Tony is fine, I had a full work-up done on his blood. I do have a little pull after all these years at the hospital."

That was true, Gina was a Nurse manager for over a decade at the hospital. Nurse Managers were like the Sargent Major in the military, they ran the day to day operations of a hospital. Chief Executives may come and go, but Nurse Managers got things done.

I did not like where this conversation was heading as Gina took another sip of wine from her glass.

"Nick my worst fear was maybe Tony had been switched at birth like that Kimberly Mays girl back in the late 1970s."

I swear to God my heart stopped.

Gina pushed some papers across the table at me. "These are DNA tests I had done."

I grabbed at the papers and frantically scanned them for information.

"Nick, it's Fine." Gina said. "The DNA tests are positive. Tony is my son."

"Thank God." I put the DNA papers down. "The thought of..." I stopped in mid-sentence as my brain caught up with Gina's words.

"Gina you just said DNA proved Tony was YOUR son." I looked her in the eye "You did not say the DNA proved Tony is OUR son."

Now Gina became a bit panicky as she grabbed my one hand, pushing another set of papers toward me. "Nick I never cheated on you! I was never with another man ever! Look --Look at these papers!"

This set of papers had some security firms on the cover. There were two sets.

"Nick those are polygraph tests from two different agencies. The same firm the state troopers use and a different group that is employed by the Metro Police. You can see right there-circled in red-the results. I was never unfaithful."

I looked at the last page of each report that Gina had marked. Both reports claimed that Gina appeared truthful answering all questions relating to sex with any other men. I was her one and only after we had met.

I put down the papers staring at Gina.

Gina had a feverish look in her face. "Nick there has to be some logical explanation for this.."

I cut her off. "Let me see Gina what we have in front of us." I paused as if to think." On one hand it could be that young Tony is the result of an alien probe that had you impregnated-then erased your memory. But since Tony does not look like ET or like Reese Pieces we can safely discount that theory."

"Nick please..."

I kept on going. "Hey Gina I know." Snapping my fingers. "Tony is really the second coming of Christ. The first Coming of Jesus had a virgin birth-but well-this would be a close second." I pointed at her wine bottle. "Did you have Tony turn this bottle of wine from water before he left today? Maybe we can have Tony step up his game. Multiply some fish and loaves of bread. Sure would help out with the food bills."

"Nick your sarcasm is not helping." Gina was trying not to cry.

I ignored her. "Now Gina I have a wild thought. Maybe-just maybe-and I might be reaching here- the real reason Tony does not match my DNA or blood type is." I looked at Gina and raised my voice. "Nine months before Tony was born you FUCKED some guy!"

Gina looked stunned. I had never raised my voice to her in all our time together. "Gina are ANY of the kids mine!"

"Nick how can you even ask such a question!" Gina replied her voice starting to break.

"How can I NOT ask such a question!" I tried not to shout.

"DNA results say only Tony is...is in doubt." Gina replied meekly.

I ran my hand thru my hair. "OK Gina total truth time. You get one time pass and we can work this out. Who did you fuck around on me with? I want the whole story-who, when, where, why and how long have I been getting horns hung on me."

Gina eyes started to tear up. "Look at the polygraph report Nick. I never cheated on you!"

"God damn Gina that polygraph stuff is bullshit. No court in the land will even accept polygraph tests as evidence. Gary Ridgeway the Green River killer passed a polygraph test with flying colors before DNA nailed his ass. Now who is it?"

Gina was now sobbing and shaking her head.

"What's the problem Gina-did you fuck so many guys you cannot figure out who be it could be? You still screwing them now? What!"

Gina jumped up and yelled at me. "THERE WAS NEVER ANYONE BUT YOU NICK! I DON"T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS! IT'S A NIGHTMARE!" She sat down with her hands in her head crying.

I felt like all the blood had vacated my body. "Gina it would be best if you left now."

"You.. you can't throw me out of our house." Gina sobbed, looking up at me in surprise.

"See Gina that is where you are mistaken." I pushed away from the table. "Just as I mistakenly thought Tony was OUR son, -and was wrong. You mistakenly thought this was OUR house-and you are wrong. Mom and Dad gave this place to me long before you came on the scene to fuck around on me. Take the mattress, you can put it on your back to save time."

Gina tried to gain her composure. "Nick please ..we need to work this out. Find out how..what happened."

I got up from my chair, I could not take her denials any more. "I'll be gone for 2 hours. I ask you not be here when I return."

Gina tried to reach out to me from her seat. "Nick..How..what do we tell our children?"

"OUR children?" I tried not to shout. "How about this-Kids your Mom is a cheating Slut." I fished the car keys out of my pocket and walked out the door.

++++++++

The next day I called my friend and attorney Bruce. I explained what happen at last night's discussion with Gina, the DNA results, polygraph tests and outcome.

"Nick I am so sorry." Bruce started. "Gina is the last person in the world I thought would screw around now or back then. I mean I really cannot believe it-are you absolutely sure?"

"DNA test are 99.9% sure. So what do you think?"

"Nick it is ...weird. If Gina cheated why would she tell you after all this time?"

"Hell Bruce the Guilty Dog Barks First. I don't know -maybe Gina wanted to get in front of it because of this Baby Greenmail bullshit."

Bruce let out a deep breath. "This could explain why that lawyer was not scared off by my counter letter, or threat of legal action. He keeps pushing for a meeting. They smell blood in the water, must be looking for a payday. What do you want me to do?"

"Damn Bruce I want you to make this go away." I said.

"Look Nick we will admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations. Remember it isn't what they know, all that matters is what they can prove in court. So far they have not filed anything. So it looks like they just want money. A simple straight up negotiation deal. It would help a lot if Gina could tell me something about this John Doe and their...ah..relationship." I heard Bruce pause before he went on. "Did she say anything..um..useful to you?"

I shifted the phone to my other ear and checked the kids were not around. "Hell Bruce --Gina is still claiming there was no relationship, no sex, nada. She is going for the modified Immaculate Conception defense. I am not sure how stupid Gina thinks I am. I was born at night-but not last night."

There was a pause before Bruce started talking again. "Nick let me talk to Gina, maybe I can get something from her. However no matter what -I will need you and Gina to present a united front at this meeting, the happy couple. Any chance you two can work past this? Marriage therapy? I don't know-maybe you get a free weekend in Vegas-no questions asked. Tit for tat, an eye for eye kind of thing?"

"Bruce two wrongs don't make a right. An eye for an eye just makes the whole world blind. Besides to get even I would need to knock up some babe, then reappear after 16 years- not in my long or short term plans. Hell I am not sure if Gina is still screwing around on me or not. For all I know she has her head in more guys laps then a napkin."

"Nick you have known Gina close to 18 years, married for over 17 years. What about this Christian forgiveness you always hear about in that church you go to every Sunday?" Bruce questioned.

"Forgiveness! Hell Bruce --Gina is still claiming nothing happened. I got 12 years of catholic school under my belt, last time something like this occurred a manger and stable were involved plus three wise men came bearing gifts." I was getting angry. "No stable or manger at Tony's birth, all I got was a bill from the hospital. If Gina keeps sticking to this lie, what else or who else has Gina's lying ass been screwing and for how long!"

"Now Nick." Bruce tried to calm me down. "What Would Jesus Do?"

"What would Tony Soprano Do!" I shot back.

Bruce gave up. "Fine Nick, I'll let you and Gina know about the time for this meeting."

"Bruce you will need to contact Gina yourself, me and the lying virgin aren't talking."

"Nick you are one stubborn dago." Bruce uttered before he hung up.

++++++

I tried to keep my chair from touching Gina's chair in Bruce's conference room. Gina looked worse for the wear and tried to talk to me when we were alone while Bruce fetched the other lawyer from the lobby.

"Don't say anything Gina." I cut her off. "Unless you want to tell me the truth."

"Nick you must believe.." Gina began again, but stopped when Bruce followed by his paralegal and a young man with slicked back hair, complete with shiny suit, white shirt and red power tie walked into the room. Bruce and his paralegal sat on our side of the table. "Slick" was across the table on the other side.

Bruce did not even bother with introductions. "You requested this meeting." Bruce addressed "Slick" in a condescending tone. "What do you want?"