A Question of Love Ch. 01

This was seriously stupid. I couldn't believe I let my kids talk me into this. I mean yeah, I always wanted to bring my wife and try this, skiing I mean. It was one of those things on the to-do list that we dreamed up when we were raising our kids. Back when they were too small and we didn't have the money we needed to provide everything we wanted to for them, let along take long vacations with just the two of us.

Once they were all out on their own we finally started working on that list. Our first vacation was the cruise to Alaska. Our second big trip was scuba diving in the Caribbean. This was supposed to be our third, three years ago, before that fucking shit head bastard drunk driver took her from me. We were really starting to get reconnected with the closeness and intimacy we shared when we were newlyweds. Not the same way, but in a much more mature and gently passionate way, but connected every bit as much. We were looking towards retirement and growing old together. We had just started working down the long list of things the two of us had dreamt up together, some of which would be much more fun before we got too old to enjoy them. Then, in a flash it was all gone!

The last three years had been difficult. Being in the fire service and working my way from firefighter to a station chief had presented me with views of all manner of death. I'd held people dying in my arms, carried small children, both alive and dead, from burning buildings and pried countless bodies from mangled wrecks. None of this prepared me for rolling up on the scene of an accident, only to recognize my wife's mangled car under the demolished delivery truck the drunk was driving. I held my wife's hand, the only thing I could reach through the twisted steel coffin as she took her last breath. My ears will always echo with her last words to me. "I love you. Keep living my love."

It was almost more than I could take. I nearly quit the service, only coming back after much professional counseling and months of leave. Now, three years later, at the urging of my shrink and my kids, here I was trying not to fall down with wooden boards strapped to my feet.

"Ohhhhh shit!" I cried to no one in particular as I lost control again, having made only half a dozen what the instructor had called "cut backs" before I dug a tip into the soft white snow and went careening head over heels into the hillside yet again. I took a deep breath, picked myself up, brushed the cold grainy snow from my face and prepared to try again, wondering when this was supposed to start being fun.

It wasn't that I wasn't sort of having fun, but I couldn't help but feel like this would be so much more fun if I wasn't alone. And by wasn't alone, I meant with Grace. She would have loved the view! The white powder glistening in the sunlight, the contrast between the green and blue-green pines that lined the slopes against the stark white of the snow. You could almost see where the light breeze blew, tiny sifting streamers of snow running across the slope sideways before the breeze. Yeah, it was something she would have loved. I adjusted my stocking cap, darkened goggles and my weather proof gloves and started again, keeping my speed down, gently shifting my weight as the instructor earlier in the morning had taught the class of beginners, including me, digging in my pole to pivot my weight.

Back and forth I rocked my skis, one, two, three, four long almost graceful swooshes, the sound of the slightly grainy snow making a soft but audible hissing sound as the skis dug in with each turn. 'I'm getting the hang of this!' I thought to myself as I continued swooshing back and forth, my speed slowly increasing as gravity did what gravity does. Eight, nine, ten, eleven times. "Yeah cool!" I said out loud as I felt a little exhilaration and feeling of accomplishment. I could feel the wind in my face as my speed increased, my knees bent and my legs together as the instructor showed us. Yeah I could almost see why people paid a lot of money to do this.

This was the longest I'd managed to go so far, except of course for what they called snow plowing down the bunny hill that morning. "Eighteen, nineteen...OH SHIT!" I shouted as I got over confident and let my ski tips cross, launching me head over heels, this time collecting a small group of skiers that just happened to not see me turn into some demented tumbleweed of black nylon and expensive sticks.

"I'm sorry!" I said from underneath the woman skier that had landed on top of me. I say her because no self-respecting guy would be caught dead in a bright pink ski suit with fur trim and an equally bright pink stocking cap. I reached for her waist and started to lift her back towards her feet as I lay on the snow under her, thinking it was the best way to untangle the two of us. I had her almost to her feet, or skis as it were, my snow covered nylon gloves slipped on the snow covered nylon ski suit she wore. I did my best to find another grip as my hands slid along the slick material, searching for another hand hold as her face fell back towards mine with surprising speed. I braced for her body and goggle and scarf covered face to land on me when her fall was arrested.

"Oh damn! I'm sorry," I apologized again, as she looked down at me from only a foot or so from my face, both hands cupping the large, round soft protrusions on her chest, supporting her above me. I lay there trying to decide if I should move my hands and let her fall the rest of the way down onto me or to continue cupping her big soft tits to help her back up.

"You know," she said as she kicked her feet loose from her skis and pulled her knees under her. She carefully placed a hand on either side of me and pushed herself up onto all fours over me, her ass resting on my lap, giving me a chance to let go of her tits. "You could have just asked my name!" she said with a hint of a giggle in her voice.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to..." I stammered nervously as she pushed herself up to a standing position and then held a hand out for me.

"It's okay. Accidents happen," she said as she helped me to my feet. "I've had a lot of guys try to get my attention, but I have to say, this was the most interesting way!" she said, smiling at me before pulling her scarf back up over her exposed face. She stepped into her skis, snapping her feet into the bindings and then turned herself downhill again. She looked back at me and gave me a little a wave, before pushing off and heading down hill to catch up with the rest of her small group that was clearly waiting just a little way below us.

I stood there, one ski on and one off, wondering what kind of an idiot she thought I had to be. I finally pushed my foot back into my other ski and then shook my head at my own stupidity for doing this.

It took me nearly half an hour and several more spills to finally make it to the bottom of the slope. I skated myself into the lift line and apprehensively made my way with the other skiers to the lift chairs, watching how the people in front of me moved quickly onto the launch pad and then let the chair just scoop them up as it came by.

We'd been taught by the instructor how to do this, and to always expect others to be on the lift as well. I knew someone was moving up next to me as the chair swiveled around the wheel, but I paid little attention as I looked around behind me as the chair was sweeping around the wheel and heading for me. I bent my knees and dropped into the seat as gracefully as I could, the continually moving seat continuing on either with or without me. Fortunately, it was with me. I was already ten feet in the air above the snow below when I realized I was sitting next to a somewhat familiar bright pink ski suit.

"Well, hello again!" the blonde haired woman sitting next to me said as she pulled the safety bar down over the two of us.

"Oh. Hi!" I said startled.

"So I take it this is your first time skiing?"

"Shows huh? I should have stuck to something I'm good at, like ATV's or something."

"Oh. Nonsense. It's always fun to try new things," she said with a smile.

"Well, I'm sure your day wasn't planned around being knocked over by a newbie."

"It wouldn't be the first time. Though I have to admit, your attempt to help me up did have a unique style!" she said with a soft laugh.

"Oh Lord. I'm so sorry about that. I didn't mean to...My hands just slipped... oh shit," I said, blushing in embarrassment.

"Well, if I wondered if you did it on purpose or not, now I know you didn't. And before you ask, yes I cut in line to get the same chair as you. My name is Linda. What's yours?"

"Gene," I answered her. "So why the same chair?"

"Well, to meet you of course Gene!" she said. "You got my curiosity up. So, obviously this is your first time. What brings you out here?"

"Long story," I answered.

"Ahhh. Don't want to say. That's fine," she said, looking up the hill and giving a little shrug. "Perfect day for skiing. Almost no wind, plenty of fresh powder. Couldn't ask for a nicer day. Looks like you're out here alone though."

"Yeah. I'm starting to think that this was a silly idea."

"What was?"

"Coming up here."

"Why's that?" she asked, turning to look at me, though I couldn't see much more than her mouth and nose, her eyes and the rest of her face were blocked by the yellow tinted goggles.

"They thought it would help me heal. So far, it's just hurt in a whole lot of places," I answered.

"Heal from what? Accident?"

"Not mine," I answered.

"Ohhhh. Someone close? Girlfriend? Ohhhh no. Wife." I just nodded in answer. "So this was something you two planned on trying?"

"Something like that."

"How long?"

"Three years," I answered her.

"Oh. I see, I'm sorry. But I actually meant how long you are up here for?"

"Ahh. Sorry. Just one more day after today."

"Well. Maybe I'll see you around again," she said, lifting the safety bar and pushing it over our heads. "Keep your ski tips up or you'll face plant!" she said as the chair quickly moved towards the offload ramp.

"Thanks!" I said as she let the chair gracefully launch her off ahead of me with ease that I couldn't even hope to match. I awkwardly dropped off the seat to my skis and slid slowly off the ramp to the top of the hill and put my wrists back into the straps of my poles. Her two friends having slid off the ramp behind me, met up with her and skied off down the hill again as a group.

"Yep. Bad idea. Well, here goes again Grace!" I said to my wife as I let gravity take hold and start pulling me down the hill. "This would have been a lot more fun with you here."

Forty-five minutes later and not less than six spills, I pushed the release on my bindings and stacked my skis in the rack outside the lodge. I was cold, wet and getting sore and stiff. I peeled off my long one-piece nylon and down ski suit, hung it on a hook on the rack and then got a free hot cocoa from the counter. I wandered to a large curved stone bench in front of an open fire pit and sat down with the steaming cup of liquid, feeling the heat from the fire warmed stone start to soak up into me through my cold wet butt. I shook my head at myself and sipped my cocoa, wondering why I had let myself be talked into this.

"So. This is your rescuer?" I heard a man's voice from behind me. I turned to see two women and a man standing behind me.

"Yep. If I'm not mistaken, it is Gene, right?" the blonde woman in the group asked. She was willowy slender, wearing skintight yoga pants that hugged her legs and ass nicely, her upper half hidden by a large bulky turtleneck sweater, but even through the sweater I could tell that she had a fairly large chest. I guessed that she was much younger than I was, maybe in her mid-thirties at most. I stared at her dumbly, her smile radiating warmth and friendship, and her bright blue eyes looking like you could get lost in them for a week, which at that moment I seemed to be doing.

"This is Larry, and his wife Madison," Linda said as she stepped next to me. "Mind if we sit with you?" she added, settling down on the stone without waiting for a reply, since I was obviously too tongue-tied to invite her.

"Uh. No. It's fine. I was just trying to dry out a little," I finally managed to croak out as they sat down, Larry and Madison to the left side of me on the curved rock bench and Linda on my right, leaving a comfortable distance between us. Both women were definitely in their early to mid-thirties and both serious lookers, by anyone's standards. Madison was a brunette with soft green eyes and, like Linda, well-endowed in the chest, though slightly less so. If I had to guess, and it was hard under multiple layers of clothes, Madison was at least a thirty-two C or bigger.

Larry was, well different. He was more rugged and less refined than the ladies. He was certainly strong and muscular and I doubted that I'd want to take him on in a dark alley. If I had to guess, I'd say he was a construction worker or something similar.

"You do look a bit soggy," Linda said, drawing my attention back to her and breaking the train of thought that was running around like a wild little kid in my head.

"Yeah. I got more than a little snow down my suit on that last face plant." I said, shaking my head. "Graceful doesn't belong in my vocabulary."

"Oh. It takes time. No worries, you'll get the hang of it," Linda said as she held a steaming cup of cocoa in front of her and leaned towards the heat of the fireplace.

"Uh huh. Or end up with something broken."

"So, Gene. Where you from?" Larry asked.

"St Louis. You?"

"Well, my wife and I are from Manhattan," he answered before sipping his cup of coffee.

"Big city. What do you do there?" I asked.

"Fashion business," he said with a shrug.

I looked at him closer. They were far younger than my fifty-two years, but I wouldn't have ever placed him in the fashion industry. That was populated in my very small experience, by what I would call the very gayest of guys. He definitely didn't fit the type.

"How about you?" Madison asked quietly. "What do you do? Besides knocking sexy women in the snow I mean."

"Fire service," I answered, blushing again at her reference to my earlier tangle with Linda.

"Oh?" Madison asked in surprise. "Running into burning buildings and stuff?"

"Not as much as I used to. I'm a station chief."

"Ahhhhhh. I see. Someone has to keep the paperwork flowing."

"Something like that. I still work calls, but instead of doing much training or maintenance, I spend my time in the station pushing papers."

"I bet it's exciting work though. I don't think I could run into a burning building," Linda said quietly. "Seems like it'd take a brave man to do that job."

"I don't think of it that way. It's just what I do. Someone needs help, I help. Nothing special," I answered with a shrug.

"Modest too. Cute," Madison said with a charming smile. "So you're up here all alone?"

"Madison!" Linda snapped quietly, looking past me at her friend.

"What?" Madison asked in surprise.

"Linda is trying to warn you off that I'm here alone because my wife isn't alive any longer," I answered for her. "It's okay. It's been three years. I'm starting to get used to being asked about it."

"Well, I noticed you had on a wedding ring, so I just wondered," Madison said quietly.

"Yeah. Never could bring myself to take it off," I said with a shrug.

"Well, it's a good way to keep single women from chasing you," Linda said with a chuckle. "If I'd have seen it on the slopes I probably wouldn't be sitting here now."

"That's the same thing my shrink says," I said looking down at my hand and the silver band on it, completely missing her comment.

"You're seeing a psychiatrist?" Madison asked.

"Yeah, standard department procedure when you've been in a traumatic situation. Most times it's a single visit after a fatality situation and I'm done, but this time... Well. Seeing your own wife die in front of you changes a man," I said quietly, looking down at my cocoa and suddenly missing my wife again very much.

I felt a hand on my back, gently rubbing across my shoulders. "My turn to be sorry," Linda said softly. "But hey. You're here. I bet she'd be proud of you for trying anyway."

"Yeah. She would. She always said I was brave enough to try anything, if she could get me convinced to do it. When our kids were small we made a list of things we wanted to try and do together. This was the third thing on the list. She would have loved the views out there," I said looking into the fire and watching the little embers of the pine logs wiggle and jiggle as they gave up the gasses that created the flames warming us.

"Well. Good for you, getting out here and trying," Madison said. "I kinda always thought that firemen and cops were indestructible. I mean with everything they have to see and do. I don't know how you do it. I couldn't."

"It's just like any other job. You do what you love," I answered her as I stared at the fire. I sat and stared, thinking about all the times my wife and I sat around a campfire, watching the embers glow like this and suddenly felt very lonely. "So. I appreciate the visit. I think I'll go up to my room and find some dry clothes."

"Sure. See you on the slopes later?" Linda said with a smile as I got up, her eyes clearly searching for an answer, though I had no idea why.

"Sure," I answered with a shrug, not at all sure she would. I suddenly didn't feel all that much like skiing any more. I collected my ski suit and headed up to my room. I changed out of my wet clothes, peeling off my long underwear and laid down for a short nap, groaning as my abused muscles complained to me.

I slept much longer than I'd planned and climbed out of bed after it was dark. I looked out the frosty window over the snow, huge lights lighting some of the slopes and making the snow glitter as the skiers raced down the hills. "You would have loved this view," I mumbled to myself as I watched the skiers sweep back and forth on their way down the mountain side. With a sigh I stepped back to the bed, put on some clothes and shoes and headed down to get some dinner.

I was nearly done eating when I was startled by a familiar voice. "Hi Gene. Mind if I join you?"

"Um. Sure, I guess," I answered, not sure I really had a choice since she was already sliding into the booth. Her movements were fluid and graceful, her motion giving me a quick glimpse of her tights encased legs disappearing up under the short skirt of the blue long sleeve dress. "You're not hanging out with your friends. Mandy and Larry?" I asked questioningly as she leaned on the table, her body tilted towards me slightly. Her hair, unlike earlier in the day, was now cascading down in long fat curls that hung down around her face, framing her smile and blue eyes, making them stand out even more.

"Madison. And no. They're out taking a few more shots down the slopes. My legs got tired so I stayed in this evening. But, hey, look who I found!" she said cheerfully. "I figure the least you owe me is a little company while I eat, after where your hands went this afternoon."

"UH... I didn't...I mean..." I stumbled, trying to figure out just what to say.

"It's alright. I just said it to make you blush. You look cute when you're blushing!" she said with a grin as the waitress came to take her order. "Oh. Let's see. How about scallops and chicken over linguini and grilled asparagus. Oh and wine, let's see, a nice rose. Do you like wine Gene?" she asked as her finger ran down the wine list and stopped about half way down, showing it to the waitress. "Just bring the bottle and two glasses."

"Yes ma'am," the waitress said cheerfully before turning and walking away. "You do like wine don't you? I didn't really give you time to answer did I?"