A Satyr's Mate Ch. 07-08

Valame and Dolphus shared a look, silently communicating something between them. A second later, Dolphus left the room.

"Where is she?"

Valame shook her head. "It was a he."

"He? Was a he?"

"He didn't make it, Ashira."

It felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest. "No...Not my sweet baby cosset."

I didn't even try to hold back the sobs as they wracked my body. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. I was the one who was supposed to die, not my lambkin. It wasn't fair. Not to me, but most especially not to Dolphus. He wanted this cosset more than I did.

When the crying finally subsided and I'd wiped the snot and tears from my face, I realized why Dolphus had left the room. He was mourning in his own way. Away from the one who'd lived in place of his beloved lambkin son.

"Oh, poor Dolphus. He must hate me for living when his son did not."

Valame shook her head. "Don't say that, Ashira. He doesn't feel that way at all."

"You don't know him, Valame. He wanted this kid more than anything in the world."

"Not more than anything."

I watched silently on as Valame seemed to be struggling with what to do next.

"I am hesitant to say this to you now but you should know. Dolphus saved your life, Ashira."

"Why did he do that? I told him to save our cosset."

"I know. He would have if it would've been possible. You should be happy to be alive, Ashira. You lost much blood and we weren't sure you'd make it."

"Oh, Dolphus. He must be heartbroken."

"He was sad, yes. But it was his choice."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll tell you the details later. For now you must rest. You've been through so much."

"Will I be able to ...?" I couldn't seem to finish the question.

"Yes, Ashira. I think so. But ... You should discuss that with Dolphus later. Sleep now."

The news of my lost lambkin made sleep come faster. It was my best escape from the reality I thought too dreadful to believe. The next time I woke, it was because I was uncomfortable.

"Valame!"

Both Valame and Dolphus approached my bed. "What is it?"

"My breasts."

Dolphus peeled down the covers to unveil a chest I didn't recognize. Overnight, my breasts had increased in size by a factor of two, it appeared.

"They hurt. What is happening?"

Valame sighed. "This is your body's normal reaction. You'd be producing milk right now to feed the baby. Or the lambkin, in your case."

I ran my fingers lightly over the tight skin. "What can I do? This is very uncomfortable."

"It will pass in time."

I groaned in disappointment. Dolphus immediately wrapped his arms around my shoulders to comfort me.

"There must be something. She can't rest if she is in pain."

"Expressing milk from her breasts will only encourage her body to produce more. It is how the mammalian gland operates. It is stimulated by suckling."

"How do you stop it, then?"

"You leave it alone and suffer through the discomfort. That's what we normally do. I see your point in this case, though. Ashira needs her rest and so comfort is more important right now. I do have a device in my domicile that aids in expressing milk from the breast. I've used it before to help a new mother to get started."

"I can go there and retrieve it."

Valame placed her hand on Dolphus' arm. "It is in one of my trunks, but I'm not sure which one. I wouldn't know where to direct you. And since you've never seen such a device, you won't know what you're looking for, either.

"I'm sorry, Ashira. I wasn't prepared for this to happen."

"It's not your fault."

I let go a sigh as my head sunk back down onto the bed. I felt so weak and helpless. And the more Dolphus and Valame had to cater to my every whim, the more guilty I felt. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and go to sleep forever. I'd thought I might actually be capable of doing that until the incessant throbbing in my breasts began. Now all I could do was lay there and be miserable as I drifted in and out of sleep.

Each time I awoke, I was faced with the nightmare all over again. It would never stop, I realized. I'd lost my child, our cosset kid, our lambkin. I couldn't escape from the pain of that except in sleep, and now I didn't even have that.

In the quiet dark of the night I lay there awake. Dolphus' even breathing was all I could hear. He'd been at my side every day since the tragedy, although I hardly understood why. Clearly I was not going to be able to give him what he wanted. I'd failed him. He deserved so much more. He deserved a mate who wasn't a complete failure at mating.

"Are you in pain, Shi?"

I sighed at his use of my childhood nickname. "A little. I didn't mean to wake you."

Dolphus tentatively wrapped his arm around my torso, pressing his chest to my back. His warmth was soothing but not enough to take away the throbbing ache. "Is this hurting you?"

I shook my head. "Your warmth feels good."

Dolphus draped his enormous, furry thigh over my hip as his arms closed around me. It was how we slept before my belly grew too big to allow it. He buried his face in my hair, nuzzling a path toward my ear.

I felt the wetness trickling down my cheeks before I even realized I was crying. A moment later, Dolphus felt it on his arm. He lifted his head in alarm.

"What is wrong?"

I shook my head. Nothing. Everything. I was so confused.

Dolphus rolled me onto my back to see my face. It was too dark to make out anything but his green eyes. My damn emotions were only making things worse. Keeping him up at night. Worrying him when he should be sleeping so he could attend to flock business.

He lowered his gaze to my engorged breasts. His fingertips lightly traced a circle around my nipple before he lowered his mouth to it.

I gasped at the wet warmth of his mouth and then quickly whispered, "No, Dolphus."

He ignored my plea and instead clamped down around my breast with his lips as he drew my nipple into his mouth. I gasped in pain, about to push him away when I felt a rush of relief. The pressure subsided enough for the throbbing to dull in that breast. It was both immediate and euphoric. My entire body sunk into the covers with relief.

After a few moments, he switched to the other breast and the experience was the same. Instant relief to the point of complete rapture.

Dolphus pulled away from my breast to look up at me. "Is that enough?"

I cupped his face in my palms and pulled it toward mine for a kiss. "Thank you."

"I should have done that the first day. I know not why it didn't occur to me."

"Was it awful?"

Dolphus pulled away in shock. "Non, little one. Your milk is sweet and warm. It is a lovely treat. I stopped because we must not trick your body into believing you are nursing, or the pressure you feel will persist."

I nodded and sighed, already feeling sleepy from the relief.

"Sleep, little one."

I don't remember if I even wished him goodnight.

***

Days passed, and soon I was able to walk around on my own. Valame stayed on so Dolphus could spend more time with the flock council. They were planning a training program to commence in the spring months following the birth of all the lambkin. Some believed that they should take a more active role in defending their flock. It was still under debate just what strategy they'd adopt, but it was unanimously decided that they needed to begin training their adolescent males to fight. If for no other reason than to defend themselves.

Dolphus kept a daily regimen of feeding on my breast milk, much to Valame's disapproval. She insisted that it would've been better to have handled it a different way. Her argument fell on Dolphus' deaf ears, though. He'd grown fond of suckling my breasts and showed no signs of stopping. He wasn't even the tiniest bit embarrassed by how it affected him in other ways, either. He'd come to like it so much, his member grew stiff whenever my nipples leaked.

I would've been mortified if I cared at all. That was the problem. I didn't seem to care about anything. All the colors of my world had faded to gray and I barely managed to get out of bed. It wasn't that I was physically incapable anymore, it was that I felt no desire to do so. Often, after Dolphus finished his morning feast and left, I would crawl back into bed and quietly weep. For hours. Sometimes all the way up until his return.

It caused Valame much distress to see me doing that, so I made a concerted effort to keep it to a minimum. But soon she would leave and I knew that I would have no reason to get out of bed. Until I was a complete burden on Dolphus.

"Take me with you when you go, Valame."

Valame was shocked by my request. She shook her head. "I can't do that. Think of how it would devastate Dolphus, Ashira."

"I will only become burdensome to him once you leave. He needs to be free to ..." I couldn't finish the sentence before breaking down into tears again. I could hardly stand the thought of him with another mate.

"He doesn't want anyone else."

I sucked back the tears so I could continue with my plea. "He will. When mating season arrives."

"Have you spoken with him about this?"

I shook my head. I didn't have the heart to bring it up.

"He may not want to have any more."

"Of course he wants offspring. It's in his nature to reproduce."

"Dolphus isn't like other satyrs. He's more human. More driven by emotion than you think. He loves you, Ashira."

"He's never said it. And now...after what happened..."

"Just because he hasn't said the word, doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. Search your heart. You know it to be true."

"Even if he does, I can't be his mate. If we can't successfully breed, we can only just be this. Dolphus is strong and smart. The flock needs him to reproduce. And if he can't...If he refuses to breed, he'll lose his status in the flock."

"Maybe he doesn't care about that as much as you believe." Valame heaved a sigh. "It's time I told you something."

Her distress was apparent. Whatever she had to say, it was causing her much anguish. I waited for her to continue.

"After you lost consciousness in delivery, it was evident that we'd have to take drastic measures in order for one of you to live. That meant ..." Valame paused, checking my expression before continuing. "That meant either ripping you apart from the inside to free the lambkin, or ... or ..."

"Or, what?"

Valame shook her head. "I knew what you would choose, and we both heard your last words before losing consciousness, but Dolphus ... there was no hesitation. He chose to take the lambkin's life to save yours."

The horror of it struck me with a powerful blow. "How?"

Before Valame could answer, we heard Dolphus at the front entrance. "Valame!"

For a second, I thought he'd overheard our conversation with his damn, supersonic, satyr hearing.

"Come quickly. There is a problem with one of the lambkin."

Valame glanced at me briefly and then was gone in a flash, leaving me to mull over what she'd told me.

It was horrifying. I could hardly imagine Dolphus taking the life of his own newborn. My own morbid curiosity made me wonder how he'd accomplished it, even as I knew that hearing such a thing would likely turn my stomach. What he must be going through...

I plopped down on my bed and cried. This time it wasn't in self pity. I cried for our unborn cosset and I cried for Dolphus. For what seemed like an eternity, I cried.

I'd been wallowing in my own misery, never once realizing what it must be doing to Dolphus. The responsibility of it all must've been a terrible weight to bear for him. As the tears slowed to a trickle and I began to regain my senses, I was even more convinced that I needed to leave.

Dolphus approached the bed and knelt down beside me. His look of concern split my heart in two.

"We've brought a little visitor."

I frowned at him as I wiped my cheeks. The last thing I needed or wanted at that moment was company. Just as I was about to tell him so, Valame appeared at his side holding a very small lambkin. She knelt to show him to me.

It was a cruel thing to do, I thought. I stared incredulously, first at Dolphus, then at Valame. I tried to move away from them, but Dolphus held me in place.

"He needs you, Ashira."

I shook my head. He wasn't mine. I wasn't a mother, just a useless burden.

"His mother cannot produce milk. He will die without it. Neither Zira, nor Shala have birthed yet. You are the only one."

My gaze lowered to the tiny bundle in Valame's arms. He was asleep and looked so frail.

Dolphus took him from Valame and held him between us. He barely stirred from being handled, then his little nose began to quiver. On queue, breast milk began to bead at the opening of my nipples and without prompting, the little cosset came alive and latched onto the one closest to his mouth.

I looked up at Dolphus in shock.

"He knows what to do. It's instinctual."

I glanced up at Valame and was met with a warm smile. Then I turned my attention back to my little suckling. For being so small, he was able to draw milk with an amazing force.

"He's hungry."

"He was starving to death. He was only able to get a very small amount of milk from his mother."

"This is Lena's lambkin? Aeron's, as well?"

"Yes. That's correct. Aeron is most grateful for your assistance."

Dolphus caressed my cheek and then the bulging cheek of the cosset in my arms. For several minutes, we watched the little lambkin noisily suckle and slurp from my breast.

Valame directed me on when it was time to switch sides. The cosset fed until he fell asleep, my nipple still between his little lips that were now lined with breast milk.

"What do I do now?"

Valame grinned at me. "You can leave him there, or put him down on your bed. It's up to you. There is no right or wrong way."

"When will he feed again?"

"In a few hours, maybe less. He has some catching up to do."

I decided to keep him in my arms. I felt a certain fulfillment from holding him next to me. It was precisely what my body and soul had been missing. It filled the void inside that had been threatening to overtake me every waking second.

Dolphus lifted my chin, pulling my attention from the sleeping babe in order to kiss my lips. For a moment we locked gazes and I realized that he had once again saved me. There was so much to say to him. About being thankful for everything he had given me, about how much I loved my life. And him.

"I must go tell Aeron the news. His bias will keep him from seeing it for himself, but he will be relieved. May I invite Lena to return with me?"

I smiled and nodded. "Of course. She's welcome to come and stay as long as she likes."

Dolphus smiled and nodded before he stood to leave. Valame watched him go before turning back to me. "I'll be leaving tomorrow. I must get back to my own families."

I nodded. "I understand. I can't thank you enough for all you've done for us."

"I'm sorry it turned out the way that it did, but we don't always understand Osmos' plan. Perhaps it happened as it should have. Yes?"

I gazed down at the bundle in my arms. If my lambkin had lived without me, what would've been his fate? And if we'd both lived, would this precious one in my arms ever gotten enough milk to survive? The turn of events, while generally unpleasant, were not a total loss.

I looked up at Valame and smiled.

"I will miss you, Valame."

It was my way of letting her know that I'd decided to stay. That I was going to be alright, after all.

********