A Study in Fragrance Pt. 14

Em stroked her friend's shoulder, the fabric thin beneath her fingers. "I didn't mean to out you...back then...I just thought." She wanted to tell her about Caroline, but she didn't know what she'd say.

"Oh! No! That wasn't a problem! No! That's not why I was telling you. That was fine. Really." Sarah put her hands on Em's arms. "We've been talking about this for ages. Well, since the beginning of senior year. But college is coming, and..." She looked out the window. "Anyway, when you said that Complicit affected women's relationships different from men's, it made me want to try it." She turned to stare into Em's eyes, her expression unreadable: pure, deep, serene.

Fuck, what's she saying? Em nodded. "Well, let's see how you guys feel on Tuesday when you come back. And Sarah," Em stared into her eyes, "please, please, please call me if you or Allison are freaking out. At all. K?"

Sarah nodded in return, letting Em's arms go, turning to join Allison. She'd sat on the table, looking at Abby's journal over Naomi's shoulder.

"Okay, girls and boy. One more thing I want to show you before I head back down and get the burgers going." She walked to the closet door. "I figured I might want to come in here without having to go down the hall." She pressed on the latch and the door sprang away, sliding noiselessly on its track until it came to a rest next to the table.

"Jesus, Em!" Naomi looked up from the journal, seeing Emily's bedroom. The others joined in, surprised.

"Two secret doors?" Allison just shook her head. "Fucking whacked, Em."

A half hour later they were putting their plates together, grabbing food off the grill. They'd gotten noisy, talking about their weekends, their college plans, the drama with their families. One or another would take Steph, or Caroline, aside and talk quietly, looking at their boyfriends or back up to the octagons. Jamie had brought her plate back upstairs; Em noticed Naomi wasn't in the yard and must have gone there too. The tingling in her labia, the need to feel him penetrating her, the BLN...something else about the BLN she couldn't see, she squirmed in her chair. After a while she caught Caroline's and Steph's eyes.

"Everybody?" Caroline called out over the conversation. "Naomi? Jamie?" She called up towards the octagons, seeing two pairs of eyes looking down. "We just wanted to ask if anybody had anything else they wanted to talk about." She paused. "Okay. We'll be here for a bit longer. There's ice cream and fresh berries in the kitchen if you want some dessert."

Steph added, "We wanted to remind you: Nothing's going to be different tonight. Complicit's effect is different for everyone, so, you might not notice anything for a couple of days. No matter what, though," she looked around, "please call one of us if you have any questions. Please!"

"So, that went well, yeah?" Em looked at the two of them from the comfy chair, sipping a beer. Her worry about what she'd agreed to with Cos lingered, the image of what he was planning threatening to expand the black dot. The premonition about the BLN party had expanded and she wasn't sure how much to tell them or just let it happen. It was just the three of them; the others had been gone a while.

"Yeah!" Caroline sighed. "Jamie was a surprise?" She looked to see if the others felt the same.

Steph nodded, sipping her whiskey. "And Naomi."

"Steph," Emily studied her, thinking she needed to get Cos to buy more booze, "you doing better?"

She nodded, tipping her head toward the glass. "Alcohol helps...I think."

"Be careful, Steph." Caroline looked at Em, concerned.

"Yeah yeah." She waved her hand. "I'm not drinking that much. But it does something to quiet things down."

Maybe it helps you with your inhibitions...but Emily wasn't going to say that out loud. "Hey," another thought occurred to her, the image of the BLN wafting back. "You said you were starting to see things...earlier today...when we talked...like I've been" she turned to the both of them. "You seeing anything?"

Caroline shook her head, looking at Steph who had hesitated and then blushed.

"What?! What did you see, Steph?!" Caroline had turned to stare at her, glancing at Em, eyebrows raised.

"I...I'm not sure..." she was crimson, her face blushing more intensely than either of them had ever seen. "I...fuck fuck fuck...I don't know..." she looked at them pleading.

"Just tell us, Steph. Please! It's just going to make it worse! Let it go!" Em was getting really worried.

"Fuckkkk!...Okay...so...I'm not sure what I really saw...but when I had to leave The Study...I swear all of us were completely naked..." she looked at them, inhaling. "All seven of us. At the BLN, I guess. But..." she shook her head, taking another gulp.

Em nodded, looking at Carolline. "It's a BLN, Steph. That's what happens, right?" But she could tell that wasn't everything Steph had seen.

Steph shook her head, her face still burning. "No. Not any BLN I've been to before. I mean, sure underwear, and," she paused waving at her chest, "whatever. But everyone was buck naked, Em. I...including me." She finished her glass, looking up. "I feel terrible, but I don't know if I can...and then I feel guilty and fuckkkk!!" She squeezed her legs together and leaned down, her expression looking pained.

Em jumped up and wrapped her arms around her. "Shhh...Steph...shhh...it's okay. It's okay. If it's too much, you don't have to come...oh!" Em realized Steph was already cumming, her body shaking in Em's arms. It was...intimate. More intimate than Em was prepared for, and she worried Steph was going to be ashamed...but Steph doesn't feel shame. Just guilt. Em held her until she stopped, rubbing her back and looking to Caroline for help. Her friend's lips twitched, her eyes glancing back and forth.

"Oh god oh god oh god." She was hyperventilating. "This is so awful. I'm so sorry! But it feels so god damn good!" She was crying and giggling, staring at the ground.

"NO!" Caroline almost jumped up. "Steph! Stop apologizing! It's pretty weird. No. It's really really weird! But we're in it. We get it." She softened her tone. "I can't believe how beautiful you look when you climax. It's amazing. When I watch you...It's amazing." Caroline looked at Em.

Em smiled, her eyes glinting. You'll see it a lot with me! She kept rubbing Steph's back and calming her, eventually unwrapping her arms and returning to the chair. "And you," she looked at Caroline, hoping to calm Steph down by changing the subject. "You're sure you haven't been seeing shit?" She studied Caroline as she thought about it.

"No. Nothing. Like, what's it like?"

Em hesitated, trying to describe it. "It's kinda like remembering a dream when you wake up? No..." She thought a little more. "No, it's more like a memory than a dream," she began. "I've seen the BLN too," she saw Steph jerk and look up, her eyes wide. "Yeah. Today. And I saw what we did last night...a week before it happened. It wasn't exactly like I remembered it, but mostly. It came in phases or waves..." Em stopped, thinking about the ceremony. "Like, the first time all I saw were hooded figures...I called them 'priests'...and only later did I see their faces and knew there were women and men. And then a little later I realized it was you two with Bobby and Robert."

"Oh fuck." Steph swallowed and pushed back onto the bench, still trembling, her face blotchy. "You saw the BLN too?"

Em nodded, not sure she wanted to give any details, worried it might freak Steph out more.

Caroline looked at Em, deep in thought. "But Friday...in the hot tub...we had been talking about not having the guys there. You already had seen them there?"

Em could hear a different question. "I know. I know. I don't know if I was making it happen so it would be like what I remembered, or if it just happened. But it was okay, right? I didn't hurt you guys, did I?" The worry expanded in her gut.

Steph looked between them, seeing Em's concern. "It was fine, Em. If I didn't want to do it, I would have said so. And Robert...fuck," she inhaled, "Robert is so over the moon flipping out happy, I..." she smiled weakly, her legs pressing together, looking at the empty glass. "Would it be okay?" she looked at Em.

She nodded. Definitely have to get Cos to replenish the bar...looking back to Caroline. "Are we good? I...I've seen flashes...of you...and me. I don't know if it's just wishful thinking or Complicit." She didn't look away, watching Caroline carefully.

She smiled, her face glowing. "It's okay, Em. I just don't want to feel manipulated...I mean, I feel so manipulated by this fucking situation...but I don't want to feel manipulated by you. Just be honest with me, k?"

Em nodded, reflecting on the day, the weekend, her life. "Did we do the right thing today?" Steph came back, her glass tinkling from fresh ice.

Caroline sighed. Steph laughed, her phone chirping from an incoming text.

"We can't go back, Em. We talked it through. No one seemed to be worse off. They were grateful!" Caroline studied Em's face.

"Ha! Jamie wants to know if we could start tomorrow." She fiddled with her phone. "I'm open. You open?" She looked at Em.

"Sure. I was going to hit the gym first thing. What time you thinking?"

Arrangements made, Steph sat back and sipped her drink. "What'd you see?" her voice twisted from the alcohol.

"I don't know, Steph."

"Aw cmmon Em! I'm okay. I can takid." She smiled crookedly.

Em looked at Caroline, who shrugged. "Well, that's no help!" She laughed. "So, like you, I saw the gang in The Study, and yeah, there was a pile of clothes and we were all undressed." The memory was faint. There had been more to it. "Wait. Caroline and I were looking at clothes, Sarah and Allison were off to one side and Naomi...Naomi I know she was there." She stopped, the memory of what Jamie and Steph were doing would have been too much for Steph to process. There was something else, but she couldn't see it.

"Wadaboud me?" Steph was nodding a little, her eyes unfocused.

"You think you've had enough, Steph?" Caroline reached over and gently took the glass. "Slow down a little."

Steph turned and smiled, wrapping her arms around Caroline's neck. "Wad about me, Em?" She stared into Caroline's eyes, waiting.

Em struggled, staring at Caroline. Caroline was unfazed, watching, amused at Steph's intoxication.

"What were Jamie and I doing, Em?" Steph pushed herself up a little, letting her hands fall away from Caroline's shoulders. She turned to look at Em. "Was I lying on the mound of clothes, on my side? Was Jamie studying me? Sketching me?" Her tone had shifted; she sounded more sober.

Em inhaled sharply. "No fucking way." She looked at Caroline, alarmed. "It's not possible!"

Caroline's eyes widened, cocking her head. "Is that what you 'remember,' Em?"

She nodded, a mixture of fear and awe. "What the fuck."

Caroline looked worried. Steph just smiled drunkenly and reached for her glass. "Weirderh an weirderh."

Later, when Em was lying in bed, the events of the day, her memory of Cos's expression when he had left, his look when he told her what he expected of her, his finger in her, her obedience. It was all too much. Made worse by how she had admitted what she was to her friends! She touched her labia, wondering if they were still too bruised to take him again, falling asleep to the image of being tied, Cos penetrating her, acquiescing to taking him in all of her holes.