Against All Odds Ch. 08

Noah didn't want to look anymore, didn't want to see, didn't want to know. He closed his eyes, his mind tumbling into darkness and then there was nothing. That's where the nightmare ended. It always ended the same way, with Noah staring into his father's dead eyes right before he passed out. It was an image etched into Noah's mind, a painful reminder of his own helplessness in the face of tragedy. But, there were gaps in his memory. Like pieces of a puzzle missing from his subconscious. He couldn't remember the exact moment that his father had been shot or what he had done to provoke the gunman. And yet, the guilt weighed heavy on his soul, a burden he carried with him every day since that terrible night.

Noah's body tensed as he relived the nightmare, his muscles coiled like springs about to snap. He felt a scream building in his throat, a primal cry of anguish and despair threatening to break free. And then, just as it had reached it's crescendo, he jolted awake, drenched in sweat and gasping for air.

In the dim light of his bedroom, Noah's chest heaved with each ragged breath, his hands trembling as he tried to shake off the remnants of the dream. But, the memories clung to him like a shadow, refusing to be banished back into the recesses of his mind where they belonged. He ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair and fought against the tears that were threatening to fall. He had to stay strong, be brave. He wan an alpha. He couldn't let one little nightmare destroy him or make him appear weak. Not like before.

Noah's head snapped up when he heard a soft tapping at his door. "Noah, are you okay?" The voice was soft and filled with concern. The door slowly opened and Noah felt a sense of relief wash over him as Riley appeared in the doorway, his eyes wide with worry.

***

Riley had been awoken by a blood curdling scream in the night but it wasn't the mysterious weeping woman. With a start, Riley realized that the scream he had just heard had come from Noah. Riley rushed out of his room and quickly over to Noah's room just one door down. He wasn't sure if he should just go in or knock first. It seemed an invasion of Noah's privacy to just barge in unannounced so he gently knocked on the door and then called out to him. "Noah, are you okay?" When there was no reply, worried, Riley eased the door open. What he saw when he looked into the room made his heart drop.

Noah looked horrible. His face was pale and his hair, wet with sweat, stuck to his forehead in a disheveled mess. Riley could also see the pain and fear etched into Noah's features and the haunted look in his eyes spoke volumes to Riley. Noah was not okay. "Oh, my God, Noah." Riley gasped, staring at him, his concern for the alpha apparent. "What happened?"

Noah forced a weak smile, trying to push aside the lingering dread that threatened to consume him. "Just a nightmare." He muttered, his voice hoarse with emotion. "Nothing to worry about."

Riley didn't buy that for a minute. He could see how tense and upset Noah was. Without another word, he crossed the room and sat down on the bed next to Noah, wrapping his arms around him in a comforting way. "Do you want to talk about it?" Riley asked, his soothing voice working to calm Noah's frayed nerves. "You know I'm here for you, no matter what."

Noah felt a lump form in his throat at Riley's words, a swell of emotion threatening to overwhelm him. He'd spent so long trying to bury his feelings and pretend that everything was fine when it wasn't. He'd gotten so good at hiding his feelings but Riley saw through him. He couldn't hide from Riley and, oddly enough, he didn't want to. Baxter's advice echoed in his mind. Riley was there, by his side, trying to be supportive. Noah wanted to confide in him. He wanted to be able to let go of the facade and just let it all out. To have that kind of freedom would feel so good but his fears held him back and prevented him from truly opening up to the man he loved.

"It's just...it's hard to talk about." Noah admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I've had this same nightmare for as long as I can remember, but I've never been able to shake it."

Riley pulled Noah closer, enfolding him in a warm embrace that chased away the chill of night. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Riley said, his voice and eyes radiating warmth and empathy. "Just know that you don't have to face your nightmares alone, not anymore. I'm here now."

Tears pricked at the corners of Noah's eyes as he looked into Riley's unwavering gaze. His words were like an anchor in a storm, keeping Noah from being pulled under, beneath the current. He hugged Riley back and kissed him. "I want to tell you but I'm scared. I don't want to lose you, Riley. I'm just afraid that I have too much baggage and it's not fair to you. I love you, but you don't deserve to be dragged into my fucked-up world."

Noah leaned back against the headboard, staring at his hands, his fingers fidgeting nervously as he struggled to control his emotions. Riley reached out to grasp Noah's hand. His brow furrowed with worry as he gently squeezed Noah's hand. It broke Riley's heart to see Noah so shaken and vulnerable. The nightmare had really upset him and Riley wanted more than anything to ease Noah's pain and chase away his demons but Noah seemed unable or unwilling to talk about what had upset him so badly.

Still, Riley was determined to at least try and fix this. That's what omegas did after all, they fixed things. They were the gentle, comforting, calm to an alpha's strength and power. Omegas were so often seen as weak but they could be fiercely protective when needed and right now, Noah needed Riley.

Riley shifted closer to Noah, his very presence was soothing. "Noah, I'm here for you, no matter what. You can tell me anything. And, you don't have to be afraid of losing me. I'm not going anywhere. I love you."

Noah's heart ached hearing Riley's words of reassurance. The sincerity in his voice was like a soothing balm to his troubled heart. But, the weight of his own fears and insecurities bore down on him, trapping him beneath layers and layers of crushing doubt. He wanted so badly to believe Riley and he knew that he should be able to trust him but that ever present nagging voice in his mind with it's constant negativity wouldn't allow Noah to let his guard down, not even for Riley.

"What if it's too much?" Noah whispered, his voice trembling with uncertainty. "What if...what if you find out that I'm not the man you thought I was? Riley, you mean everything to me and if you...if you knew the truth..."

Riley's grip tightened around Noah's hand, his eyes searching Noah's face with a fierce intensity. "Noah, listen to me." He said, earnestly. "Part of being in a relationship means taking the bad with the good. And yeah, you've been through some shit, so have I. But you don't have to face it alone. I love you, all of you, and I can handle whatever comes my way, I always have, and I've gotten pretty good at dealing with fucked-up shit. I want to help you through this. I want to be there for you, to support you, because that's what partners do."

Noah smiled through his tears as he looked into Riley's beautiful brown eyes, wondering how he had gotten so lucky. "I love you." He whispered, his voice choked with emotion.

"You better." Riley grinned. "Now, dry your eyes and tell me everything. You have nothing to lose because there isn't anything that you could ever tell me that would make me stop loving you."

***

It wasn't easy, telling Riley about the dream. A part of Noah still worried what Riley would think of him. Would he blame Noah, or consider him a coward for not doing anything to help his father?

"God, Noah. I had no idea." Riley could see the stress that Noah was under so he reached out and touched Noah's hand, smiling at him reassuringly. "What happened that night would be traumatizing for anyone but, Noah, you were just a kid. You can't keep blaming yourself for something you had no control over."

Noah nodded as his eyes filled with tears. "I know but...I just can't shake the feeling that if I hadn't been there, if I hadn't startled the gunman..."

"Hey," Riley reached out, gently wiping away Noah's tears with his thumb. "It was not your fault, Noah. You were an eight year old child. You couldn't have known what would happen."

"No." Noah agreed. "But I should have done something. I should have at least tried. I just stood there, frozen, like a coward. I let my father down. I let my entire family down. It's no wonder my own mother can barely look at me. I must be such a disappointment to her."

Riley shook his head, disgusted by societies dumb ideas of what an alpha should and shouldn't be. All the pressure put on them to be a certain way. Omegas were weak, alphas were strong, betas were smart. If someone stepped out of their assigned stereotype then there was something wrong with them. They were a problem that needed to be corrected. Damn stupid stereotypes that made an eight year old boy think it was his duty, his responsibility to take the weight of his families problems on his own shoulders.

"I don't think she was disappointed that a child was too afraid to face a grown man with a gun. I think she was probably relieved." Riley slipped a finger beneath Noah's chin and lifted his head so he could see his eyes. "Noah, that's not cowardice, it's intelligence. There was nothing that you could have done and if you had tried to fight, you would have been killed too."

"Maybe it would have been better if I had." Noah said. "Maybe it was meant to be me all along. Dad just got in the way."

"Don't say that, Noah." Riley looked at him sternly, a hint of anger in his voice. "It wouldn't have been better. Your father saved your life because he wanted you to live. He wanted you to grow up and have a good and happy life. Don't disrespect his memory by thinking you deserve any less. You were meant to live because we were meant to be together. I know it in my heart. We were meant to be right here, right now, and that could never have happened if you had died."

Noah sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I just wish I could remember everything from that night. I've tried to piece it together but my memory is still so hazy. I remember hearing the gun shot and seeing my father's face but not much else. I had been knocked over and I hit my head on something that knocked me out cold."

"Do you remember what you hit your head on?" Riley asked.

Noah shook his head. "It was hard, like metal, and thick. Maybe a pewter statue or something but I really don't know. No one has ever actually told me what it was."

Riley thought about what Noah had revealed so far, his mind reeling with so many possibilities. He recalled the news article he'd read when he first met Noah online. The details of the night in question were so vague. Riley would have thought the murder of a local business owner and billionaire would have been a top story but there had been almost no coverage on it at all. It was strange.

"Did they ever find out who the shooter was?" Riley asked.

"Not that I was ever told." Noah said. "I've asked Mother before but she always changes the subject. Actually, no one here talks about it. It's like they all want to pretend it never happened."

"That is a bit odd." Riley said. "You would think that your mother of all people would want the killer caught and punished."

Noah nodded in agreement. "I know there's more to what happened that night, something they're not telling me, I just don't understand why. I think that's the reason I keep having these nightmares. It's like my brain wants me to remember...something. Finding out the truth is the only way I'm ever to get any real closure. It's the only way I'll find any peace. I have to know what really happened to my father. Who murdered him and why? I need answers."

"We'll find them together." Riley told him. "Remember, you're not alone in this. We'll figure it all out together."

Noah buried his face in Riley's chest, trembling with emotion, he said, "Thank you, Riley. Thank you for being so wonderful to me."

Riley smiled as he held Noah tight. "Do you want me to stay the night with you?" He asked.

"Please." Noah whispered. "I don't want to be alone."

"You'll never be alone again." Riley murmured, his voice barely audible over the sound of their beating hearts. Riley held Noah close. His heart ached for Noah but, as they lay there together, wrapped in each others arms, they both felt a sense of peace settle over them. They knew, no matter what came their way, they would face it together, side by side. And, as they clung to each other in the darkness, Noah allowed himself to believe for maybe the first time ever, that he might actually be able to put together the pieces of his shattered past. As long as he had Riley by his side, Noah felt that he could do anything.

Next Chapter coming soon...