April Can Be So Foolish

FORWARD: This story is an attempt to include a sometimes little understood slice of human sexuality into our awareness of humanity's diversity. It's really more of an unexpected Romance between a lesbian female and another young woman whose body does not fully confirm her female gender identity. In short, it is a lesbian relationship between a cis-gender and a transgender female. My hope is that with my inadequate words, and amateur writing that I might be able to show that love is deeper than flesh and bone...and that all humans deserve to find such love. Due to the fact that I am a male who has never experienced the real life issues faced by trans people, I imposed on someone who does have such knowledge and experience...so a huge thank-you to StickyGirl for her input. This is a moderately long story with a lot of build-up and she has now read it several times. We're both excited and offer it to the world hoping it speaks to even one person...if it gives momentary pause to one person's doubts or changes one person's attitude toward transgender equality, then the effort will be worth it. Any shortcomings in the story plot and execution are one hundred percent mine! yukonnights

'I was delighted to be asked to advise on technical aspects of this story, but my part was largely to dot some i's and cross some t's and watch the story as it grew. It is a daunting task for a writer to put themselves into the shoes of another character and make it both credible and entertaining, but more importantly, to touch our emotions as a reader. How much more difficult it is to bridge the gender divide that is currently under so much scrutiny? Perhaps by ignoring the divisions and looking for what we have in common: our humanity, our need for love and companionship? If that is your measure of success, then I believe you'll enjoy this very human tale as much as I have. StickyGirl '

*****

Our only payment will be your comments and rating, and we thank you for that ~ yukonnights

TAGS: LESBIAN, ROMANCE, LOVE, MTF TRANSGENDER, TRANSGENDER

This is a work of fiction, all characters are fictional and of legal age. All rights of copyright are retained by the author 'yukonnights', and this work is submitted for publication solely to Literotica.com

*****

There she is again, Nicki mused to herself as she watched the petite woman walk through the locker room. Everything about the new girl excited the pent up passion Nicki had been feeling build over the last year. Probably straight as an arrow, she cautioned herself. It was almost impossible to find another lesbian her age in this small town, she griped silently. The only real friend she had just happened to be another butch like herself...go figure, she grumbled under her breath.

The new girl was obviously shy, Nicki noted as she watched her walk fully clothed toward the showers. Just the kind of girl I dream of, she mused. She had noticed this the last time she was here too, even shy to the point of removing her clothes after the shower curtain was drawn snug. Probably just some really repressed mess with some man's collar on her neck, Nicki finally told herself. But to be fair, Nicki admitted that she wouldn't mind putting a collar on that slim pretty neck herself.

Finishing up her sneakers, Nicki went to the fitness section of the gym and started her workout. She was just finishing up her set of curls when the new girl wandered into the area looking rather lost. Why not, Nicki asked herself, and walked toward the stranger.

"Hi, my name's Nicki," she said in a bold friendly way.

"Oh, hi. I'm April," came the shy reply.

"I hope I'm not being too forward, but I noticed you look a little lost and thought I'd just let you know we're all pretty harmless here...so don't be shy if you have any questions about how to use all this stuff," she said as she swept her arm pointing around the area.

"Thank you, I am a little overwhelmed to be honest. My doctor suggested I should try to build up my strength a little...so here I am." Such a pretty smile Nicki thought as she watched the blush creep up Aprils neck. And up close, Nicki could see that she was closer to her age than she had thought.

"Did the Doc give you any specifics?"

"Just some general goals, mostly strengthening my stomach muscles and my chest and arms. I guess I should have asked more questions, since I don't have much experience in all of this," April replied with more confidence.

"Well, you're in luck. Those are pretty basic and I'll be happy to help you if you'd like. Or we can try to get Tony to work with you, if we can find him and pull him away from whoever he's helping," Nicki said.

"Oh, no let's not do that. I'd much prefer being helped by you than a man," April hurriedly replied.

"No problem, and I don't blame you. Don't get me wrong, Tony is a decent guy and knows his stuff...but I understand it can be uncomfortable with a guy sometimes," Nicki said gently while thinking, this may be more interesting than I thought.

"Follow me," Nicki said as she walked further into the fitness area.

April listened carefully as her new acquaintance explained a series of beginner exercises using five pound dumbbell weights. The names were a little confusing...chest press, chest fly, chest pullover and such...but when Nicki showed her how each one was done it was really very simple.

"Start with these for today," Nicki suggested, "and we can add some more next time."

"Thank you so much," April said in a way that finally revealed her in a relaxed way.

"Don't mention it, we all need a little help at first," Nicki replied, then added, "Do you have any of these five pounders at home?"

"No, I guess I should buy some," April replied with a question in her words, then asked "Are they very expensive?"

"Not really," Nicki answered. "But if you want, I can bring you some from home. I never use the fives anymore."

"That would be great," April said. "I'm trying to save as much as I can...," as her voice trailed off into silence and Nicki noticed the blush once again creeping up that pretty neck.

"Don't worry about it, Like I said , I don't even use them. I've noticed you a couple of times, when do you normally come to work out," Nicki asked trying to brush away whatever it was that caused April to close back up.

"I can only make it in the evenings after work or on the weekends," April replied.

"That's pretty much me too," Nicki told her.

"I noticed you too the last time I was here," April confessed. "So since that was Monday, and this is Wednesday, I'm thinking Friday is the next time we should be here, right?"

"You guessed it. I'll bring them next time. These can get you started and we can build from here," Nicki said.

"Okay, and thank you so much for your help. I was really feeling lost in here," April said, once again in that lovely relaxed voice.

"By the way," Nicki said testing the waters, "I knew I noticed you last time. But I didn't see you notice me,"

"Oh, I noticed you as you were noticing me," April said with a shy smile.

"Oops, I guess I'll need to work on my noticing technique," Nicki said playfully.

"Or not," April replied coyly.

"Or not," Nicki agreed with a wink.

"Maybe we should exchange phone numbers so we can double check when we'll be here, if you want," Nicki asked.

"Good idea, my home office number is probably the best one for me. It feels like I'm most always there," April said, and then told the number as Nicki entered it into her cell phone. Then added, "Just call me there later and leave me yours."

"Okay," Nicki said with a new hint of cheer to her voice, "Now let's work on some of those exercises."

*****

Perhaps it had just been too long since Nicki had known the intimacy of another woman, or perhaps there really was something special drawing her to April. Whichever it was, it was certainly occupying a lot of her thinking. More than once she had to tell herself that it's just another woman at the gym, you don't know a damn thing about her. And just because she noticed you doesn't mean much. She had worked out since she was a teen, and even spent many years working with her father in construction. All of that had sculpted a very striking, athletic and attractive woman.

And in fact, Nicki working on such crews when she was young had been an ongoing battle between her mother, herself and her poor father. But it was her father who seemed caught in the middle of it all in those early years. The fact that her dad owned a contracting business didn't help her mother's arguments against it, as Nicki always seemed to get her way during the summer breaks in High-School. When she refused the pressure to go to college, everyone relented and agreed she should learn the business. That she learned it well was proven by the fact that after time working along side the male crews she knew just about every aspect of the custom home building trade. It was at that point that her dad asked her to move into the office and begin to learn the management side of things. That all began ten years ago, and the last few years she had pretty much run the entire show. Mom and Dad now were able to enjoy the fruit of all the years of hard work, and that was one of the most gratifying things in Nick's life.

Like all kids growing up and realizing they were attracted to the same gender, it had been hard on the whole family. So much drama and anxiety, so many fears. But her folks had worked hard to learn and understand this thing that seemed so foreign to them. And they had loved her through it all. Even in the worst of her teenage fears and rebellion, they had loved and shown that love. And now she sat where her father once sat at the helm of a business that provided good jobs to many people.

But one of her mother's fears haunted Nick's happiness...the fear her mother had that Nicki...her Nichol...would not find true love in this harsh world. Nicki knew it wasn't as much the cruel world, but the small city she lived in that limited her from finding that special someone. When she was younger, it didn't seem so important. But this last year especially, she was feeling the growing need for something more.

The knock on the doorframe interrupted her reverie, as Raymond, her lead superintendent, barged in with another of the multitude of seemingly endless issues that demanded her attention. Focusing on his words, she let her dreams of something more slip away...

*****

April too was lost in her thoughts as she sat at the computer mostly just staring at the CAD drawing waiting for her next input. She too had worked herself into the position of a business owner. Perhaps the word 'she' could be replaced with the word 'he', since it was only in the last five years that April had finally come to terms with her gender. She didn't hate the old 'him' that she had shed from her life, but often asked herself why had she take so long. What if I could have had the help younger? But she was finally here now... or almost here. The transition had been slow, but mostly affordable and doable up to now. In all outward appearances, she was an attractive thirty-something woman, she talked like a woman and she thought like a woman. But, the final surgeries were both daunting and expensive...it was this worry and delay that had triggered the most recent downward spiral in her happiness.

She had been a vital part of a small but successful architect group in Dallas since her graduation. But the past several years she had taken time off to address some of her personal issues. Each time, it was a fine balance between pressing forward and losing all of her contacts. In the end, it seemed that she ended up with mostly new clients anyway since some faded away because of her absences...and some had left because Andrew was now April. It felt good to finally just say, "Fuck 'em". But the truth was harder, and after devoting ten years of her life to help build that firm her decision to relocate to Astoria meant mostly starting again from scratch. Some who she thought would do anything for her, were the quickest to abandon her. Some of those hurt, they hurt really bad.

She knew she was emotionally fragile at this time. The hormone therapy would play with her until she evened out, and it was better than at first. Opting to have the testicles removed early on, meant that her physician could eliminate some of the hormone therapy, and that was a big help. Thankfully, her breasts had developed nicely with just the hormone treatment and since she was so petite she didn't choose further surgical enhancement. The truth was that she loved how they looked and felt and this alone had given her confidence to press on. But truth be told, the upcoming vaginoplasty scared her. It would be nice to finally get over this last hurdle and begin to live a normal life. So yeah, the business was suffering a little at the moment. But she was debt free and would get by, the twenty grand to complete the surgeries was another question mark. One good decision had been to cash out the construction of the custom home/office, and the temptation to mortgage that came and went. In the end, she realized that if she ever lost this place it would really be difficult to recover financially. She wanted to get it over with and begin to live her life, but without the money that life would have to wait.

Finally, April sighed and hit save and then shut down her work. I need a break, she told herself as she rolled the chair away from the workstation. Pouring a glass of iced tea from the small refrigerator, April walked across her office and sat in the comfortable chair overlooking the ocean.

"I thought Oregon was supposed to be full of queer people," she said aloud to the world at large.

The answer was a silent voice that said she was thinking about Portland or Eugene or maybe Ashland. But not so much Astoria, it seemed.

But there was Nicki, she thought with a smile. Her smile grew when she recalled her mother's dire warning that she would never find a wife to love if she pursued this change. April never tried to explain to her that she was a lesbian. Mom would just not have been able to wrap her head around the idea that her son was a girl who wanted to love another girl..for that matter, it had taken many years for April to figure all that out! It had taken almost ten years to understand herself...ten years, and a counselor. That was a huge price to pay to get to this point...would it ever end? Would she ever find the inner peace that every human searches for? The tears tried to tell her she should stop thinking about it, but how do I stop from being me, she asked the world.

Nicki, think of Nicki. April knew that Nicki was a lesbian after their brief time together. She was afraid to believe that Nicki had flirted with her, but whatever it was felt nice. But the voice in her head caused her stomach to tighten in fear! Nicki thinks I'm a woman! I'm not ready yet for someone like Nicki...I should try to find another gym to get myself ready for surgery, she told herself. Yes, that would be best, the voice in her head confirmed. Oh, fuck! She has my number, It'll be impossible to just vanish!

At the end of all of the thinking and self doubt, the tears returned. It seemed that the tears were the only constant anymore...the only friend she had in the world.

*****

Friday seemed to arrive in a flash, or so it seemed to April. For Nicki, it felt like Friday would never arrive. But finally, the work day was over and Nicki hurried to lock the gate to the equipment yard as she left for the weekend. Today, she wanted to get home and clean up a little before heading to the gym. She smiled at her eagerness and chided herself for acting like a teenager on a date night. It was not a date, but it was the first glimmer of hope she had felt in a long time.

Nicki answered the phone on the hands-free in her work truck as she was driving home, "Nicki here."

"Hi, Nicki, it's April."

"Oh, hi. I was just thinking about you. I'm heading home to pick up the weights and clean-up a little. What time are you going to be there?"

"Well, that's why I'm calling. I don't think I'll be able to make it tonight...something has come up," April lied.

The let down in her voice was all that was needed to show Nick's disappointment, "Oh, that's a bummer. I was really looking forward to seeing you again. How about tomorrow? I'd really like to get to know you...maybe even outside the gym."

"I don't know," April began, dying on the inside and feeling that something important was slipping from her grasp. "I'm dealing with some stuff, and it's hard..." She didn't intend for it to happen, but the tears and sobs had a mind of their own.

Nicki was instantly concerned and as was usual became calm and assertive, "April, you need to listen to me. I know you're having some kind of problems, but facing them alone isn't the way to do it. You are alone, aren't you?"

"Yes, I'm alone," the sobbing voice replied.

"April, I want you to let me come over. I don't care what's going on, but I do not want you to be alone. Will you trust me?"

"I'm sorry, I just can't! I wish I could, but I just can't do it! I better go now." And the phone went dead.

Nicki pulled the truck into a parking lot and stopped. She was even more concerned now and wondering what was going on. "Fuck," she exclaimed out loud. "It could be anything!" But she had a bad feeling inside. She had faced too many of her own demons to not recognize the fear and pain in Aprils voice.

Making a decision, Nicki did a reverse address search on April's number. Putting the address into the GPS, she pulled back into traffic and headed for Aprils house. Having no idea what she would find was unsettling, but fearing what might be happening...or what might happen frightened her more.

It took twenty minutes to drive to Aprils house. Nicki was surprised to see it was in one of the better parts of town and when she pulled into the drive it was obviously a custom designed home.

She rang the intercom at the front entrance and waited for April to answer. When no answer came, she rang again.

Finally a voice answered, "You came anyway..."

"Yes, and I'm not leaving until you let me in. If there's someone in there threatening you just say so and I'll deal with it," Nicki replied.

"No, no...I'm alone. I'll be right down," April replied.

After what seemed an eternity the front door finally opened and a disheveled April tried to put on a brave front, "Well, you're persistent, I'll give you that. Please come in."

"I'm sorry if I'm being pushy...but you scared me," Nicki said once inside.

"I didn't mean to loose it like that. I've just been on edge lately," April replied feeling surprised at her relief that Nicki was here.

"Okay, I can understand that from personal experience. What do you say to maybe let's just do something...anything, that would get you out of the house and take a break from whatever it is that's bothering you. I promise to not ask one question about what it is, but I bet it'll get better if we get out of here." Nicki had faced too many of her own demons to not be able to relate and knew it's always better to not be alone and change the scenery. The hard part was getting someone to agree to it.

"You're probably right," April agreed. "Come in and lets sit down."

"Go on up stairs and make yourself comfortable. There's cold drinks and some beer in the little refrigerator at the bar. I need to go wash my face and clean up a some, I must look a mess," April added.

Nicki didn't think she looked a mess. Oddly, she felt a stronger attraction to her after seeing such vulnerability and honesty. She knew it was hard for April to accept the offer of company, whatever was going on Nicki was just glad she had come. Probably an abusive husband, or ugly divorce she speculated. It was strange though, they had only spoken one time, and yet it felt almost as if they were old friends. Perhaps it was just two desperate and lonely women grasping at anything that might offer some change...some hope. But it didn't feel desperate...it felt soothing and peaceful in some odd way.