Babydoll Ch. 21

I concentrated on my climax, pulling back to stare into her lovely sea of green eyes. The electrical friction pulsated throughout my system as our bodies collided in this awkward position. The sounds of passion permeated my mind as I rutted in and out of Jill's love furiously. The ebb and flow of our fornication had Jill's stiff nipples standing from her areoles like two pyramids. Once again we were lost in one another.

My cock lurched in the heat of the moment. "It's coming Jilly... It's coming," I warned as I knelt up and pushed her thighs apart, looking down to see my cock slip and slide in and out of her pretty pussy. Jill shimmied wildly all over my shaft as the sticky comingled cream flowed between us.

My entire cock pulsated, a moment before the climax. I literally convulsed as I came.

Growling, my body seized, halting my thrusts due to the overwhelming sensations that electrified and roared through me. Ultimately, it felt as though someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on me. But, Jill hadn't stopped her movements and honestly I couldn't take it. I couldn't breathe. I laid my head to her side and must have passed out.

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Thanksgiving

It was decided upon that I would come home at Thanksgiving. Jill would be coming with me and Little John would be christened at church during a private christening on Saturday. That was natural, since he would be right at two months old.

So after classes on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving we were packed and ready to go. Jill came by my afternoon class and picked me up. I had decided that I would let her drive and I was going to sit back in the passenger's seat and chill. It was a little past 4pm when we left, so with a couple of stops to eat and use the bathroom, we were expected home around 9pm.

As I sat back in the passenger's seat, I tried to hold all of the emotions running through my mind in check. I had to do my best to hide what I was going through from Jill. There was a lot of anguish about all that had happened with Ashley.

There was the shock of the baby. But, I was excited that I was going to get to meet and hold my son... and I still loved Ash like I could never love another. And, I did love Jill. I needed Jill in my life. I needed her companionship. But, Jill thought she was my only.

The anxieties ran through my soul, but I had to hold it all in. I was going to lose my mind.

You know, I loved the city where I was going to college. I didn't really know for sure whether I would be accepted into law school there and there were other, more prestigious, law schools around the country. I had just grown accustomed to this trip home that I had made several times now. It wasn't so far that I couldn't get home, but it wasn't close enough that I could make a day trip.

It was just about far enough that I could clearly think about what was facing me when I got home.

I never really did understand why Jill cared so much for me. When I would become distant, she always seemed to know what to do to reel me back in. Of course, I didn't understand why I allowed myself to love Ashley the way that I did or how I allowed myself to get into the predicament I had with my mother. I didn't understand the feelings that Ash or my mother had for me. How had this web gotten so tangled?

Jill was always there for me through thick and thin, just like she was in this moment. One thing Mama had always been right about, Jill was good for me. Once again I was making the trek home for Thanksgiving after a long period of time of not seeing them. I had plenty to worry about. There was no estrangement as there had been before. I had talked to them all on the phone, but there was plenty that just couldn't be said.

As we continued west in our journey, the sun continued its descent in the crystal clear sky. The long shadows of fall brought out the brilliant colors of the few leaves left behind by summer. I had lost much of the homesick feelings I had in the past. The experiences I had been through over the past several years had done a lot to dull that ache. That ache had been replaced by the apprehension of anxiety.

The one thing that was different about this trip was that I was walking into the situation sober. I wasn't sipping whiskey or smoking any weed. I was going to meet this situation with a clear head. I didn't want to see my son for the first time with a buzz on. But, that meant that I had to live with the consequences of my frayed nerves.

As we pulled into town, the traffic was heavy, as one would expect on the day before Thanksgiving. The temperature on that evening was in the upper 50s, which is fairly warm in comparison to most late fall days. The sky was clear and the stars were out, but they weren't as noticeable when we were rolling through the city. With Jill driving, I looked around and took note seeing that not much had changed since I had been gone.

Like every time I had made the trip home from college, it seemed that my anxiety was building to a crescendo. I was trying to suppress the butterflies in my stomach. It was right at 9:15pm, the last time I looked at the dashboard clock, before we pulled into the old neighborhood. As Jill drove into the driveway, everything looked to be in order. Even in the dark, I could see that the grass was yellow and the trees were headed towards winter mode, but everything looked as it should for the time of year.

Ash's car was in the driveway and the front porch lights were on, I figured in anticipation of our arrival. Jill parked my car and we grabbed our bags and headed for the door. I pulled my keys out and opened the door and was immediately greeted by Mama, who was wearing an apron and looked to be coming from the kitchen, she smiled from ear to ear and excitedly embraced me with a hug. Pulling back, she utterly glowed in the moment, quivering with excitement as she next embraced Jill while asking how the trip was.

I kissed her on the cheek, letting her know, "Mom, it's so good to be home. I've missed it." I couldn't help noticing how great she looked again, in the fall plaid ensemble and skirt she was wearing.

"Oh Jimmy, I've missed you so much," she would have continued on and on, but Ash was making her way down the steps.

Ash's smile was more reserved, but I could read in her eyes that she too was glad to see me. She was wearing a pair of red plaid patterned lounge pants and plain black hoodie that was zipped up most of the way over a white t-shirt. She looked so mature now. There was definitely no girl left in her. She was a woman.

She continued to smile as she approached me, coming up and giving me a firm hug, and pecking my cheek, "I've missed you big brother," as she held me tight.

"Where's the baby?" I asked, antsy to see him for the first time.

Ash turned and hugged Jill while answering, "He's asleep. I didn't want to wake him up, but we can go up and see him."

Mama chimed in, "Y'all go up and see him. I'll be in the kitchen. Y'all come back down and I'll fix you something to eat and drink."

We headed up to Ash's room. It was obvious when we entered that the boy lived in her room. There was a crib at the foot of her bed. We walked over, "Do you want to hold him Jimmy?" she asked.

"I can wait... he looks at peace there sleeping. I don't wanna wake him up." The moment took my breath away seeing that beautiful baby.

Jill cooed, "You have a beautiful nephew there."

I turned to look at her, but what could I say, In that moment I resented that he was being called my nephew. He belonged to me. I wanted her to call him my son. My son was beautiful. I needed to get a hold of myself.

I so wanted to hold him as we hovered over him for a few minutes, but I truly didn't want to disturb him. Eventually I felt a little awkward, "Ash, we'll go downstairs and see Mama and leave him in peace."

"OK Jimmy," she said as if she could read my mind. "I'm going to hang out up here for a little while. I'm a little bit tired myself."

We headed downstairs and sat at the kitchen dinette table. Mom had made some hot chocolate and asked if we would like a sandwich. We told her that we weren't that hungry, because we had stopped and gotten a sandwich a couple hours earlier. We did settle on having some pound cake though.

Mama had been and continued to work on the food for the next day., She was getting the accompaniments together, so that she wouldn't be scrambling around in the morning. Jill offered to help, but she insisted that she was almost finished any way.

She sat down and we all spoke about classes at school and what we had been up to. Eventually the idle chit chat turned to plans for our wedding and by the time the conversation began about Ash and Little John, I felt awkward. What could I say? I had nothing to contribute to that conversation, so I sat there like a third wheel in awkward silence.

Eventually I found the courage to excuse myself, letting the ladies know that it had been a long day, I was tired and I was going to head upstairs and get ready for bed. I headed upstairs and saw that Ash's door was open and was naturally drawn to see her. Her essence filled my nostrils as I approached. We had talked over the phone, but I hadn't seen her since that fateful Valentine's night when all had been discovered. We had been artificially separated by the circumstances of life.

It had been nine long and arduous months and seeing her briefly had brought everything back. It is true what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder. She must have noticed my presence when I stopped at the door to look at her. I just wanted to see her. She was so beautiful sitting on her bed reading a book. I noticed Little John's crib in the corner. He appeared to still be sleeping.

Ash rose from the bed and came towards me, "Where's Jill?" she whispered.

"She's downstairs talking with Mom." I replied.

She came up to me and hugged me and suddenly turned towards the baby, "Would you like to hold him?"

"Yeah, but he's asleep," I answered.

She smiled, "He's always sleeping these days. That's what babies do." She walked over to him as I followed. Picking him up she placed him in my naturally cradled arms. He opened his eyes with a 'what the hell is going on around here' expression as I was awed by the natural love that I felt for him. He was so beautiful.

I shook my head, "I'm so sorry Ash. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I've always loved you more than anything in this world. It torments me... the way I feel. Nothing compares to you. I want us to be together." as I couldn't hold back the tears.

Her face mirrored my sad expression, as she mouthed, 'I know." She leaned into me and whispered, "... But you promised you'd take care of us. You have to take care of Jill to take care of us. We're family."

I inhaled deeply trying not to cry harder, shaking my head, feeling the electricity of anxiety roll through my nervous system.

"You've got to get a hold of yourself Jimmy," Ash insisted. "People can't see this. The way you are feeling now," she paused, "... I've been feeling that forever. You can't let people see that. You've got to keep that in."

"I know..." I blubbered feeling the crimson blood roll through my being, "I know." I took another deep breath trying to suppress the feelings, while looking at my beautiful son.

Ashley took him from my arms, "Jimmy, please go to the bathroom and wash your face. You've gotta get a hold of yourself." I kissed her cheek, "Thank You..." lingered as I walked to the door, turning, "I love you."

I headed to the bathroom to wash my face. It was going to take a while to gather my composure, so I decided to take a shower, where I could reflect on the situation in solitude. When I left the bathroom, I saw that Ash had closed her bedroom door. That was for the best.

I went to my room and put on my pajamas and laid down. It wasn't long before Jill came into the room. I pretended to be asleep while she grabbed her nightgown and headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed. She came back in not bothering to wake me, but scooted back up in my arms as we seemed to have fallen asleep in unison. It had been a long day.

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I woke up at 10am to the smell of the Thanksgiving Day Turkey wafting through the air. Apparently Jill had already awoken, because she was nowhere to be found, but I saw her nightgown, so I assumed that she was already dressed. I went to the bathroom to relieve myself and brush my teeth, but I wasn't worried about the normal morning routine. Since we were staying home, there was no need to shave or shower. I headed back to my room, not putting on anything fancy, just jeans, t-shirt, sweater, socks, and shoes, before heading downstairs.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were always my favorite holidays, when I was young. Thanksgiving was great, because we weren't in school, we had four days off, it had always been a wonderful time at home, watching parades and football and being around the family. All of that had changed over the last few years and I tried to put last Thanksgiving out of my mind, though it crept back in frequently.

This year Mom was going all out to bring the holiday back. We weren't going to the club. We were going to have a traditional Thanksgiving at home and even Joe would even be there. Only Jan wouldn't be present because of her job. She had been successful in her retail job and had the opportunity to transfer to Atlanta, where she had been for a couple of years. The day after Thanksgiving would be the dreaded Black Friday. She would have to be up in the middle of the night readying her store to open at 5am.

Mama and my grandparents really missed her, but they spoke with her often. Everyone understood that this was the reality of getting older. Jan, being the oldest, had always been pretty much of an independent soul. Sometimes it was as if she wanted to pretend she was an only child. We were never close and I only spoke with her on the rarest occasions; like when she was in the company of one of the other family members or if she needed something from me.

Jill, Ash, and Mom were in the kitchen preparing for the meal, which had always taken place in the early afternoon. The turkey seemed to be at least halfway done and some of the other side dishes were sitting on the counter. The girls appeared to have everything right on schedule and were sitting at the dinette having coffee, nibbling on muffins, and talking when I entered the room.

As I walked by, saying "good morning," all eyes turned towards my direction. Mama told me, "Jimmy, there's some coffee and muffins over on the counter. You better eat something, we won't be eating until probably 2(pm). I smiled at all of them as Jill came over to me, smiling, "Good Morning my love," hugging and kissing my cheek. "Did you sleep well?"

I smiled without saying a word, noticing Ash and Mama staring at me. I couldn't help wondering what they were thinking. I had slept well. It always did seem easier to sleep in the bed that I grew up sleeping in. No matter the awkwardness that I sometimes felt being here, I was home and it is true what they say, when they say, 'Home is where the heart is.'

Mama came up to me, while Jill made her way back to the table. She hugged and kissed my cheek, which was welcomed but awkward in front of Ash, "It's good to have you home."

"It's good to be home," I smiled and stared in Ash's eyes, while Jill sat down. I so longed for a hug from her, but sensed it wasn't forthcoming, which was understandable. I grabbed my coffee and muffin, "OK ladies, I'll get out of the way, I'm going to the den."

I headed to the den and smiled, seeing my son laying in his crib. I turned on the television, before heading over and picking up Little John to cradle in my arms. I was definitely drawn to the boy. He opened his eyes and looked to be focusing in another 'What the hell's going on around here' manner. I definitely was in love.

The Macy's Thanksgiving Parade came to my attention in the background as they went to commercial. I felt a presence as Ashley entered the room, coming up to me, kissing my cheek, "He's beautiful isn't he."

I smiled while looking at her.

She mouthed the words silently, 'He looks just like you.'

I so wanted to hold them both in my arms, as I mouthed back silently, 'Thank You.'

It was another paradox. It sucked that I would be tormented by this situation the rest of my life, but on the other hand this little boy was so beautiful that I couldn't be ashamed that I had helped create him.

Jill entered the room and Ashley took John in her arms, "I've gotta go feed him. I hope y'all don't mind," then she headed out of the room."

Jill sat down with me on the sofa and we looked at the parade. We both reminisced about watching that parade growing up. It was generally Ash and I that would watch it and I would be waiting for the football pregame to come on. Usually when the football started was when the family would begin to arrive. Jill said her family basically did the same, but they had Thanksgiving dinner in the evening, usually around 5pm.

It wasn't long before Ashley brought Little John back to the den, "Here, you wanna hold him?" she asked as I extended my arms.

Mama had continued in the kitchen making the preparations and Ash asked Jill to help set up the dining room. This gave me the one-on-one time with my son that I craved. I so loved holding him, here on our first full day together. So many thoughts ran through my mind. I hardly paid attention to the parade going on in the background. I didn't know how I would leave come Sunday. I wasn't going to get to see the boy again until at least Christmas.

It wasn't long before Jill and Ashley had gone upstairs to get ready for Joe and my grandparents to arrive. Mama came into the living room and took John from me, hugging him and placing him back in his cradle, "Jim, I need you to keep an eye on things in the kitchen. I've got to go take a shower."

"OK," I replied. "What do you need?"

"Just go in there every little while and make sure nothing is burning," she commanded. "The turkey should be ready when I get back... and please don't be eating everything."

"OK," I snickered knowing that I couldn't help but do a little nibbling.

Mama hadn't been gone long when I went in to check on everything. 'I don't know what she's worried about,' I thought to myself, everything looks good to me, as I deftly peeled some of the meat from the bottom of the turkey to sample it.

About that time the doorbell rang and I went to answer it. It was Joe. I actually gave him a hug when he entered, "It's good to see you Joe. You didn't have to ring the bell. You could have just walked in."

"Thanks," he replied, "But I don't live here anymore." He looked down at the ground.

"Let's not worry about that today... Mama's getting ready upstairs..." I led the way back to the den. "Your old chair is still there," I pointed.

The football pregame had begun, but Joe went over to check out the baby. "Hello little fella," He chuckled.

"You can pick him up," I insisted. while going over and picking him up and handing him towards him.

"I dunno," he resisted.

"Come on," I forced John on him.

Joe, reticent at first, took a shine to the boy. He held him for a couple of minutes before putting him back in the crib. "You know I always wanted one of those."

"You had me," I laughed.

"You were grown up and in kindergarten when your mother and I met," he smiled and I knew what he had meant. In no way did I take offense to what he had said. He wasn't the perfect stepfather. He was a little stand-offish when it came to most parental matters, but he had become a really good friend through the years. I certainly missed him.

The football game had begun the next time the doorbell rang. I went to the door to see that it was Big and Gramms. 'What is wrong with these people,' I thought to myself. They can just come in. They are family and Big had paid a huge chunk for the down payment on this place years ago.