Back to Bristol Ch. 21

I considered that for a sip or two. "I don't think so."

Piers accepted my answer, but probably noted the hesitancy. "Mankind is a fairly stupid animal in some respects. He doesn't learn from experience. You've only got to look at history to realise that, the same bloody mistakes being repeated time after time." He paused and sipped his whisky. "But that's not quite true. Man doesn't learn from other people's experience. He or in this case, she does learn from their own experience. Molly made a mistake. And out of it she wrecked her life and everyone else's. She'll have learnt that nice kind gentlemen friends who chat you up can cause havoc. She won't do it again, Chris."

"I know that. I just wonder if I feel that." I finished my whisky. "Maybe."

We only had one more round after that before we drifted off to our beds.

Life went as usual for the next few days. Molly didn't ask questions, but I caught her just looking at me on more than one occasion. She hadn't booked anything for the Friday, but had booked two theatre tickets for the next Friday, because she preferred next week's play.

It was after lunch on Sunday, and I was just leaving Ralph's house when Ralph stopped me as I came out of the front door. He just looked at me, "Time for a sherry." He said with a smile, and I followed him to his shed.

"How's your divorce going?" I asked.

"I think we're agreed at long last. I reckon we can ask for the hearing some time in January. It was a war of attrition, and eventually she had to concede. I'll get what I wanted, just buy her an annuity and she's out of my life, and I can get on and enjoy my retirement. I'm going to put the house up for sale after Christmas."

"Does Molly know? I ought to talk to her about making sure she's got somewhere to live."

"There's no hurry." He paused and looked at me for sometime, "But you should talk to her. There's obviously some problem, and you aren't talking to Molly about it. She hasn't the faintest idea what's going through your head."

"Hence the sherry." I said with a smile. "Oh, I don't know what the problem is. If I did I'd solve it."

There was a long silence while we sipped our sherries, then Ralph said, "You know what would really get to me, if I were you?"

I looked up wondering what he was going to say, and he continued, "First, I don't know that I could forgive any wife that screwed around on me. And although she's my daughter, and I'll forgive her anything, that's what she did to you." He paused and looked at me, but I didn't react, and he went on, "And second, that she spent four years having sex with another man. Now that really would give me nightmares."

He waited and I had to answer, "I don't have problems with what she did in her marriage to Peter. I have problems that she actually married him, but I've accepted that. And once married, she did what any wife was expected to do."

"And the first problem? Do you think she would slip again?"

"No, absolutely not. But, somewhere in that area I reckon there is still some stupid residue hurt of mine. But I know what happened, and it's almost excusable. Not quite, but almost. And surely, I should be able to forgive her what happened five years ago?"

Ralph drained the remains of his sherry, "Talk to Molly. Throw it on her shoulders. She got you into this mess, it's up to her to get you out of it."

I looked at him, and wondered, what could she do that I couldn't? I took my last sip of sherry, "Maybe." Was my only reply.

But on Tuesday night, Molly pressed me quite hard. It was after dinner at my flat, and we were both sitting on the sofa, I guess we were just beginning to tentatively move towards necking and moving towards the bedroom. Well, anyway, that's what I was thinking of doing. But then Molly said, "You talked to Ralph on Sunday afternoon. What about? Was it whatever is troubling you? Talk to me Chris."

I stared at her, I saw a woman I loved, that I wanted, and yet... "I don't know what's troubling me, I wish I did. I love you Molly. I love you so much. But, I don't know....maybe it's just my stupid pride. Maybe it's that I can't get over what you did. I don't know, I just don't know." My voice was rising in desperation.

"But I've said I'm sorry. I know I hurt you so much. But I am sorry, so sorry." The tears were back, "I don't know what else to do. I've explained everything. There are no secrets. What do you want me to do, Chris? Tell me, what am I supposed to do?"

I calmed down slightly, "I just don't know."

Molly wiped her eyes, "Let's go and see Heather. Please Chris, we'll go together."

Suddenly, my anger rolled back in a big way, "You cheated on me, Molly. You cheated on me. And that's you're answer? Say sorry and spend a couple of hours with a bloody counsellor? Screw who you like and just say sorry afterwards?" And now my tears began to flow.

I turned my back on her, and felt myself wanting to curl up into a ball. Molly put her arms around me, "I know. I know. I don't blame myself as much as I used to for what happened that afternoon. But I know, whatever Peter did, I should have spotted it and stopped him."

From somewhere deep inside me a phrase that she had used six months earlier came out, with some sobs, "You said you wanted him. That you wanted him inside of you. That I was forgotten. I loved you Molly, and you forgot me." My tears now flowed easily, "You forgot me."

I could feel the back of my shirt getting wet from her tears, "I know. I'm so sorry. I'll never, ever forget you again, not for a moment. I promise. I'll prove it to you. I don't know how, but I will."

We sat there in silence for some time, until both of us were ready to dry our eyes.

I looked at Molly, and she said, "I meant it, I will find a way of proving to you that I'll never forget you again. I don't know how yet, but I'll find a way."

"I don't think there is a way. It's just something that I'll have to get used to." I said. "Other guys get over these things, I guess I will."

"No, maybe I need to do something to show my sorrow and commitment as well, it's my absolution. My atonement." She paused, "Would you forgive me if I don't come around on Thursday night, not unless I've worked out what to do? There is no point in just sitting looking at each other with this hanging over us."

Now I was worried, "We're not at the end are we?"

She smiled, "Oh! I hope not. Don't give up on me yet, not after we've come so far."

"Well, we've got theatre tickets for Friday. Let's stick to using those. And we've got the Company's annual dance on Saturday, you said you would come with me to that."

She frowned, "I know I did. But, are you still sure you want me there? I was Peter's wife last year, that's how they know me. What will they think of you, turning up with the ex-wife of one of their colleagues?"

"I want you there." I said, and tried to smile. I knew she dreaded facing everyone, but I felt it had to be done sometime.

I got through the rest of the week. Carole sensed that something was wrong, but she kept a discreet silence. Myra was more often in London that in our offices these days as she began to wind up the transfer of ITI systems. And I didn't see Piers at all.

Friday was busy, and I was late. I did phone and warn Molly and she was waiting for me at my flat when I eventually got there. "No time to eat now, we'll get an after show supper. Let's just go."

It was a miserable, dark and wet night. The rain was fairly light, but it had been going on for hours and everything was wet and glistening and miserable. Of course, on wet nights everyone uses their cars. So there was no where to park, and I drove around and around, getting further and further from the theatre as we went. Then I'd drive back to the best car park and start the tour again. I was getting to that edgy stage where all that mattered was getting parked and getting to the theatre before the curtain went up. Eventually I found a parking spot on the street. It was a good ten minute walk back to the theatre, and the curtain went up in fifteen minutes.

I hurried Molly on, both of us huddled under my umbrella, and with me mumbling about how we might as well have left the car at home and walked from my flat, it would have been quicker. And suddenly Molly stopped.

"What's the matter?"

"Did you see what we just passed? It's the answer."

I looked up the street, there were a few shops; all of them looked closed, except for one dubious one which was a Tattoo and Piercing Parlour.

"No I don't. There's nothing. Come on, you were the one that wanted to see this play."

She stood firm, "Do you remember I told you about reading a bondage sort of book, way back in my bad times?"

I was abrupt, "Yes?"

"In it, The Master had the girl's pussy pierced. A row of rings down each side. He used to like hanging weights on them. He wanted her to have stretched pussy lips." She shrugged, "Don't ask me, it seemed rather odd, but I guess it hit the spot for some readers. Anyway, don't you see? I'll have my pussy pierced, just one ring on either side, low down. And you can get a padlock and lock me up. I know it's extreme, but think about it, you could have the only key, and then you'd know that you were safe. And you would know that I'd never forget you again, not with that on me. Please Chris. I need to show you that I love you, and that I'm sorry. And that I'd never do it again."

The whole idea struck me as pretty revolting, not my scene at all. But it also struck me as pretty unlikely. Molly had obviously not thought about the piercing process. Her phobia hadn't struck in yet.

"Molly, think about it. Piercing? Needles? Holes in your flesh?"

She looked at me, and she had thought about it. She was white and tears were rolling down her cheeks, "I know. But I want to show you. I'll need you there. If I'm lucky, I'll just pass out. Please Chris, let me do this for you. I've got to show you. Please."

Was she bluffing, knowing that I would never put her through this? I had no intention of letting it happen, but I was aware that the closer she got to thinking it might, was closer she got to proving to me that she would go that extra mile.

"OK. I suppose it might work. But are you sure? You'll have to sign a release form. And do you want a stranger playing with you down there?"

She was now a pale green colour, and I could see beads of sweat breaking out on her forehead, "Yes. Hold me, please Chris. And please, let me make us happen. Come on, take me in. Right now, before I get too scared."

And she turned round and started heading back towards the Piercing shop. I caught her up and just put my arm around her.

When we went in, I could feel Molly shaking. But she was the one that spoke to the guy who came out from beyond a curtained doorway. He was tall, and thin, and had two piercings on his face, plus several ear piercings. But he also had grey, intelligent eyes. And, as he moved, I could see that his body was a mass of tattoos, from his open neck shirt down to his wrists, where the tattooing suddenly stopped leaving his hands unblemished.

"I want to be pierced." Molly said, quite firmly. "Can you do it now? I want an intimate piercing."

"I could do it now, but you don't look very well, lady? Are you OK?"

"I'm fine. Just a little nervous, that's all. But it's very important to me that I get pierced, now, tonight." She turned to me, "Tell him, Chris. You explain."

So I did, with Molly interrupting again to say just how important it was to her. Then she prompted me to explain about her phobia, which I did. I told him that she might just faint, but there was a chance that she would fight, and that might be a problem. He looked at me, and then back at Molly. "Are you sure, lady? Can't you think of something else?"

Molly looked at me, there were little beads of sweat along her top lip, "I'm sure. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Now where do I have to sign?"

He produced a photocopied release form, and Molly signed it without reading it. She turned to me, "You sort out the details; I need to sit down."

The guy pointed to another curtained doorway, "In there, if you're sure. Take off your pants and sit in the dentist's chair."

Once she'd disappeared out of sight, I turned back to the guy, to explain some things of my own, and to ask a few questions. Once we'd sorted out the details, I went in to the back room. Molly wasn't in the chair. She was sitting on the floor, with her back to some wall cupboards, and her little g-string clenched in her hands.

She had the look of a very frightened rabbit. Her eyes were staring, she was green, and she was rigid with fear. I crouched down in front of her.

"Hold me, Chris. Please, I can do it if you hold me. It will show you that your safe, won't it?"

"Yes, Molly. I know I'm safe. But Molly, I'm not going to have him pierce your pussy. It would be mutilation as far as I'm concerned. But I do want something."

She looked at me with huge, uncomprehending eyes staring out of a waxen greeny-white face.

"Listen to me, Molly. Listen to me. I want you to have your ears pierced. Will you do that for me Molly? Will you do that? Then you can wear diamond studs. I'll buy you some, tomorrow, and they'll match the diamond engagement ring I'll buy you. Please Molly, will you marry me? I need you in my life, so much."

Somehow, I got through to her. The look in her eyes changed, and she imperceptibly nodded. I looked round and the guy was standing with latex gloves on and a pen in his hand. I nodded at him, and he joined me, crouching on the floor.

Molly just continued to stare at me as he carefully marked a spot on each earlobe, and looked hard, making sure they matched. He swabbed each ear with a sterile wipe. Then he took down a little plastic clip thing, which he slid up and over one of Molly's ears. He looked carefully and then suddenly there was a 'pop' sound, and he took his hand away, leaving the ear with a little gold stud in it. Molly blinked, but that was all. Within a minute he had repeated the action of the other ear, and he stood up.

"I've seen scared before, but nothing this bad. But it's all done. I don't think there's any point in me giving you instructions on looking after them. I'll go and find a written set." And he left us.

I lifted Molly to her feet, and sat her on the edge of the dentist's chair, and helped her put her g-string back on. The guy came back with a little leaflet and a glass of water. Five minutes later, Molly was fit to stand and walk. She still hadn't said anything. I paid the guy. I was feeling generous and grateful for his understanding, and I paid him as if he had done two labia piercings instead of simple earlobes and I helped Molly out of the shop. I guess the whole thing had taken less than twenty minutes, but we'd missed the theatre, not that it mattered.

I guided her back towards the car, and Molly's first words were "Where are we going?"

"Back to my flat."

"You did ask me to marry you, didn't you?"

"Yes, Molly. I asked you and you nodded. It's too late now to change your mind."

She stopped and turned towards me, "Never, ever. I love you Chris. So much."

"I know. I just saw it. And I love you, and I'm sorry that it took all this for me to see it, to know. But I don't regret making you have your ears pierced, every time I look at you or you look in a mirror we will see a reflection of our love." And I kissed her.

We just went back to my flat that night. We drank champagne and made love, and eventually at about eleven o'clock, we woke up to the world enough to feel hungry, and I had pizza delivered. Molly kept looking at herself in the mirror and saying things like, "It didn't hurt" or "It was all so quick" or "They don't hurt, even now".

By five past nine the next morning, we were in the best jewellers in town. I think they thought my request for a large diamond solitaire ring with matching ear studs a little odd, but they'd see what they could do. We were obviously taken seriously, because we went up a grade in assistants, and he produced a beautiful diamond ring, not quite solitaire because it had a baguette cut diamond either side of the main stone. But he gave us a quick lesson about cut and clarity and colour and weight, to convince us this was one of the best. And then he produced a set of diamond studs with a matching ornate diamond pendant, that he assured us was the same quality as the ring.

"If you are buying the ring, sir, I'd be prepared to split the set, so that you could have the earrings."

Molly was still just staring at her left hand, with the ring. And beaming from ear to ear.

I asked him "How much?" and when he told me, I gulped and produced the plastic card from my wallet that had the biggest credit limit. But then I followed him to the cash desk and said, "I'll take the necklace as well, it'll be a nice wedding or birthday present later on." Funnily enough, he seemed to be in favour of that idea too.

From the jewellers it was straight to Ralph's house. We let ourselves in, but Ralph met us as he was coming out of the kitchen.

"Hi, you two." He looked at us again, "What's happened, you look sort of...Molly, you've had you're ears...." And his eyes immediately went to her left hand, and he smiled a very big smile, "Champagne. They're watching television, cartoons I think."

We went into the sitting room, but the boys hardly glanced at us, before their eyes returned to the screen.

"Jamie. Ben." I said firmly, "Turn that off, we've got something to tell you." And when we did, Jamie just smiled from ear to ear, ignored Molly and came and gave me the biggest hug I've ever had from him. But Ben just ran from the room, dodging Ralph who was standing in the doorway.

I was the first to find him, he was crouched down on the floor of Ralph's shed in the garden, and he was in floods of tears, "Ben, you should be happy. What is it?"

He looked at me, and between his sobs, "I am happy. But I can't stop crying. I don't now why."

Molly brushed past me, "Oh Ben, my darling. I'm so sorry. I made your Daddy go away for so long. But I told you I'd convince him to come back to us. I'm sorry, I hurt you so much." She hugged him to her, and looked round at me with real pain in her eyes and tears running down her cheeks.

I looked round, and Jamie was standing outside the shed, just watching, "Come on Jamie. We should all be in one this hug." And I pulled him to me as he stepped forward, and all four of us sat on the floor of the shed and just hugged and wept.

Ralph found us like that. He had a bottle of champagne in his hand, and he just stood and watched. Eventually he said, "Come on, I'm thirsty."

As we were talking and drinking champagne, and we allowed the boys to have one glass each, Ralph looked at his watch. "What time is it in Australia? Have you told your Mother?"

I looked at Molly, "No. And I'm not going to yet. I've already booked the tickets for myself and the boys to go down there for Christmas, it can't be impossible to get a fourth ticket. Let her find out in the flesh, so to speak."

Molly kissed me, "When? I need to tell the hospital."

"We'll fly out on Friday the twenty first until the fifth of January. Today's the eighth, so in thirteen days time. And if the hospital gives you any problems, then just resign, you want to anyway." And I kissed her. "Carole can sort out the ticket and arrangements on Monday. It'll give her something to do."

Molly smiled, "She's been good to you."

I thought about Carole for a moment, "She's been more than good to me. I owe her. But don't let her know. An invite to the wedding will be enough, and cheaper than a present." And I smiled, and Molly knew I would ask her to help me buy Carole a big Christmas present from me.