Big Girls Don't Cry Ch. 04

He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts as we listened to the sound of crickets chirring in the hot, still air.

"I hope we brought you up well, son, and I know you'll repay us by doing the same for your own children. I'm proud of you for being who you are, Darryl, not what you are; and even if you weren't my son already, I'd welcome you into this family to be my son, and Lena's husband. Take care of her, Darryl; I know I've said this before, but I want to say it again; she's waited her whole life for you, don't let her down. Pretty soon you're going to be the man of the family; I know it's an old-fashioned idea, but it's true nevertheless, and I need you to be strong for your mum, for Lena, and for Elisabeth and the children; they're all going to need you in some way, even if it's just to be there for them. With your mother, though, don't leave her here alone when I'm gone; she says she wants to stay here after...you know, but she'll be here alone, and I won't do that to her; take her home, son, she's going to need you, all of you, but most especially she's going to need Lena and little David."

I listened to this with tears running down my cheeks. I finally got that dad was saying goodbye, and it hurt more than I thought anything could ever hurt. Dad saw, and reached over to rub my cheek.

"It's okay, son, I'm ready to go soon; I've had more time than I would have had, and I've done the things I wanted to; I've held my grandchildren, found my little girl again, and seen my baby girl happy with the man she's always wanted, I can go now, I'm ready. You can let me go, I'll be fine, I promise, and so will you!"

He looked up, and I followed the direction of his gaze, to see Lena standing in the patio door, her hand pressed against her lips and her eyes wide with shock and loss.

"Lena..." he started, and suddenly she was on the lounger next to him, her arms around his neck as she cried into his shoulder. Dad rocked and soothed her like he used to when she was three, murmuring to her as he rocked her against him. As he rocked her, her sobs gradually diminished, until finally she was able to sit up and look at him again, her eyes puffy and red-rimmed, but clear of tears. He grinned at her.

"That's better; big girls don't cry, baby-girl!"

"Daddy, how are we going..." she began, but dad silenced her with a finger on her lips.

"Shush, baby-girl, and listen. I was telling Darryl it's time for me to go; not this instant, but soon; I have everything I needed from both of you now, so I can go knowing I didn't leave any loose ends for you to tie up. When I'm gone, I want you to take your mother home, okay? Don't leave her here alone, she's going to need you, and I know you both need her. I want you both to know I love you, and I always will love you, and I'm proud of you both, and happy that you're both so happy together. You both found that special person, and I know you'll always be happy together, so I'm happy. Be well, children!"

He stood up and gave Lena his hand as she stood up, and hugged her again.

"I love you daddy!" she murmured.

"And I love you too, baby-girl!" he said, then held out his arm for me, hugging me as he hugged Lena. With that, there was no more to be said, so we walked inside, where we met Lizzie, who'd obviously been waiting for us to finish saying good bye. Dad also hugged her wordlessly, holding her head close to him as she cried soundlessly, saying her own goodbye. After a while, dad began whispering in her ear, Lizzie nodding occasionally, then dad smiled and smoothed her hair, and Lizzie smiled back through her tears before hugging him once more.

We walked dad to his room, where mum waited. She somehow knew what had just transpired, and kissed all three of us silently, a quick peck and a quick brush on the cheek with her hand, then we left to go back to our rooms and our beds.

Once in bed, I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours, the conversation with dad turning over and over in my mind, and when sleep did come, it was fitful and restless. Lena fared no better, the baby waking on cue and needing to be fed, so what with one thing or another, we finally fell asleep at close to 4 a.m.

I'd been asleep for what felt like only a few minutes when a soft knocking at the door jarred me awake. Lena woke with a start, her eyes wide and frightened. Trying to convey that it was nothing to be alarmed about, I slid out of bed and opened the door, to see mum standing there.

"Dar, could you come with me, please?" she asked, her voice calm, but her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Lena...?"

My heart sank as I realised why she wanted us. I picked up my stethoscope from my flight bag and followed her, while Lena scooped up David and tagged in behind me.

When we got to their room I immediately went to dad's bedside. He appeared to be sound asleep, his face peaceful, relaxed and untroubled, almost young-looking, no sign of any trauma, but one glance told me all I needed to know. I followed procedure anyway, checking for his pulse at wrist, carotid, and breast while tears blurred my eyesight. No breath sounds, no pulse, no heartbeat, and the signs of lividity already beginning to appear. I looked at Lena and she began keening, mum immediately holding her and the baby as they both cried together. He was still warm; his poor, damaged heart must have finally given out just a little while ago. He'd gone in his sleep, so at least I could be grateful for small mercies; there had been no long, drawn-out battle with his illness, no suffering stretched into an eternity of choking and gasping for breath. Some comfort, but not much, not when I wanted my dad so much; I didn't want him gone peacefully, I wanted him back, now. But he was gone, and we were left to do the last things he had asked of us. I leaned over and placed his hands on his chest, straightened his bedclothes, and kissed him one last time. I looked up and Lizzie was in the doorway.

"Is he..?" she whispered, and I nodded. Two big tears ran down her cheeks, then mum was there to include her in her hug, the three of them surrounding the baby as they mourned our loss. Lena broke away from mum and Lizzie to place David in my arms as she leaned down to hug dad and kiss him one last time, then sat next to me on the bed, her hand finding its way into mine.

I was feeling strange; I had officiated at a few deaths in my career so far, an inevitable consequence of being a doctor, and I had so far managed to maintain a degree of clinical detachment, and now that professionalism was taking over, directing me in what to do next; with a shock I realised dad had been right; I was the man of the family now, not a boy any more, and there were calls to make, wheels to set in motion, arrangements to be made, and it was my responsibility to make sure the right things happened, the way dad would have wanted them done.

I scanned through the notes file and found the number of the doctor who was dad's specialist at the hospital, and put in a call to him. After a few rings, he answered, more asleep than awake, and I told him dad was gone. He promised me he was on his way, and hung up. Now I didn't know what to do next, I had no plan until the doctor arrived, and when mum sat down next to me and brushed my hair off my face, that was when I could finally stop being professional, and start mourning my dad.

Mum held me while I cried for him, for all the things I'd wanted to tell him and never had the chance, for all the things his grandchildren would say, and do, and be, things he would never be a part of now, and for my own loss. Mum held me close while I cried myself out, Lena joining me, her hand soft and gentle in mine as she shared my grief and loss.

The wheels gathered momentum as the machinery of death swung into action; death certificate, Chapel of Rest, funeral service and burial. The RAF base at Akrotiri sent six Royal Air Force servicemen in full dress to act as pallbearers, a last gift from his friends and a mark of respect to an ex-RAF serviceman, and a wreath from the Cyprus branch of the Royal British Legion. We laid dad to rest in Dhekelia Military Cemetery in Larnaca, in the Eastern Sovereign Base Area of the island.

I was numb through the whole thing, mouthing responses through the service, and mechanically throwing that symbolic handful of dirt onto the coffin; none of us was ready to say goodbye to him, and even though his illness had numbered his days, none of us had really believed it would ever come to this; Dad was...dad, solid as a rock, father, husband, sometimes judgemental, sometimes stern, sometimes angry, always dependable, usually placid and fair-minded, and always, always there when we needed him; a normal man, the bedrock of our family, and the one certainty in my life as I grew up, and now he was gone.

That gaping hole in my life I had anticipated when he first told us he was dying was now there for real, and it felt like nothing could ever fill it again; then my baby son held my finger as I held him, his tiny hand gripping me tight, and I realised that the hole dad's passing had left in our lives would gradually fill and heal over as family and life and loved ones rushed in to seal the breach and make us whole again. I smiled as that realisation finally hit home, and Lena, always in tune with me, smiled as well through her tears as she shared in my epiphany.

At the house afterwards, after the last of the mourners and well-wishers had left, we sat and looked around, subtle reminders of dad everywhere, but it was more wistful than grieving; dad was gone, but we were still here, and we were still a family; we had each other, we had mum, and there was still the promise and life of the children to look forward to yet. Dad had left behind a complete family, and that was something he could be proud of.

Eventually Lena left to feed the baby, and mum accompanied her to help, and hold the baby afterwards. Allie came and sat next to me and pulled my arm up and over her shoulders so she could snuggle up against me. Marcus was looking lost, pale and exhausted, so Lizzie took him to put him in bed, leaving just Allie and me to sit in silence. Eventually Allie broke the silence.

"Darryl, who are you? I mean really? Mum says you're Aunt Emma's nephew, Lena says you're her boyfriend, so does Nana, but today, it was like you were more than that; like you were something else, someone everyone loves but no-one wants to talk about. Nana's always touching your face or brushing your hair back when she thinks no-one's looking, and she acts like she's your mum. Grandad was Lena and mum's dad, but it was like he was your dad as well, not just your girlfriend's dad, so tell me; really, who are you? 'Cos I'm really confused..."

I was momentarily wrong-footed; Allies sharp eyes had seen things, and now her sharp little brain was busily making connections.

A movement caught my eye, and I looked up to see Lizzie in the doorway, her eyes wide and wondering. As she looked into my eyes, she nodded slightly, giving me permission to tell my story, then turned and left just as silently. I understood her reasoning immediately; if Allie was old enough to ask, she was old enough to know the truth.

"Allie," I began, "What I'm telling you now is for you only; if you can't solemnly swear to keep this to yourself forever, then I'm not saying another word, do you understand me?"

She looked at me with big eyes, obviously impressed with what I was asking of her, then nodded slowly.

"I promise, Darryl!" she whispered.

"Thank you Allie!" I said, and smiled as she grinned back.

"A long time ago, a boy fell in love with a girl; he was six years old, she was only five, but he knew even then that he loved her. They spent all their time together, grew up together, and loved each other very much. When he was a young man, he decided that he'd become a soldier, so he joined the army. One day he and the girl found out they were having a baby, and they were really happy, but then a war came along; he was a soldier, so he had to go, but he promised to come back soon. He never did; he was killed in a place called East Falkland. The girl had the baby, but she couldn't bring him up alone; she was too young, and it hurt her too much to think she'd never have her young man to help her with their son; so she gave the baby to her dad to bring up, and she left."

Allie was looking at me in confusion, trying to understand where I was going with this.

"The name of the boy was Robert Darryl Fraser; he was your Aunt Emma' older brother, and the girl was Elisabeth Evana Morgan. The baby was given his father's middle name, and he was brought up by Elisabeth's father."

Allie was looking at me in silence, her lips moving, wheels turning and clicking inside her head, until suddenly her eyes widened.

"You mean..?" and I smiled at her.

"Robert and Elisabeth's son was named Darryl. That was me. Your mum was only a teenager when she had me, she was too young, and too frightened, to bring me up, so she gave me to her dad, your grandad, to bring up. He's always just been 'dad' to me, and your Nana is my mum as far as I'm concerned."

Allie was sitting up and staring at me now.

"Let me get this straight; my mum is...your mum too? Wow!"

She leaned back again and chewed her lip, until another thought suddenly made her sit bolt upright.

"Wait a second there, just hold on a second! Lena's my mum's sister, so she's my aunt; you're my...big brother, so...Lena's your aunt too! Wow again! This is going to put the skids under the shit-cart!"

I looked at her in bemusement to hear something that dad used to say come out of her mouth, and started to rebuke her when she grinned winsomely at me.

"Sorry Darryl, mum says I shouldn't talk like that, it just slipped out! What does mum have to say about this, 'cos now I don't know if David's my cousin or my nephew!"

I put my arm around her, my littlest sister, and hugged her to me.

"Remember what you promised, Allie; David is always only ever going to be your cousin, okay? What I told you is a secret, and no-one, not even Marcus, can ever know; it's about family, our family, you, me, Marcus, Lena, everyone. Your mum knows she can't be my mum, not really, so to me and the rest of the world she's always going to be my girl's big sister, and you'll be my girlfriend's nosy, noisy, annoying, perfect little niece; I'll always be your big brother though, and I'll always be there for my little sister and brother, but only you'll know why; it'll be our secret, okay?"

Allie looked up at me quizzically.

"Do you love her? Lena, I mean."

I smiled back down at her.

"With all my heart; I love Lena, and she loves me. Why?"

Allie grinned impudently.

"Then none of that really matters, does it? Lena has you, I have you, Nana has you and Lena, and mum has all of us, case closed!"

I was astonished at the way she cut to the heart of it, at her clarity of vision; she was completely right, of course, and something told me I been right to tell her; she'd never blab, she understood that this was about our family, and no-one else needed to know.

She suddenly giggled, and grinned up at me when I looked enquiringly at her.

"Mum must be seriously bugged she has a grandson! Best not to remind her, though, she'd probably have a complete spaz-attack if you mention she's a granny!"

*

When I made my way to the bedroom, David was already down, and Lena was waiting for me, her eyes glowing in the dim light.

"I heard what you said to Allie; thank you, baby, she's a good girl, and now she knows she has a big brother to rely on as well; I'm proud of you, Dar, you handled it like daddy would have, well done!"

I climbed into bed and reached over to hug Lena, to discover she was naked under the covers. My cock immediately stirred with interest; it was still far too soon to start having sex, but there were other things, and from the look in her eye she'd worked out exactly what they were! She slid over to me and held me close, kissing my chest and neck. I stiffened slightly, and Lena stopped what she was doing and reached up to stroke my face

"I know we only buried daddy today, but I don't think it would be disrespectful if we loved each other tonight; life goes on, Dar, and daddy loved us at least as much as we loved him; I think he'd be okay with us getting back into our lives now!"

She made sense, and it did feel right; we loved each other, and now, here in our father's house, we needed to reaffirm that love to each other. Sensing the tenor of my thoughts, Lena resumed kissing and nibbling my chest as she worked her way down my abdomen, until her lips once more enfolded my straining cock head in the feeling of moist heat. I slipped onto my back as Lena sucked me as she simultaneously squeezed my shaft, both sensations making my thighs and stomach muscles jump and quiver with the strain of holding back from emptying myself into her mouth in a single hot torrent of spunk.

Lena sucked, and licked, and squeezed, and I held back, by the skin of my teeth, savouring the experience, but when she massaged my scrotum with her free hand, lightly scratching the underside with one long, slow scraping fingernail, I came like a train, spurting jet after jet of semen into her hot and willing mouth as I smothered my shout of ecstatic fulfilment with a pillow so as not to wake the whole house!

As I quivered and twitched in stress reaction, Lena slid up next to my and bit me lightly on the chin.

"Don't get too comfortable, stud, you haven't finished yet!" she whispered. I grinned and pulled her to me, my hands going to her lovely peach bottom, a delectable globe in each hand as I pulled her on top of me.

"What do you want to do, princess?" I whispered, and for answer she slid off me to lie face down on the bed, holding her buttocks spread open for me.

"Taste me, Dar, I want you to eat me, I need it so bad!" she whispered.

I moved down between her spread thighs and squeezed her plush, satiny bum-cheeks, lifting her by her hips as I slid down to push my face between those beautiful globes and lick her moist, tangy pussy hidden in the depths there. Lena lifted her hips with a sigh and slid a pillow under her pelvis to keep her bum in the air, making it easier to reach my target with my tongue. As I licked and gently ran the flat of my tongue over her vulva, Lena sighed and whispered each time I did something she especially liked, her thighs tensing and her feet drumming on the bed when I poked and probed her clitoris with the tip of my tongue.

"Oh God, yess, do that, do that again!" she hissed, and I obliged, flicking her hard little pearl with my tongue, drawing an "Ooohhh!" each time I did it. Finally, I slid my hand under her so I could rub her clitoris with the pad of my thumb while I licked and pushed my tongue into her pussy, licking and separating the labia as I gently slotted my tongue into her. Lena was gasping and hissing as I stimulated her, and I could feel her climax drawing close as she trembled and quivered with each darting attack of my tongue-tip inside her. Her little anus was winking and contracting as her vulva reacted to what I was doing, calling to me and begging for some attention, and when I rubbed her clitoris while simultaneously shoving my tongue into her pucker as hard as I could, she shrieked into her pillow as she came in a thundering orgasm, her entire body shuddering and quivering as the waves of pleasure raged and surged inside her. Her anus contracted sharply, forcing my tongue out, so I pushed it into her vulva as hard as I could, drawing another groan from her as another surge of orgasmic pleasure crashed inside her.

"No Dar, no more, no more, please Dar, stop, I can't...no more...!" she gabbled as her orgasm billowed and surged inside her, until finally she slumped down bonelessly tears leaking from the corners of her tight-shut eyes.