Bless Me Father for I have Sinned 01

"Hallelujah! Praise Jesus! Thank you, Jesus!"

* * * * *

Only, a recent challenge and a new wrinkle in her holy, cloistered life as a Sister of the Holy Order of Virgins, Sister Kathryn had been struggling with her faith. Being that she was quickly closing in on the age where she couldn't safely have children, and with her working with children every day, she couldn't suppress the thought of wishing she had a child of her own. That of course would mean ending her life as a nun and marrying a man to start a family. Torn between the two, suddenly unhappy with wondering if she made a huge mistake becoming a nun, she was conflicted.

'Dear God, help me,' she silently prayed. 'What should I do? Should I stay and remain a nun or should I leave the convent for a chance at motherhood? Give me a sign?'

She took the Holy Mother in her confidence and confessed her struggle with her faith with her need to have a baby. Figuring that her Holy Mother must have had the same conflicts with wanting a child and struggling with her faith, she asked Mother Superior for her help and for her guidance. Their conversation ended without conclusion when the Holy Mother said she needed to pray on the issue and get back to her.

Sister Kathryn impatiently waited for Mother Superior to finish praying on the issue. As if she was a naughty, little girl being sent to the parochial school office instead of being an adult nun summoned to Mother Superior's office, the Holy Mother sent for her the next day. After a recent incident of the Mother Superior making a sexual pass at her, Sister Kathryn now feared the Holy Mother. With Sister Kathryn now questioning Mother Superior's intentions, her faith, her personal agenda, and her sexuality, she wondered how a woman, albeit a religious woman, who solicited her for lesbian sex, could possibly advise her.

"Sister Kathryn," said the Holy Mother with a stern fac. "In light of our most recent conversation of you struggling with your faith over wanting to have a baby and a family of your own, you leave me no alternative."

'Oh, oh,' thought Sister Kathryn. 'Is she going to ask me to leave the convent?' Sister Kathryn looked at the Holy Mother with nervousness. 'Now what? Maybe I shouldn't have said anything to her. Maybe I shouldn't have taken her in my confidence.'

No doubt thinking that Mother Superior was going to ask her to leave the convent, she looked up at the Holy Mother with trepidation. Obviously, when she rebuked Mother Superior's sexual advances, this was her payback for not giving her what she so sexually wanted and needed, lesbian sex. Only, with her never having had or even wanting to have lesbian sex, if she was given a choice and God was okay with it, Sister Kathryn would much rather suck a cock than lick a pussy.

"I've been praying to Jesus very hard for him to restore my faith," said the nun.

While bobbing her head slowly up and down as if she was a bobble headed doll, Mother Superior gave her a smile of reverent understanding. That was her first act of kindness since she rebuked her lesbian, sexual advances.

"I know you have but sometimes we can't follow our chosen path alone. Sometimes we need help which is why I'm sending you to see Father Thomas. I've already told him in advance of you needing his help in restoring your faith," said Mother Superior.

'Father Thomas? Why him?' Sister Kathryn didn't understand how Father Thomas could help her when her Holy Mother couldn't.

When Mother Superior fell quiet and busied herself with the paperwork before her, Sister Kathryn stood to leave.

"Thank you, Holy Mother. Thank you," said Sister Kathryn.

Seemingly given a second chance, one that wasn't a career ending one, she'd go to see Father Thomas for his spiritual advice and religious counsel. Perhaps where she couldn't restore her faith alone by praying and reading the Bible, her priest could give her special instruction. Perhaps he was expert at restoring the lost faith of fallen nuns.

* * * * *

Sister Kathryn of the Holy Order of Virgins was nervous about being sent to the rectory to see Father Thomas. In her more than ten years as a nun, she had never been inside of a rectory. She had never been alone with Father Thomas and/or with any other priest. She had seen him around the grounds and at Mass, of course, but other than to nod him her 'hello,' and sign him her blessing, she never had the reason to even have a conversation with him.

She knew who he was, of course, but was never asked to seek his help until now. She didn't feel comfortable about disclosing the private, personal issues she was having with her faith with a man, even if the man was a priest, especially when the man was her priest. Rarely even speaking to a man, odd for someone with her sexual past but she had been cloistered away in the convent and surrounded by women for the past ten years.

A good looking man, who could have worked as an actor or a model, there aren't many handsome priests who aren't homosexual. If the rumors she heard about him having sexual affairs with nuns and some of the sexually frustrated housewives and single moms of his congregation were true, she knew he was a heterosexual man. Only, she didn't know how such a man, especially a priest who broke his vow of celibacy, could restore her faith in God and in her religious beliefs.

Even though she had heard that he had quite the reputation of having his sexual way with some of the Sisters of the Holy Order of Virgins as well with some of his lonely, female parishioners, she didn't believe them. She was the type of nun who only saw the good in people and not the bad. Unless she saw it first hand, the last thing she would believe is gossip, innuendos, and rumors especially when the person being accused was a priest. Yet, remaining vigilantly on edge just in case, red flags in the back of her mind kept her on high alert. What if the rumors were true?

For the sake of the other nuns not knowing her struggles with her faith, under the thinly veiled guise of her being sent to seek the help of the priest with some parochial school matters, she was sent to see Father Thomas. Instead of the Holy Mother helping her herself, she wondered what she did wrong for Mother Superior to send her to Father Thomas. Perhaps this was her punishment for rejecting her lesbian, sexual advances. In hindsight, perhaps she should have welcomed her sexual overtures. Yet, before becoming a nun, when she was dating men and had a healthy sexual life, called many things, a slut, a whore, and promiscuous, but she wasn't a lesbian. Perhaps seeing Father Thomas was the next step and the last step in him asking her to leave the convent.

'Dear God help me. As much as I want to have a baby of my own, I don't want to stop being a nun,' she prayed for God's help.

With her soliciting the Holy Mother's help, she didn't understand why Mother Superior couldn't help her. She didn't understand why she needed to see a priest, a man, for help with her indecision to leave the convent for motherhood. With him not being a woman, how could he possibly understand her dilemma of motherhood versus sisterhood? How could he possibly help her with her personal problems for her to make a decision regarding her personal life and her continued faith in Jesus?

As if she was an alcoholic and was being tempted to take a drink, even though she didn't believe them, the sexual rumors of the priest's admiration for women weighed heavily on her mind. Something she'd never do, break her vow to Jesus but, with him so very good looking and with her sometimes so very horny, she couldn't help herself from imagining having sex with her priest. She couldn't help herself from imagining taking the priest's cock in her hand and stroking him before taking his stiff prick in her mouth and sucking him while stroking him.

'God, please help me. Please remove these salacious thoughts from my mind. Please give me the strength to find my faith. Please allow Father Thomas to help restore my faith,' she silently prayed while on her way to the rectory.

Trying to remain calm, she dismissed all of the bad things she heard about Father Thomas. Trying desperately not to believe that any of the rumors she heard about the priest were true, yet the Devil shook her faith with sexual images of her on her knees and sucking instead of praying. Feeling as if she was a lamb going to slaughter, what if the rumors she heard about Father Thomas were true. Once alone with him in the rectory, she couldn't help but wonder if she'd be another nun in a long line of nuns who had been sexually abused by their priest.

* * * * *

She knocked at the closed, mahogany, rectory door. Ready to bolt when she heard no answer from within, thinking he may be out running errands or having his wicked sexual way with a lonely, female, sexually frustrated parishioner, she timidly knocked at the door again. This time, in addition to knocking, she called out to the priest too. First calling out meekly and mildly, she called out louder and bolder while knocking and calling his name.

"Father Thomas? Hello?" She knocked. "It's Sister Kathryn," she said waiting and listening at the door. She knocked again. "Father Thomas? Mother Superior sent me to see you. She said that I should talk to you and seek your spiritual help," she said through the thick door while pausing to listen again. She waited and listened before calling out again for the last time. "Father Thomas?"

Ready to leave to return to the safety and sanctity of the convent, when she didn't hear any response, she knocked again for the last time. With the gossip and innuendos playing havoc with her mind, even though she didn't believe any of them, nonetheless afraid after all of the rumors she heard about him, she dreaded seeing him alone. Only what choice did she have? She had no choice. Mother Superior sent her to the priest and she couldn't disobey the Holy Mother. With one of her vows to become a nun to obey, she'd have holy Hell to pay if she disobeyed Mother Superior's instructions.

Putting off the inevitable, she just hoped he wasn't there. She prayed that he wasn't there. She'd say an extra hundred Hail Mary's if he doesn't answer his door. Then, when she heard movement from behind the rectory door and heard his voice, she had a heavy heart filled with dread. Obviously picking up on her psychic feelings, her mood turned as dark as her habit and as what she imagined that lurked behind that rectory door. One would think she was seeing Satan, the black Angel of Darkness, and the Devil himself, instead of seeing a man of faith, a man of God, and her priest.

Perhaps nothing more than rumors, she hoped that what she heard about her priest sexually abusing some of the Sisters of the Holy Order of Virgins and having sex with female parishioners wasn't true. Nothing more than gossip and hearsay, no doubt because he's so handsome, woman are so sexually attracted to him, and because they're so sexually frustrated, she truly believed it wasn't anything more than vicious lies. Yet, seemingly, every time a nun went to see him, she returned to the convent upset and in tears. Every time a nun went to see him, they were transferred to another parish, or they left the convent to live their lives as a married women with children.

Perhaps Father Thomas could clearly see if a nun had what it took to remain a nun. Perhaps he possessed a spiritual way to renew a nun's faith. Perhaps he was the final say whether a nun should stay or go. Perhaps because Father Thomas only saw the weakest nuns, those nuns who struggled with their faith, he really could help them to make the decision that she needed to make. She didn't consider herself as a weak nun but after she confessed to the Holy Mother that she was doubting her faith, perhaps the Holy Mother and Father Thomas deemed her weak.

"Come in Sister Kathryn. Come in," said Father Thomas from the other side of the door. "Welcome," he said coming around from behind his desk as soon as she opened the heavy, rectory door and closed it with a thud behind her. An antique door of beautiful craftsmanship, to buy such a splendid door today would cost a small fortune.

Not wasting any time in making his sexual intentions known, as soon as Sister Kathryn entered the rectory, closed the door behind her, and turned to face him, Father Thomas, who looked like George Clooney playing a priest, was all over her. As if he was a horny, sexually inexperienced, teenage boy, without even any warning, he walked to her and placed his hand on her ample breast through her habit. As if she was there for his sexual taking, he squeezed her breast while fondling her breast. By the shocked look on her face, not expecting her priest to just reach out and grope her breast, he surprised and startled her.

To be continued...