Blind Squirrel Finds Nut

"So...where are you taking me?" she asked with a sweet smile.

"The Maverick Landing in Jacksonville. It's country night so I'm glad to see you wore your boots."

"Well, other than my running shoes, they're all I've got so it was kind of a no-brainer," she assured him.

"You look...beautiful, Aspen," he told her as he put the car in gear.

She felt her heart flutter for the first time in...again, she couldn't remember. She only knew it had been a LOT longer than since the last time she'd had fun. She'd never asked his age, but she guessed him to be around 25 which fit with having graduated from college and coming back home. Twenty-five was very young, but what if she found out he was even younger? Then again, it was just drinks and dancing, not a proposal, so what difference did it make?

It took about 45 minutes to get to mid-town and it was just after 9 o'clock when they arrived. "The band doesn't start until 10. Is that okay?"

"Sure. Why wouldn't it be?" Aspen asked.

"Oh, I don't know. Don't old folks need to be in bed early?" he asked with a straight face.

She made a face of her own then said, "Am I gonna get arrested if the police find out I'm with you tonight?"

Josh laughed and said, "I suppose that depends on what you're planning on doing to me tonight."

Aspen not only felt that flutter again, she felt something more. Something deeper from well—deep inside her. It was a kind of yearning. A longing. Perhaps even...a need. Again, she thought about the last time she'd done something. In this case, it was sex. And not counting the last time she'd let Richard force himself on her five months ago, it had been well...a very long time.

She found herself experiencing all these 'new' feelings and at the same time became aware she was...

"You're blushing!" Josh teased. He got very serious very fast and said, "Just what are you planning on doing to me tonight?"

Aspen pretended to be very upset and told him, "If you don't straighten up and fly right, you're gonna find out!" She balled up a tiny fist but couldn't avoid smiling as she did.

Josh reached out and grabbed it playfully and said, "That's your secret weapon? This little old thing?"

Suddenly, she was face to face with him, her hand, or rather fist, in his. She stopped smiling and her eyes began tracking with his. She had never wanted anything more than for him to kiss her right then and there, but he just smiled and slowly let go of her hand.

"What can I get you to drink?" he asked.

She looked around and said, "I was going to ask for white wine but maybe a beer?"

Josh laughed and said, "White wine is fine by me—or rather for you." He called over to the bartender and ordered a Heineken and a glass of white wine. He handed her the glass then side, "Enjoy. I don't want some redneck to beat my ass for being a 'fairy' so I'll stick with beer."

Aspen laughed as they touched glasses. She took a first sip and it tasted so good. It wasn't the wine, per se, it was...everything. She was safe. She was free. And she was...happy and still smiling and Josh noticed.

"You seem content."

"You know what?" she asked. "I am. I really am. It just feels so good to be alive, you know? I never thought I'd ever feel this way again. Things were so dark and... Enough of that, okay? Let's have a little fun, shall we?"

The band was setting up and Josh asked if she'd like one more. Aspen rarely had a second drink, but tonight was a special kind of celebration so she said, "Sure. Why not?"

On the very first note of the very first song, Aspen grabbed Josh's hand and said, "Come on, cowboy! Can you two-step?" He nodded and she said, "Okay, then, let's roll!"

She kept him out for another dance and when she laughed for no apparent reason he asked if had something stuck in his teeth.

"No, not at all," she said. "It's just that every time I think of something new I'm doing or feeling since I got here, I ask myself how long it's been since."

"Since?"

"Since...the last time I smiled, the last time I laughed, the last time I had fun, the last time I danced, the last time I had s..."

"Oh...okay. Now I understand. I take it's been a while for all of those."

"Well, since I got to the Diamond D, I've smiled, I've laughed, I'm having fun, and we're dancing." She smiled as he looked into her eyes then said, "This is the wine talking, okay?"

Josh nodded and said, "Okay."

"Well...there's just one more thing left on my bucket list of stuff I haven't done in a...very...long...time." Her body ached for him and halfway through a second glass of wine, her inhibitions were down at the same time her hormones were sky high.

"I'm more than tempted, Aspen," he told her truthfully. "I...I noticed you're not wearing your ring any more. But you are still married...right?"

She laid her head on his shoulder and said, "Legally, yes." She waited for a second or two then said, "I guess that's all that matters, right? What's on a piece of paper somewhere? It isn't important if love died years ago or if romance ended around the same time. I suppose no one would give a damn that there's been nothing even close to a marriage for many years. I can't help but think many people would say it doesn't even matter that he hit me so hard it nearly knocked me out. Nope. There's a piece of paper with ink and our names on it filed away somewhere so...that's it."

Josh didn't speak so she kept going. "You said you were a good listener. Do you mind?" He shook his head so continued. "Other folks would point to our vows and I meant them when I said them. But when the other person breaks them are we really still bound by them? How much do we have to take before we can say it's over? For a lot of folks, the only answer is some judge's signature on another piece of paper. But for me? I wouldn't go back to him if he got on his knees and begged me and he was stone-cold sober for five years. In my mind, when he did that to me, he ended it."

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that, Aspen. You're not just beautiful—which you are—you're talented and smart and a great mother. And from what I've seen, you're amazing with horses. Any man who can't see that doesn't deserve you."

She managed a smile but it wasn't very strong. "You see, I was just thinking how long it's been since a man said anything nice to me let alone something that nice. I know you see me as this older woman who's a mother with tons of baggage, but I really am more than that."

He stopped dancing and looked into her eyes. "You didn't hear a word I said, did you?" He smiled when he said it, but she looked sad. "Or if you did, it all went in one ear and right out the other. Were you listening when I said you're smart and talented and very beautiful?"

Her voice came in a whisper, barely audible with the music. "You didn't say 'very' the first time."

"Well, you are. You're very beautiful, Aspen." He touched her face then said, "That's how I see you."

Aspen put her arms around his neck and held him close. "Thank you for asking me to come here with you."

"Thank you for coming. I'd say I have the prettiest date in the house."

She looked up and saw him nodding at other girls who were much younger and in her mind, much prettier. "Nice try," she said sweetly smiling another half smile at him.

"It's the truth," he told her. "There's no one I'd rather be here with than you. No one."

"Do you really mean that?" she asked ever-so quietly.

Josh smiled then leaned back and looked at her. He reached up and cupped her pretty face and slowly lowered his head and kissed her softly. "Yes, I do," he said as he slowly drew back.

"Oh, wow," she whispered. "I...I might need some more convincing. It really has been a very long time, you know."

He smiled before putting his arms around her and kissing like she hadn't been kissed in well...a very long time.

"Wow..." Aspen said not sure what else to say.

"Are you convinced yet?" Josh said smiling at her.

"I'm getting there," she replied.

They spent the next two hours dancing and switched to water so they could safely drive home.

When Josh climbed up in the cab after helping Aspen in, he patted the seat next to him. She'd already buckled her seat belt but happily unbuckled it and slid over to the middle. Josh put his arm around her and said, "Can you hit the start button?"

Aspen pushed it and the engine roared as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I had the nicest time tonight, Josh. Thank you for that."

"My pleasure and it's not like I didn't have fun too, you know."

She reached up and held the hand that was draped over her shoulder. "Are you my rebound guy?" she asked as she stared kind of sideways out the windshield.

"I guess that's one way to look at it. Why? Does that really matter?"

"I guess not," she said quietly.

"Let me guess then," he said playfully cuing off her word 'guess.' "You're not even divorced yet, you're not sure if you're ready for a relationship or even want one, I'm way too young, and you have a daughter. Oh, and you work for my mom. Is that pretty close?"

Aspen sighed and held his hand tight. "Pretty much. Also, I'm not sure my judgment is all that great right now."

"Hey, did you just say I'm a mistake?" He was teasing and Aspen knew it.

"Hardly. You're pretty much perfect." She looked up at him and smiled then said, "And kind of pretty at that."

"Pretty. Hmmm. Okay, I can live with that."

"You're very handsome, Josh. And you're nice. And you care. About people and animals and...even me. So that makes you dangerous for a woman in my position."

"Then I'll give you time and space," he told her. "I'd like more, of course, and I'd like it sooner rather than later, but I'm smarter than I look, you know."

Aspen laughed and said, "You look very smart, but thank you for understanding. I feel pretty vulnerable right now and I'd probably be more than willing to um...take things a lot further than I should."

"But you shouldn't," he told her as much as statement of fact as it was agreeing with her. "I'd never take advantage of you and if something more is meant to be, then it'll happen." He gently removed his hand from hers then pulled her shoulder and brought her in as close as possible. "I know we pretty much just met, but I've never felt this way about anyone before, Aspen, and I don't want to rush and it maybe blow it all to hell."

She put her hand on his chest and said, "I know. I'd like this to become something more, too. I just need time to figure things out. I...I need to file for divorce, too. That's one issue I know is settled. Oh, and I also know I enjoy spending time with you. So...that's a start, right?"

He kissed the top of her head and said, "It's a very nice start."

The following day, Josh made it a point to give Aspen some space and the only time they really saw one another was during meals. Alma, of course, wanted details, and Josh hadn't provided any.

"So did you kids have good time?" she asked at dinner Sunday evening.

Josh shrugged his shoulders and smiled at Aspen who said very noncommittaly, "It was nice."

Jenny was watching the faces of the three adults to see if she could read anything into the big date, but there just weren't any clues being offered making Alma's frustration even worse.

When dinner was over, Josh asked if he could talk to Aspen for a second and took her aside. "I'm letting you have your space, but I want you to know it's killing me. I also didn't want you to think I didn't have a great time or that I don't want to see you again. I'm just trying to respect your..."

Aspen looked around then gave him a quick-but-very-nice kiss then said, "Thank you and I know exactly what you mean, okay?" She saw his eyes flash toward the kitchen and in her peripheral vision she saw movement. "Was that Jennifer or your mother?"

"That was the little one," he said with a smile. "We are so busted."

"I'll talk to her. She's amazingly grown up for someone's who's eight. In fact, she turns nine the day after the competition. I really want to win it so I can at least throw a small party for her."

"Either way, I promise you there'll be a party. You can take that to the bank," Josh told her.

"Ah, would that be the First Bank of Josh Sutherland?" she said unable to stop smiling.

"He's good for it, so no worries, okay?"

"Okay," she said. "Um...since we're already busted..." She put her arms around his neck and this time she kissed him. Almost instantly, they both heard the sounds of giggling. "Make that...really busted."

Aspen did talk with Jenny later that evening and asked her if it bothered her that she went out with Josh.

"No, I want you to have a boyfriend, Mom. And Josh is really nice and he's..."

"Cute?" Aspen said finishing her sentence.

Jenny laughed loudly and Aspen hugged her. "I love you so much, Jenny Wenny."

"I love you too, Mom," she said. She looked up at her mom then asked, "Mom? Am I ever gonna see Dad again?"

Aspen stopped smiling and got serious. "I don't know, honey. It seems likely you will. I just don't know when. Your dad needs help."

"I know. He drinks too much. Sometimes he scares me, but I still miss him."

Aspen pulled her in close and said, "I know, honey. I wish things were different. I really do."

"But you like Josh now, right?" she asked.

"Well, yes. But we're not in love or anything. We're just...really good friends. That's all."

"Then why do you kiss him?" she asked. It wasn't an accusation, it was just a question.

"Well, I know you love your father, but...well, I...he and I...we...we can't ever live together again, so..."

"Because he drinks all the time?"

"Yes. And because it makes him say mean things. So...well, I don't want to live alone." She hugged Jenny then said, "Okay, I'm not alone alone because we have each other, it's just that well, I'd like to..."

"I understand, Mom," she said. "Grown ups need other grown ups. I know it doesn't mean you don't love me. It just means you need a new husband."

"Oh, honey, I don't need a new husband. At least not right now. Someday maybe. But for now, I just need to have a friend to do things with sometimes."

"Well, if you want to marry Josh it's okay with me," she said in an innocent way.

"I'm still married to your father, Jenny. But I want to tell you something." Aspen explained what she planned to do and why divorce was the only option.

"I thought you would get divorced a long time ago. But if you want to get divorced now, it's okay." She looked up again and said, "But Dad will still be my dad, right?"

"Of course he will, sweetheart. He'll always be your father no matter what."

"Okay," she said. Jenny let go of her mom and said, "I'm so glad you're my mom. You're the best mom in the whole world and I love you SO much."

Aspen kissed her on the cheek and fought back tears because she felt like a terrible mother. Deep down, she knew none of this was her fault. But here she was living in a tiny guest house on a horse ranch getting ready to file for divorce. She didn't feel like much of mom, let alone a great one. Still, she thanked her daughter and told her, "And you're the best daughter in the whole world!"

"Anything else you want to talk about tonight?" Aspen asked her.

"Are you ever gonna teach school again?" she asked surprising her mother.

"Hmmm. Good question. All I have to do is pay $60 to get my certification back so...yeah, maybe I will. For now, I want to try and win the competition and after that, we'll see."

And with that, Jenny seem satisfied. At her age, being with her mother in a safe place and attending school with children who liked her, there was little else she really needed.

Aspen spent the next week working with Toro for several hours each morning then again each afternoon. He was a natural. Then again, his parents were dressage champions and that's why Alma had spent the money on him. She'd planned to hire a trainer/rider, but Aspen filled both jobs quite nicely so for now, there was no need.

Friday afternoon, a van pulled into the driveway and Aspen rode Toro to the gate of the corral and went out to meet the driver who got out and grabbed two large rectangular boxes. "I have a delivery for Aspen Crawford."

"That's me," she said.

"Sign here, please."

She scrawled her name then set the box on a bench before opening it. Inside the first box were a dozen beautiful, long-stemmed roses with a card that read: "Me, too. Love, Josh."

"Me, too. Hmmm," she thought to herself.

All that week he'd done his level best to leave her alone. There were a lot of waves and smiles as they passed one another around the ranch, but there'd been no more kissing or really any talking. Last night, Aspen was the one who couldn't stand it any longer and she'd asked Josh if they could possibly talk for a minute or two. She blurted out how she was dying not being able to be with him and moments later they were kissing like they'd not kissed before.

"This is insanely hard," she said after that first kiss.

"I'm giving you your space," he reminded her.

"I know, but do you have be this good at it?" she said with raised eyebrows. They kissed again several times before Josh told her they needed to stop or... "I know," she said. "There won't be any stopping. Okay. I...I just needed to tell you that."

"Message received," he told her as they parted.

In the other box was a beautiful dress in her size along with a note and a gift card.

"I hope you like the dress, and I'm hoping you'll wear it for me to dinner tomorrow night. I can't do shoes or anything else, but the gift card is there if you can take a break and buy whatever else you need. So if I can encroach on your space just a little bit, please be ready by 7 o'clock. Love, Josh."

"Love, Josh."

Aspen's heart was beating so fast it felt like it might explode. She'd filed for divorce on Tuesday and sent in the money for her re-certification on Wednesday, and now Josh had asked her out again on Saturday. And the dress was positively gorgeous. She wanted to find him and no matter where he was grab him and kiss him. But she didn't want to stop with kissing this time and she knew if he so much as hinted about more...

She took the boxes to her little guest house and set everything on the bed. She'd put the flowers in water when she got back, but Jenny was already coming down the driveway and she wanted to take her into town to buy some shoes and a couple of other nice things to wear for her date. Date. The word made her smile and filled her with a special kind of warmth. Another thing she hadn't felt in a very long time.

"How about you and I go shopping?" she said as Jenny hugged her hello.

"Seriously?" she asked excitedly.

Aspen had a little over $200 cash now so she would be able to buy her daughter a few more new things, too. Just over two hours later, Aspen had new heels, a bag, a very pretty cardigan sweater to match the dress, a bra and panty set, and a pair of inexpensive gold earrings. Jenny had two new outfits for school and they stopped for ice cream before heading home.

That evening at dinner Josh couldn't stand it any longer. "So...did anything get delivered today?" he finally asked.

"Such as?" Alma asked wondering if she'd missed something.

"Oh, there was a delivery around 2:30 this afternoon," Aspen said trying not to smile.

"A delivery? Of what? For whom?" Alma asked.

"Flowers," Aspen said sweetly.

"Ohhh!" Alma said almost smiling. "Okay. Now I get it."

"Was there anything else?" Josh asked.

"Yes. There was a beautiful dress, too."

"Nothing else?" he asked as he continued pulling teeth.

"Oh, um...there was a gift card, too. Which, by the way, I used this afternoon so I could have an entire outfit to wear for this handsome cowboy I know tomorrow night."