Boring

"And me? You know I have a stake in your future too! You have a wife!"

"Karen I hate to break it to you, but no, I don't think I do."

"WHAT? Now just hold on Dale, that's a pretty big leap! We just started exploring this whole thing and you already think I..."

"I don't think anything. I know. I know I don't matter that much to you anymore. If I did, you never would have given me that ultimatum. You think I'm boring, ok. That's easy to give up! I've got some fun to have! I gave up a lot in the name of being a family man, but the family man isn't exciting enough to keep his wife from resting her head on someone else's pillow."

The door bell rang just in time to save me from another salvo in this ridiculous discourse. Jan stepped in with Kim right behind her. The two brought in 4 of the finest legs you've ever seen. Did I mention how good I looked in gabardine? I looked even better with a tent in my gabardine. Jan greeted me with a hug and a kiss, and moved to start shuttling my four suitcases to the limo. Kim handed me a dossier and started rattling off numbers of where we were in our negotiations. She rattled off the the project names and locations, which had Karen's attention completely.

"Hong Kong? Sydney? Buenos Aires? How long are you going to be gone."

"A couple of months I expect. Plenty of time for you to 'explore' before you are too old. Do me a favor though, don't let them into the house."

Karen launched a series of pleas that would have made a public TV telethoner proud. She had reason after reason I needed to stay, and that we needed to talk about how our relationship had evolved and where we were going...I stopped her there.

"Honey, wrong tense. Our relationship isn't going, it's gone. And right now, so am I. See you in a few weeks."

I didn't hear a word of her gibberish as we walked out to the car. But I did manage to crack a smile at what she said when she noticed my Jeep, my Spitfire and my convertible parked in front of the garage doors. All three garage doors. Including the door her car lurked behind. Of course what she said was too foul for me to write, even here.

Hong Kong was fantastic. Kim was in the suite beside me, so she was right there 24/7, but only in a good business like way, as we both had agreed. She was hot on the numbers, and we managed to close all the deals expected, and set up others for follow up teams to come back and close in a month. We were also quite successful in Australia, and wound up with an agreement in principal to acquire the entire hotel group. Again, a closing team would have to return in a month. We scouted additional acquisitions, and went forward to Argentina. Again, I was able to reach agreement with a motivated seller, and the team was able to put other projects on our corporate radar.

All this time, I remained chaste and true to my marriage vows, hoping upon hope to return home to find a desperate-to-reconcile Karen...yeah bull shit. Karen may have gone a bit insane, but I still loved the crazy slut. I really wasn't ready to throw her back. So I took her ultimatum as a declaration of an open marriage. There we stay married but fuck anyone we want. No problems!

Kari Moore was an old friend on college, who had become a professional buyer for rich tourists in Hong Kong. She spent a day taking my team around town, shopping the famous markets. She sent me to a fine tailor before our 12 days in town were up. I left for Sydney with several new suits had made to order, and we spent the nights fucking each other senseless. It was just what I needed, a woman I trusted, a classy hotel suite in an exotic city, and unbridled lust. I felt guilty for about 10 minutes, which was how long it took me to remember Karen wrote the rule book I was now using.

Boring my ass. I realized I had not ever been boring. I had however, been bored.

Kari was not boring. And from the way her body quivered and shook when she came I could tell she wasn't bored with me. When we broke camp in Hong Kong and moved to Sydney, we hired a tour guide named Sydney. I enjoyed the sheer delight of touring the beautiful city during the day and the willowy brown haired beauty by night. I'm not being redundant when I say I enjoyed being in Sydney in Sydney.

Rio was an equally target rich business environment. We didn't do quite as well as our forays into Asia or Australia, but we managed to justify another month abroad. And speaking of abroad, I meat a hot Latin divorcee that taught me a thing or two about tango, both upright and horizontally in bed. As we wrapped up our deals, I sent my team back one by one on commercial flights, first class. I took a leased jet a couple of days later, where the flight attendants initiated me to the mile high club while simultaneously introducing me to the etiquette of the threesome. I had a great trip. But I wasn't done yet.

Boring...yeah, well you get the picture.

Before going home, I took my Rio tanned body skiing in Canada. I met my kids at Banff before Christmas. Why not? They were finished with finals a week before their mother expected them home for the holiday, so there the skiing was awesome, and involved steep drops on powdery slopes reachable only by helicopter. I spent my nights partying with my kids early, and fucking the lights out of a voluptuous blonde housewife who I met the first night in the bar. When she told me her tale of woe of being traded in for a younger model by her husband and not knowing which way to turn, I hired her. I gave her a generous housing allowance and offered to pay her moving expenses to become my newest personal assistant. Of course that wasn't until our third night sleeping together. Every night she had screamed her orgasmic bliss in different languages, and when she went Russian on me with her 6th language in three nights, I decided I she her translation skills would be a valuable asset to our growing international interests. Of course hiring her meant no more sleeping together. My business ethics were not thrown over when my slut wife trashed our marriage ethics. Besides, the week in Banff was almost over anyway.

We flew home a couple of days before Christmas. The kids went home to see their mom. I checked into a hotel near work. I didn't plan on dealing with Karen and jet lag at the same time. I did manage to buy a condo as a Christmas present to myself, and went to spend Christmas with my wife and kids. My cars were still parked there, in front of the garage. There was a little Cooper convertible parked in front of my Spitfire. I was sure Karen was going to be pissed. But she wasn't. She greets me like nothing had happened. Maybe I wasn't boring to her anymore. I did Christmas. I enjoyed her feast. I helped with dishes and took the obligatory garbage out to the garage. I pulled the Mercedes and the Spitfire into their bays. Then I left in my Jeep. The phone rang.

"I had hoped we might both enjoy a Christmas truce."

"We did."

"You could stay a couple of days for the kids sake."

I did.

I slept in the guest room. The day after Christmas I took the cars one by one to be washed. Leaving them in the weather for four months may not have been the best move for the cars, even if it had been a daily reminder to Karen that things had changed. I parked the Spitfire in the garage, intending to garage both the Jeep and the Mercedes at the condo. The second day after Christmas Karen resumed hostilities. Her boyfriend came over for lunch. She smiled smugly. I went upstairs and grabbed my bag, and returned to full scale war. The kids were furious with Karen, and she wasn't prepared for their fury. I guess she saw things going differently. It might have too, except it was Christmas. I stopped them to say goodbye, and they did. They said goodbye to Karen instead. We threw their bags in the Jeep and headed downtown. There was plenty to do in the city for New Years, and we were going to have some fun.

We did museums by day and clubs by night. Both kids had friends nearby, so all three of us got chances to hang together or break away. I also managed some alone time, which I didn't spend alone. By the time I went back to work, I had heard enough music, visited enough museums, eaten enough fine food and drunk plenty of fine wine and whiskey to last a lifetime.

I settled into a routine that wasn't routine. My assault on the Southern Hemisphere that fall had given me new stature in the company, but had also garnered the attention of our competitors. I was actively courted by other companies who were impressed by our sudden flex of muscle. I didn't hide the fact from my team, in fact I told them if I left, I was taking them along. Of course, word of what was brewing spread to the senior partners. I was called to the boss' office.

Karen's grandfather had started this company, and her father had expanded the business into a diversified giant that included a variety of manufacturing concerns. I had been hired when I married Karen and began as a low level analyst, which fit perfectly with my educational background. I was given nothing special, and even signed a pre-nup to prevent me from ever laying claim to Karen's eventual inheritance of the company, which was still almost completely owned by her dad. I got along fine with Mr. Adams, but we were not exceptionally friendly. He preferred to stay personally detached from his employees, even his son in law, I originally found it odd, but as I rose through the ranks realized how it allowed him to avoid favoritism, and adopted the same stance. Hence, I refused to sleep with Kim, or even play golf with my associates. Business is business. So I wasn't surprised when Adams cut right to the chase. Business is business.

"It seems a lot has changed for you in the last few months. You've done quite well at work, but seem to have lost a battle or two with my daughter. Do I have to worry about you?"

I leaned back into the plushness of the little chair in front of his desk. I knew the psychology of a short chair in front of the desk and a tall chair behind. Towering over an opponent is a dominant position. I guess they never saw those movies where the downed swordsman thrusts upwards into the exposed soft underbelly of the dominant warrior as he winds up for the final lethal stroke.

"Yes sir, you do. After 25 years with this firm, I'm still a lowly junior partner. I have brought in more business in the last 5 years than any other manager, and my Asian blitz this last year was unparalleled. My earned bonus was accordingly higher than any other employee, including your divisional presidents. Yet here I am, junior partner. So I am thinking of taking the standard severance and moving on."

"Dale, I can't promote you like anyone else, you're my son in law, how would that look."

"I understand. Business is business. But that cuts both ways. Business is business for me means taking an offer that reflects my ability. I can be a full partner tomorrow at Woodford Unlimited or Mark Manufacturing."

"I would expect some loyalty from my son in law."

"Slick! Business is business when you're keeping me down, but when it benefits you, suddenly loyalty is important. While we're on the topic of family loyalty, I wonder if you'd be willing to chat about what you did to teach that lesson to your daughter. Because you failed."

"Dale, I'm sorry..."

"That's another thing, why are you Mr. Adams while I'm Dale? Business is business. I deserve the same degree of respect that you expect."

"Very well, Mr. Carter it is..."

"Doctor Carter. Remember, I defended my thesis for my PH.D. in Economics last May."

"Very well, Doctor Carter it is. I'm aware of my daughter's actions, and am not pleased. We have spoken...to put it mildly, and...well at the moment she is not speaking to me. My philosophy..."

"...sucks." I broke in to finish his thought for him. "Your philosophy on loyalty is totally out of sync with the rest of the world. Your business is business thing is just an easy way of dealing with a workforce that views you as a cold hearted boss with the personality of a dead fish. Tell me, is it wise to keep your top producer down just because he is your son in law? I don't see much reason not to pedal my skills to another firm."

Long story short, the arrogant son of a bitch told me to go ahead and do my worst. I did. By close of business everyone on my team as well as Ian and his team had tendered resignations. You never saw someone back pedal as fast in your life. Senior partnership for me with a significant raise. Raises for both of our teams and the creation of a mergers and acquisitions division just for us.

With my professional and financial futures secured, I turned to my personal life.

I rode my bike on wild trails and dirt tracks alike. I even raced motocross. I rode downhill on my mountain bike and got fucking muddy. I looked good muddy and tired, and played with a couple of biker chicks that thought it was hot. One was a Harley Girl who liked my style on the motocross and thought I was pretty hot on the jumps for an old guy. Then she told me to give her a call when I got something bigger than my dirt bike between my legs. I told her what's between my legs was going to need more than two wheels. As I loaded my bike onto the rig behind my Beast Jeep. She put the Harley On with my Kawasaki, and we spent the night discussing the merits of nimbleness or raw power in our crotch rockets. Yes, we compared the bikes too between sweaty, sticky, moaning, groaning, rocket maneuver events.

I skied more than Banff. I skied Tuckerman's and when the summer heat closed that venerable slope on Mount Washington I found some excellent adrenaline cranking slopes in glaciers of the Pyrenees. It's funny seeing half naked women basking in the sun at a high altitude lodge right beside a snowy slope. It's even more fun watching them remove the rest of their clothing in your hotel room later on.

I finished enough tandem jumps out of a perfectly good airplane to qualify to jump alone. So I did. The same instructor gave me enough hours in a sailplane to solo. So I did. She was so excited having a student center earn both solos in the same month, she let me duo...with her. We jumped naked and fucked on the deserted beach where we landed. We couldn't figure a way to fuck in the sailplane since the seating was back to front and the seats were in the way of hanky and panky. So we jumped back to the beach again. It was hot the first time, so why not an encore?

I posted everything on Facebook, and my page was filled with comment activity from our friends and family, especially the kids who weren't speaking to there mom any more than I was. I wasn't at all. She tried to corner me, but you can't hit a moving target like you can a boring one. Boring me, huh? Kiss my boring ass. After every post, my phone rang. I didn't block her number, I just didn't answer. She tried to catch me at work, even using her father to request my presence so we could talk. He didn't try that again after I threatened to defect to Woodford's if he ever tried that again. He had to restrain her in order to allow me a way to leave without her molesting me. Some people's children.

Then the full court press began. Aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, pets and grocery boys all seemed to be in favor of giving her another chance. Everyone makes mistakes you see. So I put them into my shoes. I told the women to take their clothes off and lie down right where they were, then spread their legs and get ready for me to rock their world. After all, if mistakes like that were so easy to make, so lightly considered, and so easily forgiven, I should be able to make a few of my own, and might as well start with someone who understood the process so well. I told the men to bring me their wives, girlfriends, mothers or of-age daughters for the same reason. They were a bit shocked, but saw my point. I'm sure some would never speak to me again. That's not a bad thing. Still, I was getting sick of the dime store advice, and it was bringing me down. So I left.

I took my team back on the road. They were thrilled, as they had a ball on our first rampage buying Asia and Argentina. This time we hit Brazil and Argentina. Then we went back to Hong Kong. We did so well, we leased space and opened the first International office of the firm in Asia. Karen's dear daddy had nothing to object to, since we had made enough rain there to need a continued presence, so guess who was named as Vice President for operations in the Southern Hemisphere? Yours truly. I installed Ian in Argentina, and Kim in Australia, and our divisions business took off. I never went home. Karen wanted to follow me, but the kids talked sense into her. I didn't want her, and somehow she accepted that.

I sent the Spitfire back to Mom's along with the bike. I gave my son the Jeep and my daughter the Mercedes. I gave Karen a divorce, and Kari an engagement ring. Yup, I had no intention of spending the best times of my life alone. I wanted a good woman by my side. Besides she loves to skydive.

So I got it all. Adrenaline, a happy home, a new start, my integrity, and a shit load of money, cause damn, it's there to be made in my new part of the world. If Karen had just come to me and said "I'm bored. Let's find something new and exciting in our lives!" I would have been thrilled. I was bored too. We could have skied together! It would have been a rush teaching her and taking her along. We could have travelled. We could have rafted rivers safely or zip lined through Cambodia with little risk, and plenty of rush. I would have done anything for her, until she threw me over for someone else. I couldn't stomach that.

I hear she is intensely unhappy with the dating scene. She finds the guys available lacking. She is jealous of the fact her dad loves the shit out of me for moving away from her because we are making his company obscene amounts of money. She regrets what she did, but knows she can't go back. Kari makes sure of that everything she gets in a helicopter with ski boots on, or straps on a parachute. But my ultimate adrenaline rush is going to bed with her every night. The isn't anything Kari won't do in bed, and there isn't anything she hasn't enjoyed that I've done with her. I know, because once we have done it, she wants it again. That never happened with Karen, even when we were young and things were good.

But we have never spoken since that day her dad had to restrain her so I could leave in assaulted. I'm sure she would like to talk, but she knows how little I want to do with her. One day, I suppose one of the kids will get married, or have a grandchild that I will be eager to go meet. Karen will surely be there, and I will finally have to interact. But I'm not worried. When that time comers, my Kari will be there by my side. No, she won't have to protect me. She'll be there to make sure I'm not too boring...or bored!