Confessions of a Mailgirl Ch. 13

"Now fuck off and don't bring her back here again," Joyce said as she turned and walked away. "And make sure the neighbors don't see her on the way out."

REFLECTIONS

Once again I found myself in the back seat of Barbara's car as it cruised through city streets, this time without the blindfold. Barbara hadn't said a word since leaving Joyce's place so I stared out the window at the cars around me and their occupants. How different their lives were than mine. I'd once been like them, commuting to and from work every day, sitting in my cubicle. My whole focus back then had been on gaining a promotion to a position where I would have my own office, more power and responsibility, more money, and a path to yet another promotion. Now I had nothing, not even the clothes on my back.

I thought about Barbara, Joyce, Hiromoto, Dan Evans, and the DDE executives I'd served in the tenth floor executive lounge. Over the past six months I'd learned a great deal about the machinations of powerful people and how deals were brokered in whispered conversations over cocktails or in secret meetings in back rooms and private homes. I was nothing more than a pawn to be moved around the board by these people and my submissive nature made that my desired place in this game, or so Barbara had told me. Was I really a submissive by nature or was this something that Barbara had manipulated me into believing?

What I had discovered for a certainty about myself was that I was a thrill junkie and an exhibitionist. I got off on the excitement and humiliation of being naked in public and this hadn't diminished at all even after months of constant nudity. I'd gladly choose now to live my life in the nude - all the time, everywhere - if I could. Since that was Barbara's goal for me I wondered if this was the real reason I kept choosing to continue down such a perilous path rather than because of a submissive desire to be controlled by her. Couldn't I get that same thrill by choosing to be nude on my own rather than being forced into it, I wondered? Maybe, but I wasn't at all sure if I could bring myself to do it on my own. Not without a push from someone powerful like Barbara to make me do it.

I also wondered why, if I was such a submissive, I had spent so much of my life attaining the education and knowledge required to lead other people? I felt more confused than ever about who I was. Did I want to be the chess master or the pawn? Or neither? And even if I did have a strong submissive nature did I really need to allow myself to be pushed to this extreme to satisfy it? Would it be possible to be a strong dynamic business woman in public while satisfying my submissive urges in private?

I thought about my relationship with Anna and how she was maturing from a frightened, bullied little girl into a confident, independent woman before my eyes. She was learning to take control of her own life at the same time she was learning to control mine. Anna had taken over all of our finances, planned the meals, made the shopping lists, and was now learning to drive. She was also learning to be the dominant in our relationship and was trying to do it in a way that was forceful without being bullying or mean-spirited. If Barbara had been hoping to drive a wedge between us by forcing Anna into a role as my prison guard then so far it wasn't working. If anything our relationship was deepening.

On the other hand I couldn't deny my deep desire for Barbara either. Despite everything - or maybe because of everything - I found myself captivated by her and her intoxicating blend of beauty, confidence, intelligence, and charisma. I was always on edge in her presence, not knowing what would happen next, yet this only made me feel more alert and alive. I doubt that anyone else could have made me willingly choose this life or continue down this road despite knowing the future she'd openly mapped out for me. Even now as I rode naked in the back seat of her car toward some unknown destination I felt her seductive allure casting a spell over me, making me want to see where and how this ride ended. Wherever we were going it wasn't back to DDE headquarters or the condo.

The car turned onto a quiet street and began meandering through an upscale residential neighborhood past beautiful homes with perfectly manicured lawns. The end of the street led into a cul-de-sac and the car pulled into the driveway of a large single-story house. Barbara reached up and pushed the button on a remote attached to the visor and my pulse quickened as the garage door began to rise.

Barbara had brought me home with her.