Confessions of a Porn Star Ch. 02

'Do I dare take that thing in my mouth? It's so hideously ugly,' she thought. 'What would he think of me if I licked his cock? What would he think of me if I took his prick in my mouth? What would he think of me if I sucked him? Would he think me a slut if I blew him? Would he think me a whore if I allowed him to cum in my mouth? Would he think me a nymphomaniac if I swallowed his cum?'

While fondling the head of his engorged prick with her manicured fingers, as if squeezing an ear of corn or a giant sized carrot to test its freshness, she squeezed his cock before slowly stroking his cock again. As soon as she started stroking John, as if he was beginning to lose consciousness from drinking too much alcohol, when he hasn't even had a drink, he slumped down lower to fall back into the softness of the backseat. Surrendering his prick to her, he allowed her to have her wicked, sexual way with his cock in the way she now allowed him to have his wicked, sexual way with her tits. Obviously, an understatement, while he watched her hand stroking him and saw her eyes staring at him, he relaxed while enjoying his first hand job from someone else's hand other than his own.

As if she had given plenty of hand jobs before, when this was her first hand job, she had a knack, a gift, and a special talent for intuitively knowing how to masturbate and pleasure a man. Exerting just enough hand pressure with just enough speed, she could tell when his eyes rolled back in his head that he was enjoying the feel of her hand as much as she was enjoying the sensation of his cock. With just the feel of her fingers, the touch of her hand, and the movement of her wrist, it was then that Liz realized the sexually intuitive control that she had over men. Literally, men were putty, albeit hardened putty, in her hand.

Simplistically easy, the secret of controlling a man was all in his prick. Realizing it at the same time, it was then that Liz appreciated the sexual control that she had over men. She felt empowered. She felt possessed. She felt sexy. She felt strong. She felt in control of her lifelong nemesis, men.

Never feeling good enough, smart enough, and/or strong enough before, she felt good enough, smart enough, and strong enough now. Men were always there to hold her back by saying no to whatever she wanted to do. A love/hate affair, she had a bittersweet relationship with men. Men didn't have a clue about women but all that she needed to know about men, she literally and figuratively held in the palm of her hand.

Her moment of realization was an epiphany with her knowing what she was going to do with the rest of her life. Obviously, she knew that she enjoyed the control that she sexually had over men. As if she was Aphrodite, the Greek Goddess of love, reincarnated, she wanted to spend the rest of her life making love and having sex with as many men as possible. Feeling not only sexually satisfied but also empowered every time she fucked and sucked a man, sex was intoxicatingly delirious.

Sex was her magic elixir and her drug of choice. Sex defined her. Sex set her apart from other women who feared sex for fear of being deemed a slut, a whore, and promiscuous. Yet, Liz didn't allow those labels to define her.

Confident, intelligent, articulate, and poised, she knew who she was inside. Grateful for her blossoming into a sexual woman, it was sex that made her who she is today. A virgin that bloomed into a woman before adopting the swinging lifestyle and before sexually adapting to becoming a porn star, she knew that she was special. She knew that not only men but also women would lust over having sex with her.

Of course, with John her first victim, sorry, she meant, lover, she didn't label herself as a slut, a whore, a nymphomaniac, or as someone who was addicted to sex. Unlike what a nymphomaniac feels or doesn't feel, feeling no guilt, shame, or remorse, she felt exhilaration. She felt jubilation. Free from the binds that bound her, she found a way for her to be equal to men.

If sex was what men want, why deny them. Why not give men what they want and men will give her what she wants, respect, equality, and money. It was then and there that Liz knew that she enjoyed the feeling of having sex, the more sex with more men the better. Sex was her way to make it in life.

Having sex made her feel alive. Having sex made her feel like a woman instead of an 18-year-old, virginal, school girl. Having sex made her feel free of her parents' control. Having sex made her feel wicked but in a good way. Something that she was inherently good at, she enjoyed the feeling of controlling men by denying them or giving them sex, her choice it was now her decision. With her seemingly the weaker sex, but with her not believing for one second that she was weak at all, having sex made her realize that it was so much better being born a woman than it was being born a man.

Sex made her feel free of all the repression, suppression, and forced morality placed upon her not only as a virgin but also while being pressured to be a good girl. If it wasn't enough the crap she had to endure from men, other women were her worst enemies. With her prettier than most other women, smarter than them, and having a better body than them, now that she didn't fear sex but reveled in it, she was way ahead of other women.

Now that she's seen the truth from both sides of acceptable, standard morality, good girls don't have any fun. Good girls live boring lives. Good girls miss out on everything. Good girls end up married with children and grow fat while their husbands cheat on them with bad girls.

In all the years that the Playboy mansion has been in existence, there hasn't been one good girl who has walked through those doors. It's only the bad girls who meet a lot of interesting men, go on expensive trips, are romanced, bought flowers, perfume, jewels, attend swingers' parties, and make porn movies. Something she never experienced before now, having a man sexually lust over her, physically desire her, and want to cum in her was a miraculous feeling of being a sexual, sensuous, attractive woman. Not only that but also and just by the miracle of sex, she was a woman in control of her own destiny.

If Liz was anything at all, she was nothing more than a sexual being. Full of life, she wanted to experience everything all at once. In a book she just read in 1969, she should have been the one captured by aliens in Kurt Vonnegut's book Slaughter House Five. In the way she was alive and invigorated now by sex, she would have made a much better sexual subject to view while being analyzed when having sex than Billie Pilgrim did, when he was forcibly taken from his bed on his Honeymoon.

Of course, with her having just attended her first prom and with her just a prom star, she didn't know that she'd be making sexually explicit movies and that she'd be a porn star soon too. In the way that some people love food, some people love alcohol, some people love chocolate, and other people are addicted to smoking, from the first touch of John's hard, throbbing cock, Liz was addicted to sex. Sex, sex, sex, now with everything she did, it was all about sex. If she had to define herself, she was all about sex. Sex was her thing. Yet, nonetheless her supposed sexual addiction, whether she was addicted to sex or not, she loved sex. What she did know was that one of her favorite activities to do in the future would be to have sex, lots and lots of sex with lots and lots of men and women too.

With John no longer feeling Liz's tits but content to watch Liz masturbate him instead, seemingly he was in sexual Heaven. If only someone could have videotaped his reaction when Liz leaned her head down and took his stiff cock in her mouth, seemingly with angelic music playing in the background, it was a miraculous moment. Indeed, a magical moment with the first time receiving and giving a blowjob, the moment for both of them was priceless. A life altering event, with both of them forever having this memory, neither of them could reclaim their innocence. Taking advantage of the top of her opened dress, he stuck his hand inside and while she sucked his cock, he felt her big tis and fingered her hard, erect nipples.

Obviously his first blowjob, this was Liz's first blowjob too. With him not forcing her to suck him, he was contently happy, as well as sexually excited, to watch her suck his cock. Indeed, she was enjoying sucking his prick as much as he seemingly enjoyed having his cock sucked. Sucking him deeper while stroking him faster, she was doing a commendable job for her first time giving a blowjob.

"Oh, my God," he gasped with his eyes rolling back in his head and his mouth gaping wide open.

As if this was one of many blowjobs that he's received instead of this being his first one, an involuntary reaction, he put a hand to the back of Liz's pretty head. While fingering her light, brown hair as if he was fingering his own pubic hair while masturbating himself, he humped her mouth and fucked her face. As long as Liz continued stroking his cock while sucking his cock, John was having a good, sexual time. As long as Liz kept her mouth there with her tongue circumnavigating his cock as if she was a pro, assuredly it wouldn't be long before John showed Liz how much he enjoyed having her suck his cock by cumming in her mouth.

Then, surprising Liz more than it surprised John, suddenly, a heavy hand pushed her head down and forward. Holding it there, the pressure of his hand to the back of her pretty head was followed by an immediate ejaculation of volumes of warm, oozy cum coating her mouth and splashing against her teeth, her gums, and the back of her throat. The first time tasting a man, Liz had no compunction in swallowing him. His ejaculating cum in her mouth was proof positive that he so enjoyed what she did with his stiff prick. Allowing him to cum in her mouth was proof positive that she so enjoyed sucking his cock as well.

Before the first Playgirl issue hit the stands in 1973 with Lyle Waggoner their first centerfold, Liz learned all that she needed to know about oral sex from her brother's porn movies and from reading Cosmopolitan magazine. Never even having had a cock in her hand before now, she had a stiff prick in her mouth now. Sucking him as if she had sucked a man's cock before, she did a commendable enough job in sucking while stroking John's cock to make him cum within a minute or two. Not wanting to ruin her prom dress with semen, she swallowed all that he ejaculated in her mouth before licking him clean. Unlike Monica Lewinsky, twenty-seven years in the future, taking pride in not spilling a drop, Liz swallowed every drop of John's cum while sucking him dry.

If there was such a thing as a look of love that was mixed with sexual lust and admiration, John was in love with Liz. With both of them sexual virgins, Liz gave him a memory that he'd never forget. No man forgets his first French kiss, feeling his first tit, sucking his first nipple, receiving his first hand job, and cumming in a woman's mouth during his first blowjob. Assuredly, he had a lot of firsts that night. Moreover, it's unusual that all of his first happened with one woman.

He had his first kiss that wasn't from the lips of his mother or grandmother. He had his first French kiss. That night was the first time he felt a woman's breasts through her dress. It was the first time he felt a bare breast and the first time he fingered a nipple. It was the first time that he saw women's naked breasts that weren't in a magazine. Other than him stroking himself which he routinely did night and day, that night was the first time he not only received a hand job but also a blowjob and what a blowjob it was. It was his first time cumming in a woman's mouth and watching her swallow his cum.

With their reputations to uphold and their morals limiting them, normally women back then didn't suck cock, especially not on a first date, never on a first date, especially on a prom date. If a woman did suck a cock, she only dabbled, licked it a little bit. For fear of him putting a heavy hand to the back of her head and cumming in her mouth, few women would take a man's entire cock in her mouth and suck it deeply while stroking a man in the way that Liz had just done. Few women would allow men to cum in their mouths and fewer women would swallow men's semen. Of course there were plenty of women who gave blowjobs. Yet, unless they had been dating the man for a while and perhaps were even engaged to him, it wasn't expected of a young, virginal, prom date to get her date off by giving him a hand job never mind giving him oral sex.

Normally, the extent of sexual activity after a prom was mostly limited to kissing and petting. Their first time alone together, and her first time alone with a man, albeit a 19-year-old man, shades of things to come, just out of the blue, Liz gave John a blowjob. He didn't ask her to give him one, nor did he pressure her to give him one, she just took it upon herself to suck him. Not shy about unzipping him and taking his cock in her hand before taking him in her mouth, she allowed him to cum in her mouth and she swallowed her first load. A premonition of things to come, John's load of cum wouldn't be the last load of cum that Liz would swallow, that's for sure.

Now with John sexually satisfied, with this date not a one-way street, it was his turn to sexually pleasure her. It was her turn for some sexual fun. With John still enamored with her breasts, she needed him to concentrate on a different area of her body. Not shy, embarrassed, or ashamed, even though this was the first time showing anyone her pussy who didn't have a medical degree, she hiked up her dress to her waist and removed her panties. John looked at her with shocked disbelief when he saw her bushy, brown pussy. Obviously, the first pussy he's ever seen, she grabbed his hand by his wrist and moved it between her legs.

With her still tasting his cum in her mouth, she was wet. She was so wet. The wettest she's ever been. Whether it was his fingers, his tongue, or his cock, she needed to feel something stiff in her pussy. With her having masturbated herself so very many times, as much as John masturbated himself, no doubt, she needed to have more than just her vibrator rubbing her clit and more than just her dildo inside of her pussy.

As soon as he touched her warm wetness, unlike her grabbing hold of his cock, he recoiled and pulled his hand away. Not taking no for an answer, especially after she gave him what he wanted, a hand job that turned into a blowjob, it was his turn to give her what she wanted. She wanted him to masturbate her. She pulled his hand by his wrist again and moved it between her legs. This time holding it there, she moved and positioned his fingers where she'd receive the most pleasure.

"Right there," she said. "Do you feel it? It feels like a button. That's my bean."

He looked at her with shocked disbelief.

"Yes, I feel it," he said. "What's this? This feels like you have a little penis."

He looked down at her pussy to examine what he was feeling with his fingers.

"That's my clit. Rub my clit like this while using your other finger to fuck me," she said holding his finger with her fingers while rubbing herself. "Finger fuck me, John. Stick your finger in my cunt. I want to cum too. I need to cum. Make me your bitch. Make me your woman," she said realizing how ridiculous that sounded with both them being sexually inexperienced virgins and with this prom date their very first date that either of them has had.

Nonetheless, John got over the wet stickiness of her and persevered in masturbating her. He showed more enthusiasm when Liz encouraged him by giving him verbal signs that she was enjoying being finger fucked by him. Assuredly, he'll have much to brag to his friends about all that he did with Liz on prom night. Now, that Liz puts out, she'll be the popular one. She'll be the one to ask out to dances and go parking afterward.

"Oh, God that feels so good. Don't stop. Please don't stop. Fuck me with your finger. Fuck me, John. Feel my breast with your other hand," she said. She pulled down her top and pulled out her tits to give him better access to her nipples while George Harrison appropriately sang "My Sweet Lord." She was ready to have her first orgasm given to her by a man.

No doubt, his first set of knockers that he's seen in person that weren't in a magazine, he stared at her tits.

"Wow, you have amazing breasts Liz," he said staring at them instead of touching them and talking to them instead of sucking them.

She looked down at her breasts before looking up at him.

"Suck them John. Suck my tits. Finger my nipples and suck my tits," she said. "I need to cum. I want to cum."

Obediently John obeyed and sucked Liz's nipples while she still held his hand and fingers in her pussy. Moving his fingers with her fingers, even though she was basically masturbating herself with his fingers, this was far better than masturbating herself with her vibrator and dildo. A first time for everything, this was the first time that a man masturbated her.

While George C. Scott won the Oscar for his starring role in "Patton" that year, Glenda Jackson won the Academy Award for "Women in Love." Only there's subtle differences between Liz and Glenda Jackson's character in her starring role as Gudrun Brangwen. Something as shocking as swapping partners as it was in the 1920's, is still shocking today in the 1970's.

As it did then and as it still does today, the question arises, can a partner or spouse of one gender truly fulfill all of the emotional needs of love of the other partner? Definitely, Liz needed to have sex with both genders to be fully sexually satisfied. After watching "Women in Love," it was then that Liz not only sexually desired men but also that she sexually desired women too. A life changing event, seemingly she was born to be a swinger who grew to be a porn star.

To be continued...

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