Conflicted in Paradise Ch. 02

Kelsey sniffled, then she nodded slowly. "I love you, Amanda. I love you so, so much."

"I love you too, Kel."

The girls both smiled at each other, and they wiped the tears off each other's cheeks even as fresh ones kept streaming down. Kelsey leaned over and gave Damon a soft kiss. "And I love you, doofus."

"I love you too, Kel," he said, nearly choking on the words. His gut felt as if a dozen red-hot swords were running him through, and his head was woozy.

"I'm sorry that I'm hurting you both, and please believe me when I say that I miss you two every single minute of the day..."

Damon's voice was a barely audible croak. "We miss you too, and—"

Before he could say anything else, Kelsey quickly got up, tears streaming down her face. "I... I have to go. I'll talk to you guys later!"

Before either Damon or Amanda could say anything else, Kelsey quickly ran out, the sound of her sobs trailing behind her.

As soon as the door closed, Amanda threw herself in Damon's arms. "Oh, Damon!" she wailed, then she began to cry in earnest.

*** ***

It was about an hour later when Amanda had finally recovered. Damon had held her throughout her grief, continuously kissing her and telling her he loved her.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" he asked gently.

She gave a small, noncommittal shrug. "I don't know... I guess. It's my own fault, anyways," she said, her voice hoarse from her grief.

"What? Why would you say that?" he exclaimed.

"Because it's true. I wanted everything! I wanted you and her, and I wanted you both to myself! I loved our little deal where you and I were exclusive, so that I never had to share you, and getting to have Kelsey whenever we wanted her too."

"You know Kelsey wanted that as well; it's not as if we were forcing her to accept it. She loved it just as much as we did."

She nodded. "Yeah, but I should have known it wasn't going to last. Our threesome was great for the three of us, but it pretty much sucks for whoever Kelsey was going to wind up with. We should have realized that her girlfriend, or her boyfriend, wasn't going to be happy with Kel just going off to fuck us whenever we felt like it."

"It's not Carynne's fault," Damon said quietly. "Kelsey's the one making the decision not to be with us anymore."

"Really?" Amanda asked softly. "I know Carynne would never complain because she doesn't want to see Kelsey unhappy any more than I do, but I also know that Kelsey would take the blame herself if Carynne was the one who said something about it."

"So you think that's what happened?"

"I don't know," Amanda said, her face a sad smile. "Even if it was, who could blame her? I feel horrible that we never once thought about how she'd feel about Kelsey coming to fuck us, and her having to stay home."

Damon felt his cheeks blush as he looked at the ground, embarrassment coursing through him. "Yeah..."

Amanda cuddled up a little closer against him, and she sighed deeply. "It's all so ironic, isn't it?"

He gave her a puzzled look. "What's ironic?"

"That Kelsey and I were always joking about how jealous you were going to be once she found a guy for herself, and how hard it would be for you to handle seeing her with someone else. Then she hooks up with Carynne, and it turns out I'm the one who's jealous!"

"You are?"

"Yes," Amanda said, almost angrily wiping away another tear that ran down her cheek. "It's funny, when Carynne was in love with Kelsey while Kel and I were together, I thought it was so cute! I just loved that about her, that she couldn't resist Kel any more than I could. And I got to be all noble about it too: 'Oh, no, I don't mind Carynne being in love with my girlfriend!' I'd say, and I'd feel all proud too at how mature I was. But now she has my girlfriend, and she's indirectly the reason why I don't have Kelsey anymore, and I'm so fucking jealous I could scream!"

Damon stared at her almost as if in shock. He didn't even know Amanda was capable of jealousy. "I... I just don't know what to say, honey," he finally stammered.

She gave him a melancholy smile. "I'm sorry. I know you never expected this of me; I don't think that I ever even expected this of myself either."

He searched for something, anything to say. Finally, he just said, "I love you, Amanda."

She gave him a sweet smile, then she closed her eyes and kissed him. He could feel her tears slide down her cheeks again, and his entire being ached with misery over her sadness. If only there was some way he could make it better for her!

"I love you too," she said softly. "Thank you for being so strong during this. Without you, I don't know what I'd do."

He grimaced slightly. "I'm not that strong, you know. The thought of not getting to make love to Kelsey anymore is making me sick to my stomach, and my head's so woozy I feel like I've got a concussion."

"I know," she sighed. "But you're obviously much better at dealing with it than I am... why is that, anyways?"

He shook his head. "I don't really know. I mean... it hurts me, of course. All I can think about is holding her in my arms, or kissing her, or having her cum on me... on us!"

Amanda gave him a small, encouraging smile, but she didn't say anything, instead waiting for him to continue.

"I guess... I guess that, deep down inside, I've always kinda had this thought that Kelsey and I would never be a permanent thing. That it would end someday."

Amanda sighed. "Really? I always thought we'd be together forever."

"I'd have loved it if we would have been, but I just never was able to wrap my mind around that. I figured she'd still get with us from time to time for some awesome sex, but in the future, I thought it'd just be you and me."

Amanda nodded sadly. "I guess I'll have to try to get used to that thought as well." Her lip started wobbling, and she was on the verge of crying again.

He couldn't take it anymore; Amanda's grief was like a chainsaw in his gut. "Amanda, go be with her!" he said, forcing the words out of his throat while mentally yelling at his heart to shut the fuck up.

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Go to Kel, and tell her you want to be with her and with Carynne!"

Her gorgeous green-blue eyes flashed, and she gave him an absolutely astonished look, rapidly blinking away her tears. "But... why would I... what about you?"

"Don't worry about me. You two love each other so much, all three of you do, and you should go be together!" he said earnestly, trying his hardest to ignore the flares of pain that tore through him at the thought of not being with Amanda anymore.

Amanda closed her eyes, and she let out several deep, slow breaths. When she reopened them, they were shining brightly, filled with her love for him. "You can be so silly sometimes! What good would that do me if I didn't have you?"

"But you miss Kelsey so much..."

She nodded. "I do. I miss her so much I can't even describe it, but any solution where I wind up without you just isn't gonna work."

He felt himself practically melt inside. "Are you sure?"

She fiercely kissed him, practically devouring his mouth as she climbed on top of him. His cock staggered to attention at the feel of her incredible body, but he knew she wasn't mounting him to fuck him. He wrapped his arms around her back and just held her close while they kissed in an almost insane frenzy.

They were both panting heavily by the time they stopped making out. Their foreheads were touching, and they looked deep into each other's eyes.

"Yes, I'm sure," she whispered. "I want you. I will always want you, and I will never not want you to be a part of anything I do."

His relieved smile sent butterflies soaring through her stomach, and she gave him another kiss. "I love you, Damon."

"I love you too, Amanda Linnea O'Sullivan."

She smiled at him. The way he said her full name just sent shivers down her spine, and she took shelter in his love. They sat together for a few more minutes, until she finally asked, "Damon?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind if I... if I want to be by myself for a little while?" she asked softly. His look of worry was cute, wonderful and frightening, all at the same time.

"You're not going to do something silly, are you?" he asked, a bit nervously.

"No, of course not," she said reassuringly, shaking her head. "I just found out some things about myself that I don't really like, and I'd like to get my head on straight. Just go swim, and I'll see you in a little while, okay?"

He sighed softly, then nodded. "Okay. Let me know if you need anything."

"I will," she said, kissing him again before getting off of him.

Damon got up and started walking towards the front door. He couldn't believe that he wasn't going to be able to make love to Kelsey anymore! His mind felt as if it was packed in wool, and he hoped an hour or so of vigorous swimming would at least let him think clearly again.

"Damon!" Amanda called after him just as he was about to open the door.

"Yeah?" he asked, looking at her over his shoulder.

"You might need these," she said sweetly, holding up his swimming trunks. "They probably don't allow you to swim in the nude around here."

*** ***

When Damon came outside, he saw it was another beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly, though some possible storm clouds were forming out in the distance over the ocean. They seemed an almost poetic match to the way he felt. He briefly debated breakfast, but his stomach protested loudly at the thought of having to deal with food. The pain caused by Kelsey's decision was giving it fits.

Even though it was still early in the morning, the temperature was in the low eighties, and it was already fairly muggy. He quickly went into the water, enjoying how refreshingly cool and chilly it felt, and started swimming. Rather than worry about technique and strokes, he just swam full-out, as if he could physically beat the turmoil that coursed through him until it left him alone.

Kelsey's words kept ringing through his mind, and though he tried his hardest to find some flaw in her reasoning, he eventually realized that she was right. His exclusivity with Amanda was great for the two of them, and their agreement to still have sex with his sister was also great, for all three of them. But the person who Kelsey was seeing—Carynne—basically just got royally hosed. She'd have to watch Kelsey be with him and Amanda while she was never allowed to join in. As much as it pained him, he had to admit that Kelsey made the right decision for her and Carynne. It was unfair to Carynne, and Kelsey needed to focus on what was best for the two of them, not just what was the best for herself.

He slowed down and flipped over onto his back, relaxing for a little while. Images of his sister kept floating in front of him, and he knew he missed her like crazy. As badly as it hurt him, however, he was mostly just really worried about Amanda. Kelsey was her first lover, and she loved Kelsey with every fiber of her being. To be told that she could no longer be with his sister would likely hurt her for a long time to come.

He went over all kinds of what-if scenarios in his mind, purposely staying away from the ones where he and Amanda would break up. He couldn't remember ever feeling more relieved—with probably the sole exception of when Kelsey came out of her coma—as when he heard her say that she wanted him to always be part of everything she did. He'd meant it when he'd offered to step aside so Amanda could go back to being with Kelsey, but his pain over losing her would have been just as bad as the pain he felt over losing Kelsey.

He corrected himself quickly—of course he wasn't really losing Kelsey. She was still his sister, she still loved him to death, and he loved her just as much. They'd always be prominently involved in each other's lives, but they just wouldn't be romantically involved anymore. Even thinking about it sent shards of grief tearing through him. He'd never get to feel that incredible body shiver underneath him anymore; never get to feel those fantastic breasts pressing against his chest while she rode his cock; never get to watch that amazing ass jiggle as he fucked her from behind.

"Fuck!" he angrily screamed at the bright blue sky, which observed his fury with oblivious indifference. He quickly turned around and continued swimming, pumping every ounce of energy he had into his front crawl while trying to drain his body to the limit. Since Nationals had been such a short while ago, he was in fantastic shape, and his body absolutely ate up the distance even as his mind just kept trying to come up with some way to deal with the issue at hand.

Eventually he shook himself out of his angry melancholy, and he blinked a little in surprise. When had the water turned that dark? He glanced over his shoulder to see where he was, then he cursed loudly when he saw that he was quite a lot further away from the beach than he'd originally planned on going. With a disgusted grimace he turned around and slowly made his way back.

Though the ocean was quite calm, the outgoing tide didn't really help him much, and by the time he made it back to the beach he was totally exhausted. His legs protested violently when he tried to stand, so he collapsed to the white beach, falling down hard onto his ass. He was almost desperately gulping for air, and he knew if he'd gone just a few hundred yards further, he'd—

"Damon!" Stacey's worried voice came from nearby, interrupting his thoughts, and a few seconds later she knelt beside him. Her hand felt wonderfully warm on his back. "Are you okay? What the hell were you doing?!"

"Swimming," he coughed, managing to give her a small grin.

"You idiot! You went so far that I could barely even see you anymore!"

"Sorry."

She pulled on his arm, trying to get him up. His body protested loudly at the further prospect of movement, and instead he slowly lay down on his back with a deep sigh.

"I think I'm gonna just... lie here for a bit, Stace," he said, grimacing as his shoulder muscles started to cramp up. He really needed to do a few cool down laps, but the sand felt amazingly comfortable. Stacey was looking at him, her face part worry and part angry glare. He couldn't help but notice just how beautiful she really was with her face scrunched up like that, and her long, blonde hair almost incandescent in the sun's bright rays. She was wearing a dark red bikini that was struggling to keep her firm tits from spilling out. Warm memories of the one time he'd fucked her flooded his mind, but those memories were quickly swept away by the thought of fucking Kelsey's ass—with Stacey lying beneath her, hungrily waiting for his cum to leak into her mouth—and his gut clenched up again.

Stacey apparently took his grimace as one of physical discomfort, so she turned around and waved at someone. "David, please come help me!" she shouted.

Four burly guys in their late-thirties, dressed in khaki shorts and polos, quickly came running over. "What can we do for you, Miss Winterton?" the tallest of the four men asked. He had that serious, we-don't-have-a-sense-of-humor demeanor that Damon had come to expect from all the bodyguards in Stacey's family.

"You could get me something to eat?" Damon joked. The frown on the guy's face was priceless, and Damon coughed several times in an effort not to laugh too obviously.

"Stop that!" Stacey admonished him, slapping him on his belly. "David, can you help me get him to his sunlounger?"

"Sure," the man said, bending down to give Damon a hand.

Damon, however, waved the man off. "I'll be alright, guys, thanks."

Stacey gave him a long frown, but when she saw him shake his head, she turned back to the men and thanked them for coming over. The four of them simply nodded and went back to their table underneath one of the larger palm trees on the beach, where they resumed their apparent vigil. Damon realized they'd been there every day since they checked in, though he'd never paid them much attention. They obviously did a great job just blending into the background.

"Hey Stace, could you get me some water?" Damon asked. His body was decidedly unhappy with his lack of a proper cool down after such extreme physical exertion, and his stomach felt like it was tying itself into knots.

She nodded without comment, hurrying over to the bar and returning a few minutes later with two ice-cold bottles of water. She uncapped one and handed it over to Damon, who put it to his lips and drank eagerly, surprised at how thirsty he suddenly was. He suffered through another coughing attack as he emptied it, then he opened the second bottle and gulped that one down too.

"What were on earth were you doing?" she chastised him after he'd drained both bottles. She sat down beside him, curling her legs beneath her and sitting partially on her thigh. Her curves were displayed to incredible effect, and several men in the vicinity took great pains to check out the gorgeous blonde.

"I just swam too far," Damon said matter-of-factly as he shaded his eyes against the bright glare of the sun. The sand felt deliciously cool against his back, and the lethargy that was settling into his system was really overpowering; he had to struggle to stay awake. "I wasn't really paying any attention to how far I was going. My mind was somewhere else."

"That's pretty damn stupid when you're swimming straight out into the ocean!"

He grinned at her. "Yes mom. Sorry mom."

Her eyes flared briefly, then she gave him a resigned smirk. "Jerk!"

"Sorry."

She pursed her mouth and just stared at him, perhaps checking out his abs. Almost unconsciously he preened a bit for her, flexing his stomach muscles. She was just too beautiful not to, even though he didn't mean anything by it—he and Amanda took their exclusivity vow seriously.

"Does you turning into an idiot and nearly drowning yourself have something to do with why Kelsey was crying so badly earlier?" she asked after a few moments.

"Yeah."

Stacey sighed, probably in frustration. "Did you guys have a fight?"

"No. She's just decided she can't be with me and Amanda anymore."

"While we're here?"

"No, I'm pretty sure she meant permanently."

"What?! Why?"

"Because of Carynne."

"Carynne? Carynne doesn't mind if Kelsey goes to be with you guys. Why would that be such a big deal?"

"She feels bad about not being able to share us with Carynne when she shares everything else with her," Damon said sadly. "She says she feels like she's cheating on her every time she does."

Stacey looked at him for several long moments. "Oh," she finally said.

"Has Amanda been out yet?" he asked, rolling over onto his side and looking around for his girlfriend. It was a bit of a struggle, but he finally managed to sit back up, paying no mind to the wet sand that was covering most of him; he could always rinse off in awhile.

"No. Neither have Kelsey and Carynne. I came outside just after you, and when I saw you go into the water I tried to follow you, but you swim way too fast for me to be able to keep up!" she grinned.

He smiled at her. "Thanks, Stacey."

"For what?"

"For always being such an amazing friend." He held open his arms for her.

"Awww," she said, and he again saw her get that particular look in her eyes that sometimes made him wonder if she didn't feel more for him than she really let on. She quickly joined his embrace, tightly squeezing herself against him. "Don't mention it."

He kissed her forehead, after which they eased up and looked at each other in silence for a few moments. "So I take it those guys are your bodyguards?" Damon finally asked, more for something to say than because he was really curious.

"Yeah."

"I'd never even noticed them before. I was beginning to wonder if you'd actually taken some with you on this trip."