Congi Mew 01

Congi Mew 01

Hello everyone, I'm Congi Mew and you may have heard that my thing is to bring a little spice into some normal couple's lives and although I have done that a couple of times, it's not my thing. It's just what I do from time to time and there is a difference. I mean, it's not like I advertised on Chang Marketplace or anything.

But if you and the spouse want a cheerleader as a dinner guest, who also serves the after-dinner cocktails in sis, boom, bah fashion, I mean, there is a process to go through because I'm definitely not into being kidnapped and chained up in a basement, but DM me on Chang. But don't expect much right away because it's a long process because I don't look good in duct tape.

Well, I love, love, love that one duct tape selfie on my Chang page, but trust me, that took over an hour to stage. And I had a boyfriend to help me stage it, so, what? I'm a Congi test tube fem boy, for Pete's sakes!

I mean, I am the quiet and reserved Congi as compared to Congi Bar, who is the sassy one and pisses me off or as compared to Congi Dae, who is the adventurous one and also pisses me off or as compared to Congi Len who is just too damn happy and easy going, who also pisses me off and I'm not even getting into the magnet known as Congi Que and not just because he pisses me off.

[Inhales] but I am the Congi that I am and they are the Congi fem boys that they are and by the way, Congi Len doesn't own "tussling" people! I mean, I may not exactly understand what it means to tussle, but it sounds nice and I want to tussle! Or be tussled! Or even just use the word tussle in a sentence! While tussling about in the bed!

[Inhales] I so need a real boyfriend. And a new job. And a book on how to check one's attitude.

Anyways, here's the thing with being an invited third wheel for a private dinner, which is not my thing as I stated above, but listen, as it has turned out and I did not set this up, but, um, things have turned out more the lady of the house than the man of the house.

And I'm not saying that my approval process digs deep enough to clearly identify that the man of the house is limp, deflated, squishy and unable to perform in normal ways other than to try and whack off his squishy pecker while I wander around their house and tend to the Mrs., but that's how is seems to have worked out.

All unplanned, mind you! Tee he.

Anyways, it's only a rumor that my cheerleader look is only seven cheeseburgers away from being a Linebacker look and I don't know my referee look isn't more popular and I'll never, ever, ever again agree to role play the delivery person victim, but wandering around and serving cocktails in house maid lingerie is okay with me.

Oh, and creating a duct tape bikini without all the sticky isn't as easy as you might think, so, that's a coming soon.

Also, sheesh, I so need a damn boyfriend to ground me!

And by the way, Congi Dae doesn't own "front grinding" people! I'm right here! Sheesh.

[Hands off a cocktail]

"Mrs. Blender, you seem perplexed tonight, did I make a mistake by wearing a cheerleader uniform to our private party tonight, hmm?"

"(Snaps out of it) oh, no, no, Congi Mew, the hubby loves you as a cheerleader and his limp almost gets hard to squirt something out, but listen, Congi Mew, listen, he's going to pull a fast one on us tonight (sip) and I want you to know that since I actually need you more than I need him (sip), so?"

"[Slips Miss Brenda Blender's blouse off of her shoulders] well, it's not your fault, Miss Brenda, that some men go limp and deflated and squishy before their time, so, shall I get busy between your thighs until the hubby gets home from work then, Miss Brenda, hmm? You can mumble all about this fast one that your hubby is going to pull tonight, so, shall I get with it then, hmm?"

"[Spreads amazing legs and leans back into the couch] yes, please (sip), I mean, I don't know what I would do without you, Congi Mew."

Well, it's what I do. Sometimes. And with certain people.

"(Aha, aha, aha) alright Congi Mew, I'm worried because that old geezer has been mumbling in his sleep about bringing another couple into the mix by surprise (aha, oh, aha, oh, oh, lick my thighs like that) and in your favor, it will just be two limp and squishy men whacking off over you, but that will bring another woman into the mix for you to pleasure beyond delight (OMG, OMG, oh, ooh, oh, OMG)."

"[Munch, lick, kiss, lick, kiss, munch] that's breaking the rules of engagement, Miss Brenda [munch, lick, munch, lick, lick, kiss.]"

"(Aha, aha, oh, OMG) I know that, Congi Mew and by the way, your name could be Congi Tongue! But listen (ooh, ooh, ahh), is there really any harm in letting two old faggot geezers whack each other off while you cocktail service Martha and myself (OMG, OMG, OMG, oh), hmm?"

I mean, I mean, it's bad enough to have to be near Mr. Blender as his eyes roll back as he straightens out the wrinkles on his deflated dick with his hands in such a, ugh, disgusting and humiliating manner, but the point is, OMFG, Congi Bar does not own "spider monkey jumping and lip locking" people! My lips are exactly the same, my Cupid's Bow is exactly the same and I'll wear a lip gloss color of your choice!

[Inhales] I so need to get on a dating App. Just be close to my age, okay?

But back to it, I mean, totally ignoring that two older guys were going to be, um, doing that to each other in the background, um, Mrs. Martha Miller, right? I could that.

"(Aha, aha, oh, OMG) and Congi Mew (aha, aha, aha), I promise that I'm almost starting to feel bad that I'm getting out of our third wheel dinners than the faggot hubby (OMG, OMG, tongue tag me, OMG), but he and his buddy, Frank, have, tee he, agreed to take a blue pill each tonight, so, tee he (oh, ooh, oh, Congi Mew, munch me baby)!"

Well, you should have known it was coming.

[Pause the cocktail service between the luscious thighs for a laughter break out moment because even the infamous blue pill has limits]

"[Munch, lick, kiss, lick, kiss, munch, giggles, giggles] ahh, we have fun, right Mrs. Blender [munch, lick, munch, lick, lick, kiss], tee he?"

And by the way, folks, Congi Que doesn't own "leaning back against a wall with legs exposed and extended" people! Be my age and ask me out and I promise you all, I'll lean back against your hallway wall and send a few texts!

But back to how I had little concern over a private third wheel dinner date that broke all of rules of my mission websites mission statement.

"(Fuck) mad munch me, Congi Mew, munch me mad (OMG, OMG, oh, ooh, oh, OMG)!"

Well, that is in my mission statement. Mad munching.

"Oh, oh, oh, ooh, ooh O, O, O, O, O, O, O!"

[Another satisfied customer flops back into the couch]

See? It's what I do! Munch them mad to the big O.

"Honey, I'm home! And just in time for some real sis boom bah! Hello, cheerleader, Congi Mew!"

Ugh.

"And as promised, I brought Frank and Martha home with me because we're going to side squish the hell out of our little cheerleader!"

Ugh.

"(Psst, fuck, Bill, you've been holding out! That's a sis, boom, bah, body alright!)"

"(Psst, did you take the blue pill already, Frank?)"

"(Psst, I did, Bill and I'm almost at gummy worm hard. How about you?)"

"(Psst, I took it too and I'm almost one notch about soft squishy!)"

[At least Martha Miller spoke before she took her place on the couch beside Mrs. Blender]

"Alright, you two squishy dick faggots, stand behind the couch because we already know that you two faggots just want to squishy stroke each other off and nobody needs to see that! Also, well, hello there Congi Mew! You're hot."

Oh, well, I like Mrs. Miller.

"You've got Congi Bar's mouth too!"

Oh, I love Mrs. Miller!

"And I see that it's taken Brenda over the edge [spreads legs], so?"

I mean, it's what I do!

"(Psst, cha-ching, right, Bill? We have each other now!)"

Oh, Mrs. Miller should have added that nobody wants to hear that too!

[Weird squishy stroke, weird squishy stroke, weird squishy stroke, weird squishy stroke]

Um, it was of the weird angle of attack that made it weird more than the squishy soft flopping stroke sounds, so. And they need to make the rear of couches taller.

"(Aha, aha, oh, OMG) Congi Mew (aha, aha, aha), revenge munch me for being the mother of one of your school bullies, Congi Mew, take your revenge between my maturing thighs, sweetie (aha, ooh, best dinner party ever, aha, aha, ooh). OMG, OMG, can I call you Congi Tongue?"

Oh, I mean, revenge never entered my mind! Tee he. And no, that's too close to Congi Tam, who we don't speak of, so.

[Weird squishy stroke, weird squishy stroke, weird squishy stroke, weird squishy stroke]

"(Psst, squirt, Bill, before I pass out! Blow for my hand, Bill.)"

"(Psst, I did squirt, Frank! And I'm passing out now!)"

Well, the blue pill should have a warning that blood flow will be diverted and that the users should have a good supply of blood available, so.

And they always pass out anyways.

"[Munch, lick, kiss, lick, kiss, munch] I actually dated your son, Darrin twice, Mrs. Miller [munch, lick, munch, lick, lick, kiss]"

"(Aha, aha, oh, OMG) I know that, Congi Mew (aha, aha, aha), but I never role played a revenge situation and I've never been cocktail serviced like this before, so, shut it and treat me like your private dinner party revenge slut in front of my faggot hubby! (OMG, OMG, oh, ooh, OMG)."

Huh, maybe my mission statement needs a wiki update, right?

[Bang, bang, bang on the front door and the front door literally flings open!]

"Excuse me, coming through, excuse me, I'm elbowing my way through!"

Um, there are never any people to elbow through, but Peacock Penny always says that.

[Bits of peacock feathers fling and flay all about]

"How dare you, Congi Mew! You're cocktail servicing these two lovely hot mommas when Mrs. Bentley [spreads Martha Millers legs a little more to give Congi Mew some breathing room], when Mrs. Bentley just dropped a bombshell piece of information and this time, the bombshell info is actually as huge as Mrs. Bentley!"

"(Giggles)"

"[Cough, spits our bits of feather, cough] Peacock Penny, what are you talking about? And you haven't said anything nice about my cheerleader uniform yet, so?"

"Oh, you mean the seven cheeseburgers away from being a Linebacker uniform, Congi Mew, hmm?"

"[Cough, spits our bits of feather, cough] Peacock Penny, that's not fair and..."

"Shut it, Congi Mew and finish taking this lovely MILF to the big O, like you obviously took Mrs. Blender over the big O edge and then we need to get to the meeting place! Also, ick, ewe, ick, what is that pile of soft and squishy flesh behind the couch, hmm? Are these your hubby's ladies?"

[Mrs. Blender hangs her head and Mrs. Miller follows suit]

"[Tap, tap, tap, tap, send group text] well, I hope you two lonely and deprived ladies need some hard cock because two hard cocks are heading this way right now!"

"[Cough, spits our bits of feather, cough] who is this colorful girl then, Brenda, hmm?"

"[Cough, spits our bits of feather, cough] I'm not sure, Martha, but I'm pretty sure that summoning a couple of hard cocks isn't all that easy, even for a crazy bird girl, so."

[Screech, slide it sideways in the grass, tear up the dirt, park]

"Hah! You two are late! Jake, fuck this one (points at Mrs. Blender] stupid and Nate, fuck this one [points at Mrs. Miller] silly and then switch off!"

"[Cough, spits our bits of feather, cough] oh, I like colorful crazy bird girls, Brenda!"

"[Cough, spits our bits of feather, cough] me too, Martha! Um, colorful bird girl, is there a third time, hmm?"

"Oh, that's butt sex stuff, ladies! Anyways, Congi Mew, get ready to leave for the meeting place in 12 minutes! And would someone please throw a blanket over whatever that is behind the couch!"

"[Cough, spits our bits of feather, cough] but Peacock Penny, if the bombshell news is actually as huge as Mrs. Bentley..."

"(Giggles)"

"Shouldn't we leave now for the meeting place? Also, what is the bombshell news drop and where is the meeting place, hmm? And I'm not changing out of my Linebacker, I mean, my cheer uniform!"

"Oh, I find myself taken by Mrs. Blender's titties and I'm going to suckle on them for a few minutes and everybody here is going to pretend that never happened, so?"

Well, Peacock Penny usually gets her way anyways, so, ugh, ugh, ugh, it was left up to me to, ugh, throw a blanket over all that behind the couch!

[Double thrust, suckle, double thrust, suckle, double thrust, suckle]

"Tee he, we squishy rubbed off over you good tonight, Congi Mew and you can spread that around!"

Oh, it was all I do could to spread a banket over those two. Especially since, OMG, they still gripped each other! Which, oddly enough, wasn't all that bad of a look. And I'm just talking about the gesture and not the wrinkled, shriveled, soft and squishy look, which made me think to not turn 44, but they um, looked content???? Ugh!

But was a dream to watch was everything else! Did you know that people's limbs seem to flay about during sex? I mean, arms, legs, legs, legs, legs, the heads move all the around and there are side kisses all the time and there are legs flaying all about and did you know that, hmm?

"[Titty plopping sound] mm, fuck this one into next week, Jake! Anyways, quit screwing around with trying to suck a hickey on my butt cheek, Congi Mew and let's go! We need to get to the meeting place, pronto!"

Oh, well, I had a free moment while all those body limbs were flaying all about, so. Besides, she pulled her shorts off to better accommodate her reverse lap dance straddle to suckle on Mrs. Blender's phat boobs! And how did pronto get placed behind 12 minutes of titties suckling anyways, hmm?

"[Cough, spits our bits of feather, cough] wait, crazy bird girl (ugh, ugh, ugh) I mean, thank you (OMG, is my pussy actually wet, ugh, ugh, ugh)!"

"[Cough, spits our bits of feather, cough] um, colorful bird girl (argh, argh, argh), I mean, come back with Congi Mew sometime (argh, argh, my pussy actually still works, argh, argh)."

"Hah! You both owe Congi Mew a share of your loving next time! He has a dick, you know!"

Oh, Peacock Penny takes cares of her friends, so. And by the way, um, they knew that, so, um, what did I miss then other than a few couples had been using me for my services, hmm?

[Vroom, vroom, vroom to the meeting place]

"I'm just as hot as Congi Bar, Peacock Penny!"

"You are not, Congi Mew, but you are test-tube fem boy cute, so?"

[Vroom, vroom, vroom to the meeting place]

"Well, I'm just as playful as Congi Dae then, Peacock Penny!"

"You are not, Congi Mew, but married couples like the spice you bring, so."

[Vroom, vroom, vroom to the meeting place]

"Well, I taught Congi Len about hot dogging sex then, Peacock Penny!"

"You did not, Congi Mew, but you could give that a whirl, so?"

[Turn right, vroom, vroom, vroom to the meeting place]

"Well, I helped Congi Que perfect his wall lean then, Peacock Penny!"

"You did not, Congi Mew, but you could pull off a "caught naked" moment with Henry, so?"

[Turn left, vroom, vroom, vroom to the meeting place]

"Oh, we should talk about then, Peacock Penny!"

"We shall not, Congi Mew, some things just need to happen by themselves, so."

[Vroom, vroom, vroom to the meeting place]

"Well, you're extra hot when you turn the steering wheel, Peacock Penny!"

"And for someone who just sucked a purple circle on my butt, Congi Mew, you're not taking enough photos of me as my hair rules the turns in the street, so?

Well, everything has a price, right?

[Turn right, photo, photo, photo, vroom, vroom, vroom to the meeting place]

"Well, I'm posting about that, Peacock Penny!"

"Oh, you shall not post about that, Congi Mew! Who do you think you are? Congi Len, hmm?"

Well, somewhere above I think I mentioned that Congi Len pisses me off, so.

[Turn left, photo, photo, photo, vroom, vroom, vroom to the meeting place]

"But I'll post that I fell under the charms of a Congi boy."

Well, I'll the first to reply to that! With like a bazillion emojis! Just as soon as Peacock Penny unblocks me!

[Turn right, photo, photo, photo, vroom, vroom, vroom to the meeting place]

"Well, what's this big bombshell news anyways, hmm, Peacock Penny? I mean, we're not vrooming all that fast up the Strip, so, how can the bombshell actually be as huge as Mrs. Bentley, hmm?"

"(Giggles)"

Oh, I know she was just showing off a little bit while she driving because that's what Peacock Penny does, but still, right? We were going all "vroom, vroom" at a fairly normal pace, so it was impossible that the bombshell sound bite was as huge as Mrs. Bentley!

"(Giggles)"

[Turn left, photo, photo, photo, vroom, vroom, vroom to the meeting place]

"Oh, I mean, you have a Congi sister and she has been found and her name is Congi Sia Lia Mia, that's all, Congi Mew!"

So, listen, folks, it's never safe to extend a non Congie Que leg across from the passenger seat to the driver's seat where the brake pedal is and it pisses me off that Congi Que's legs don't end, but I had to stop Peacock Penny's SUV!

[Screech, reverse vroom, squeal, twist the steering wheel, photo op, photo op, screech with smoke!]

"What? Talk to me, Peacock Penny!"

"Oh, you have always had a Congi sister, but nobody let on about that and now, Mrs. Bentley let it slip as a trade with Congi Que at the business award meeting at the "Peep & Pull" adult book store because Mrs. Bentley needed her pussy jack hammered in a peeping booth just after the award ceremony and then ta, da, she announced that a Congi sister has been around all these 19 years in secret and her name is Congi Sia Lia Mia and oh, by the way, Congi Sia Lia Mia is Suzie from the Pizza Shop down the Strip!"

Well, I passed out from hearing about that. And I stayed passed out for three days.

"[Slap, slap, but not Peacock Penny's usual face slaps] wake up, passed out boy! You've been out for almost three full days and you need nourishment, so, get up, Congi Mew!"

"[Grumble, grump, mumble] oh (cough, spits our bits of feather, cough), I mean, where am I, Peacock Penny? And how did I get into just my sleeping undies (grump, grumble), hmm?"

"Oh, I moved in for the last three days as your care taker and I've already rummaged through absolutely everything and I vacuumed the entire house in the nude and you have a couple of naughty memes, but I like them!"

Well, I passed out again from hearing that Peacock Penny ran the vacuum while nude, so.

"And I posted a photo of my purple circle butt, without my face and officially proclaimed that I'm under the charms of a Congi boy!"

Well, I passed out again.

"And I'm hooking you up with Tina from the Sticky Note Shop on the Strip because you need a side girlfriend to keep this house in order and Tina already agreed to being your girlfriend just as long as there is never a 3-way situation going on in the bedroom, Congi Mew!"

Hm, yep, I passed back out!

"And you have to promise to stop being the spice in her Grandparents life!"

I mean, I passed out again, but my mission statement never carried an upper age limit, so.

"Especially since her Grand daddy passed 10 years ago, Congi Mew!"

Oh, I was passed out, so, next, tee he.

"But I can appreciate your love of a woman who is all boobs in the front!"

I mean, I mean, I mean, tee he, next!

"Ahem and all boobs down to her waistline! How did you even lift one of them, hmm? I mean, at least Mrs. Bentley still stands tall."

Next!

"Anyways, Tina was actually your girlfriend last night when you were faking being passed out..."

Ahh, I mean, go on, tee he.