Crazy Cornelius & the Magic Pills Ch. 03

"He's dead, why is he still alive?" Cornelius wanted to know.

"Beats me, there's something really funny going on here," said Alistair. "Let's go back inside."

With Alistair and Faye's bedroom and bathroom close by, Danielle was able to hear snippets of the conversation outside. Was Mr. Cole still alive after all? Danielle finished pooing and wiped her bottom clean, then unwrapped her new period pad. Leaning forward on the toilet, Danielle removed her saturated overnight sanitary pad from the saddle of her knickers, then pulled back the peel-back strip from the new one. Danielle pressed the new period pad into her panties, adhering the feminine hygiene product in place before removing the tabs from the pad's wings, adhering them to her knickers.

Danielle stood up off the toilet, pulled up her knickers and adjusted her pad around her box, looking into the lavatory at her poo, her dirty toilet paper, and the bright blue menstrual blood that had emerged from her vulva while she was on the loo. Danielle flushed the toilet, but was so consumed by worrying about menstruating blue period blood that she didn't notice that the water swirled anti-clockwise in the bowl.

Hastily washing her hands, Danielle exited the very smelly bathroom holding her used period pad, immediately running into her husband and mother-in-law, Alistair going in another direction.

"Cornelius, Faye, is Mr. Cole across the road still alive?" Danielle asked.

"Yes, still very much alive and well, see for yourself," said Faye.

Danielle, with Faye and Cornelius behind her, walked onto the front porch on her bare feet, and stopped short at the sight of Mr. Cole still pruning his garden. "He is still alive!" she exclaimed, running her hand through her messy blonde hair.

"Yes, there's some peculiar things going on this morning," said Faye.

"Like this," said Danielle. She showed her dirty period pad to her husband and mother-in-law, Cornelius and Faye visibly jumping at the sight of Danielle's bright blue period stains all over the napkin's white stay-dry cover.

"What the..." Faye stammered.

"I was bleeding bright blue blood while I was on the loo," said Danielle. She turned to Faye. "You ever had a blue period, Faye?"

"Um, never," said the astounded Faye.

"Yeah periods are never blue, except in commercials for pads and tampons and shit, they always have blue dye rather than red dye," said Cornelius. He took Danielle's sanitary napkin and sniffed his wife's bright blue blood stains.

Faye recoiled. "Cornelius, stop it, that's disgusting."

"Just checking that it smells like a period, and yeah that smells like period blood," he said, returning his wife's dirty period pad to her.

"Pigs in the garden, water going the wrong way down drains, dead neighbors coming back to life and now blue periods, what is going to happen next?" Faye mused.

These of course were not the only strange happenings in the Hawkins house this morning. In the laundry toilet, the terrified Erica still sat barefoot on the toilet with her knickers around her ankles, trying to finish pooing and wiping her bottom as the toilet demon continued to taunt her in its posh British accent.

"Nearly done for this morning, Erica?" the demon taunted as the young girl applied toilet paper to her buttocks and anus, desperately trying to get herself clean.

"I'm not talking to you," said Erica, tears rolling down her pretty face.

"Well, aren't we an impolite young lady?" asked the toilet demon.

Erica, who could feel her bowels were now finally empty and seeing that her last piece of loo paper came away from her anus with no poo, knew she was finally done. The teenager leaped off the toilet, slammed the lid down and flushed it, the water taking Erica's urine, feces and the toilet paper that the young girl had absolutely shit all over down the drain to the sewers, and presumably into the toilet demon's lair.

"Such a lot of nice smelly girl poo for me to eat fresh out of a pretty teenage girl's bottom, I'll need to start watching my weight," came the demon's voice, the closed lid of the toilet and the refilling cistern not affecting its voice. "Cheerio Erica, we'll catch up again next time you need to sit on the loo. Oh, and don't forget to pull your knickers up."

Erica looked down and saw that indeed her white cartoon cat knickers were still down around her ankles, such was her fear of the toilet demon. Erica hastily pulled her knickers up, flung open the toilet door and ran in tears for the bathroom to wash her hands.

As the frightened teenager washed her hands with plenty of soap and water, she heard another voice, this time a nasty, evil sounding male voice. "The toilet demon may like the smell of your shit Erica, but I sure as hell don't. And you let the smell follow you back from the toilet in here, didn't you? You dirty little bitch!"

Her heart pounding, Erica looked for the source of the latest voice tormenting her and backed away in terror from the power-point at the sink. The sockets had come to life, looking like a face with eyes and a mouth. "Who are you?" Erica managed to say in a tiny voice.

"Another demon," intoned the power socket face in its nasty tone. "A demon that doesn't appreciate girls with stinky little asses like you Erica. The way you stank the toilet out in there, disgusting! You filthy little bitch, and it's 100 times worse when you're menstruating! I feel sorry for your toilet paper. And it's not only your back bottom that smells bad, it's your front bottom too. How your boyfriend Gavin goes down on you is amazing, your snatch absolutely stinks, it would be like him licking rotting tuna fish!"

Erica cried and cowered in terror as the power point demon continued to berate her in its menacing tone. She tried to find her voice to call for help, but was so frightened that she could not do so. The power socket was taunting her about the sexual aspects of her relationship with her boyfriend, and she wished that her boyfriend was here now to save her.

*

Up the road, Gavin and Lisa had dressed for the day, Gavin in jeans, a blue polo-neck shirt and running shoes, Lisa in the green jacket, blouse, skirt and shoes that was the female uniform of the insurance company where she worked in the city. Gavin of course had no idea of the strange goings on at the Hawkins house this morning, and that his girlfriend was being terrorized by demons.

The siblings were grabbing a quick breakfast, Lisa noticing that her brother was on edge this morning, not his normal self and after what had happened both earlier in the morning and when they got a drink in the early hours, she was a bit concerned.

Gavin finished his cereal and looked at his sister as she took her own bowl to the sink, and stopped in dismay. Across his sister's backside was a massive red bloodstain, which was showing prominently on her green skirt. She must have had a menstrual mishap, her period pad had leaked or something.

Gavin hadn't known that his big sister was menstruating, but then again he had no reason to know. He and Lisa didn't sit around having in-depth conversations about her periods, and Gavin of course was not comfortable with knowing his sister's uterus shed its lining every 28 days and subsequently that she had blood coming down her birth canal and out of her vagina and into her pads and tampons one week each month.

"Um Lisa, I don't want to embarrass you," the blushing Gavin said nervously. "But you've got a bit of an um, ah -- ladies' problem."

Lisa looked at her brother quizzically. "Gavin, what are you talking about?"

"Lisa, you need to look behind yourself," said Gavin. "There's a massive bloodstain on the back of your skirt."

The utterly confused Lisa looked at her bum and saw nothing but the green fabric of her work skirt, not the massive stain of red that Gavin did.

"Gavin, my skirt is fine, and in any case I don't have my period, I last had it two weeks ago," said Lisa.

"No, there's blood on your skirt," Gavin insisted. "Lots of blood. You need to change it before you go to work."

"Gavin, are you sure you're okay?" Lisa asked, her face etched with concern. "This, the incident with the toilet earlier and in the kitchen during the night?"

Gavin's face showed horror. "That was real? I thought it was a dream. So you really were naked?"

"No, I wasn't naked," said Lisa. "Nor did I ask you to get me some more loo paper when I was on the toilet this morning, and I don't have period stains on my skirt right now." She put her hand on her younger brother's head. "Are you sure you're not coming down with something? Maybe you should take the day off and lie down for a bit."

"No, I'm fine to go to university," Gavin insisted.

"Okay then, but I've got to get to work otherwise I'll miss my bus," said Lisa. "I've got my break at 10.30 this morning, I want you to call me on my mobile to confirm you're okay."

"I will, but I'm fine," said Gavin, looking in bewilderment at his big sister's bum as she left the room. Her massive menstrual stain had mysteriously vanished and her skirt was back to normal. The young man shook his head? He didn't feel unwell, but why were things so weird this morning?

In her bedroom, Lisa collected her purse and looked at a large green plush toy frog that sat in a chair adjacent from her bed. It was her favorite toy from her childhood, and the concerned young woman shook her head and spoke to it rhetorically. "Hey Mr. Frog, do you have any idea why that my brother of mine is acting so strangely? Ever had one of your brothers or sisters acting so strange?"

Of course the toy frog didn't respond. "No suggestions?" Lisa asked. "Okay then, have a nice day Mr. Frog."

"Remember Gavin, call me later to let me know you're okay," said Lisa on her way out the front door, noticing her brother was staring blankly out the kitchen window at God only knew what.

"Will do, Sis," Gavin confirmed.

Lisa walked down the street heading for the bus stop. She passed the Cole house where she had heard that the grumpy owner had died yesterday afternoon and the Hawkins house and saw Cornelius's crappy car parked on the front lawn. She also thought she could hear yelling inside. This wasn't unusual. While Lisa loved Erica like a sister and liked Faye Hawkins well enough, the brother Cornelius was a nightmare as was Erica's father, and the sister-in-law Danielle was an absolute bitch. Then there was that other Hawkins brother Brendan who hid inside the granny flat and never came outside. Was her normally level-headed brother spending too much time with his girlfriend's crazy family and going crazy too? Lisa hoped not.

Catching her bus with a minute or so to spare, Lisa was on her way to the office in the Sydney CBD, the pretty blonde looking out the back window half expecting her younger brother to be chasing the bus or something crazy. He wasn't of course, and Lisa hoped that he wasn't doing some other crazy thing.

*

In the Baxter house Gavin was collecting his books for university again getting that feeling that it was much later in the day than it actually was. The house was quiet apart from a ticking clock, so quiet that the silence was eerie. So when Gavin heard a rustling noise, he stopped short, his heart racing.

He paused, and the noise came again. "Hello?" Gavin said. Had Lisa forgotten something and come back to get it?

No reply, but again the noise came, Gavin nervously tracing it to his sister's bedroom, where he paused in horror at the door, a cold sweat going through his body.

On Lisa's bed sat a burglar, dressed in a stripy jumper and jeans, his face concealed with a black balaclava, only his eyes showing. In the burglar's hand was a pair of Lisa's knickers -- white cotton-bikini style panties with red, blue and yellow flowers -- which the masked intruder was sniffing, absorbing Lisa's feminine smells on her the double cotton saddle of her panties.

Fear soon turned to outrage for Gavin. "Hey!" he yelled at the burglar. "Hey you, put my sister's knickers down you pervert!"

The burglar turned and looked at him, Gavin running at the prowler and snatching his big sister's knickers from his grasp. The burglar turned and fled, Gavin chasing him through the house towards the front door when Gavin saw that the burglar was only one of two intruders in the house.

The second intruder in the house however wasn't human it was a large green frog that stood over six feet tall and which ran athletically on its hind legs with the burglar. With Gavin still in pursuit the burglar and frog burst out the front door, running up the road. Gavin followed, clutching his sister's panties.

The panty-sniffing bandit and the giant frog led Gavin up the road, where the young man watched in astonishment as both ran into the front garden of the Hawkins house and Number 9. With considerable athletic prowess the burglar climbed up the front porch and onto the roof, while the frog showing the leaping ability of amphibians got onto the Hawkins' roof with a single leap.

Gavin, Lisa's knickers still tightly clutched in his hand, then watched in amazement as the burglar and the frog turned to face him -- and began Irish-step dancing, often called 'River Dancing' on the roof. Gavin stood amazed, his mouth agape as he heard the Irish music playing, the burglar and the frog river dancing in perfect rhythm, their arms at their sides, their legs kicking out.

Then Gavin's eyes went wider as from the back of the house a pig climbed across the roof, stood next to the burglar and began river dancing too, the trotters on its hind legs keeping perfect timing with the frog and the burglar.

Seeing something red and shaggy in the large eucalyptus tree in the front garden of Number 7 distracted Gavin, and he watched as an orangutan swung down from the branches and into the Hawkins' front garden, climbing the side of Number 9 with typical ape-like ease. The orangutan took his place next to the frog, and joined in the Irish dancing display, the Gaelic music getting louder and louder, the legs of the burglar, frog, orangutan and pig kicking out with precise choreography, their upper limbs perfectly still.

Gavin still finding it hard to believe what he was seeing looked up at the sky. It was a morning in which the full moon was visible long after daybreak, and it was prominent in the western sky. Gavin stared at it, then watched in incredulous disbelief as the 'Man in the Moon's' face changed to a big smile.

"Hi Gavin!" called the moon, the voice heard above the Irish music to which the burglar, pig, frog and orangutan continued to dance on the roof.

Increasingly terrified, Gavin turned and looked across the road and became even more alarmed as his eyes took in Mr. Cole, the man who had died yesterday working in his front garden, and seemingly oblivious to the Irish river dancing and the music on the roof of the Hawkins house, and the talking moon.

Still holding tight to Lisa's knickers, Gavin ran for the front door of the Hawkins house and banged frantically upon it, the tall bearded figure of Alistair Hawkins coming running.

"Mr. Hawkins, help, there's a burglar on your roof, I chased him out of my house and now he's on your roof, Irish dancing with a giant frog, a pig and an orangutan!" Gavin blurted out in panic, assuming that his girlfriend's grumpy Dad would slam the door in his face.

Instead, Alistair's face showed concern and he ran outside. "Where's that Irish music coming from?" Alistair demanded, before he stood with his daughter's boyfriend and they stood watching the burglar, frog, pig and orangutan as they continued dancing.

"Hey, you freaks, get off my fucking roof!" Alistair boomed, the dancing burglar and animals paying him no attention.

"And what's Mr. Cole doing alive again?" Gavin asked, pointing at the deceased man working across the road.

"You'd better come inside Gavin, you're in danger out here," said Mr. Hawkins. "They might get you if you stay outside."

Gavin went into the Hawkins house, where Faye and Danielle came running towards them. There came an almighty banging sound on the back door, which within a split second was followed by more rapping sounds only this time to the side of the house. Then again in less than a second there was more banging, only this time it was on the front security screen door, only there was nobody there.

"Gavin, what's wrong?" Faye asked anxiously.

"That pig's on the roof now, river dancing with a frog and an orangutan," asserted her husband. "And a burglar that Gavin chased out of his house."

"We need to call the police, something's very seriously wrong here today," said Faye urgently, going to run to the telephone but her husband stopped her.

"No Faye, the police are in on this, conspiring against us," said Alistair. "They would send somebody else to get us."

"Alistair's right Faye," said Danielle.

Cornelius, looking definitely afraid, an emotion Gavin had never observed in his girlfriend's older brother before, hurried in from the living room.

"Mum, Dad when I went to turn off the TV something really weird started happening," he said.

Whatever was wrong with the TV would have to wait. In the bathroom, the crying Erica still cowered in terror of the power-point demon, which continued to berate her. "You deserved to get bullied in school, some people are born to be bullied and you are one of them," sneered the power point. "Why didn't you commit suicide like the other kids told you back then? You would have done the rest of the world a favor. But you're too weak and gutless to kill yourself, aren't you Erica?"

"I'm sorry," Erica pleaded through her tears.

"You're sorry, typical response from a weak little cry-baby like you," mocked the demon. "Stand there and cry like you always do, you worthless little bitch. One day your boyfriend Gavin's going to meet somebody better than you, and when he does he'll dump you without a second thought."

Erica tried to call out, nothing happened as the power point laughed at her distress, before finally she was able to call out. "Mum, Dad, help me!"

Erica's cry of terror filled the house, alarming everyone else.

"Erica!" exclaimed Faye.

Alistair, Faye, Cornelius, Danielle and Gavin raced for the bathroom, Danielle dropping her used overnight sanitary pad covered in blue stains on the floor, Gavin releasing his grip on his big sister's knickers, these joining Danielle's feminine napkin on the floor.

"Erica, what's wrong?" Faye asked urgently, she and Gavin moving to comfort her, Faye grabbing tissues to wipe her daughter's eyes.

Erica pointed at the power point. "There's a demon! He's been scaring me, help me please, I'm so frightened!"

The rest of the Hawkins family plus Gavin looked at the socket, which appeared to be just an ordinary power point. Until the eyes opened wide as did the mouth, and it emitted an evil laugh. "Yes, I am a demon. I've been scaring the pants off your daughter for the past five minutes. Such a nervous young girl, so easy to scare."

"You stay the fuck away from my daughter, do you understand me you useless demon!" roared Alistair.

"I'm not scared of you Alistair," the demon asserted.

"There's another demon!" cried Erica. "One down the toilet, it was scaring me while I was on the loo."

"Now if I was down the toilet while your teenage daughter was sitting on it taking a shit, I would be scared then," laughed the power point.

"Shut up!" Alistair shouted at the power-point. Outraged that a second demon had been frightening his teenage daughter while she was sitting on the toilet, he stormed into the laundry toilet to confront it. Gavin was right behind him, equally appalled that his girlfriend had been terrorized while she was using the toilet.

"Alright demon, what do you think you're doing?" bellowed Alistair at the toilet. "Answer me!" he thundered as there was no reply from the toilet.