Crazy Cornelius & the Magic Pills Ch. 05

Lisa then looked at the open garage. "That's the mother's car," she said indicating the small hatchback that stood inside. The father's four wheel drive isn't here, and neither is Cornelius's wife's car."

"Perhaps they drove them to the airport?" Pete suggested.

Again, Lisa shook her head. "Why would you pay all that money for airport parking when they could have called a taxi?"

"No chance they would have driven to their destinations?"

"I'd doubt it," said Lisa. "Adelaide is way too far, and the Gold Coast is a long drive too all the way up the coast. Anyway, I remember that Gavin said that they had all flown out yesterday morning."

"What's with leaving the garage door open?" Pete mused, looking inside and seeing Erica's bike, the lawnmower and various tools and equipment left unsecured. "This stuff could easily get stolen."

"It's weird, something's wrong," said Lisa nervously, looking through the garage herself.

Pete thought about it. "Isn't there another Hawkins brother that lives here?"

Lisa nodded. "Yeah, Brendan. But he doesn't come out. He lives in the granny flat, but you never see him. He got fucked up on drugs and ended up in the loony bin when he was younger."

Pete laughed lightly. "I thought Cornelius was the crazy one? Did Gavin mention Brendan, did he say that he'd gone with the parents and Erica? Or maybe Cornelius and Danielle took him to the Gold Coast with them?"

"I would doubt it," said Lisa.

"So if Brendan's looking after the house, maybe he was the one who opened the garage door, turned on the light and went into his brother's car?"

"Maybe," said Lisa.

"Let's go and check," said Pete. He and Lisa went to the front door and rang the bell. Nobody answered this ring, nor the second, nor was there any response to their knocks on the door. They knocked again, still no answer.

"Brendan might not answer the door," Lisa observed. "He's scared of lots of things."

"Another thought," said Pete. "What if Cornelius and Danielle are already back?"

"Back? How do you figure that out?"

"The Gold Coast isn't too far away," said Pete. "Maybe they flew there yesterday for Cornelius's job interview, few back early this morning or late last night on the red eye and now they've gone out, forgetting to close the garage, car doors and left the light on?"

"Well maybe," said Lisa. "But would anyone go there for such a short time?"

"One of my friends at the office, he went on a holiday to the Gold Coast, but messed up his leave and had to be back at the office on Monday morning," said Pete. "So he flew back on the first flight on Monday morning, and was in the office ready to go by 9am."

"I guess it's possible," said Lisa. "Maybe we should close the garage door?"

"It's got a remote, and we don't have it," said Pete. "We could close it manually, but maybe there's something wrong with it and we'd just make the problem worse. In any case, I'm sure Brendan would close it, or Cornelius and Danielle if they're already back."

"I hope you're right," said Lisa.

"Gavin's fine, having the time of his life with his mates at the Colo River," said Pete.

"Again, I hope so," said Lisa as they walked home, Lisa still feeling very ill-at-ease.

*

Another person who was wondering about Gavin's whereabouts was Tom, the manager of the chalets back at Port Stephens where the Hawkins family had spent the night. Having had concerned guests reporting an almighty racket from Chalet 12 just before dawn followed by vehicles speeding out of the car park, he had gone to check things out.

He thought about the weird family from Queensland, how they had sprinkled holy water on their cars before praying around them, how who Tom assumed were a brother and sister holding hands and how the family had come back last night with the weird older son with the homophobic tee shirt wearing an empty bucket of chicken on his head. What insanity would he find here this morning?

Finding the chalet door ajar with the keys in the lock was just the tip of the iceberg. The mystified motel manager did not know what to be more shocked about when he went inside. The tin foil that covered the windows. The bucket of chicken that the son had been wearing on the floor. A used tampon filled with blood left in the bathroom bin. A pool of vomit in the bathroom. A toilet that while it had been flushed, still showed much evidence of what the last person to use it had done courtesy of stains on the porcelain and a piece of toilet paper that hadn't gone down with everything else. Or the couch moved out of position, and now upside down. It made the drinks taken from the mini bar and not paid for fairly minor in comparison.

*

Gavin himself was at the moment driving Danielle's car through the Hunter region farmland, Erica sitting beside him in the passenger seat. Alistair had insisted on a rotation of drivers so now Danielle was driving the four wheel drive, Cornelius in the passenger seat and Alistair and Faye in the back seat.

Erica shook her head. "That probably won't go well, Dad and Cornelius in the same car isn't a good combination."

"Well, it's pretty scary around here," said Gavin. "Hopefully Cornelius will behave himself. I don't want to have to stop here."

"Yeah," agreed Erica, looking nervously out of the car windows as the farmland went by.

While scenic, the sun sending rays of glorious rays of yellow autumn sunlight over the green vegetation of the Hunter Valley - things were without doubt scary. The occupants of both cars had seen UFOs -- large circular alien spacecraft very bright in colors - floating on the breeze in the distance. These UFOs were moving slowly and were close to the horizon but being from outer space they could be here in seconds, or notify faster flying saucers of their location.

At ground level, things were just as scary. A horse stud up the road had not just horses and some donkeys but zebras too. And not just ordinary black and white zebras, zebras with strange brownish coats too, which Gavin was able to identify as quaggas, a type of zebra extinct since the late 1800s.

While the presence of the quaggas and zebras was un-nerving, some of the horses sported singular spiral horns on their heads, indicating that these equids were not horses at all but unicorns. And a number of the horses sported Pegasus-like wings, and flew above the farmland.

There were plenty of fields in which sheep and a smaller number of goats grazed, but among the sheep were those with fleece of pure gold, probably put there as a trap for the Hawkins family to come and investigate. And while the other creatures were purported to be goats, they were not goats at all. Their horns and beards proved they were demons, probably apostles of the devil that had appeared in the closet this morning.

An alpaca farm just along the way had the animals standing in a row close to the fence boot-scooting, everyone able to hear the country and western music as the two cars went by, the alpacas continuing their line dancing.

Most terrifying was a farm a few kilometers further up the road, which purported to be a dairy farm, but which was clearly not. In the fields were a large number of minotaurs of a variety of colors, some dark brown, some light brown, others black and white. The minotaurs were passing the time waiting for the chance to ambush the Hawkins by eating grass, and making un-nerving mooing noises.

Danielle and Gavin sped by, leaving the minotaurs behind them. Gavin shook his head, hoping that none of these fearsome bovine monsters had made their way to Sydney to get Lisa if the aliens and demons suspected her of knowing more than she did.

*

Lisa as chance would have it was looking at a bovine this very moment back in Sydney, but it was a cut-out of a cow in the dairy section of the supermarket where she was doing the Saturday morning grocery shopping with Pete.

Putting some skim milk into her trolley, Lisa and Pete went into an aisle where Pete disliked going -- the aisle where the feminine hygiene products were kept. Pete looked alternately at the floor and ceiling as Lisa put a packet of sanitary pads, a box of tampons and some feminine wipes into the trolley, then went further down to look at the less scary toothpaste. At least that would be put on a toothbrush and into Lisa's mouth, the other items obviously would be used to absorb and clean away the menstrual blood coming out of Lisa's fanny the next time she was on her period.

For some odd reason, Lisa kept thinking that Gavin would be here working at the supermarket this morning, but obviously he was not. Lisa then heard a voice she knew. "Hi Lisa."

She turned around and there was Bill, the tall, middle-aged bearded supermarket manager. He and Lisa knew each other well, when at high school she had been a checkout chick at this very supermarket and his big sister being a model employee helped Gavin get his own casual job here too.

"Hi Bill, how are you?" Lisa replied. She tried to sound casual as she asked, "You remember my boyfriend Pete?" What if Bill asked her where Gavin was and why he hadn't reported for work?

"Hi, nice to see you again Pete," said Bill, he and Pete shaking hands, before he turned back to Lisa. "I was just going to say, I hope Gavin feels better soon. He sounded so sick when he called in this morning."

Lisa wasn't going to give her younger brother away to his boss. "Yeah, he's not too good, something he picked up. He's resting in bed, hopefully he feels better soon. There's been things going around."

Bill nodded. "Yeah, anyway tell Gavin I said hi and to get well soon."

"I will, thanks Bill," said Lisa, as the supermarket manager went back to his work and Lisa and Pete finished the shopping, going through the checkouts, Pete embarrassed when something fell out of a bag and he instinctively picked it up, only to find it was Lisa's sanitary napkins.

"See, I told you there was nothing to worry about," said Pete as he and Lisa loaded the bags into the car and Pete drove home. "Your brother's chucked a sickie to go camping with his mates, mystery solved."

"Yeah, I don't know," said Lisa doubtfully. "It's not Gavin at all, and there's no way he would have gotten a date wrong by two weeks. Plus what if Erica wants to call him from Adelaide?"

Pete smiled. "So Miss Marple, what are you going to investigate next?"

"I just want to check one thing when we get home, just to put my mind at rest," said Lisa. Arriving back at the Baxter house, they unloaded and put away the groceries, before Lisa got out her mobile phone and Gavin's listing of phone numbers.

Putting up the antenna on her phone, Lisa called the number of Gavin's friend Gino. "Hello, is Gino there please?" she asked.

Pete, who was getting a glass of juice in the kitchen noticed that Lisa was talking loudly on the phone as possibly the person she was speaking to was hard of hearing. However, the conversation seemed to confirm things were okay, as Lisa looked relaxed as she said, "Well thank you Mrs. Rossi, you have a nice day."

"So everything was fine," said Lisa. "I spoke to Gino's grandmother -- she seems a bit hard of hearing -- but she confirmed that Gino along with his friends which include my brother have gone away camping to the Colo River this weekend."

"See, I told you everything would be fine," said Pete, giving Lisa a hug.

"Yeah, I was worrying about nothing," said Lisa.

Making the most of the glorious Sydney sunshine, Pete and Lisa put on some old clothes and went outside to do some gardening. With Mr. and Mrs. Baxter back from their cruise on Monday morning, Lisa didn't want her parents coming back to a garden full of weeds, a task she and Gavin had both kept putting off while taking care of the house.

While Pete mowed the back lawn Lisa pruned a hedge, thinking about her brother. He was away with his mates having fun. Alistair, Faye and Erica Hawkins were thousands of miles away in South Australia. The odd way the Hawkins house was left was as Pete theorized due to one of the occupants -- Brendan, Cornelius or Danielle Hawkins if indeed the latter pair had returned from Queensland early -- leaving on the porch light or neglecting to close the garage roller door.

Lisa had no idea where Brendan, Cornelius or Danielle Hawkins were but her brother was fine, and that was the main thing. How the dysfunctional Hawkins carried on was not her concern. Lisa was about 95 percent sure that everything was fine, but as she and Pete continued their gardening during the morning, that 5 percent of doubt still persisted in her mind.

*

Gavin at the moment was sitting in the passenger seat of Danielle's car as the group made their way on the long journey to the Blue Mountains using out of the way roads and avoiding potential traps on the Pacific Motorway which would have taken less time.

Danielle was driving her own car, and Erica driving her father's car, Cornelius in the passenger seat of the four wheel drive, Alistair and Faye in the back seat. Danielle and Gavin just looked at each other, like 'Um yeah, what are we supposed to talk about?' and continued their drive in silence.

On these country roads, the enormous eucalyptus trees causing intermittent shadow and bright sunlight, there seemed to be a rally of classic and vintage cars in the area. But were the people in the car rally genuine, or were they zombies and the automobiles brought forward through time? There was a family in a pre-First World War motor car dressed in Edwardian era clothes, and they showed no reaction to the Hawkins family. The same was true of an older couple who drove a late 1920s or early 1930s British vintage car, they were dressed like this era and showed no reaction to the Hawkins family, and nor did a young couple who drove a 1940s vehicle, the guy driving dressed like a Second World War soldier, the girl wearing 1940s clothes. It was the same story for several groups of teenagers who were driving late 1950s and early 1960s American classic cars. They were dressed accordingly, but showed no reaction to their surroundings.

In the car in front, Danielle saw Faye hold the 'Stop" sign out the back of the car, and Erica put on the indicator to turn into a nearby stopping bay, Danielle pulling in after her. Alistair was doing his swap drivers and cars thing again. "Danielle, you and Gavin swap positions in your car. Erica, you and Cornelius are in the back of the four wheel drive, and I'm driving."

Cornelius was not at all happy about this. "Why does Erica get to drive the four wheel drive and I don't?" he complained.

"Because you are a fucking dickhead, that's why Cornelius," roared Alistair. "Simple enough for you, you cretin or do I need to draw diagrams like slow learners need? Grow up!"

The sulky and mutinous Cornelius, mumbling and grumbling, was about to climb into the back of his parents' car when the attention of all six of them was captured by the vehicle coming along the road. It was not one of the classic or vintage cars observed earlier, but a modern hatchback, and as the registration plate came into view they immediately knew which car it was.

"That's my car that was stolen yesterday!" exclaimed Faye in amazement.

"Yeah, by those bloody Mexicans," said Alistair.

Faye's car stopped, and everyone could see the Mexicans still inside it, wearing their enormous sombreros. The Mexicans wound down the windows, laughing, waving at and taunting the Hawkins family. Alistair made a move to get his shot gun, but the Mexicans were too fast, racing away at great speed, the car vanishing around a bend.

"It was probably a trap anyway, to lure us to the aliens," growled Alistair. "Come on lets go."

With Faye in the passenger seat of the four wheel drive and Alistair driving, Erica was in the back seat behind their mother, Cornelius behind their father. Gavin drove the car behind, Danielle in the passenger seat this time.

"Your dad is going to regret not letting Cornelius drive," said Danielle.

"How's that?" asked Gavin, trying to keep up with Alistair who was driving above the speed limit.

"Watch the road ahead kid, and you'll soon see," said Danielle.

In the back of her father's car, Erica was getting more and more apprehensive with each minute that passed. Cornelius was restless and bored, and that was a bad combination. But with Cornelius rebellious too after his father refused him permission to drive the four wheel drive, this was like pouring petrol on a bushfire.

At first Erica bore the brunt of her brother's stupid antics, Cornelius making shadow puppets behind her head and moving her glasses on her face, as well as asking her inappropriate and highly personal questions about her periods and her toilet habits.

"Stop annoying your sister, Cornelius," Faye warned.

Cornelius did as he was told, but soon found a new target to annoy -- his father. And while Erica was a mousy and unassertive teenage girl, Alistair was not such an easy target. Soon Alistair was red, veins popping on his face and roaring with rage as Cornelius made shadow puppets behind his head and flicked his arms with his fingers, to which Cornelius laughed like a hyena and kept right on irritating the grouchy family patriarch.

Soon Faye was screeching with rage as she tried to control her son, and Erica cowered in her seat, fearful of what was going to happen next.

"Do that again and you'll be getting your stupid face smashed in!" roared Alistair as Cornelius made another shadow puppet behind his neck.

Cornelius laughed harder and took off his seatbelt, leaning forward and putting his hands over his father's eyes while he was driving. "Stop doing that!" bellowed Alistair as the four wheel drive veered dangerously on the road, getting close to the double white lines with a campervan coming the other way sounding its horn and flashing its lights, Faye having to reach across and grab the wheel to control the four wheel drive.

In the back seat, Erica felt close to pooing her panties as she wondered if she would finish her days in a car accident, her father's car wrapped around a tree trunk. Out of her terror though, Erica found bravery and leaned forward punching Cornelius in the back, the shock of this causing her brother to let go and Alistair able to see again.

As red as an overripe tomato, Alistair pulled into a rest stop about 100 meters up the road, Gavin shocked at what was going on. "Told you he should have let my husband drive," said Danielle.

Alistair turned off the engine, took off his seatbelt and slammed out of the car. He dragged his hysterically laughing son out of the seat, and delivered two hard punches to his stomach, Cornelius going to the ground but still laughing, Alistair kicking his son in the groin for good measure.

The long suffering Faye would often intervene when tensions between Alistair and Cornelius boiled over to the point of physical violence, but today took her time, sick to death of her son's stupid and dangerous lunacy that could have had all of them killed.

"Don't ever do that again Cornelius you fucking mongoloid!" roared Alistair, seeming just seconds away from a heart attack or stroke.

Erica breathed heavily in the back of the car, relieved that she hadn't soiled herself, her mind going back a number of years to when Cornelius did this exact same thing to their father when he was driving. That day Alistair had dragged Cornelius from the car and belted him for it, then dragged Brendan out of the car and belted him too for spilling soft drink when the car went out of control, some of which had landed on Alistair.

While Cornelius got up from the ground assisted by Danielle, seemingly too amused to feel any pain from his Dad punching and kicking him, Alistair paced up and down, Faye trying to calm him down.

Erica got out of the four wheel drive and Gavin embraced her. "You okay?" he asked her.