Cynthia's Affair Ch. 03

The next few days were extraordinarily difficult for Cynthia. She had been disappointed, if not surprised, that Dr. Butler had been unable to offer real hope for solving her problem. The difficulties she faced in having an affair of the type she needed were obvious even before seeing the therapist, but she had hoped. On top of that, the idea that she should consider a sexual relationship with a woman left her with internal conflicts that she didn't understand. Like most women, she had been socialized to believe that female to female sex was only the province of lesbians, and that lesbians were "different," if not perverted. That was politically incorrect to believe in the modern world, but it was what Cynthia had been taught and such teaching was hard to overcome. She, herself, had no prejudice against lesbians, having at least two on her teaching staff but she still had considered their sexual preferences hard to understand. She always had known that she was completely heterosexual, and, to the best of her recollections, had never, consciously, at least, been aroused by another woman. Now, to her consternation, she had her sexual underpinnings weakened beneath her.

She had heard of bisexuals, of course, but never had thought much about them, considering them to really be lesbians masquerading as normal women. Now, she had been shown that bisexuality, far from being an isolated variant on lesbianism, was a historically accepted practice among ordinary, heterosexual women. More, focusing on her own fantasies, Cynthia had to admit that, at the least, limited sexual contact with other women did appeal to her! That admission, itself, was traumatic and unexpected, causing her to think about things that had been unthinkable a few days ago. She was honest enough with herself, however, to realize that while she hadn't conceived of them in her mundane, daytime thoughts, her more open, uncontrolled nighttime fantasies had placed her in positions that showed unrealized bisexual tendencies. Nothing overt, of course, but there, nonetheless. In all of her fantasies, including the one detailed to Dr. Butler, another woman was almost always present, playing a minor or passive role, but there.

What she still found very hard to accept, however, was the idea of actually being physically intimate with another woman. Having her present, even participating through hugging, kissing or, seemingly, inadvertently touching, was appealing, but she couldn't picture going past that point. Regardless of that, though, she was sure that Dr. Butler was correct when she had said that a woman probably would show more empathy and, perhaps, would provide the closeness and affection she wanted and needed. Thinking of that, she was forced to admit to herself that the idea of lying in bed with another woman, sharing her problems with a sympathetic, loving friend, feeling close and appreciated, did have real appeal without any questionable sexual connotations. That kind of bisexual relationship had great attraction for Cynthia, but, that seemingly inevitable physical intimacy continued to be a major roadblock.

Still, following the therapist's suggestion, she tried to fantasize about a more erotic relationship with another woman, but found it very difficult. Somehow, some internal censor seemed to present a barrier to what, subconsciously, still seemed to be a perversion, at least for her. One thing was certain. When she thought of sex, she thought of men, not women! Oddly enough, however, she had never been turned on by looking at pictures of nude men, but had enjoyed looking at photographs or paintings of nude women. She always had considered that preference to be based on esthetics and a recognition of beauty, not sex, but, now she wasn't quite so sure. Trying hard to think of a scenario that might be exciting, however, she suddenly had a forgotten, or suppressed, memory from over twenty years before spring into her mind.

She had been a junior in college and she had been sunning to try and get an early tan. She was lying on her stomach with the strap of her bra top unfastened to avoid lines. As Cynthia recalled the occasion, she was lying with her head resting on her arms when a friend from the dorm, sitting nearby, offered to put sun tan lotion on her back. It felt very good as her back was rubbed, her friend saying, "Your back still has some tan, but I had better put plenty of this stuff on your white areas." As she spoke, she began smoothing the lotion onto the exposed side of Cynthia's breast, saying, "Boy, your skin here will really burn if it's not covered! Raise up a bit." Without thinking, Cynthia raised her left side, the one closest to her friend, letting more of her breast show.

She felt a funny tingle as the fingers gently spread lotion on the newly exposed area, reaching perilously close to her nipple. Suddenly a little shy, she lowered herself back down without saying anything. Leaning over her, the friend continued sliding her hands over Cynthia's back, and, leaning over, said, "I'd better get the other side too. A burn there would really hurt." It was all very innocent, and as the fingers began spreading the lotion on the side of her right breast, Cynthia, without being asked, raised her right side to give her friend better access. Again, the fingers gently smoothed the cool lotion on, coming closer to the nipple. This time, Cynthia forced herself to stay still, and suddenly, the fingers touched the nipple, circling it slowly as her friend laughingly said, "There, we don't want that to get burned!" With that, she went back to her book, obviously unaware of the tingles that still coursed through Cynthia's body.

Many years later another tingle went through Cynthia as she remembered that long forgotten experience. It really had been innocent, but it had excited her then and she felt a surprising amount of heat as she considered it now. Actually, her arousal then probably would have occurred regardless of the sex of the person touching her. Her breasts always had been sensitive, so having them touched was stimulation enough, but, the feeling had been different from past occasions with a boyfriend. "Maybe," she thought, "I could be aroused by another woman caressing me. Its funny Fingers don't have sex, but when the fingers belong to a woman, they do have a different impact! What earthly difference does it make whether it's a man or woman if it's just feeling and fondling? I wish I could try that blind testing that Dr. Butler talked about to see if I could tell the difference – or if I would prefer a woman's touch if I couldn't!"

The whole subject tended to dominate her thinking when she wasn't busy, particularly as she lay in bed at night beside her sleeping husband. She continued to fantasize, to try to open her mind along the lines suggested by Dr. Butler, but found it very hard to focus on another woman. As before, she seemed to gravitate toward a threesome, but, reluctantly accepting the tact that the woman in the scene did interest her, she finally was able to picture both of the others participating. Following the therapist's instructions, she wrote down the fantasy in as much detail as possible.

My husband and I have driven for hours to visit a college friend of mine and her husband. My husband is very tired and around 10:00 PM goes to bed. It's a warm night, and later my friend asks me if I'd like to go into the pool for a little while. I decline, saying that my suit is still packed, but they tell me that they always swim nude at night. They both urge me to join them, saying that it was dark anyway. I don't want to seem prudish so I let them persuade me.

We go out to the pool and start to undress. It's not really dark, and I'm embarrassed to find myself staring at my friend's nude figure, particularly her large breasts, as she quickly disrobes. She sees me looking, but obviously doesn't mind. Both she and her husband watch as I undress and I know that they can see everything. Her husband playfully chases her around to try and dunk her, then comes after me. We wrestle around with a great deal of touching going on. Finally, he grabs me and lifts me onto a float. I'm lying on my back with him looking down at my nude body. He starts to run his hands all over me, concentrating on my breasts. I close my eyes and let him feel me as a surge of excitement floods through my body.

His one hand slides down to my crotch and I part my legs to give him access. He strokes up and down between my legs while his other hand continues to fondle one breast. Suddenly, I feel another hand on the other breast and another hand joining his between my legs. My eyes spring open and I see my friend smiling down at me as she helps her husband fondle me. She leans down and kisses me and, then, kisses my nipple, taking it between her lips. I shut my eyes again and just let them play with me. I spread my legs wider as my excitement grows. One of them tickles my clit while the other puts their finger into me and slips it in and out. I can't tell which is which. I start to move up and down, aroused almost to the point of orgasm, when they pull away.

The husband puts his arms under me, lifts me up, and carries me out of the pool and lays me down on a chaise. Lifting and opening my legs, he gets between them and enters me. I am wildly excited as he has me, welcoming him in as deeply as possible as he screws me. As we screw, my friend fondles my breasts with one hand while feeling and probing my bottom with the other. I erupt in a tremendous climax as he finishes and pulls out of me. My legs slump down and I collapse back on the chaise. My friend embraces and kisses me, and I am very aware of her breasts against mine. As we get up, nothing is said about what we have just done, just another hug and kiss from each of them. I gather up my clothes and walk naked into the bedroom where my husband is sleeping, wondering about what will happen tomorrow.

As Cynthia re-read what she had written, she felt a wave of embarrassment flood through her, wondering if she possibly could let Dr. Butler read it. It seemed so graphic, almost depraved, and she couldn't believe that she actually had pictured such an erotic scene. Even worse, she had to admit to herself that the whole thing aroused her tremendously! She found herself both dreading and anticipating her next session with the therapist! Just before she was to have that meeting with Dr. Butler, however, she spent an evening with Cathy, once again seeking her advice. Not surprisingly, once there she found herself unable to bring up the subject of her possible sexual activities and they spent over an hour discussing unimportant happenings. They talked about school, possible holiday trips, a massage workout that helped Cathy's sore thigh muscles, and other forgettable topics. Finally, Cathy, well aware of Cynthia's hesitation to bring up her personal problems, decided to break the ice herself, asking, "Have things gotten any better, or have you thought any more about having an affair?"

Having the subject broached, Cynthia was able to open up, and, for the next half hour, poured out her frustrations as Cathy listened attentively. "So, after all that talk about an affair, the end result seemed to be that I couldn't do it! There's no realistic way that I can make contact with another man and have a nice, safe relationship. Then, she looked over that fantasy I told you about, asked me a bunch of questions, and alter all that, said that maybe I should consider having an affair, if you can call it that – really having sex – with another woman! Good heavens, I've never thought of such a thing, but she said that almost all women are bi-sexual by nature.

"Apparently there have been all sorts of studies showing that. Anyway, she gave a bunch of reasons why sex with a woman would be good for me. She even said that she had tried it with another woman and that it was very nice. She said that should try to fantasize about it and about a threesome, and I have, but I just don't know what to do! The fantasies do excite me, but I don't know what I want in real life!"

They talked at length about the therapist's analysis and proposals, always coming back to the question of a bi-sexual as opposed to a heterosexual relationship. Finally, after a long, unproductive discussion, Cynthia asked, hesitantly, "Cathy, can I ask you another personal question?"

At that, Cathy laughed, saying, "I've been waiting for that! No, I never have been involved with a threesome, but I have had sex with a woman."

The expressions that flitted across Cynthia's face were fascinating. First embarrassment and chagrin at being so obvious, followed immediately by startlement or shock that her friend admitted committing what she still subconsciously thought of as a perverse act. Almost before that thought was reflected on her face, however, it was replaced by anxious hopefulness as she realized that Cathy's experience might help her. The expressions flicking across her face mirrored the confused state of her mind, not knowing quite how to react to what really was an unexpected confession.

Cathy had correctly anticipated her question, of course, but Cynthia had assumed that the answer would be "no." She was going to ask the question, but she fully expected to hear "of course not,' a response that would permit her to dismiss the whole idea. She was not prepared for "yes" and didn't know what to say next. Embarrassed, she began to stammer out an apology for asking such a very personal question, but Cathy headed her off.

"It's ok, dear, just calm down and I'll tell you all about it. Heaven knows, I not ashamed of what I did and I certainly don't mind telling you about it. This happened about ten years ago. A very close friend, my college roommate, lived just out of town with her family and, two or three times a year, when Eddie was on a trip, she would drive in and spend the night or weekend with me. This time, Eddie had been in Central America for almost three months, working, and I was climbing the walls. I might have seen Don Anderson, but he was spending the summer in Arizona, so I was really 'horny,' if you'll excuse the expression. As a result, I was delighted when Maggie – her name is Maggie O'Rourke – came to visit, hoping to have something else to think about.

We went out to dinner, and, afterwards, it was very nice, just sitting around, talking late while having a couple of drinks. Maybe more than a couple. Finally, after we ran down, or were too high to go on, we changed and went to bed. We had always enjoyed lying there, talking quietly before going to sleep, the conversation easy, and frequently more personal, in the darkness. As we relaxed, we talked about sex and having affairs for a while, both of us getting a bit excited, I think. We had done that before, many times, and I loosened up enough to tell her about my frustration and to say, kiddingly, that men are never around when you need them.

"At last, we seemed to be talked out, but I felt a strange tension in the air. As she often did, she leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the cheek, saying "goodnight" as she did so. Whether it was the liquor, the intimate conversation or just affection built up over the years, we both spontaneously reached for the other and turned the peck on the cheek to a deep, very erotic, kiss. It's still a blur, but I remember fanatically embracing her, hugging and squeezing our bodies together, matching the intensity of her reaction as we writhed against each other. I don't think that either of us realized what we wanted until suddenly we were into it! If either of us had thought of doing anything like that, we probably would have chickened out, shocked at ourselves and afraid of offending the other, but, fortunately, it hit us both simultaneously and everything blended together.

We proceeded, without a word, to have sex, make love, or whatever you would call it. We did everything, and I enjoyed every bit of it. She was more aggressive, or brave, and did me first, kissing down my body and using her fingers and tongue to set me off. I then did it all to her and got excited all over again. You know, it is a very pleasant experience, being down there, helping the other person work up higher and higher until they climax. It's very satisfying feeling. In any case, we finally finished and fell asleep, holding each other. It was funny, waking up that morning, naked in bed with a naked woman against me, but, oddly enough, neither of us was the least bit embarrassed or remorseful, and we just, matter-of-factly, got dressed and had breakfast. Really, it was very satisfying, very pleasant, with no guilt feelings or hang-ups. There! Does that tell you what you wanted to know?"

Cynthia momentarily was at a loss for words. She had heard far more than she had thought possible, and, once again, she found herself reassessing her very close friend. Here was a sensible, stable, very intelligent woman, much admired and respected by everyone. Yet, in her private life she had freely admitted to having several extramarital affairs and, now, without hesitation, described having a bisexual relationship. Cynthia had found it difficult to discuss the question of female-to-female sex, or even to picture it in a fantasy, but, as Cathy described it, the relationship seemed so inevitable, so natural – and so enjoyable!

After staring blankly for a few moments, Cathy's question sank in, and she replied, "Oh, Cathy, thank you for telling me! I still find it hard to believe it, though. We were talking so calmly about me, and I never really thought that you might already have done what I was thinking of. Damn it, you really are something! You're so...so normal looking and acting. No, that's the wrong word, so ordinary...oh, you know what I mean! It's just that no one would ever even think of you doing things so out of the ordinary, so, I guess, immoral. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not criticizing. I think it's wonderful! In any case, you certainly did have an experience! Was that the only time you did it with her? I won't even ask if you mind my nosiness – it's too late for that!"

"Heavens, no, we got together quite a few times after that, and it certainly made Eddie's trips more bearable! Her husband turned out to have high blood pressure and the medicine made him impotent for almost two years, so she needed relief too. We really helped each other! Funny thing, though, we had been very close for years, all the way back to college, and we had never even thought of sex between us. It surely deepened our friendship, though, and we were very intimate until she and her husband moved to Phoenix four years ago."

"You really did enjoy it then!"

"Cynthia, honey, I'll be completely honest with you. While I have had extramarital sex with other men... quite good sex... if I had to choose, I would take the relationship I had with Maggie over all of those occasions. The sex was more intense with the men, but more comfortable, more psychologically satisfying, with her. It's hard to explain, but, as I said before, it was just very pleasant. There was no pretense, no need to indulge the male ego. 'Comfortable' and 'pleasant' are the words that keep coming to mind. Lying beside her, seeing and feeling her, occasionally exciting her to orgasm, gave me a great deal of pleasure. Needless to say, when she did the same thing to me, it was very enjoyable! Much of the time we did little more than hold and caress each other. With a man, the full sex act is the main thing and the softness usually gets lost. Don't mistake me now, I really like being screwed and if I hadn't been getting that from Eddie, Maggie never would have been enough. But, Eddie combined with Maggie was the best sex I've ever had! Frankly, I think that having that kind of very warm, very intimate relationship with another woman would be better for you than an affair with a man!"