Daphne's Crush

"That's still physical."

"Absolutely not," I argued. "It's only a physical representation of what's on the inside. It's the warmth and kindness that come through that makes my chest tighten every time."

"Is that all you feel for me?"

"No," I answered as I stood and started slowly pacing. I needed to leave, but on the other hand I needed her to know how I felt. It was a mistake to tell her. I knew it. Yet, I couldn't stop myself.

"What else?" she prompted.

"Joy," I said with a slow shake of my head. "I'm happy when I'm with you. You're bright and funny. I feel at my best when we're alone together. I think that's why I kissed you despite our agreement to be friends."

"That sounds like love to me," Daphne smiled. "Or at least the beginnings of it." I stopped pacing and looked at her.

"Is it?" I asked, realizing I'd shared too much.

"In the end," she said slowly. "That's for you to decide."

"I have to go."

Daphne was saddened by my words, but all she said was, "Do what you feel is right."

"I'm trying to do what's right, but it's so hard," I sighed. She frowned, not quite understanding what I was trying to say.

"Daphne, I..."

"Michael," she interrupted, placing two fingers on my lips. "I'm done playing games. Go, think and then come back and talk to me. I'll be waiting."

"I won't be back today," I said quickly. Daphne shrugged and then leaned forward and kissed me goodbye. It was a long kiss and we shared more than just the taste of each other. I think we were both afraid that it would be our last kiss.

I don't remember the trip home, but a few hours later I was sitting on my couch trying to put together a coherent sentence in my head. What was wrong with me? I don't know how long I sat there, but eventually a knock on my door caused me to stir.

"Hello Michael," my sister Christina and cousin Lillian said in unison as they walked in.

"What are you guys doing here?" I frowned.

"What's your problem?" Christina asked angrily, ignoring my question.

"Problem?"

"Yes, problem!" Lillian snapped and then let out a long sigh. "Are you really so afraid of love that you can't admit it when it's staring you right in the face?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Daphne of course," Christina answered as she plopped into my couch. "Bette stopped by because Daphne called her crying after you left."

"Why would she do that?"

"Bette says you're breaking Daphne's heart."

"No," I said with a shake of my head. "Not Daphne. Bette. Why did she stop by?"

"You can be so dense at times," my sister sighed.

"Yes, he can," Lillian agreed.

"What are you two talking about?"

"Michael, do you remember the night after the family party when Lillian and I came to visit?" my sister asked.

"Sure," I shrugged.

"Well, after dropping Daphne off, we wanted to know how you felt about her. That's why we stopped by. After we knew that you were interested despite your protests, we decided to try and give you two a little push."

"We like Daphne," Lillian put in. "She's smart, witty and for some reason in love with you. We think she's a good match for you."

"What did you two do?" I asked nervously.

"Well, first we convinced Daphne to stop by that first Saturday morning," my sister replied.

"It's wasn't as easy as you'd think," my cousin frowned. "She was a little embarrassed over what she said."

"Then, while she was in your apartment, we slashed her tire," Christina grinned. "I've always wanted to do that!"

"Only Daphne decided to fix it her self. Thankfully, she couldn't undo the lugs and had to get your help," Lillian added.

"And remember when I came over for dinner and brought up Daphne?" my sister asked. I nodded slowly. "I figured you needed a little push. I wasn't sure I succeeded until I heard you two went into the city together."

"What else did you two do?" I asked, trying to get over my disbelief.

"Well, Bette called Dad and mom's house looking for your number when she got home. Boy was she angry!" Christina answered. "It's a good thing I was there to explain it all to her."

"She was planning on yelling at you for taking her sister's heart and breaking it, just like you did hers," my cousin put in.

"Bette broke up with me!" I cried defensively.

"Little brother," Christina said. "I know you better than you know yourself. You were relieved when Bette left."

"The same for Sally and even more so for Janice," Lillian added. "Actually, one of these days you're going to have to explain to us why you ever got engaged to Janice."

"But not today," my sister sighed. "Today, you're going to tell us why you are so afraid of loving Daphne?"

"Did you guys have something to do with the other night at the restaurant as well?" I asked, stalling for time.

"Of course we did!" Lillian cried, sounding annoyed. "Bette and Christina set it up. I nearly died when you mentioned that I didn't like steak places!"

"Now, stop stalling and answer the question," Christina said. "What are you afraid of?"

"Nothing," I sighed. "And everything."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lillian asked.

"I'm not sure," I shrugged, and then added, "Do you guys know that Daphne's still a virgin?"

"You mentioned it before. So what?" Christina asked.

"She's saving herself for the right person. I'm sure that lucky man or woman will get her heart along with the rest. Daphne is looking for that perfect person. Anybody who is eighteen and still a virgin has to be."

"They could just be shy," Lillian argued.

"Don't be ridiculous," I snapped. "Daphne is outgoing and funny. I'm sure with a body like hers she's had many chances to lose her virginity."

"But she didn't take any of them," my sister said, starting to understand. "You're not trying to decide if you love her. You're trying to decide if she really loves you!"

"You're afraid she'll give her virginity to you because of old feelings from when she was a kid. You're scared she'll regret it afterward," Lillian put in, finally catching on.

"Michael, do you love her?" Christina asked.

"With all my heart," I replied. "I finally realized it on the train that day we went to the city."

"Well then, isn't it possible that she loves you too?"

"Not like a twelve year old who has a crush on her older sister's boyfriend," Lillian added. "But like a woman loves a man?"

"She barely knows me!"

"That's not true," my sister argued. "She knows you at least as well as you know her, and you've already said that you love her."

"Even if you're right," Lillian shrugged. "Then why walk away? Why not just spend the time to get to know her as a friend first?"

"You think I haven't tried that!" I cried. "I knew it was impossible after the train ride. That's why I didn't return her calls, but after I saw her at the restaurant I couldn't stay away! Every time she smiles at me I melt. I can't defend against that!"

"I went over to her apartment this afternoon with the goal of working on our friendship and avoiding anything more for the time being. Yet, less than a minute later she caught me staring at her. To be fair, she wasn't wearing a bra, but she offered to put one on twice. Both times I stopped her. The first time I think she saw my reaction. My sweats did nothing to hide it."

"You mean..." Lillian began, but I cut her off.

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean," I interjected. "The second time was even worse. She tried to get up to put a bra on, but instead I pulled her to me and kissed her."

"Do we want to know what happened next?" my sister asked.

"Nothing," I sighed. "We broke apart, talked and then I left." I sat on the couch staring off into space. Lillian was the first to break the silence.

"You have to go back."

"Definitely," Christina added. "You have to explain it all to her. She's not a little girl anymore. She's a woman. Actually, she's the woman for you. If you blow this, you'll never forgive yourself."

"We'll never forgive you either," Lillian joked. I smiled despite myself.

"And Bette may actually kill you," Christina added. This time I laughed briefly.

"You're both right."

"Of course we are," Lillian grinned.

My sister Christina pushed me toward the door and added, "Now, go tell the woman you love how you feel."

**********

"Michael," Daphne said in surprise. She obviously hadn't expected to see me again so soon. Her eyes were red and puffy. She held a cookie in her hand.

"Comfort food?" I asked, afraid to say anything else. She ignored my question.

"Why did you come back?" she asked.

'Direct and to the point,' I thought as I swallowed hard. I took a breath and said, "For a lot of reasons." I then grinned and added, "Not the least of which is to tell you my sister and cousin owe you a new tire."

"What?"

"Look, can I come in?" I asked as I rubbed my hand through my hair. "You told me to come back when I was ready to talk. Well, I'm ready."

She opened the door wider and let me in. I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. She followed me, but sat on the loveseat instead.

"I just had a conversion with Christina and Lillian," I said. "They made me realize a couple of things."

"Like what?"

"Well first, I haven't been completely honest with you."

"In what way?" she asked carefully. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Here goes nothing and possibly everything.

"I made you think that either I didn't love you or that I was afraid to love you, correct?" I asked. Daphne nodded, so I added, "Neither is true."

"You mean you love me?" she asked, her disbelief plain in her voice.

"With all my heart," I answered. I could tell she was going to need some convincing. "Do you remember your last question on the train?"

"Not really," she replied. "It was something silly to pass the time."

"Well, I do," I sighed. "You asked me if I could go back in time and totally remove one person from your life, who would it be?"

"I remember."

"Well then," I said. "Do you also remember joking and telling me that I couldn't pick you?" She shrugged.

"Well you did," I said, sighing again. "Up until that moment I knew I was falling in love you with you, but I kept rationalizing it away."

"Why?" she asked, but I ignored her question and continued to explain about what happened on the train.

"Instead of thinking about your question, I started comparing what I felt for you as apposed to any of the other women in my life. For example, if I were forced to choose between never having met you or your sister Bette, which would I choose?"

"And?" she asked.

"From my first crush to my first kiss, all the way up to and including all four women I've slept with, the answer was always that I wanted you over them in my life."

"And this made you run away from me?" she asked in confusion. "I thought you said you weren't afraid of loving me?"

"I'm not afraid and I do love you," I said, feeling better for admitting it. Of course, now came the hard part. "Talking to my sister and cousin made me realize that I owe you an apology as well."

"For what?"

"For not believing you truly know your heart," I answered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked. I got up and moved to the loveseat with her.

"I was afraid that you didn't truly love me. That what you were feeling for me was left over from when you were twelve."

"And now?" she asked.

"I'm still a little worried about it," I admitted.

"You ass!" she snapped and hit me in the shoulder. "You big, stupid ass!" She hit me again, and again. I eventually caught her hands in mine. She was crying again as she fought me.

"I'm sorry! But you're so young and inexperienced. What if in the end, you don't love me?" I cried.

"I do," she said, no longer fighting. "But even if you're right and we don't love each other enough to make it last, so what? Does that mean we should deny what we feel for each other now?"

"No," I answered. "But you said that you were saving yourself for your soul mate. If it ended up that I wasn't him, then I'd have taken something from you that I didn't have a right to."

"You mean to tell me that this is all about my virginity!" she cried, and then punched me again when I didn't answer quickly enough.

"I'm sorry!" I started rambling. "But you were saving yourself for so long! I know I love you and always will, but you're still young. You could change your mind and realize..."

"Will you please shut up!" she snapped surprising me. "My hand hurts from hitting you and I'm afraid I'll break it trying to knock some sense into that thick head of yours if you keep speaking."

"Sorry," I said, but she just stared at me until I stopped talking. We sat there quietly for a while.

"Who would have thought my parents were right?" she finally sighed. "They told me to get rid of my virginity early because it would only cause me headaches, but I didn't listen." I started to open my mouth, but she silenced me with a look.

"It's true that I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved, but I never said I expected that love to last forever, and I never used the word soul mate," Daphne said, and then shook her head and add, "My God! Your more of a romantic than I am!"

"Okay, let's get a few things straight," she continued. "First, although I'm not experience sexually, I'm not a clueless virgin locked in her father's tower. I know about the birds and bees, and I'm looking forward to exploring them with the right person." I nodded once, in understanding in not acceptance.

"Second, I love you. Only God knows why! But I do," she said, smiling at me for the first time in a while. "It's not a childish crush. Believe it or not, I know the difference." She was looking into my eyes as she said it. I could see she meant it.

"Third, although I'm enough of a romantic myself to believe that we'll grow old together, I know people change. If by some chance you and I don't stay together forever, then so be it. I'm not going to regret a thing," she said confidently. For some reason this surprised me. Maybe deep down I really was too much of a romantic?

"Which brings me my last point," she said with a shake of her head. "Unless you plan on raping me, you're not going to take my virginity, I'm going to give it to you. Maybe. If you stop pissing me off."

And suddenly it hit me. She was right! I was being an ass. If she thought she loved me and I thought I loved her, then that was enough. That's the most anyone can hope for in life. It would be stupid to pass up being with someone who made me feel the way she did.

"Any questions?" she asked, now grinning. I looked at her and smiled in return. I never had any doubts about my feelings for Daphne. Oh, I fought them in the beginning, but I didn't doubt them. I decided that I wouldn't doubt her feeling for me anymore either. She may only have been eighteen, but she was an adult and knew her mind. She wasn't looking at me with infatuation. Her eyes mirrored the love I felt for her.

"Yes," I replied, never surer of what I wanted. "One."

"What?"

"Should I ask you to marry me before or after the virginity giving?"

Her eyes grew wider momentarily and then she relaxed for the first time and shook her head.

"Well, if I really want to be the black sheep of the family," she joked. "I guess we should be married before." At least I thought she was joking, but maybe not.

"Um, okay," I said, not really being put off. "You don't want a long engagement do you? Would you consider an elopement?"

"When?" she asked.

"Why, now of course."

"Of course," she smiled.

"There's that smile again," I sighed. She started laughing. "And now the laughing!"

"You know," she said. "Maybe just this once I'll hold off being the black sheep. What do you think?"

"Oh, I'm going to marry you either way," I shrugged. "It's just a matter of whether you want the time to plan out a big wedding or slip out tonight."

"Since Bette eloped, I guess I'll let my mother have one big wedding to plan." she replied.

"Well, in that case..." I began, but she cut me off.

"Don't even think about it buster!" she snapped. "I'm still not sure if I forgive you or not."

"Of course you do," I smiled. She shook her head.

"It's late and I'm tired," Daphne replied. "I'll sleep on it and let you know in the morning."

"Oh, okay," I said, standing to leave.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Home," I shrugged.

"But then how will I tell you if I forgive you or not in the morning?"

"Um, the phone."

"That's too impersonal," she grinned. "You'll just have to spend the night here. Think you can handle it?"

"I'll do my best," I said solemnly, and smiled slightly and added, "Although I make no promises."

"Good, then let watch television in my bedroom," she said. "Don't get your hopes up. If you're lucky I won't make you sleep on the couch tonight, but that's the best you can hope for."

We went to her room and I kicked off my shoes before lying down in her bed. Daphne lay down next to me and rested her head on my shoulder. The television was small, but I was watching Daphne's face anyway.

"You're staring at me again," she smiled.

"Get used to it," I shrugged. "I'll be doing it a lot for the next fifty years or so."

"You know, for a guy who left me only a few hours ago to figure out how he felt, you're awfully sure of us."

"I told you earlier," I explained. "I love you. You say you love me and I've decided to believe you. I'm done hiding my love or pretending that we don't know each other well enough to feel the things I know we're feeling. I'm going to be the romantic you accused me of being and enjoy every minute we spend together."

"So, were you serious about that proposal?" she asked. I looked into her eyes and kissed her deeply.

"Does that answer your question?" I asked afterward.

"Hmm, I'm not sure," she replied with a smile. Her lips parted slightly and her soft brown eyes once again hinted at the passion we shared for each other. She obviously wanted to be convinced that I really wanted to marry her. I was more than willing to do so.

We kissed for quite some time. I lost track of the television and everything else for that matter. I did brush one hand across her chest once. She let me, but stopped me the second time.

"Just lay here with me," she said and I nodded. We eventually spooned and I played with her hair until she fell asleep. I smiled and drifted off to sleep not long afterward.

**********

"Good morning."

I opened my eyes to see Daphne standing next to the bed. She had obviously just come out of the shower. Her hair was damp and all she wore was an oversized towel.

"You look amazing," I smiled.

"You really think so?"

"Yes," I said seriously, but then grinned and added, "I never thought I'd be jealous of a towel."

"Ha-ha," she said sarcastically, but she was smiling. "Time for you to take a shower. I left you a tooth brush on the sink."

"Oh my, don't you think that's an awfully big commitment?" I asked with a grin. "I mean a tooth brush is almost like living with each other."

"That reminds me," Daphne replied. "My lease is month to month. I assume I should let the landlord know I this is my last month here?"

"Whoa! All I did was kiss you a couple of times. Don't you think you're moving a little fast? The toothbrush was serious enough. Now you want to move in? Next we'll be having kids and paying for college!"

"I'm sorry," Daphne blushed. "I just thought..."

"Kidding," I said with a shake of my head. "Daphne, relax. I was just kidding. I told you how I felt yesterday. It hasn't changed."

"I'm going to have to get used to your sense of humor," she said, not sounding like herself. I got out of her bed and lifted Daphne's chin until her eyes were looking into mine. I could see the tears there.

"I'm sorry," I said. "You need to understand that I love you and that I'm not planning on going anywhere. I kid around a lot, but I wasn't joking about my proposal last night. I'll marry you right now if we can find someone to perform the ceremony."