Date Night, But Not for Me

I had breakfast on my balcony, and spent the day looking out to sea and contemplating my weekend. I knew some things now. It indeed wasn't me. Women still found me attractive. In a way, I had shared a five some last night, and was desirable enough that one of the five spent the night hoping. I learned this weekend that I liked myself. I liked myself a great deal. I learned I needed to get out golfing more frequently, that I deserved to eat out more often and at restaurants where a chef and their crew cooked the meal after you ordered , rather than some ready made boil-in-a-bag meal. I also assured myself and that I could live without my wife if necessary.

Did I love her? Did I want to live without her?

I decided, I didn't have to care, so why decide? I went home.

@@@@@

The house was dark when I arrived later that night. I walked in, I became aware of Reina sitting in the dark in the living room. I didn't say anything. I set down my one bag, and went into the kitchen where I cracked a beer.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

"Not unless it's important."

"Where did you go?"

"That's not important.

"Evan...um...I mean..."

"Evan's fine."

"I made a horrible mistake. And yes, where you went is important. It's very important. Without knowing..."

"Stop right there. That's what is so fucked up about this whole episode in our lives. Before Friday morning, we knew. Now we don't. I knew that when I came home to my wife, she was still my wife. I knew the things we shared were only between us. Friday morning I found out you wanted to share those things with someone else."

"Just sex baby...I mean Evan."

"You can call me 'baby,' or anything else you want. It doesn't mean anything anymore. Neither does the sex."

"Of course it does! The sex with you is wonderful darling...uh...is 'darling' ok?"

"Sure, like I said, it makes no difference anymore. Our intimacy is gone. I realized, the big thing about intimacy like what we had, is that it is something you share with one person. Part of our life was just you and I against the world. It was a connection we confirmed every time we held hands, every time we cuddled or kissed. We confirmed it every time we talked about our plans, about our love, or about our past. Now that's gone. Whatever happened this weekend, you've spent a half a year sharing those parts of you with someone else instead of me. I'm sure you talked about your marriage with him, and about our kids, and especially about me. And the fact that you let him into your thoughts and feelings about us dilutes the intimacy we shared. Our marriage, and even our friendship is cheapened. So call me darling, or baby anything else. It doesn't matter because the special touch it invokes is gone. See anyone you want, hold their hand, kiss them, fuck them, it's all the same. It's there for anyone now, not just me. It's just sex. It's just a physical thing now, since there are more people sharing it than just you and I."

"But Darl...shit! I can't call you that anymore. It's ruined! Shit! I've ruined everything! Evan, I want you to know what happened Friday night. You need to know..."

"I don't need to know. I don't want to know. And you don't get to know what I did. The thing about doing things without your spouse, is that you don't know what your spouse is doing at the same time. You went away. So did I. That's all I want to know, and that's all I'm going to tell you."

Reina had nothing left in her. She curled up on the couch and cried. I went upstairs, unpacked, and took a shower. When I went to bed, she was still downstairs and sound asleep. She was still there when I left for work Monday morning.

I didn't hear from her all day. I left work right on time, which was nothing unusual. I closed the office every day very promptly at 6:00, and insisted my staff go home. I always thought that my staff would be better off if they were home for dinner with their families every day, and if they made it to little league games and dance recitals regularly. My people were always pretty happy too, so I thought my plan worked. I wonder how many of their spouses were as dissatisfied as Reina.

I could smell the pot roast from the garage. Reina was a great cook, and Important occasions were always marked with a good meal. I took a breath and entered the house. I almost shouted out my routine "Honey I'm home," but couldn't form the words in my mouth. I swallowed hard, set down my briefcase, and headed upstairs to change out of my suit.

"Evan?" She stopped me at the foot of the stairs. "We have to talk."

"You've got the sequence backwards, Reina, you're supposed to say 'Honey we have to talk' before you tell me another man is taking my place. Or is that what this is? Are you calling it quits?"

I felt completely devoid of feelings, except pride. I was so proud of myself for not so much as raising my voice throughout all of this debacle.

"Evan, please." She gestured to the living room, then walked in and sat on the couch. The coffee table had some snacks laid out, along with a couple of beers, a pitcher of iced tea, and a bottle of my favorite bourbon.

"I thought you might like a drink or a snack before dinner, and I want to have our talk before we eat." She patted to the spot next to her on the couch. I sat in an adjoining chair. She sighed and inhaled deeply. I poured a bourbon.

"I was deeply bothered when the kids moved out. This house was always so alive, and bustled with activity. Now it's so quiet. I'd come home from work before you, and missed them so badly it hurt. Even when you were here, the absence of noise from the tv, kids squabbling about whatever they squabbled over, and things like basketballs bouncing in the driveway made this feel like a tomb. There is that saying, the silence is deafening. It was more than deafening, it was maddening. I needed something that was missing. It really wasn't you."

I started to speak, but she cut me off.

"Please Evan. I'm not making excuses. I'm trying to make sense of all this. I need you. My idea was so wrong. I could never be single again, the idea of dating someone else simply turns my stomach. I had this romantic idea about Sheldon being my plaything. I should have talked to you right away before flunking what you so eloquently labeled the husband test. I should have talked to you about being depressed that our house was empty except for the two of us. I can see that now, because you showed it to me.

"I was so afraid you left me Friday night. I came home from work, and I was mad. I was livid that you were not going to just give me my way. Then I remembered what you always said about choices, and that they depended upon two choices, not one. It was the two of us determining everything together, for our whole life! There were more than the two choices, you could say yes or no, and I could choose to go through with the date, or not. There were two choices for two people leading to four possible outcomes. Two of those out comes included the possibility of me coming home to your bloody corpse. That may or may not have been an exaggeration, but it hit me that I didn't have any control of what happened afterwards, because I was giving something up. You.

"Suddenly I had a vision of Sheldon with this awful habit of picking his teeth at the table with his fingernail. Then I was drowned in visions of all the annoying things he does, how he treats dogs, and speaks ill of little children's behavior when they are just doing what little children do. I came to the conclusion that Sheldon can never measure up to you. He doesn't have your heart, and he doesn't have your soul, and he will never have me. I didn't go out Friday night. I called the children, and told each one what an ass I've been, and asked them to forgive my forgetting what a true wonder our family grew to be. I took the full blame, but asked them to refrain from calling you until I was able to talk to you.

"Evan," she got down on her knees and looked me in the eye. "Please forgive me for being so selfish. Please don't leave me, but let me live here with you forever. I broke your heart, and broke our marriage, but I'm asking you to let me try. Once upon a time, a darling man got down on his knee and proposed marriage to me. He took a great risk and won my heart, and my life has been wonderful. Today I'm down on my knee proposing to you. Re-marry me. Not today, and not tomorrow. Re-marry me when you are ready. I'll be here. Allow me to remain with you, and let me share the lives of our children, and their children, and their children's children with you. Let me earn your forgiveness, and re-earn your trust by loving you every day. When you love me like you did, remarry me."

She reached in her pocket and pulled out a ring. I recognized it as her grandpa's wedding ring, a thick plain band of gold.

"I wore your grandmothers rings, it's fitting that I back up my proposal with an equally strong family symbol. Please wear this ring as a symbol that we are still a couple, and working towards fixing things."

A month later, I came home to find a strange car in my driveway, in the spot where I usually park. I pulled in behind the little red sedan, and entered through the kitchen as usual. There were no pot roasts cooking as usual, and there were no strange noises coming from the bedroom. I walked into the living room to find Reina in quiet conversation with Eileen, the woman who had slept with me in Aruba.

"Ah, there you are dear," I smiled as Eileen rose and gave me an enormous hug. Reina bristled. I walked to the closet where I had prepared a surprise. I pulled out the same two dresses, she had shown me that fateful Friday morning.

"Which dress will you wear, Dear?

I didn't know if she recognized this scenario yet. She would.

"I'm afraid I can't say, Evan. Evan, about this woman..."

"Black it is then."

I hung the dress up on the door frame and reached to the floor of the closet.

"Evan,..."

"Call me darling."

"Ok, then, Darling, she has been telling me you met her in Aruba. You went to Aruba without me?"

"Yes Dear. Now which shoes would you prefer. The stilettos, the pumps, or the flats."

"Never mind the shoes, I'm just a bit disturbed that you went to Aruba without me. You promised me Aruba for our thirtieth anniversary. Now I realize I was acting quite insane at the time but..."

"Very well then, I'll choose. The black stilettos. Sexy as hell. They make your legs look amazing."

"Wait Evan, not only did you go to Aruba without me, but you went skinny dipping during an apparent orgy on the beach with four horny women, including Eileen!"

"I did, now here. Put the dress on with these stockings. Eileen, please be a dear and help her dress. I don't want to be late."

Eileen stood and unzipped Rei's workday dress, and helped her out of it right there in the living room. Although she went along, she was upset and wanted answers.

"Why is she here, what happened to 'don't want to know, don't want to tell,' and why are you dressing me up!?"

Though she was objecting and though she was extremely displeased...ok, she was pissed the fuck off...she made no complaint about us changing her clothing without quite having her expressed consent.

"She is here because I invited her. I invited her for two reasons. Pearls or gold beads?"

I held up two necklaces for her selection.

"Pearls. Wait I can't wear the pearls, you told me...oh my God, you are re-creating the worst night of my life!"

"Indeed. Now as I was saying, I invited Eileen for two reasons. The first, to give you the inside scoop about my Saturday night in Aruba. The second, to have dinner with us, where she will have something very important to say. Now, take the pearls, and let's get going. We have a 7:00 reservation, and a bit of a drive."

Eileen fussed over Rei, while I handed her a pair of sumptuous stockings, and the very bottle of perfume she had intended to wear for Sheldon Bock.

"Evan, she tells me they got you stoned smoking pot and eating hash brownies, and that she stripped you, then herself, and slept naked with you. She even said she woke you up with a blow job!"

"Right Dear. You see, you did confess, and it did ring true, and in a perverse way it all made perfect sense. But if I confessed you would hardly believe me. I mean, orgies, skinny dipping, pot, hash brownies...oh really Eileen? Hash brownies too!! I had no idea! No wonder I don't remember anything after we came out of the surf! You guys could have had an orgy with me, and I would never have known!"

"Oh Evan, believe me, we tried. You were stoned, but wide awake, and as naked as the day you were born. The other girls thought you were probably impotent, because no matter what we did, your cock would not get hard. I wondered why, so I stayed with you. The next morning, I did my best to get you up, but you pushed me away. Reina, he really was quite upset, and adamant that he was still married, in spite of your problems. I came to the conclusion that there is only one woman I the world capable of exciting him, that's you. He talked in his sleep, and it was all about you."

"So you see Rei, I forgave you right away. If I hadn't forgiven you, at least in some measure, I might never have come home after my trip. I could have cavorted in the surf all week with these lovely things, and certainly would have enjoyed myself to the max when Eileen woke me like that. Now come. We'll be late."

The three of us walked out the front door, with Eileen and I both hustling Reina along.

"Darling, slow down. I should have told you I wanted the pumps. I can't be on my feet all night in these."

"You won't be on your feet all night. As a matter of fact, most of the night you'll spend on your back."

A look of recognition flashed across Reina's face at the words she had muttered to me.

"You heard that too."

I smirked as the limo pulled up to our house. Reina looked perplexed. The driver got out and opened the door for us. The limo was a very long stretch, and I hustled around to the other side while he helped Eileen in first. I needed to see my wife's face when she why I got a stretch. The driver helped her in, and when her eyes adjusted to the darkened interior, she was stunned to see all six of our children, each with a spouse or a date.

"What's this?"

"Well Mom, this is an intervention."

"Yeah, we were concerned and want to know why your wheels went off the track."

"Really Mom, if we knew it meant that much to you, we would have gone to the community college and lived at home."

"So since tonight is a special occasion, we are all here to make sure things aren't too quiet for you."

With that, my youngest, the family musician produced an ukulele, and my eldest produced a pitch pipe, and hummed a starting note. With that, twelve young adults broke into a rousing chorus of The Wheels on the Bus, and followed it with every kid song, camp song, bible school song, and teeny bopper pop song they ever knew, vowing to never ever let her suffer from lidless quiet. Then my eldest son piped up.

"Yeah Mom, and I have two big pieces of news for you. I just got a promotion, and am moving back to work in our office here. We're moving in June, so in August, you'll be able to start a whole new generation of Carson kids making noise and singing The Wheels on the Bus."

All the kids, Eileen and I already knew this surprise. We all waited with anticipation for Rei to catch on. She didn't. I guess she was overloaded with family attention and the appearance of one of my four once hopeful lovers. She just looked blankly at everyone, finally settling on my eldest son's wife Sue.

"Mom," she gently said to Reina, "Did you hear what Ted really just told you. About teaching a whole new generation of Carsons to sing?"

Silence.

"Mom, I'm pregnant. We're having a baby!"

No more silence. Reina was totally gobsmacked. There were smiles. There was laughing and back slapping and hugging and...well, it was nice, really nice. Then we arrived. Reina couldn't have noticed what was going on in the confusion, but the driver ran around to open the rear passenger door, and all the girls inside scooted Rei in that direction. Meanwhile Eileen and all the guys slipped out the driver side, and lined up in front of a waiting party boat. A carpet had been laid in front of the gang plank, and bouquets of flowers and potted palms bordered the area. My sons and I lined up on the side groom's side, and my daughters on the other. Sue walked her to meet me in the middle, where Eileen stood in the officiant's spot.

Eileen was indeed a marriage counselor, as her card had read. But she was also a divorce arbitrator, and a children's rights advocate, and a justice of the peace, and who knows what else. She re-married us on the boat. We didn't need a license or blood tests, because we never divorced. We didn't go for a recommitment service or a renewal of vows, we said new vows entirely, so we could replace our old marriage entirely with something newer and better. Our reception party was a sunset cruise on the party boat up the river and back.

Sue and Teddy moved back, then gave birth to our first grandchild. Two more of our kids got married that fall, both at Thanksgiving in a double wedding. It turns out my kids' and their future spouses were both so impressed at the strength of the love that Reina and I shared, they were inspired to start sharing their lives with each other as soon as possible. Eileen performed their ceremonies as well. By the next summer, we had four grandchildren, they all lived within a mile of us, and our house was busy again, to Reina's delight.

Reina and I were ok in the end, but it wasn't easy. She had lost her way along our journey, and almost threw our love away. I wasn't completely blameless. I couldn't understand how I had been so wrapped up in my daily routines that I didn't recognize her slide into a depression deep enough, she sought the help of another man to get her out of it. On our second wedding night, I promised her never to let her go to sleep sad or bothered again. Then I spent the night making sure I erased any reason she might have had for her to look at someone else. I hadn't lied about her being on her back more than her feet either. She did keep the stilettos on much longer than necessary though, along with the pearls. What can I say, I have a thing for seeing my naked wife posing in nothing but her heels, wearing heirloom pearls.

We honeymooned in Aruba, and yes, we did skinny dip in the middle of the night. What else did we do? You don't get to know. That's strictly between the two of us, which is a place no one will ever go again.