Days of Our Wives

7:13 p.m. "...Sasha?...Hey."

"What."

"...I'm sorry."

"Yeah, sure."

"No no, I...please, sweetheart, I really am. ...I understand now why you got so upset. I can see how it was stupid of me. And insensitive. And, I-I mean it. Really. This...this isn't just me apologizing to come in outta the 'doghouse.' So to speak.

"...Sash, it was idiotic of me. I realize and admit it. I am totally not betting against us. I'm rooting for us all the way. I want it to be you and me, holding hands with the world at our fingertips. Honey, the day we walked down that aisle really was the happiest day of my life. I know I'll never come close to another day like that. I don't ever wanna be without you. Baby...you're the greatest. So, c'mon...forgive Dumb Hailey, now that she's Smart Hailey again?...Please?"

"...Well...I guess we all fuck up now and then."

"I love you."

"...I love you too."

"And...if you accept my apology now, once we get to New York, this weekend is yours. Anything you wanna do, anywhere you wanna go, anyplace you wanna eat, the answer's yes."

"That does sound nice."

Kiss. "Happy Anniversary, cookie bear."

"Happy Anniversary, Nilla wifer."

*****

Day 3,573 — Hailey and Sasha's house: Devil Dust/The Bed Is Dead

Saturday, April 9th, 2011, 1:38 a.m.

It was a still, serene vernal twilight. The wives lay in bed together, fingers of opposite hands clasped, clad in only cozy nighties. Hailey had made it to Dreamland, mingling with millions of fellow slumberers North America over. Sasha desired to join her, but couldn't seem to get her journey underway. And quite lamentably indeed, it was Hailey's fault.

Hailey's sinuses and palate—remarkably recently, it seemed—had adopted a pattern of snoring, at frustratingly inconvenient intervals. Every time Sasha began to nod off and shut her eyes... SNOOOOOOORRRRE; there came another. It grew worse as the minutes wore on, rumbling in Sasha's ears like a buzz saw through lumber. She sat up and blew out her breath, starting to feel like crying. Hailey patently wasn't doing this deliberately to make Sasha miserable; she didn't even know she snored. Sasha leaned back down, discreetly reached, and as softly, gingerly, pinched Hailey's nose. She couldn't say she expected this to "work," or help, and she was right...as after another moment, Hailey gave an unconscious wince, twitched and tossed. She uttered a few nonsensical disapproving syllables, rolled over onto her side and tummy...and the snoring inevitably returned.

1:48 a.m. A defeated-feeling Sasha dropped her face into her pillow. This must have been a recent development, and must not have bothered her so much up till now. She couldn't remember ever feeling the need to do this before. But as much as she wanted to stay here with Hailey...she really, really wanted some solid shut-eye! She still may not have worked regularly like Hailey, but she also wasn't 25 anymore. She could no longer function so well without a decent night's sleep. She suddenly now got where Hailey was coming from as they were heading off for their honeymoon, and Sasha'd woken her up to show her the...the...

Sasha raised her head out of the pillow, as a horrific epiphany set in.

Oh god...it...

It really was a hallucination, wasn't it??...

She slowly ascended to a sitting up position, letting the comforter slump from her torso.

This...this didn't make sense, she processed. She was an intelligent, astute grown woman. How could such a realization as this have never manifested itself before now? While she didn't have the answer to this question, she found herself face-to-face with the disheartening, consternating, and frankly downright petrifying cognizance. That her beautiful alternate dimension of hidden awe, laughter and bliss...wasn't real. Her eyes pricked. Her nose stung.

I'm...

A first quiet sob forced way out.

...I'm not special. ...My friends don't exist. They were all imaginary. Nothing but...flashbacks.

Hailey was right.

...There wasn't anything there!

There never was!

I loved the moon so much...but it didn't really appear that night just for me. I loved the kites...but they weren't actually there. Nothing. Oh god, I feel so...so...stupid! And heartbroken! I'm...I'm not a great artist. I'm...just a druggie.

Tears obscured her vision.

I feel paranoid. I don't like this. ...Oh god, is this even real?? ...Holy fuck, is this a flashback?? Or worse, an actual trip gone wrong? Did I take a hit before bed??... Oh g—...I c—...

Having completely forgotten about Hailey, she popped off the bed, took a quick obligatory assessment of balance, found her way out to the hall and living room, and turned on every light she could find. She couldn't be in the dark right now. She was too scared.

Okay...okay, thought Sasha, making herself take deep breaths. The...the lights're on. We've got a little more control now.

...I am not stoned, she convinced herself, fighting for calm. I can't be. Look. Look around, Sasha: there're no monsters.

She sat on the couch, settling down. She felt a bit better. It was true—she may not have had any fantasy friends to share her awesome adventures with...but there were no monsters to terrorize her either. The plant in the corner was just a plant, nothing out of Little Shop Of Horrors. The TV was off and did not wish to eat her, nor did the other appliances come to life on their own. She hated creepy crawly bugs, but as she looked to the ceiling fan and coffee table, they resembled nothing in the way of huge hideous insects.

Whew, she breathed in relief. I'm safe.

But, I'm...still heartbroken. And too afraid to sleep.

She decided she wouldn't do LSD anymore. At all. It simply wasn't worth it. She might have to dig around and find other avenues for inspiration, but her emotional and mental security were more important. She could go right to her studio this moment, retrieve it, take it outside and bury it...but was a little too frightened right now. She'd wait till the sun came up. Then ditch it. And never touch acid—or any other hazardous or hallucinogenic substance—ever again.

8:43 a.m. It being a weekend day and thus one of Hailey's off, she slept in a bit. Not too much, as her sleeping schedule remained regular and controlled. While a chief executive, she had to go on functioning with full capacity. She stretched and yawned herself up, slipped on her robe and a pair of socks, swung by the bathroom, and hummed her way down the hall. She expected Sasha was in her studio working on a project, as was usually the case when Hailey woke up alone. But as she entered the living room, she located her wife on the couch, cup of coffee in hand, muted cartoons on the television.

"Oh. Good morning, sweetie. Sleep well?"

It was the wrong question to pose. Sasha said nothing, but gazed forlornly down into her mug, grimacing as if suddenly about to cry.

"Oh, gosh..." Hailey perched beside her and slipped an arm around her shoulders.

"What's the matter, babe? Talk to me."

Sasha looked up, widening her eyes for Hailey to see. They were alarmingly bloodshot.

"I couldn't sleep."

Hailey let out a sympathetic "awww," which she let roll into an "ohhh." She enfolded Sasha with the other arm and hugged her.

"You've been up all night?"

Sasha nodded. "Think I might have a little legit insomnia goin' on. In which case I guess coffee's pointless."

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry!...

"Although, y'know..."

A small smile crept up Hailey's face.

"While I can't guarantee anything...your sweet, sexy li'l wifey might have a trick or two up her sleeve to...tire ya out, may we say?"

She dropped her front hand to Sasha's leg, just above the knee, and impishly walked her first two fingers up her thigh. She was plainly trying to be seductive and flirty, to entice Sasha to some romance...but Sasha just didn't feel like it. And this little finger dance of Hailey's unsettlingly tickled, rather than turning her on. She didn't like it. If anything, she was turned off even more. She did something she knew she'd immediately regret. She took Hailey's hand by the wrist and flung it off.

"Hailey, I am so the fuck not in the mood."

When she tossed Hailey's paw away, it landed on her own thigh. Hailey's feelings were frankly hurt. She guessed Sasha'd had a tough sleepless night, but she didn't have to be nasty about it. Hailey still felt sorry for her, though, and didn't want to yell at her or ruin this entire young morning altogether. So she got up and merely headed for the kitchen.

"Oh, c'm—I didn't say I wanted you to go away," she heard from behind her.

Wanting still to honor her wishes, Hailey returned and resumed the hug, omitting seduction. After a short while longer, she remarked that she was hungry and suggested Sasha probably was too, and that some food would make her feel better. Sasha agreed, and let her go whip up some breakfast. She kind of wanted to go to IHOP, but was too tired—and hungry—and get up and get ready.

Sasha was fortunately mistaken about having insomnia. After Hailey filled her tummy with some nice grub, she elected to head back to bed and give sleep another try. To Hailey's satisfaction—and credit as a cook—once Sasha got under the covers, she slept almost the entire rest of the day. While Hailey was oblivious to the cause of Sasha's sleep deprivation, and while she enjoyed spending her free days with her...there was something about having the day to herself that was...a bit special, in its own way. She'd never give up her job—and not just because without it they couldn't live in their beautiful house—but when not working, her domestic side was let out to shine. So today while Sasha snoozed away, Hailey took care of some errands and chores.

The first one she did was slip their dishes into the mostly full dishwasher and run it. Then she slipped into the bedroom to silently collect the both of their stray clothes. Her slumbering bride lay snug as a bug on her belly, arms around her pillow, face turned just to the side. Hailey paused to watch her a moment, letting her heart slightly melt. She looked as if she should have a halo over her pretty little head and wings sticking up from her back. Well, she needed her beauty rest. So down went Hailey into the laundry room to start the load. She loved having these machines humming away while she tried to find other things to take care of. It made her feel sort of "covered," so to speak. As if even when not being productive herself, something worthwhile was going on. She connected ear buds to the Smartphone, turned on some Brahms, and mapped out a nice day's worth of errands.

She straightened things and adjusted the nuances of their décor. She balanced her checkbook and tied up some loose financial ends online. She performed a bit of maintenance on the lawn. She moved the washed laundry to the dryer. She made out a grocery list and found all the items between Angels and Safeway, following stops at the bank and gas station. She came home and put away both the groceries and now clean dishes. She gave the clothes in the dryer a second spin and deposited another load in the washer.

By now it was a bit past lunchtime, so Hailey prepared herself a sandwich. She too checked on Sasha, who continued to doze away two thirds under the cover. The bottoms of her toes and feet half-peeked out the end of the comforter. They were so cute Hailey had to stop herself more than once from rubbing, kissing, nibbling or tickling them. The truth was, since she'd woken up this morning, Hailey'd been feeling a bit frisky. And especially drawn to her lovely wife. There was nothing that made this day particularly different from any other; she guessed she'd just started off in an amorous mood. And remained extra eager to make beautiful, superb love to Sasha. She'd let the girl sleep as much as seen fit, of course; she wanted Sasha bright and spry as could be, and believed the finest things in life were worth waiting for. Her heart only grew fonder as she waited. She pondered the varied ways she and Sasha would enjoy one another. It became the entire focus of the rest of her day. She considered herself lucky and privileged to have such a splendid bride to boff, bop and boink. She'd hardly ever done it by herself since they'd wed. Sometimes in their later years, Sasha made her wait a frustrating period of time. But they always eventually found their way back to the Promised Land.

Sasha Marie remained a wonderful girl to be married to overall. Of course, marriage to any woman came with its challenges and pitfalls. And Hailey wouldn't even think about booting Sasha to the curb for a woman with a whole different set of imperfections. She adored Sasha just the way she was, faults and all. She wondered how different the challenges were for married straight gentlemen from their own. At least Sasha didn't do mean things some wives apparently did, like withholding sex to get what she wanted, or to punish Hailey when she made mistakes. They didn't like to play mind games. They handled things the healthier—if more exacting—way, talking out the arguments until all the cards were on the table. Like Sasha'd said that day on the plane, everyone messed up occasionally. Maybe marriage got a bit tougher as time went on. But Hailey sincerely believed love would win out and conquer all.

4:37 p.m. Midway through the newest feature in her Netflix queue, Hailey heard a series of sounds that brought a smile to her face. Sasha woke up, found her way to the bathroom and relieved herself. Her footsteps next approached the living room. Hailey felt herself tingle in the privates. Sure enough, out emerged her refreshed betrothed, rubbing her eyes with a yawn. Hailey smiled at her.

"Hi, sexy."

Sasha tossed up an unintelligible reply with a paw gesture to match, heading to the kitchen.

"Oh, y—I-I went shopping," called Hailey. "Have whatever you want, babe."

Another minute saw Sasha back out with a Pop Tart on a paper plate and a can of root beer. She plopped on the sofa and put her feet on the coffee table, again unknowingly "tempting" Hailey with them. Hailey gave her ample dining time before re-commencing. She rose to join Sasha on the sofa, slipped an arm around and rested her head on her shoulder. Sasha seemed neither to encourage nor discourage her. That was all right. Hailey gave a few more minutes, looked up, tilted her face back, and kissed Sasha on the jaw.

"I love you."

"Love you too," said Sasha, gazing in relaxation at the screen.

As the film neared conclusion, Hailey resumed pouring on the charm. She increased the frequency and varied the destinations of her kisses. And she began rubbing her shoulder and belly. Sasha blinked uncertainly, turning a few degrees her way.

"Uhhhh...what'cha doin'?"

"Well...what'cha mean, what am I doin'? Same thing I was doin' this morning, silly pants: seducing you."

"...But, um...Hailey, I thought I said this morning I wasn't...y'know, in the mood."

"Yeah, but...sweetie, that was eight hours ago. You're all refreshed and rested up now. You just had an entire day's sleep. Be honest, I had to fight off the urge to crawl in bed with ya and start loving ya up right then and there, you're so damn irresistible."

With that, she stroked Sasha's back and nipped her ear. Sasha reacted, but not exactly the way Hailey was hoping.

"Okay, honey?...I'm...I'm sorry, but...I'm still just not in the mood. I really kinda just feel like taking it easy right now."

Hailey felt instantly disillusioned. Almost even devastated. All she'd really wanted and thought about all day was taking Sasha back to that bed and having both their worlds rocked to the core. The only person she had or would ever want to make love to, and...she'd been denied. (Again.) It felt terrible. It was possible that tomorrow, her other day off, Sasha could be every bit as randy and revved up as Hailey was today. But given the patterns of the last few months, it was hardly probable. As Hailey thought about it further...she found that she couldn't actually recall the last concrete time they'd had sex.

"That's...that's fine," she said, trying to be a tolerant big girl. "We'll...just relax."

They let the movie end. The credits finished rolling, bringing Netflix back to its menu and cuing up the next presentation. Sasha let Hailey keep caressing her, but inevitably, she ceased. Despite what Hailey'd said, Sasha soon heard a distressing sound. She turned.

"Oh god...

"...Hailey, why're you crying?"

Hailey sniffled and wiped her nose. She'd tried not to let it get to her, but could not succeed.

"Sasha...when is the last time we made love?"

Sasha let her head loll back and emanated a siiiiiigh, quite aware where Hailey was going with this.

"Aw, hon...I am so sorry, again...but do we really have to get into this right now?"

"Yes!" Hailey unhanded her and sat up. "Sasha...has the passion gone out of our relationship?"

Sasha thought and half-mouthed the words, Oh fuck, now I'm gonna start crying.

"...Are you still attracted to me?" she heard, detecting a crack in Hailey's voice.

Sasha exhaled.

"Yes," she painfully replied. She was not lying, but had the feeling her answer wasn't convincing.

"Do you still find me desirable?"

Is that not just a rehash of the same question? "Yes, dear..." Of fucking course I do...

Hailey began to sob again. "Then why don't you wanna be intimate with me??"

God...or, Goddess, rather...gimme some strength, or a break...or just kill me right now.

"HAILEY..." she groaned. "It's just today. Today is not my day. All right? Please try to believe me. You..." Sigh. "Look, you may not realize this, and I really didn't wanna say it, but you kept me up last night 'cause you were snoring. And I was up the rest of the night with what started as a paranoia attack from my flashbacks. But...listen, this is my issue, not yours. I'm still gonna have the flashbacks now and then, but I decided I'm not gonna do acid anymore. At all. That's what was going on with me this morning. And as for now...

"...I know it looks like I slept good, but all I remember's the depressing dreams and the nightmares. Okay? I'll say it again: this is not, my, day. Maybe...maybe tomorrow'll be better. ...Y'know, why don't we try and shoot for then?"

Hailey just stared at her.

"...'Shoot...for then'??"

It was another remark Hailey took in a different way than Sasha'd meant. She began shaking her head.

"You know what, if making love to your wife feels like such a chore or a hassle for you, then just forget it; I don't want you to."

...See, Goddess, if You'd killed me when I said kill me, I wouldn't have had to hear that.

"OH for shit's sake, would you please stop putting words in my mouth! I did not say you were a 'chore.' Or a 'hassle.' What I said was there're days in my life like today, when I won't be in the mood to have sex with anyone. By the way. It's not you. It's ME. Okay?? I'm...I'm sorry, but I'm not your sex toy. I'm my own person. And on the occasional day, I'm just, not, gonna be, in the mood!"