Dead and Horny Ch. 23

What exactly had the vampyr's blood awakened in her? It had been quite some time since she had felt anything resembling pain. Was the blood reawakening her nervous system?

Her stomach rumbled and she licked her lips. There would be plenty of time for thinking later. Timotei had wrapped an arm around a support beam and Lily was trying to pull him free. His features were strained as his fingers sank into the polished column, causing Lily's feet to slide across the floor as she pulled. Triumphant, he turned his face toward the succubus, only to be t-boned by an aerial punch from Tasia.

The column exploded, and both the werewolf and the vampyr crashed to the ground. Lily fell backward onto the ground, then flinched when Timotei's shoe landed on her face.

Dana was already moving, her swords whirling as she took out the zombies that stumbled around her. They didn't interest her nearly as much as her quarry did, but she still had a responsibility to prevent an outbreak. Her blades now covered in the blood of the undead, she threw herself forward and came down on Timotei from above.

One blade slashed open the vampyr's shirt, revealing sculpted abdominals and a thin wound that closed up almost instantly. The other was caught by Timtoei's left hand, the metal making a sound akin to dry ice on steel as the magic attempted to burn away his skin.

Timotei tried to yank the sword out of Dana's hand, but she jumped forward, maintaining her grip on the blade. When she landed on the other side of him, she whipped her arm around, causing the sword to slide free of his grasp. Timotei cried out in pain as the razor sharp edge slid up his arm, slicing off a chunk of flesh roughly the size of a piece of cheese.

The world became a tunnel of darkness as Dana fixated on that piece of muscle and skin, falling in slow motion toward the floor. Salivating in anticipation, she actually threw her swords away and leapt forward, snatching the meat out of midair. Clutched tightly in her palm, she could sense the incredible power trapped inside her prize. Holding it up to her lips, the air was suddenly filled with the aroma of smoked brisket and spices.

In a single motion, she popped the meat in her mouth and swallowed it whole.

"BITCH!" Timotei was back on his feet and he grabbed Dana by the throat with his good hand. "FILTH! ABOMINATION!"

A fire ignited in her belly, reminiscent of the time she had devoured the Dragon Seed. While that had been raw energy, what was inside her gut now was far more refined, and completely lacking a will of its own.

"Yeah, I'm gonna need you to roll a Constitution saving throw." Bigfoot stood next to her now, a beer in one hand and the chip bowl in the other. "You can't just eat someone on the battlefield like that without potential repercussions."

"I say she gets advantage on the roll." Velvet crossed her arms, her translucent form floating nearby. "She's been eating weird stuff this whole campaign."

Dana picked up the dice, the world around her now full of cracks. She was about to roll them when a dark hand closed over her own. Looking up, she saw Alex standing across from her.

"It's time to wake up," she whispered, then leaned forward and kissed Dana's forehead.

"Al...ex..." Dana gasped as she clutched at Timotei's hands. The vampyr slugged her in the belly with a bloodied fist, then opened his hand and tried to dig into her with his fingernails. A scorpion's tail wound around his wrist, keeping him from tearing into her.

"Dog girl!" Lily wrapped herself around Timotei in an attempt to keep him from ripping Dana apart. "Sic balls!"

Tasia rose up from the debris, fragments of wooden benches falling away from her lupine shoulders. Growling, she charged forward and bit down on Timotei's head, causing him to release Dana. The zombie fell to the ground, her whole body so hot she thought she would burst into flame.

The werewolf whimpered in pain as Timotei managed to kick her free, then reached over his shoulders and grabbed Lily by the horns. The two of them tussled as he danced among the pews, shouting what could have been obscenities in his own language.

"Tasia." Dana knelt to help her up, her mind rapidly filling in what had actually happened in the last several minutes. Everything was still fuzzy, though, as if she was watching the playback on a broken monitor. However, the fog had finally lifted.

To her dismay, Dana could see that Tasia's torso was a bloody mess, the werewolf's ribs visible through rapidly healing wounds. Pausing to contemplate the wolf's injuries, Dana ran her hands over the slick fur. "I'm right here."

Tasia whined, her eyes shut in pain. The werewolf had already been through so much, it almost pained Dana to see it. She looked down at her bloodied hands, her heart jackhammering in her chest as the phantom drums of the Nirumbi beat all around her. Taking a deep breath, she contemplated the sick idea that, somehow, she became what she ate.

Knowing that it was probably stupid to do so, Dana stuck her fingers in her mouth and sucked them clean. The savory taste of werewolf blood had her moaning in delight.

For a moment, it felt like the universe stopped. The church snapped into focus for the first time as Dana's senses expanded outward as the intrusive memories shattered like glass. Her already sensitive nose was picking up dozens of smells that begged for her attention, but she focused on finding her swords. Timotei may still be stronger than she was, but he didn't have enchanted blades. She found them on the floor next to a dead mercenary, his eyes focused on eternity. He was already starting to twitch and move, so she swung a sword and took out the developing zombie.

"Hey." Eulalie called out from up above, a loop of spider silk in her hands. "I've got a plan that might work, but need you to help me get this around his neck."

Dana smiled up at her friend, then turned her attention to Lily and Timotei. The two of them were now rolling around on the ground, the vampyr unable to get in a clean hit. Where he struck, floorboards exploded upward.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and let the world fall away from her for just a moment. She pictured Alex first, the image of her dead girlfriend burned into her heart with crystalline clarity. Next she pictured Velvet, her friend's phantom laughter echoing forever in her mind. Both of these things brought feelings of pain, remorse, and even guilt. But what they didn't do was bring instability. For the first time in a while, she felt like she was all in one place.

Her eyelids snapped open and she moved toward Lily. The succubus saw her coming and nodded when she saw what Dana had planned. Timotei snarled at the two of them then let out a hideous shriek when Dana used the swords to shish kabob him to the succubus through his chest.

"Ooh, double penetration," gasped Lily, her flesh now sizzling. "Straight to a girl's heart."

Timotei did not share her humor and tried to break free, but with the swords criss crossed through him like an X, he couldn't get away from Lily. Dana grabbed his wrists and dragged them toward Eulalie, but he was still too strong. He managed to shove Dana back, but only for Tasia to take her place. The werewolf grunted and picked up both Lily and Timotei in a massive bear hug.

Snarling, Timotei tried to bite Tasia's neck, but Dana hopped onto his shoulders from behind and hooked her fingers into his cheeks and pulled back hard enough that he couldn't bite her. The four of them stumbled around like this for several long moments before the silken loop dropped down over his head. Dana let go of Timotei's mouth and shoved the noose into place and then Eulalie pulled.

"Keep holding him," she cried before disappearing through a hole in the ceiling. Slowly, the coil of webbing retracted as they were lifted into the air as a group. Timotei's movements caused them to sway, but Dana used her free arm to guide them safely through the hole when they arrived at the ceiling. Eulalie was on the ceiling, her facial features pinched as she watched them from above. They were in the attic now, and on the other side of the room, a cold breeze blew in through the small rat portal tucked in the corner.

"Through there," Eulalie said, then scurried toward the opening. Her body squeezed down to fit through the gap, which wasn't much bigger than a dog door. Timotei sank his fingers into the wood, leaving thick gouges as the group was pulled together. Once at the opening, Dana made eye contact with Tasia, who simply nodded and then let go.

Lily vanished in a cloud of sulfur as Dana pulled her swords free. Timotei reached for the webbing at his neck, unable to pull it free before disappearing through the portal. The succubus shot through first and Dana followed. Looking back, she saw Tasia standing there, her tail drooping.

"Come through if you can," Dana said, picking up her swords. "I won't even joke about it." Throwing herself through the opening, she rolled to the side as Timotei's boot slammed down where her head had been. They were in a log cabin with broken windows, and there was snow on the ground outside.

"So what's your big idea," asked Lily as she slammed her fist into Timotei's jaw. The vampyr took the hit, then reciprocated with a trio of punches followed by a kick that sent the succubus through a wall.

"Up here!" shouted Eulalie from up in the loft. At the sound of her voice, Timotei leapt into the air, but Mace intercepted him. When he fell back down, Dana was waiting.

With vampyr and werewolf blood rushing through her body, her swords whistled as she moved. She brought them down in an arc that would have cleaved a normal man in two, but got caught in the vampyr's collarbone. He growled and slashed her face, but she leaned away and used the momentum to kick him in the balls.

Unimpressed, Timotei wrenched the swords free of his shoulder and tackled Dana. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed, the two of them now trying to crush each other. The bloody groove by his neck was right by her face, so Dana opened her mouth and bit down.

"NO! UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!!!" Timotei's cries became panicked as he tried to pull himself away. Whatever plan he had was now forgotten as Dana triggered some sort of primal reaction from the man. He stumbled around, trying to rip her free as his blood strengthened her. Satisfied to do this forever, Dana happily chewed on him.

"I'll show you unclean." Lily came through the hole in the wall, her wings unfurling as she grabbed Dana by the waist and leapt up toward the loft. Eulalie stood near yet another opening, Mace clenched tight in her hands.

"Through here!" she cried, then stood aside as Lily threw both Dana and Timotei into the portal. There was a brief moment of resistance and then the two of them spilled onto manicured grass. They had come through a wooden shed, the front door of it now gone. Their destination was a golf course and the sun was just coming up over the horizon. At the sight of it, Timotei hissed and squinted.

"He'll be weaker in the sun." Eulalie stepped out of the shed, blood and sweat running down her face. "We can do it here."

"YOU. WILL. DO. NOTHING!" The vampyr ripped Dana off of him and threw her to the side. He jumped to his feet and rushed at the Arachne. Eulalie leapt up in the air, revealing that Lily had been just behind her.

Lily's curved horns glistened in the early dawn as she head-butted Timotei so hard that it sounded like a gunshot. They both went down, clutching at their heads.

"Figures you'd be this hard headed," Lily groaned, then scrambled to her feet. Timotei shifted backward, hunched over on all fours. His features had sharpened, as if his skull had changed shape beneath his skin.

"I will kill everything you've ever loved," he growled, his wounds no longer closing up beneath the sun's gaze. He looked at the three of them, then back toward the shed. Sneering, he took off running.

Dana tried to catch him, but the grass was wet and she went down. In slow motion, she watched as Timotei made his escape, moving too fast for Lily or Eulalie to stop him. He was going back through the portal.

There was a loud howl, and Tasia burst from the shed, her massive bulk blocking the vampyr's exit as she took him down. Timotei fought to get away from her, but she had him pinned and was raining punches onto his face.

"Quick!" Eulalie moved toward the combatants. "Hold him still and we can finish him off!"

"I've got his legs!" Lily moved behind Tasia and used her whole body to force the vampyr's legs together. "Someone get his arms."

"On it!" Eulalie already had a loop of spider silk in one hand, which she slid onto Timotei's wrist. She moved to the other side of him and pulled, which yanked his arm back and beneath him. "Someone hold the other one still for me!"

Dana moved in, stabbing her swords into the ground as she snatched Timotei's free hand from Tasia's fur. He growled and snapped as she yanked it out far enough that Eulalie could lash them together. His whole body bucked, nearly dislodging both Tasia and Lily.

"We have to hurry!" Eulalie picked up one of the swords and stood over the vampyr. "Tasia, lean back!"

The werewolf obeyed, and the Arachne brought the blade down on Timotei's neck. It bit into the flesh, but just barely.

"You've got to be kidding me." Eulalie swung again and again, but couldn't behead the vampyr.

"Let me help." Dana grabbed the other blade and took a few whacks herself. Timotei's movements were becoming more wild now as he was fueled by anger and fear.

Tasia held out her massive paw for one of the blades. Dana handed hers over, and was surprised when the werewolf slid the sword under the vampyr's head and then twisted the sharpened edge so that it was directly under Timotei's neck. Grunting, she grabbed the handle with one hand to stabilize the sword and then punched Timotei in the face.

"Is he dead yet?" cried Lily from behind the werewolf.

"Almost!" Dana took the other sword from Eulalie and jammed the tip of the sword into the ground near the hilt of the other. She lowered the blade, transforming her Order swords into a massive, makeshift pair of scissors. Straining with all her might, she continued to push down, watching as the blade sank into flesh at a snail's pace.

"Heads up!" Eulalie made a hand gesture at Mace, which flew up into the air. Dana watched it become a tiny dot up above them, then leaned away as the enchanted weapon slammed into the back of her blade.

Tasia nearly toppled over when Timotei's head finally came off, but they weren't done. The vampyr gnashed his teeth at them just before Eulalie punted his head away. His body still fought its confinement, but was no longer coordinated enough to put forth any true effort. When Tasia stepped away from him, it was Lily who took her place, holding out her hand.

"Sword, please." She smirked when the handle of the Order's blade began sizzling against her flesh. Lifting the sword up, she plunged it into Timotei's still-beating heart. The vampyr's body jerked in place for several minutes, but Lily held fast, wrapping her tail around Timotei's waist.

"Holy shit," she muttered when he finally went still. "What an asshole."

Dana nodded from nearby, her gaze on Timotei's head. "They're not usually that tough, right?"

Nearby, the sounds of cracking bones diminished as Tasia returned to her human form. She was battered, cut, bruised, and naked. When she joined Dana, she let out a groan and grabbed her hip.

"Never heard of someone like this." She squinted at the sun, then sneezed in response. "And as much as I'd like to discuss it more, when does this place open?"

Dana looked down at the destroyed, bloody turf and laughed. Both Lily and Eulalie looked at her in surprise.

"Someone is gonna be so pissed," she said with a grin, then hopped to her feet. "But that's what grounds fees are for, right? C'mon, let's go finish up at the church. I believe we left a few demons behind."

"Let's." Eulalie picked up Timotei's body, careful to leave the sword in place. "We can drop his body in the snow, it'll freeze up nicely. We'll take the head somewhere else, make sure they never meet up again."

The four of them moved toward the shed, and Lily stopped at the door. Groaning, she turned a dour face in Dana's direction.

"Church. Twice in one day." She made a face. "It's like sky daddy hates me."

"If you're good, I'll buy you some ice cream after." Dana swatted the succubus on the butt, eliciting a yelp. "I might even let you eat it out of my lap."

Clean up at the church took nearly an hour. Eulalie clung to one of the remaining support beams, her eyes on the eight struggling figures she had wrapped up in silk and hung from the ceiling like bait. Down below, zombies milled about, their arms reaching up in need.

Footsteps below revealed that the others had returned. Tasia, in werewolf form, was carrying several bodies, which she tossed onto a pile in the corner. Dana and Lily did the same, then the three of them moved around the horde and toward the stage.

"Well?" asked Eulalie.

"We managed to track them all down." Dana did a quick scan of the room. "As far as I can tell, we've got the whole congregation here. I don't know about the security team. I never saw them all."

"It also doesn't help that there isn't a lot left to identify." Lily stared at the pile of the dead. "But we tracked everyone that left here on foot. Dog girl sniffed a few more out of hiding."

"But if there's anything undead out there, we missed it, plain and simple." Dana glared at the nearest Legion. "And if there are any more of you, then I guess you got lucky."

The figure, a middle-aged man, struggled at his bonds. These final Legion meatsuits had been the most difficult to take down. It was clear the concentrated essence of the demon gave them far more strength, and Eulalie had worried early on how strong a single one could become. So they had worked as a team, taking them down so that Eulalie could tie them up. When properly woven, her spidersilk had similar tensile properties to aircraft cables. To keep them from killing themselves in an attempt to escape, Eulalie had wrapped them in such a way that any attempt to break free cut off oxygen supply to the brain. Still, three of them had passed out this way early on.

"So does that mean we're done here?" Dana looked at Tasia. "Do we still need the wolf?"

Eulalie sighed, then ran her fingers over Mace's head. This whole mess had been her fault, and she knew there would be weeks ahead on her computer in an attempt to clean the whole thing up. Months of meticulous planning couldn't have accounted for a demon who could break all the rules. A famous pastor and a true vampyr hadn't helped matters at all. It was almost four in the morning, which meant they only had a couple of hours until daybreak.

"Yeah, I think we're done." Eulalie nodded at Tasia. "Thank you for all your help."

The werewolf nodded, her form already shrinking down. She was naked once again, but Dana handed over her last remaining outfit from the bag.

"It's my job," Tasia replied, then winced. "Well, it was my job."

"It still can be." Dana put a hand on the woman's shoulder. "Just maybe not for the Order."

Tasia sighed, then pulled on a pair of Dana's shorts followed by a tank top. The top was stretched thin and the shorts wouldn't button. They were so short on Tasia that her buttcheeks hung out the bottom.

"So I guess this is it." Eulalie turned to the nearest Legion. "In a few minutes, I'm either sending you straight to Hell, or the hunt begins anew. I don't suppose you'll let me know which one it is?"

Legion's eyes blazed with defiance. There was a weight in the air, the presence of the demon itself pressing down on them in a spiritual sense.