Dear Diary Ch. 02

"That doesn't change the fact that you violated our trust," my mother replied. "You've made a lot of decisions this past year without discussing them with us first. We understand that you're an adult and can make your own decisions, but you've always talked things over with us before now. I guess I'm more concerned with how rash some of those decisions have seemed. I'm guessing UCLA is based off Matilda's choice of schools?"

I nodded and smiled weakly as I took a sip of my wine. "Bruce actually, although Bruce is going to USC. UCLA is still one of the top schools in the country, and Matilda happens to agree with you about that other decision. She made me really look at the numbers for how much law school would cost and how bad the employment market was for law school graduates."

"I seem to recall making those same arguments when you started talking about going to law school," my father said, studying me over the rim of his wine glass. "Apparently I wasn't the right person for the job."

Having a fair complexion makes it hard to hide when you're embarrassed. Thankfully my father just waited for me to get past it. "I guess listening to all the shop talk at dinner made me think anything would be a better choice. I'd compressed the idea of medical school down to doing what the two of you do, and I don't think I'm cut out to be a surgeon. Matilda reminded me there were a lot of options, and I didn't need to follow in your footsteps to be a good doctor."

"You know, Geffen is ranked right up there with Yale, and we would be willing to help with the costs if we felt you were pursuing something worthwhile." I shot my dad a hard look and saw him shake his head. "This isn't me trying to bribe you to change your mind. Your mother and I have been putting aside money for you to go to medical school from the day you were born."

"We didn't mention it sooner because you had scholarship offers to cover your undergraduate work and we didn't feel you'd really thought through your choice to go to law school," my mother added. "We were hoping once you really looked at it you'd realize it as well and we didn't want to encourage what we felt was a bad decision. We would accept and support your decision either way, but we wanted you to make an informed decision."

"I know it was a rash decision, but I thought I could do some good without having to work with people who were seriously injured or dying. Tilly suggested pediatrics or obstetrics, but I need more time to make that informed decision you were talking about. Now that we've verified I can recognize my rash decisions, can we cycle back to me and Matilda? I called her my girlfriend, but she's more than that. In the past four months she's become my best friend, and she really does push me to do my best work."

They were both studying me over their glasses, but mom responded first. "I'm not sure I can trust you to be together without supervision, but I can see you work well together. Maybe we can move your study session to the library during the week and you can schedule your personal time on the weekends."

"We may not need to go that far, but I want to put one more thing on the table," my father replied. "If you're serious about wanting to research different medical specialties, you're ignoring your best resources. Friday is one of our surgery days, and we always go into the hospital Saturday morning to check up on our patients. Introducing you to a few of our colleagues in non-surgical specialties so you can ask what they do and how they feel about their work wouldn't put us out. We can even recommend a couple specialties if you want to get away from direct patient care."

It was more than an offer to help me research a potential career. My father was offering me a graceful way to close some of the distance I'd put between us. When I'd gotten stuck in seeing the medical field as doing what they do, I'd lumped them together as the force pushing me to follow in their footsteps. That was about the same time I stopped discussing my ideas with them.

"Can we add shortsighted and foolish to that list of qualities I'm capable of having?"

My parents shared an amused glance before my mother responded. "I believe it's called being a teenager. A bit of rebellion against what your parents want for you is a normal part of learning to be independent. Thankfully your foray into being a normal teenager didn't involve anything that would jeopardize your future. That doesn't answer your father's question though."

"I haven't gone into the hospital with you in ages, but I think it's a wonderful idea. It will give me some good information to start out with, give us a chance to spend some time together again, and maybe help me remember why I wanted to be a doctor in the first place."

"You were always more interested in seeing people recovering," he chuckled, then stopped and had a thoughtful look on his face. "I think I'll ask Dr. Kramer if he can come in and talk to you on Saturday."

"That might be a good fit," my mother mused, looking over her wine glass at me. "Dr. Kramer is a Physiatrist. He's the doctor that gets your father's patients after surgery and gets them back on their feet. Physical medicine and rehabilitation doctors don't get a lot of recognition from the public, but they're an integral part of the medical team. Rebuilding someone's shoulder joint doesn't do much good if they can't learn to use it again."

"I'd like to speak with him, but I'd still like to look into pediatrics and obstetrics as well. The idea of working with babies and young children appeals to me, especially after hearing about what Matilda went through."

My parents were both shaking their heads and I caught the look that passed between them. "I won't try to advise you against it, but I want to take you on a tour of the pediatric ICU before you look any deeper into pediatrics. I did a cycle in one during my clinical rotations, and your father held me as I cried myself to sleep every night. Treating a newborn going through heroin withdrawals is one of the most heartbreaking things you'll ever witness, and losing a patient is a hundred times worse."

I'd never thought of it from that viewpoint. My parents rarely lost patients, but every surgery carried that risk. Seeing how much it shook them when they had a patient code during surgery had been a major factor pushing me away from studying medicine. I knew I had years of training before I would worry about it, but I wasn't ready to think about the possibility of someone dying on me.

"Before we address the issue with Matilda, I guess I need to get some clarification first. You said you'd been together for four months now, but I recall you mentioning Bruce coming over a couple times during that period. Were you sleeping with both of them now, or just trying to cover the fact you were exploring a new facet of your sexuality?"

"I'll admit I haven't told you everything, but I haven't lied about any of it. Matilda and I spend more time together, but I'm sexually active with both of them. Bruce was the one who got Matilda and I together in the first place, and she set up my dates with her brother when he was between girlfriends."

My parents shared a worried look before my father continued. "I shouldn't be asking this, but I believe I need too. Are Matilda's suggested specialties in any way related to a future desire not to admit who the father of her children is?"

I was expecting something along these lines, and was glad I didn't have to lie to answer his question. "Daddy, Matilda can't have children. I don't recall all the medical terms she used, but her tubes didn't develop correctly so it's physically impossible for her to get pregnant naturally. If she did choose to try going with an artificial impregnation, there's only a fifty percent chance she could carry a child to term. Her suggestions were two of the doctors she credits with saving her life."

It was my father turn to be embarrassed but I knew he was just looking out for me. "I understand why you asked. They're a lot closer than most siblings, but you have to realize that Bruce was the only friend she had growing up. Children can be cruel, and she was ostracized because she was different. It affected her enough that I'm the first person outside her family that she's allowed to get close to her."

My father nodded and turned to my mother. "I don't believe there is any need to alter their study arrangements. Her first semester report card shows they clearly spend most of that time studying, just as they said they would be. We wouldn't object to them spending their free time on other pursuits, and I can't see this as any different as long as it's not interfering with their studies."

"It is different though," my mother replied, looking between my father and I. "I guess I can agree that what they do with their free time is their business, as long as it's not affecting their studies, but this isn't Los Angeles. Her calling Matilda her girlfriend could cause them some problems around here."

"Mom, that won't be a problem. I told you that Matilda was my girlfriend because I didn't want to downplay our relationship, but no one outside our families needs to know anything. We barely talk to each other during school hours." I stopped and looked between my parents with a sigh. "Matilda understands what it's like to have people look down on you because you're different, and she won't risk me having to go through that. The only ones who know we're more than casual acquaintances are you and her family."

I waited as my mother studied me over her wine glass. Father had given in easier than I expected, but I knew how his mind worked. Admitting I'd been hasty in my sudden career shift, and accepting his offer to help research other options, showed him I was capable of making a mature decision. They both hoped I would change my mind and go back into medicine, but my agreeing to research my options was the important part in their minds.

"I'll agree with your father for the time being, since the two of you appear capable of being discrete in public. As long as the two of you can keep your relationship from effecting your grades, what you do in the privacy of your bedroom is your own business. Just remember to close your door in the future so I don't interrupt you again."

Mom just smirked as I blushed again and nodded. "Since it seems Matilda's important to you, we would like to get to know her a bit better. Does she like Chinese food?"

"As long as it's not too spicy," I replied. "Would you like me to see if she can stay for dinner tomorrow?"

"Yes, and we can try to figure out why the three of you didn't choose to go to Yale. I remember you mentioning how well Bruce did on his SAT, and if she's ahead of you academically, you all should have qualified easily."

"Matilda did, but Bruce didn't," I explained. "His SAT scores were good, but apparently not good enough to get noticed this year. I don't need to tell the two of you how competitive the acceptance process is for Yale. I think it will work out better this way, as all three of us have a full four-year scholarship and the schools are only fifteen miles apart. We'll have to get part-time jobs to make ends meet, but with three of us pitching in we should be able to afford an apartment without stretching ourselves too thin. There might be a bit of extra driving, getting from a place we can afford to the campuses, but we'll figure it out."

My parents exchanged an amused look as my father shook his head. "I think you're underestimating the cost of living in Los Angeles, but thankfully you won't need to find an apartment. We wanted to save this for after graduation, but when you committed to UCLA, I contacted a real estate agent. All you'll have to cover is the utilities and HOA fees."

I gave my parents an incredulous look. "You bought me a house as a graduation present?"

"My investment broker has been telling me to I need to diversify, and the Los Angeles real estate market seems like a good place to invest." I caught my dad's smirk and sighed. "I know what you're thinking, and we're not going overboard. Our agent's looking for a two bedroom condo in a decent neighborhood. It will probably be a bit nicer than any apartment you could find, but it won't be extravagant. We both remember how exhausting it was, working full time and trying to finish medical school. Whatever you finally decide, you can focus on your schooling instead of jugging a full class load and a job."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful, but most people's parents stop supporting them financially when they move out and go to college."

"Probably," mother replied. "But despite your father's joking, it's still a good investment for us. The area keeps growing, and real estate prices keep going up. Once you finish school and don't need it anymore, we can sell it for a profit. Think of it this way, you're helping monitor our retirement fund by maintaining the property for us."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I smiled at the two of them. "Have I told you I love you recently?"

"Last night before you went to bed, but we'll never grow tired of hearing it," father chuckled. "Since we're not keeping it a secret any longer, would you like to see pictures of the condo we're considering?"

I just nodded, realizing I shouldn't be that surprised they were buying a condo. As my sixteenth birthday approached, my parents had told me to find the most reliable car I could for under five thousand dollars. I spent two weeks researching before finally deciding on a ten-year old Impreza. It had been in a couple accidents, but was in good shape and had been well maintained. I thought that's what they were getting me when we went straight to the dealership after I passed my driving test, but father turned me to the new models and told me to pick a color.

"This isn't going to be ... like ... my car, is it?"

My father smirked and shook his head. "We wanted you to find something that would last ten or fifteen years, so you wouldn't have to buy another car until you were finished with college and financially stable. Trading up to a new model isn't really an option in real estate, so what you see is what you get, although we haven't even seen this one. My agent sent me the info on it two weeks ago saying it would be listed soon but was in the middle of a remodel. It's a good neighborhood, close to a hospital with easy freeway access and it's only fifteen minutes from campus. Actually, it's probably about the same to USC, so Bruce won't have a long commute either."

"It sounds almost too perfect, what's the drawback?"

Mom just laughed. "You'll be hearing a lot of sirens. That easy freeway access is the closest one to the emergency room's ambulance entrance, and most people see that as a problem. We speak from experience when we say you stop noticing them after a couple weeks. As your father said, we're not going overboard. It's the kind of place a young couple would get as a starter home, so it should be perfect for your needs. We were thinking you could turn the extra bedroom into an office, but I suppose you'll actually need it to be a bedroom for whoever isn't sharing your bed at night."

I couldn't help the blush that spread up my cheeks at my mother's comment. "You're accepting this a lot easier than I expected. You seemed more upset over me calling Tilly my girlfriend that you were with catching me in bed with another woman."

My parents shared another one of those amused looks before mother shook her head. "Teenagers tend to forget that their parents were young once. I never thought I'd be discussing this with my daughter, but you're an adult now, and I'm sure it won't upset you at this point. From the beginning of my sophomore year, I was in a relationship with my college roommate. We parted ways when she graduated and I went on to medical school, but she's still a close friend."

Not what I was expecting to hear, but it did explain why they accepted my relationship with Tilly so easily. There were only a few people she would call a close friend though, meaning it was someone I knew. It was hard to picture any of them having been her lover in college, but it was hard to picture my mother having been with anyone other than dad.

I realized she was watching me and just shook my head. "Sorry, it's just hard to imagine. All of your close female friends are happily married with kids older than I am. I never would have guessed you were bisexual. Do you ever miss it? I'm not trying to pry, but it's different with each of them."

"I understand what you mean, but we never considered ourselves bisexual. It was more about two friends helping each other out. I doubt anything would have ever happened between us if not for me coming back to our room one night complaining how poorly my date had gone, and as much as I enjoyed my time with her, I've never felt the need to try it again with another woman."

Mother stopped and took a sip of her wine before shaking her head. "I'm not sure how it's going to work out with the three of you, but you need to be honest about how you feel with both of them. We were, and neither of us had any expectations beyond a little mutual satisfaction."

"I have been, and I think they've been honest with me as well. We'll probably hit a few snags as we learn to live with each other, but I'm sure we'll figure it out."