Dear Mother: The Search

This is the sequel to "Dear Mother". I had a lot of readers request a follow up and for a while I was reluctant. I needed a storyline and a dose of motivation. I hope this meets your expectations. It isn't necessary to read the original story to understand what's going on in this one, but it will help you fill in the gaps. My thanks to Jayt444 for his editing assistance on the early part of this story. Obviously, any errors or omissions are entirely my responsibility.

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Chapter 1: Leaving Home

I drove to Penny's house with my mind going nine hundred miles an hour. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. How could he?

When I got there, I was happy that Penny was in the back yard, by herself, reading a book. She looked at me strangely and she could see that I was in some kind of turmoil.

"What's wrong, Ron?" she asked sincerely.

"Penny, we have another assignment. We have to find my mother." I said in a rush.

"What? Why? I thought you never wanted to see her again." she said with a frown.

"I didn't ... at least ... not until this afternoon." I said with a sad voice. I reached in my pocket and pulled out my mother's letter to me. I had never shown it to anyone, but now everything was different. I handed it to Penny. "Read this." I said quietly.

Penny took the letter from my hand and read it without comment. When she had finished she still had that questioning look on her face. "What's changed, Ron. This is a difficult letter for you to accept, but I don't see how it changes anything."

"I was talking to Jeanine this afternoon and she calmly told me that she had been ... involved with my dad way before mom had anything to do with Mr. Robinson. She didn't seem to realize how important that information was to me and I didn't let on. It means that my dad was cheating on my mom way before she did her thing. It means this letter is true. It means she isn't the only one at fault."

"Oh, Ron. I'm so sorry. Of course, that changes everything. Oh dear, what have we done?" she began to cry. I put my arm around her.

"Penny, it's not your fault. I was the one who decided to send the letters and I was the one who got you involved in the first place." I said, trying to comfort her. We sat together for a few minutes while her tears dried and I had some time to think.

Penny and I had done something that I guess now we wish we had never done. I had discovered that my mother was having an affair with a Mr. Edwin Robinson, right under my dad's nose. It began when I saw Mom's car in the Robinson driveway one day and after we played junior detective, we figured out that Mom was seeing this guy on the sly. I was pretty close to my Dad and I decided that I had to let him know what was going on, so with Penny's help, we sent him a couple of anonymous typewritten notes giving him the lowdown on her whereabouts.

Well, my Dad went off the deep end when he found out about it and right away he kicked Mom out and started divorce proceedings. We were shocked at how he reacted, but we thought it was his right to be that upset. After the divorce, Mom just disappeared, but she wrote me a letter about how sorry she was and that she loved me and that Dad wasn't as nice as I thought he was and hadn't been for a long time. I didn't believe her, but I kept the letter anyway. Dad started seeing this younger woman, Jeanine, who was a real good-looker. She finally moved in with us and they got married. It was just about half way through my senior year in High School and I was thinking of what college I would go to, since I was getting scholarship offers for swimming.

So, this afternoon, when Jeanine told me that she and dad had been fooling around long before mom met Mr. Robinson, I was shocked. Dad had tricked me and I had hurt Mom when maybe she didn't deserve it. I was confused. Part of me was angry with Dad and part of me was upset with Mom.

"I can't see myself telling my dad what I know." I said finally to Penny. "Unless Jeanine realizes what she said and what it means, I still have to live there for a few months until I go to college. I don't know how my dad would act if he was found out. He threw mom out so quickly that anything could happen. I guess I'll just have to hope Jeanine doesn't figure it out. She's pretty clueless most of the time anyway." I said, thinking out loud.

Penny snorted her laugh at that last comment and then put her arm around me again. "How are we going to find your mom?"

"Well, the letter had a postmark from Salem, Oregon. She has an old friend living there; Aunt Hilda. I'm guessing she's staying there." I answered.

"Do you have her phone number? You could call her and tell what you know." Penny said. She always was a good thinker and I told her I would see if I could find her number when I went home. I just wasn't very anxious to head home right now. I didn't know what to expect when I got there. I shouldn't have worried. When I got home just before dinner time, everything was normal. Dad was puttering around in the kitchen and Jeanine was watching something on TV. I washed up and helped dad with the meal. I kept watching him to see if he was any different, but I couldn't see anything that might tell me if he knew what I knew.

Dad and Jeanine went to the movies like they always did on Saturday night, so I had lots of time to look for a phone number for Aunt Hilda without raising any suspicions. I searched high and low but couldn't find anything like a phone list or a memo book with that kind of information. I finally gave up after looking for a couple of hours. It was pretty obvious that dad had thrown out anything that belonged to mom. Worse than that, I had no idea what Aunt Hilda's last name was, so I couldn't find her number from information either.

The rest of the school year passed uneventfully in the household. Either Jeanine never figured out what she had told me or she had forgotten all about it, but either way, I never had any sense from dad that he thought I knew their secret. But, just the same, it was very uncomfortable for me. I thought my dad was a great guy all those years and then I find out he wasn't and it was a real let down.

I knew I was going to get a scholarship for swimming because I already had some written letters offering them. When I looked at which ones were the best for me, I finally narrowed it down to three; Iowa State, which was only a hundred and fifty miles from where we lived in Aberdeen, Illinois and last but not least, Oregon State. How these people had ever heard about me I'll never know, but there you go.

In the end, I was torn between Iowa State, because I would still be close to Penny and Oregon State, because the campus wasn't far from where my mom might be. It was a really hard decision, but when Penny got an academic scholarship at the local Junior College, it didn't matter where I went, I wasn't going to be very near to her. We talked about it and Penny thought I should try and find my mom and make it right with her. I think Penny still felt very guilty about what we had done, so I could understand her decision. I was sure she wasn't trying to get rid of me.

The one thing about Oregon State was that it was just about as far away from my dad as I could get. When I accepted their offer of the scholarship, they seemed pretty pleased, but not pleased enough to offer me even a bus ticket to Corvallis.

I had saved quite a bit of money from my supermarket delivery job and so I had a choice. I could drive the car that Mom used to drive and that Dad had given me or I could sell it and buy a bus ticket to Oregon. I sucked it up and talked to Dad about it and he said he didn't want me driving across the country in "that old wreck" as he called it. Instead, he sold it and gave me the $350 he got for it and wished me luck. I thanked him and started planning my trip to Oregon. The plan was pretty simple; take the Greyhound to Omaha and catch the Union Pacific to Portland and then another bus to Corvallis. By travelling coach on the milk run and buying the tickets in advance, I paid $185 total for the trip. That left me $165 over for food and other stuff I was sure I'd need. I didn't even have to touch my own money. I was ready to go.

Parting with Penny was the hardest thing I had to do. We had been more than friends for years and we had hoped and planned and dreamed about going to college together but that wouldn't happen. No matter which college I had chosen, it would be a long way from home and we'd still be split up. Penny understood. She was great that way. She knew I had to get away from Dad and Jeanine. She knew I had to try and find Mom. That last night together we spent in the back seat of my dad's car. We made out like crazy and even though we didn't go all the way, I was pretty sure how I felt about her. If I was going to marry anyone, it would be Penny or someone just like her. We shed some tears and held each other tightly and promised we would write every week. It felt really lonely when I drove home that night.

I left the next morning after Dad and Jeanine drove me to the Bus Station. I shook Dad's hand and hugged Jeanine; or maybe she hugged me. Anyway, she squished those big tits into me when she hugged me and I thought that was OK. The driver threw my two bags into the luggage bin and I climbed aboard the big unit and we were off. The seats weren't bad and it was one of the new air-conditioned buses that helped with the late August heat. Lucky for me, the train station was next to the bus station in Omaha and I didn't have to wander all over the place looking for the train to Portland. It wasn't a very big train compared to the fancy ones that went to Los Angeles or Seattle, but I guess Portland wasn't that big of a city.

At first the train ride was boring; mile after mile of wheat and corn and flatlands. Before long, though, we were in Wyoming and the Rocky Mountains. They were really something to see. I was pretty revved-up about the trip west and I only slept off and on in the train seats since they were leather and kind of slippery. We went through some really neat places I'd only heard about in Western movies. Places like Cheyenne and Laramie and Snake River. Too bad some of it was at night. I could get up and walk around and that helped a lot. I ate my meals in the dining car, and the food was pretty good. It seemed like a long three days and nights but finally on the morning of the fourth day, I arrived in Portland. I was tired but again the bus station was near the train station, so I didn't have any trouble finding the bus to Corvallis.

I guess I wasn't that good at planning because I ended up in the bus station at Corvallis at eight thirty on a Sunday night. I had no idea where the campus was and I was sure there wasn't anyone around there on Sunday night. I asked the only attendant where the closest hotel was and he said it was the College Inn, just a couple of blocks down the street. I set off in the pointed direction and while his "couple of blocks" turned out to be a lot more, I finally found it and dragged my two bags behind me into the lobby. As I approached the empty desk, I idly wondered what I would do if there weren't any rooms.

I caught a break and there were a couple of rooms left and I paid the incredible sum of $18 for one night in a bed. I couldn't believe anybody could charge that much for a bed and bathroom, but I had to sleep somewhere and I was too tired to argue or look for another place. I had hardly spent any money on the bus or the train, so it wasn't like I was broke or anything. When I finally got to my room, I was tired, but as I sat on the edge of the bed, for the first time I felt lonely. No Mom or Dad or Penny or even Jeanine ... no one. There would be time enough in the morning for regrets and to start the next day of my new life.

Chapter Two: Relocated and Stymied

The first week went by in a blur. I registered, found my dorm, moved my stuff in, went off to buy my books for my first year courses, met with the men's swim coach to and finally met my roommate. Zoltan Juhasz was a freshman like me, but he was on the wrestling team. When I first saw him, I though he was pretty small; probably only 5' 4", but the first time I saw him with his shirt off, I realized he had muscles right up to the eyeballs. He had come to the U.S. during the Hungarian Revolution in '56 when his parents made a run for freedom. He was only fifteen when he escaped, but he had seen a lot of death and blood and fear and he acted older than he really was. Apparently, he had seen his uncle killed by army troops in the streets in front of their home. He didn't seem too anxious to talk about those days and I didn't press him.

Zoltan was a great guy to have as a roommate. He was neat, quiet and not around very much. He took his studies very seriously and I think he must have written a letter to his parents every week. He had a certain way of being around without you really noticing him. We got along great right from the start. I told him a bit about my family and the troubles we had and he told me a bit about his family. His dad was an expert furniture repairer and refinisher and found a really good job in Portland almost right away. That took a lot of pressure off his mother and Zoltan and when he was awarded the scholarship to OSU, he accepted with their blessing. In a matter of three years, he had learned to speak, read and write very good English. He was obviously a very smart guy.

During the second week, we had a general meeting of the swim team to get our training schedule and the meet schedule. Since the men and women went to meets together, we would be traveling together and probably staying in the same hotels or motels. So, naturally, the first thing the men's team was told was to keep our hands off the girl's team. I'm sure the girls were told the same thing about us. Most of us snickered and gave them our assurances we would never think of such a thing and then promptly checked out the girls to see what they looked like. The best opportunity for that was a social they called a "meet and greet" party.

I was still thinking of Penny and I had been writing to her every week; telling her how much I missed her and trying to tell her about OSU and what I had seen of Oregon. I didn't see anyone on the girls swim team that attracted my attention which was probably just as well. It was all I could do to adjust to living in a strange place and adapting to both going to classes where no one took attendance or cared much if you passed or failed. I had no intention of "flunking out". With Zoltan as my role model, I knuckled down to my studies and let the swimming look after itself. I was in pretty good shape, but I wasn't really as good as I could be. My first set of time trials told me how much further I had to go.

I got through that first semester pretty well. By Christmas, I had figured out what it took to get by and I had upped my training to bring my times into line with the competition. At this point, I was still a "spare" in case someone was sick or injured, but I did travel to the meets and I got to see quite a bit of the western U.S.; most of it by bus. Since both the swimming and diving teams for both men and women travelled on the same bus, it was inevitable that some of the guys would get together with some of the girls. You always knew where to find them; at the back of the bus, necking. I'm sure the coaches new what was going on, but they pretended not to and always sat at the front of the bus. I figured that as long as no one rubbed their noses in it, they wouldn't interfere.

I had tried a couple of times to write a letter to my Dad. I was upset at what he had done to cause Mom to do what she had done. I wanted him to know how upset I was and I wanted him to know I didn't blame Mom any more; I blamed him and myself. I tried to write that letter, but it just didn't come out right. It took a really weird thing to help me write it. I had just sat down at my desk to try again to write the letter when I heard a big commotion out in the hall and some banging near my door. I opened the door just in time to see Barry Walston stagger away a few feet and puke all over the floor. He was obviously drunk and it wasn't the first time. Unfortunately for me, the house rule was that the closest freshman was always the cleanup man and I was "it".

I groaned and swore at Barry as he half crawled into his room. I didn't feel sorry for him a bit and I was swearing mightily under my breath as I headed for the utility closet and pulled out the mop and pail. I filled it with water and began the unpleasant task of cleanup of someone else's barf. I knew I wasn't going to be in a rush for dinner tonight. It took a bout fifteen minutes to do the job properly and finally I was about to clean the mop and pail when I let my anger get the better of me. I picked up the pail and mop and pushed open Barry's door and plunked the whole ugly mess down in the middle of his room.

It was in that mood that I returned to my room and began to write the letter to my father. I was in a bad mood and it showed in the letter. On the other hand, I finally had a letter that really said what I wanted to say.

To My Father: I have struggled to write this letter for a few weeks and I can't put it off any longer. I have to tell you how unhappy I am with the way you treated my mother. I know about your affair with Jeanine long before Mom had anything to do with Mr. Robinson. Mom wrote me a letter before I left home and told me that she thought you were seeing another woman, but she couldn't prove it. She also told me that you treated her badly but that you hid that from me. I didn't believe her, but now I do. If you don't already know, I was the one who wrote the notes to you that told you about her and Mr. Robinson. Now I'm sorry I ever did that. I don't think that would ever have happened if you didn't push her into it. I always thought you were a super Dad. You were good to me and you helped me a lot and I am grateful for that. But what you did to Mom has made me ashamed of what I did and also ashamed of you. I'm sorry if this letter hurts you, but I have to tell you how I feel. I will try and find Mom and try and make it up to her. I know she is very hurt by what happened and I probably can't make that go away, but at least I can apologize to her for what I did. I don't suppose we will see each other again for a long time. I hope you and Jeanine are OK and that you have a good life. Your son, Ron

I don't remember ever being quite as lonely as I was that first Christmas. I hadn't had a chance to go to Salem to look for my Mom and I didn't have any contact with my Dad. I was still writing to Penny, but not quite as often. I guess I had written to her a couple of times a month and of course I sent her a Christmas card and wished her a Happy New Year. She was sending me a letter once or twice a month, but I guess with my being gone, she might looking for a guy to keep her company. I couldn't really blame her if she was, but it would still hurt if that happened.

Since Christmas fell on a Wednesday, we had almost two full weeks off from December 24th to January 6. Zoltan headed home to Portland while I stayed at the dorm. I think I was only one of perhaps five or six people still there and it wasn't much fun. On the spur of the moment, I decided to try and find my mother. The last address I had for her was at my "Aunt" Hilda's address in Salem. I had the envelope with the address and Thursday, the day after Christmas, I took the bus to Salem and crossed my fingers that my search would be an easy one.

"Aunt" Hilda wasn't really my Aunt. She was an old friend of my Mother's family and over the years she had become an honorary Aunt. I had only met her once when I was a little kid and I had no idea what she looked like. It was only about fifty miles from the campus to the Capitol, but with three stops along the way, it took over two and a half hours by bus. When I got to Salem, I had no idea what part of town the address on the envelope would be, so once again I asked the attendant at the bus station for directions. This time it was a bit farther out of town and I decided I would take a cab. It was a short ride and only a $3 fare, so I tipped the driver 50 cents and walked up to the front door. There was a name tag under the bell and it read H. Davis. I pushed the button and waited.