Deliverance Ch. 01

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Mercenary rescues a girl captured by demons.
1.9k words
4.41
22.8k
15

Part 1 of the 2 part series

Updated 09/22/2022
Created 03/15/2012
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DarkHaze
DarkHaze
59 Followers

Hi all, this is just something I've been messing around with. I know it's painfully short, but I wanted to see if it received any real attention before delving deeply into it. So please vote, and let me know if this is something you would like to see more of. Thank you very much.

The pained scream echoed throughout the forest, shattering the peaceful tranquillity and sending a number of birds scattering from their perches in the canopy above.

It was joined by other sounds. More cries of pain, slightly diminished. Heavy thumps and sharp cracks. Deep, rumbling laughter.

Izak's head snapped sharply to the right, his keen senses picking up the noise from afar. He slowed his movement through the treetops, dropping lower and catching hold of a thick branch. Without pause, he swung his agile form away from the tree and changed course, heading towards the source of the noise. The spiked cleats of his boots gave him purchase on the moss and dew covered tree trunks, helping him to leap from tree to tree like a primate. As he bounced off each of the thick boles, his sharp gaze planning his path, Izak could clearly make out the noises getting louder.

Izak reached the edge of a small clearing, swinging himself up onto a perch obscured by the thick canopy.

The group seemed tiny from this height, but Izak took in the details with no problems. There were four of them, hulking grey armoured figures with pale, bloodless skin, carrying a number of wicked blades and torture devices. They stood in a loose semi-circle around a small, insignificant looking figure.

A female.

She was standing with her arms raised above her head, thick ropes tied around each wrist and securing her to the trees that stood either side. A third rope was tied in a noose around her neck, and she was forced to stand on the tips of her toes in order to breathe.

Her body was bare, the ragged remains of her clothing lying in different areas of the clearing. Izak could make out the vivid bruising and whip marks that crisscrossed her skin, creating a tapestry of pain and suffering. Her long blonde hair was plastered to her dirt and sweat streaked face, and the swell of her punished bosom rose and fell as each torturous moment passed.

Izak gritted his teeth as he watched one of the armoured brutes step forward and backhand the girl roughly across the face, snapping her head sideways with a crack. He gripped her jaw in a huge hand and spat a guttural curse at her in his wicked tongue, before reaching down with his other hand and roughly cupping her cunt. The blood had dried a little since the four of them had brutally taken her, and it was congealing and staining her pale thighs. The giant spat in his palm and pulled out his huge, engorged penis, stroking the thick girth of his shaft as a feral grin crossed his scarred features.

With a growl, he gripped the girl's thighs in each hand and lifted her legs up, thrusting his huge member inside her. Another scream was torn from her throat as he began to viciously pump in and out of her tortured snatch, sending new waves of agony burning through to her core. Fresh blood began to flow down along the brute's throbbing shaft as he forced more and more of his length inside her depths, until the swollen head was smashing against her cervix, eliciting pained squeals with each solid thrust.

The giant warrior laughed and gripped her breasts firmly as he used her, dirty claws digging into her supple flesh. His balls slapped against her upturned buttocks as he impaled her with his rigid cock, his thrusts becoming wilder and reckless.

The girl's eyes had glazed over with the pain and shock, and she barely registered the rapid increase in the speed and ferocity of the beast's relentless pounding, or the sudden swelling as his shaft shuddered and prepared for his release. Her breasts were bouncing with the momentum of the brute's cock as it forced its way into her depths over and over again, and her entire body was numb from the hours of degradation. She felt like a ragdoll as she was fucked and used as nothing more than a hole, a cum receptacle, a piece of meat to be tossed around by this pack of feral creatures.

The monster inside her suddenly howled into her face, spattering her with foul smelling specks of saliva that assaulted her senses. His claws gripped her breasts so tight that they pierced the skin, tiny eruptions of blood surfacing around the edges to run down his wrists. She opened her mouth to scream, but then the brute's cock expanded impossibly wide and unleashed inside her. His unholy seed was seemingly endless, each molten jet spraying powerfully against her cervix until she was overflowing with the burning liquid. A hoarse gasp was all she could muster as the sensations finally became too much and she blacked out, her head hanging limply forward with her chin against her chest.

The giant remained inside her for a while, shudders running through his massive form as he waited until he was completely spent. When he was finished, he pulled out of the girl and stepped away, grinning as he pulled the trousers of his uniform back up. The girl hung limply from the ropes, the noose around her neck beginning to cut more sharply into her throat. Sticky streams of hot spunk ran down along her thighs, as they had multiple times already since her capture.

The girl's unconscious state did not matter to the creatures standing around her. Another one of the four warriors began to approach, licking his colourless lips as he began to unbuckle his belt.

He stiffened suddenly as a long shafted arrow pierced the back of his neck. He turned back towards his comrades, the tip of the arrow sticking out from the ragged hole that was once his throat, and tried to say something. Dark, bubbling blood sprayed from his lips, his eyes wild and panicked, before a second arrow embedded itself between them. The brute fell over sideways with a crash.

Izak had loosed three more arrows by the time the remaining creatures had spotted where the attack was coming from. By then, he had already leapt from his perch, and was plummeting towards them like an Angel of Death.

He opened his arms out wide as he fell, the webbing sewn beneath each limb catching the rush of air and slowing his descent. A flick of his wrists brought two long, curved blades into his hands, the bright metal dulled with tarlike dashweed poison.

Izak curled his body into a ball and fell end over end, landing in a crouch directly in front of the nearest brute. Without waiting for a reaction, he stabbed both blades straight up, impaling the giant's neck. Both arms came apart in opposite directions, leaving a decapitated corpse wobbling uncertainly with a fountain of black blood arcing up into the air. The face of the warrior was frozen in a grimace of shock and confusion as his head rolled across the clearing.

The other two giants charged him together. The first, an arrow protruding from his thick breastplate, swung a huge broadsword with a blade as wide as Izak's torso. He ducked the first swing and then darted back from the return stroke, the whistling tip of the huge sword barely missing his chest. When his attacker tried to bring it back across for another heavy swing, Izak sprang up and planted the balls of his feet on the flat of the enormous blade, propelling up and over the giant's shoulders in a flip that landed him back to back with the creature. Izak stared directly ahead as he struck backwards with his reversed blades, burying them up to the hilts in the brute's lower back. The dashweed poison finished the job, causing the formidable warrior to fall to his knees. He clutched futilely at his throat as his organs quickly dissolved into mulch.

Izak had no time to savour the kill. He released the grip on his blades and rolled forwards quickly, narrowly avoiding an ugly end as a double headed axe smashed into the ground where he had been standing.

The sole survivor of the group came at him like a bull, the fury and bloodlust in his black gaze reflected in the savage swings of the wicked axe. The pair of arrows jutting from his left leg and right arm did nothing to slow him.

Izak found himself ducking, dodging and weaving away from the razor sharp edges of the brutal weapon, and despite his speed he barely managed to avoid being eviscerated. Twice he was caught by it, receiving a long gash across his shoulder and another down his left arm. The monstrous barbarian continued to advance, the weight of the tremendous axe clearly having no effect on his rage induced onslaught. If anything, he seemed to be getting faster and stronger with each swing.

Enough, Izak thought with a growl, the noise drowned by the bestial roar of his would be killer. Time to end this.

He reached quickly inside one of the pouches adorning his vest, pulling out two small globes made of glass. A dark, inky liquid sloshed around inside them. With a quick flick of the wrist, both of the globes spun out towards the axe wielding beast, reaching his midriff at the apex of their flight. They seemed to hang lazily in mid-air for a moment, drifting quite uselessly as time slowed down in Izak's mind.

Then the brute swung the axe back across his body and shattered the globes completely.

Almost instantly, a burning torrent of blue-green flame leapt out and snatched hold of the giant blade, licking hungrily up across the haft and across the gauntleted hands of its wielder. With a sudden scream that replaced the angry bellows, the creature dropped the weapon and stepped back, but by then the flames were already engulfing his entire body.

Izak walked past, leaving the beast to burn.

He walked up to where the girl was hanging motionless from her bonds. For a moment, he thought he was too late. He leaned in and tried to listen for sounds of life.

There. A soft, rasping whisper of breath. Not much, but not dead yet.

Izak pulled a short dagger from his belt and sawed through the rope around her neck. As soon as it went slack, the girl's breathing began to hiss out more strongly. He quickly hacked the bonds around her wrists away, catching her in one arm as she collapsed forwards onto him.

He carefully laid her down on the ground, his eyes scanning her tortured form and the catalogue of injuries she had sustained. She was in very bad shape, with ugly welts and bruises staining her soft porcelain skin. The crisscrossing cuts had barbed indentations on them, indicating the use of a Batarra whip, a particularly nasty torture device that caused unimaginable pain with just the slightest lick.

Izak brushed her long, golden locks away from her face, which was swollen with a bluish black mark. Blood caked that entire side, all the way down to her neck and collarbone. Despite the horrors enacted upon her, Izak could tell she had once been beautiful. Now, thanks to the pitborn scum that called themselves the Drimocatarr, it was unlikely she would even last the night.

'Stupid girl,' he hissed, frustration mixing with his hatred of the creatures. 'What were you doing out here alone?'

Izak stared intently at the unconscious girl's face, as if expecting an answer. A soft, pained moan was all the response he received.

DarkHaze
DarkHaze
59 Followers
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AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Great start, keep going!

Cannd made excellent comments. You have started off with many questions and it will be fun to see where you go with the story.

anna_writerchickanna_writerchickalmost 12 years ago
Great stuff!

Definitely post more of this. It's an excellent start!

huntersangelhuntersangelalmost 12 years ago
hope you continue with this story!

i'm definitely interested to see what happens with this, do not stop! thank you...

NeorotoxinNeorotoxinalmost 12 years ago
Very good, very promising

I definitely think you should continue this story. It holds a great deal of promise to become something great. Keep up the good work!

canndcanndalmost 12 years ago

Great first chapter. I do hope to see the rest of the story. It makes me sad when writers say 'I'll write more if you want it'. I think if you're willing to take the leap and try something that you should do it and ask for positive feedback and constructive criticism to help you do better. I hate to see negative readers on this site stop someone. Sorry, I read several stories in the last few days that were first time writers who wrote the same thing...My point is, go for it! There will always be people who write nasty shit. Use what you can and keep trying.

Ok, I think this was a great go for a first attempt. You really use alot of details and description so I felt like I was in the middle of the action. I liked the interesting weapons, esp the glass balls that set the last on fire. I can't wait to learn more about both of these characters. I'm intrigued as to why the girl got caught, where she was and why. I want to know who this man is who seems built for this environment, almost like a part of the jungle, yet has the ability to take out these huge warriors.

I hope you will explain what world they are in, who those bad guys (won't attempt to write their name :) and if they have taken over the world or have always been a part of it? Is this a world filled with unrest and war or are people living okay as long as they stay away from unsafe places? I don't know if it is Earth. She seems to only be human.

It is common for people to have comments at the start. I would just italicize the comments before the story starts or sepeate them with a line of dashes or stars to show where the chapter starts. I'd also look into getting an editor. It can be a help to have someone read the chapter when it is still a draft and give you some feedback and maybe point out a hole or tell you to clarify something. then to have it gone over once you are finished can help clean up any tiny mistakes. You can get one through the site or even put a request in your comments that a reader may see and be willing to help out.

Don't let anyone disuade you from continuing. I think for a first try this was far better than most. It left me wanting more. I hope you can do a bit of a longer chapter, but I felt you packed alot into it so that at least the story seemed to move forward a bit despite being short. As you go on though, and people are pulled into the story, they will want more. You'll want to take the story forward enough in chapters to not frustrate readers. Good luck!

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