Dinner at the Perryville

I tried to stay calm, but anger aside, and there was plenty of that, the whole six months thing kept crowding in. I said, "Think about this. People see us. They see how happy we are," I stopped a second, "I should say were now shouldn't I," Maybe it was extra mean, but I really wanted to grind that in, "but think, what a complete family we were; so wholesome, so loving, so caring. You know Marjory not everybody's like that, and there are people out there who just can't stand it when they see other people who are happy. Tell me something Marjory. Your wonderful sociologist showed up shortly after Christmas, shortly after we made the rounds of parties and social gatherings. Do you think everybody out there liked it when they saw us? Think Marjory! What brought him to your library; it's not like it's just down the street from State College. We're pretty out of the way. Somebody told him. Somebody put him up to it."

She was really thinking. I could see it.

"Marjory, like I said, I love you, but did you ever stop and consider what it was about you that got my attention?"

She shook her head up and down, "You've always said I was so innocent looking, that I was so vulnerable, and that I needed someone, someone who would love and protect me."

"Marjory, you've never been stupid, and I know some of your innocence has been a part of your way of attracting boys, but it really worked with me. You got me. Marjory someone out there either hates me, or hates you, or the two of us so much they'd do almost anything to hurt us. And you know what? They found their man, their agent of our destruction. His name is Brandon Severeid. I bet he doesn't even know, but even if he did I'm sure he wouldn't care."

"You think so," she asked?

"Guys like him just don't show up out of thin air sweetheart," I'd made a mistake. I called her sweetheart. It wasn't intended as a sign of affection, but her response indicated she believed it was. It was going to make what I had to do trickier.

The brief look of hope disappeared. Marjory looked at me with a sense of foreboding, "You're going to divorce me aren't you," it wasn't a question, just a recognition of reality.

I crossed my arms, "There's not much left is there?"

She looked up with a different kind of determination, "There's Ryan. He's an only child, He needs both of us."

"Jesus," I thought, "she was so predictable."

This was it, the pay off. I shrugged, "I know, and I'd like to add I haven't just been sitting on my hands about what you've done. First, I looked into divorce law here in Pennsylvania, and I didn't like what I found out. If I divorced you I could bring up adultery and I could fly into your 'Class Warfare Expert', but I'd still pretty much end up losing my shirt. You'd keep your job unscathed, but I'd be paying alimony and child support, and worse I'd probably be giving up half my business. The stupid thing about that is the only way I could dodge the business angle would be by hiring a lawyer who'd most likely end getting all my wealth through fees. That would end up hurting Ryan; something I will never do. That's why there'll be no outright divorce, not from me anyway."

She looked up.

I went on, "Just for the record Marjory, as big a fool and as stupid a shit as you've been I still love you," and I did, "No, no formal divorce, not from me, not right away. Here's what we can do. Though Pennsylvania has no formal 'separation agreement plan' two people by mutual consent can agree to live apart.

She was thinking. I could see the wheels turning. She leaned forward, she was almost excited, "You wouldn't totally leave me? You might stay?"

Internally I breathed a sigh of relief. I'd told her the truth about the financial costs of divorce to me, and she'd either not listened or didn't care. Gladly I recalled she never was the pecuniary type, for her money had never been important. She wanted to preserve as much as she could of what we had, and for the time being I was counting on it.

I went to my next step, "Here's what I think. Believe me Marjory I'm not talking about reconciliation, there can be none of that. You've broken the contract, there's no more us, but there are other considerations. You still might get a half a loaf."

She looked hopeful, "You won't leave me?"

I'd thrown her the crumb, time to move forward, "I've been thinking; you can't afford the mortgage. Just as bad, after the lawyer's fees you might be able to handle some of the bills, but things like food, clothes, and Ryan's social activities would all suffer. I am moving out, not today or tomorrow, but soon, real soon. About how soon? I'll wait until after your parents move to Arizona. With your dad's heart and all, I can't see unnecessarily hurting them. My parents, well let me worry about that. I'll find a place close by, a place where I can hang my hat, sleep, and think. You're going to keep doing my wash. I might even let you clean whatever apartment I get, and if something needs to be done around the house I'll handle it. I'll even still come by on weekends and cut the grass or see that the walk and driveway are cleared in winter. We'll see each other as often as we need to talk about finances, Ryan, and any other things that might come up. That would require dinners either here or out."

Though I didn't want to cry, no, I wanted to cuss and scream a torrent of profanities, but in truth, I really felt about as sad as could be. I believed I'd worked something out. If by some chance after a year or so of partial separation with her as my 'de facto' maid, and if she was absolutely faithful then we might be able to reconcile. On the other hand, if I couldn't get past her perfidy, or with someone like Ginger in mind, if I found someone else then a full scale divorce might work to my benefit. Shit, a year of semi-open separation, maybe throwing in a few sessions of counseling, and add my sincere efforts to protect my son and her ailing parents a judge might give me a more favorable settlement. I know it sounded conniving, maybe a little out of reach, but what did I have to lose, what difference did it make?

She looked hopeful, "That's fair, no that's wonderful but it's you isn't it. You've always been the planner." She paused, "Cullen, sometimes, sometimes what if I got lonely. I mean what if I needed, you know, to be held or..."

I'd thought of that, and for the time being knew I could dodge that problem, "You've got another problem. We don't know what kinds of diseases you might've gotten from 'Mr. Class Struggle'. You'll need to see a doctor. With HIV that takes months."

She sat back, "Oh, I hadn't thought of that, but you're right. I'll see our family doctor right away. But Cullen please, you won't leave me? I couldn't stand that."

She was still at that senseless stage and working herself up again. I had to say something, "Marjory there's Ryan. I'll never be totally out of your life, but understand this, our marriage is broken, and I have needs," cruel maybe, but just enough threat to keep her on the edge.

She looked terrified, "Oh no. God no. Please no. Oh no! Cullen I was wrong," she was squirming back and forth in her chair, "I'm sorry. I'm totally at fault, but you... with another... oh please... I couldn't stand that."

"Marjory," I started, "we're both free spirits now. Just like me, you can do anything you want."

"No I wouldn't," she exclaimed, "l love you! I could never, not again. I've learned. I don't want that. God, what if you met someone else? I can't lose you. I couldn't stand it. Please don't leave me. I'd be so all alone. There's no one else."

Watching her beg, seeing her pain didn't make me feel better, but the idea of her being a perennial penitent felt satisfying. I said, "See here Marjory. You know me well enough to know I'm not some gad about. If I see someone, I might, or I might not. What's important for you to understand is that what we had is gone, but we're still connected. Beginning today, or tomorrow there'll be a new beginning, there'll be a new paradigm. Remember Sunday school, Eve took the forbidden fruit, she betrayed God and Adam, but neither God nor Adam threw her on the trash bin, they started over, they went on. Things are different now, but there'll always be a tomorrow."

She'd calmed down, "I promise you Cullen. I promise on the life of our son I'll wait for you. I'll do whatever you say. I'll do whatever I need to do to regain your trust, to regain your love. I need you. I need to be a part of your life."

I listened to her, and I wondered if she really could keep a promise she'd once already broken. In the Bible Adam and Eve had lost paradise; afterward they'd been forced to work and struggle, but they'd held on to each other, and they'd survived. All in all Adam and Eve had just been two people in love who'd lost their way; and like them, for us it would be harder, but the alternative, to start all over fresh with someone completely different, even with someone like Ginger, looked pretty daunting. I thought this might be the right way.

I looked at Marjory, my one-time perfect angel, now my fallen harlot, "No promises Marjory. This is not reconciliation, but we'll take things as God gives them to us, one day at a time."

She was weeping again, but I thought I was seeing tears borne of hope.

I added, "And one more thing Marjory..."

She looked at me expectantly, "Yes?"

I reflectively remarked, "I do believe someone put Severeid up to this. I bet he even got paid. Jesus he was back and forth for six months before he pulled the trigger! Six months for some cheap sex? That doesn't make sense. I'd like to try to find out who might've been behind him. Wouldn't you?"

She nodded her head vigorously, "We could do it together!"

I thought, "Create an outside enemy, keep her 'other directed', always looking the other way." I continued, "So we've got to handle this separation with delicacy. Marjory I still love you; I love Ryan even more, and honestly I may never forgive you, but for now there might be somebody, or some couple out there I'd really love to get my hands on. You see what I mean?"

"Cullen," she said, "If you never forgive me I'll understand. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but to not lose you, I mean not totally lose you is worth all the guilt I have. I'll pray every day. I'll give thanks to God for not completely losing you. I'll do your wash. I'll clean whatever apartment you get. I'll be your slave, and maybe, who knows, we might find out who wanted to hurt us, I mean if somebody did want to hurt us," she seemed to pause, a faint smile crossed her face, "and maybe you might forgive me."

I thought, "No one ever said life would be easy." I said, "Who knows what tomorrow might bring?"

Is this the end?

Not really is it?

What if there was someone out there. How would they find out? And if there was, what could they do about it?

I hoped you enjoyed this story. Vote if you're inclined. Leave a comment.

Thanks,

Jedd Clampett (carvohi)