Don't Ask, Don't Tell

She may be shy, but she wasn't stupid. She saw what I was offering in my desperation. She even made it better. "Okay honey. I can do that. And in six months, we'll talk again. Maybe by then I will have exorcised whatever this is."

"Fine," I looked at her. "Nothing happened. Nothing will happen."

She stood and poured us more to drink. With and ironic smile she gently said "Don't ask, don't tell," then she left the room.

Denial is a powerful thing. It works for me. In the week after that discussion, life went back to normal for me. My loving wife seemed unchanged. My daily routine was comfortable and unchanged. Even our sex life was pretty much unchanged. Sex was a mutual expression of love. Aside from an occasional gut plunging frisson of something running through me over the reality of things, it felt like that whole episode had been a bad dream.

Then, Friday afternoon, Suzanne called me at work. "Hi honey. I wanted to let you know that going out with some of the others from work tonight, I'll probably be pretty late."

I was frozen. What did the call mean? Was she going out on one of those team building dinner celebration things they did all the time in her office – or was this something else? "Uhh...What's up?" I asked. Then I slapped my forehead. I really didn't want to ask that question.

She was quiet for a moment, then said, "Oh, you know. One of those things. I can tell you where if you want to ask."

"No, no. Have fun. And don't let the office rah rah stuff get to you."

I listened to the phone hiss for another second, then she said, "Right. They can get carried away when we meet those goals...."

We were mutually building (or maintaining) a delicate alternate reality for me. I tried to grab hold of it and shut out the rest. I tried to convince myself that the feeling deep in my chest was just the result of one cup of coffee too many today.

I couldn't concentrate that afternoon at work. Eventually I gave up and headed home. I stopped to pick our daughter, Kim, up from the neighbor she stayed with when Suzanne couldn't be home in the afternoon. Kim and Jenny, her 'best friend in the whole world', were deep into playing an old board game. Jenny's mom and I were hit with a double barreled ten year old sleepover request.. I was thankful that it was okay with Jenny's mom. I really wasn't up to playing Mr. Mom that evening.

Once home I dropped the mail off on my desk and checked my home e-mail. Nothing exciting there - just penis extensions and Viagra deals. Then I did it. I went to one of the adult stories sites that I hadn't visited since our anniversary night a month ago. I reread some of my old favorite stories. Then, I had an idea. I found an old back up DVD of my data. Stashed away on it were all of the saved stories that I had deleted off of my hard drive. I restored them and spent the next hour reading about wives having sex outside of their marriage.

My cock was hard and I was extremely excited at what I was reading. Then I sat back and let that alternate reality collapse. I knew down deep inside that there was no team building thing that would keep Suze out tonight. Tonight was one month to the day since our anniversary. John said he came to town once a month for business. Suze had to be with him right now. I flipped through my memories of the scene in our hotel room on our anniversary. I wondered what they were doing at that very moment. I imagined Suzanne with her legs spread and his fingers deep in her pussy. That is all it took – I came all over myself. Surprisingly, my orgasm didn't relax the tension of excitement in me. I cleaned up and looked at my watch. It was only 6:30. I'd forgotten that I'd left work so early. Maybe they weren't together right now.

I was in a thrall to the sexual tension. The stories had wound me up. All the negative feelings I had about Suze being with John seemed to be burned away by the lust I was feeling. What was left was a burning curiosity combined with a slightly sick feeling of fear. I don't really understand how I can feel so strongly against something and be attracted to it at the same time. Maybe I'm just self destructive and plain nuts. The more I thought about Suze and what she would be doing, the more excited I became. Finally, I just gave in to it completely. I hopped in the car and made tracks for the hotel. I hoped that they would be meeting there.

As I drove I wondered about what they would be doing later. Would it be a full out B&D thing with black leather, whips, and torture? Would he make her do some of the unspeakably nasty things I had read about in the newsgroups? Would she be reluctant or eager? What if she got scared and wanted to stop – would he respect that? Mostly, though I had a picture of Suzanne straddling his hips, riding his cock like a PBR cowboy on a bull. My cock was hard at the thought. My heart was sick at the thought, but it wasn't in charge at the moment. That part of me was packed off in a compartment...effectively walled off by lust.

I hesitated at the door from the parking garage into the lobby. I had to be careful to not be seen by Suzanne. The potential for misunderstanding, difficult explanations, and severe marital strife was too high. I peeked around the lobby and only saw the normal to and fro of the hotel guests. I went in to the little sundries/news stand. From there, I could see across the lobby and into the bar. Under the guise of looking through the books and magazines in the rack, I searched for my wife. It was almost seven and my guess was that they would meet here at the same time and place as before.

I was right! At least, I was partially right. John strolled through the lobby and into the bar. My stomach lurched at the sight of him. I watched as he sat on a bar stool and turned to survey the crowd in the bar. He looked completely at ease and was completely self possessed. His relaxed confidence showed in every move he made.

Then I saw her! Suze came in from the parking garage and crossed the lobby and entered the ladies room. She wasn't wearing what she had on when she left for work. This new outfit was, especially for Suze, pretty outrageous. It was like an outfit on one of the girls in an old Robert Palmer video. Short skirt, dark stockings, silky tight top. Wow! She looked like a Hollywood star out for a night of being chased by paparazzi. When she came out of the ladies room, she looked even more so. She'd pulled her hair back and put on some pretty heavy makeup. She looked ready to play.

Except...I saw her pause before she turned the corner to go into the bar. One hand was on the wall for support, the other arm crossed her body. He posture changed. She looked like she had just discovered she was naked. She looked around a moment. I could see incipient panic on her face. Then, she looked down and I could see her drawing deep breaths. She was either girding herself for the upcoming evening or preparing to back out. Maybe she was doing some of both. I was pulling for her to head back to the garage.

She took a final deep breath and took a step away from the bar – towards the garage. Relief and disappointment flooded through me. Then the stopped, turned, and went to the bar. Again, relief and disappointment reigned. The clash of conflicting emotions was powerful. I was sweating just standing there. I looked around and realized the girl that ran the shop was looking strangely at me. I had been standing there a while. I grabbed a magazine and walked up to the counter. As she rang it up, I realized it was People magazine. I felt pretty stupid for not looking before grabbing it. It could have been worse, though. At least I didn't grab Tiger Beat or something.

I found a little alcove behind a huge planter that gave me a view of the bar. I was looking over Suzanne's shoulder where she was turned to face John. In the time it took to purchase the magazine, she had been brought a drink. She and John were sitting with their heads close talking. At least John was talking. She was nodding or shaking her head a lot. It looked like he was asking her a fair number of questions.

My heart was in my throat. I wished that I had bought something to drink instead of that stupid magazine. My mouth was parched. I was getting frustrated at not knowing what they were saying. I was also getting frustrated by the clumps of people walking across the lobby between me and the bar. Finally, I saw John sit back and take a drink. Then he clearly told Suze to do something. You could see that it was a command from his demeanor. You could also see that it took Suze back a step. She wasn't refusing, but she wasn't obeying either. Then after he gave her a 'put up or shut up' look, she turned in her bar stool so that she was facing out with her back mostly to the bar. Slowly, carefully keeping her knees tight, she uncrossed her legs and put both heels on the rungs of the stool. She gave John a look. He didn't respond at all.

I wondered what was happening. Her next move explained it. She twisted back to the bar and reached for her drink. As she did this, her legs came apart. I wasn't seated in the sweat spot and couldn't see what she was exposing but , judging from the reaction of a couple of businessmen at a table in front of Suzanne, she gave quite a show. When she turned back and sipped her drink, John smiled at her. He made her flash those guys. I was sure they could see all the way up her short skirt. I adjusted myself so that I wasn't standing there with a stiffie pushing out the front of my slacks.

John casually reached over and stroked Suze's thigh. As he did it, she relaxed her legs and gave her fans another show. I was transfixed. He motioned to her and she leaned towards him I saw him kiss her and smoothly tweak a nipple. This guy was groping her in public. He was showing my wife off to anyone that wanted to see in that bar. It was something between bawdy and open vulgarity. She was playing to it. His hand went further up her leg.

"Excuse me sir."

My attention was focused completely on his hand sliding up her leg.

"Sir, can I help you/"

I realized there was someone standing next to me. "Hmmm...What" I mumbled as I turned to see who was talking to me. It was a big guy with a hotel employee badge on his suit jacket. "I'm...uhh...I'm waiting for an associate. Thanks"

He gave me a long look. His eyes traveled down my body and back up. Mine followed. When I looked down I realized that my erection was pretty visible even if it wasn't poking straight out. I flushed with embarrassment.

"Our store clerk said that you were in the store for a long time. I thought I'd check and be sure you are okay," he said. The subtext read, 'I've been sent to check out the pervert stalking the news stand clerk.'

"I'm fine," I said. "I've just been waiting to meet someone, but I guess I've been stood up. Thank you." I moved past him and started for the door. As I did so, I glanced into the bar again. My eyes locked with John's. He smiled a secret smile at me and ticked his head in the faintest of nods.

I went out side and walked around the building to the parking garage entry, not wanting to have the security guy follow me to my car. When I got in the car I sat and shook for about five minutes. I was an emotional mess. I still had a hardon begging for attention. The lust and excitement of seeing John showing my wife off and groping her in the bar were intense. My humiliation at being confronted by hotel security only added to the hurt and helpless lost feelings I'd had at seeing my wife participate like that. I was pretty torn up. Then there was the issue of John. Would he tell Suze I had been peeking at them from behind the plants? Would he use that against me.

I left the garage. As I paid for my parking at the gate I saw the security guy just happened to be chatting with the booth attendant. He looked at me and waved. He was letting me know that he knew where I was. It was another little twist of the knife.

I spent the rest of the evening at home abusing myself. Figuratively and literally. I must have jerked off four or five times. In between those frantic lust driven sessions, I kicked myself for putting us – myself – in the situation we were in. It was a long evening and even though I came more in that period than in any other six hours in my life, there was no satisfaction. All I ended up with was a raw dick and a bruised ego.

The clock read 1:42 when I heard the garage door open. I was in bed with the lights out and my hand on my dick when I heard it. I rolled over pretending sleep. Suze came in and turned on the closet light. I peeked at her. She still had on the outfit from earlier, but her hair and makeup were much worse for the wear. Her clothes looked a bit wrinkled and sloppy, as if they had been dumped on the floor and hastily re-donned. The sight and the thought of the circumstances behind her looks gave me a guilty thrill. My cock was throbbing.

Suze put the clothes away, cut the lights, and came to bed nude. She sleeps nude once or twice a week, so there was no special meaning behind it. In the dark I couldn't see anything but a silhouette moving to the bed. I wondered if there were bite marks or handprints on her body. I wondered if her pussy hair was matted with cum. I was harder than I'd been all evening.

She rolled towards me and kissed my temple. I was still feigning sleep. Then she reached down and grasped my cock. She stroked it a few times. I was unable to keep from moving my hips with her strokes. She climbed over me and slipped me into her. She was very wet. She had to have his cum in her slutty cheating cunt. She rode me hard for a couple of minutes. I pulled on her tits and fucked back. We were both frantic and very hot. I felt her orgasm building alongside mine. For the first time in ages, we came together. Her mouth was on my lips, drawing my tongue into her mouth as she tightened. I pulled on her hips and felt both of us pulsing.

"I love you," we both said simultaneously. We then drifted to sleep with me still in her.

I woke to the phone ringing the next morning. It was Jenny's mom warning us that she was dropping our Kim off in a half hour or so. Kim was already up and in the shower. I told her that Kim would be home soon through the curtain. As I was brushing my teeth, Kim shut the shower off and opened the curtain. In the mirror I could see bite marks on her breasts. When she turned to towel off a leg, I saw some light bruising on her ass. Those weren't from me. My stomach lurched. I clenched my eyes. The lust was fairly well burned out of me. The balance of wanting and not wanting these things to happen was pretty firmly on the not side at the moment. I hung my head and waited for her to leave the room.

When I came downstairs she handed me a cup of coffee and we started our Saturday like any other. We made a list of the chores that needed to be done. Planned for some fun activities for Kim and ourselves. In all, things were as if nothing unusual had happened last night. As if those marks on her body didn't exist.

"How was your meeting," I asked. Then I mentally kicked myself. I couldn't believe I actually said that out loud. My mouth needs a better governor.

She looked at me, her eyes steady on mine. I felt sweat start under my arms.

"Oh, you know how those things go. You don't want me to bore you with details do you?" she asked.

"No...no. I know what they are like," I said, ducking a bullet and backing off from a chance to hear about what happened.

That was the only time that weekend that anything was said by either of us about what had happened.

The next waypoint in my saga was the next Tuesday morning at work I got back from a meeting and found a package on my desk. It was a CD mailer, so I figured someone had sent some documentation they couldn't entrust to e-mail and the big bad internet. I opened it up and found no note, DVD. I threw it in my laptop, scanned the content for bad stuff, then looked at the contents. There was one small file on it titled Read this first Rich.doc and a large .wmv file. I opened the read me file and read following note:

Rich,

Let me begin by thanking you. The evening with you and Suzanne was remarkable and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I enjoyed it almost as much as I did last Friday evening with Suzanne alone.

As you know, I saw you in the lobby of the Hilton while I was toying with Suzanne the other night. I really wasn't surprised to see you there. Suzanne told me about your situation and the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' agreement you reached. I am a generous man, Rich, and I'll share some insights I have that will help you.

You would never have accepted the agreement with Suzanne that you did if you were truly against her participating in a little exploration with me. You would have put your foot down definitively. Suzanne would have not pressed of argued if you were absolute in your conviction. It isn't in her to confront firmness. She may test it. She may fight vacillation or a lack of resolve, but she won't fight you if you are decisive.

Therefore, there is something in you that wants this to happen regardless of what you are willing to admit to Suzanne or even yourself. You spying on Suzanne and I at the hotel confirmed that. You want the thrill of illicit activity and the power of secrecy. You want to feel in and out of control at the same time.

I'm willing to accommodate you. Your lovely wife is enough of a treat that I'm willing to repay your generosity with her by giving you what you want. What you really want, not what you've convinced yourself you want.

Here is the deal. At the end of the video file on this disk is an e-mail address. Just send me one of three words. If you send me a note that says 'Stop', I will drop you and Suzanne like a hot potato. Neither of you will hear from me again. If she approaches me in public I will tell her I no longer wish contact with her under any circumstance. If you send me a note that says 'Continue', then things will continue as they are now. You can slink around and try to watch Suzanne from a distance as I play with her. You can look at her afterwards and wonder what she did. Finally, if you send me a note that says 'Please', then I will give you a treat. I will send you video, photos, and written descriptions of my activities with your wife. You can be the voyeur. You can't participate, but you can know what is happening without her knowing it. You will see or hear about every nasty thing I can make her do.

I already know what you will do. Take a few minutes to watch the video. You will figure out what I already know.

Finally, understand that if you send 'Continue' or 'Please', the agreement is for three months from my last meeting with Suzanne the slut. After that, I'll meet with both of you to discuss the future. If you send anything other than a one word reply, or try to contact me in any way before that meeting, I will stop and cut everything off.

It has been a pleasure fucking your wife.

John

I don't think I passed out. I know I hyperventilated. I was more pissed off than I had ever been. 'Stop' was on its way for sure. I could stop this craziness and get life back to normal. That arrogant ass, acting like he knew what my thoughts and desires were when he barely knows me at all. I was pissed enough that I would send a 'Stop' just to be contrary. That fool had given me the means to bring my life back under control.

I started an email with the word stop as the subject and the word stop in the body. Then I paused. In my haste to send the note I had forgotten that he had put the return mail address somewhere on the video he sent. I was pretty sure I knew what I would see on the video. I packed up my laptop and headed home.

Once at home, I sat at my desk and started the video. I was still pissed and feeling contrary so I hit the high speed button intending to scan through the video to the address so that I could send that note to stop it all. As the images jerked across the screen I analyzed what I was seeing. The video quality wasn't great. It was clearly a small camera that was hidden or disguised. The lighting wasn't great. No audio was available at the speed I was listening, but I imagined that it's quality wasn't great, either. The point of view never changed so there wasn't anyone else taping what happened.